May 29, 2011
my mother died of a overdose of painkillers in November and had been addicted for several years at least 10 since i was 16 and im 27 now! and just before that i discovered i had a problem as well, i have been trying to get off of them for about 6 mths now by taking suboxone but relapsed alot of times..i am now on mth 2 of only takin the suboxone . i started off with one whole strip and got myself down to a little sliver of the strips, they come in pill form to and it is the equivalent of a quarter of one a day,i have been taking one day off a week but cant do much on those days! i am really determined to do this because i have a daughter who is depending on me and i wont let myself lose her or die from this disease! my whole family is consumed with this problem and i am just trying to do everythign to get myself off of the suboxone as soon as possible because i have to get back to normal life!
almost everyone i know and friends with have the same problem and me and 2 other of my closest girlfriends are doing this together. i have moved away from everyone who was contributing to my habit but went to a nice big house but w more bills and more stress but i had to make a new start!
the main thing that drives me crazy is thinking about how i cant get back to the girl i use to be. i use to have natural energy, take my daughter to the park,hang out with friends w/o drugs, and all around in a better mood all the time
i am determined to see this through no matter what i have to do, but rehabs and detox i just cant afford and on top of this all i have to get a job to take care of everything else and to support the habit of getting off of it all!
the doc said it takes 2 years but i am determined to see this through b4 that...i have to i have no other choice!!
i am taking such a small dose that i don't understand really how much its helping besides it being all in my head! but i know its not, the anxiety is what gets to me and i dont want to replace one drug with another so i refuse to take a antidepressant or anxiety or anything else because the w?d from that are about the same!
im worried but still determined! i find its easier to know that there are alot of ppl who are going through the same thing and love when i meet someone who has gotten over it and has there life back! it seems reallly far away but its so close i can taste it!!! i just have to get over this hump....anyone have any suggestions?