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Jelousy

Jun 26, 2011 - 4 comments

My life has taken a turn. What used to get me going everyday has changed. I used to be content, but now jelousy is what runs my life. I only see the negatives and the misfortunes of my life while i envy everyone else. I know in the back of my mind i got things going from me but i still concentrate on the negative. I think the worst thing i do to fuel it is going on facebook and see everyone else's life and how mine doesnt measure up. and for the first time ever i feel old. like times running out. (even though im only 20). Instead I WANT people to envy me, and to pay attention to me. But i feel average. my accomplishments seem minimal campared to the people (girls) im interested or that look up to (guys). Now ive been so worried about if my life is worthwhile. Its crazy but it almost feels like a midlife crisis even though im only 20. I just wanna be recognized and envyed just a little. I just want the things ive never been able to have a girlfriend, respect, wisdom, happieness, good income, more friends, more things to do. Its hard trying to put these feelings of jelousy, resentment, bitterness, anger, hate, insecurity, discontent and hopelessness away. but i think the key to all of it is jelousy. WHAT CAN I DO? AM I JUST GOING THROUGH A PHASE? HOW LONG WILL IT LAST? WILL THEY GET WORSE? IS THIS GOING TO MAKE ME DO SOMETHING I REGRET? HOW IS IT EFFECTING THE OTHER AREAS OF MY LIFE? PLZ HELP!!!

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by aheart, Jun 26, 2011
I'm no expert and I'm an old lady but can I give it a shot? Okay, first of all half the people you see on facebook (fakebook)
are just creating an illusion anyway. But aside from all that I think you first have to count your blessings. Take a personal inventory. I don't mean 2 bikes, x-box, etc. personal. You have good looks, a good brain, sense of humor? things like that, then know that even though you don't have the life you think you want yet, your 20 and have plenty of time to cultivate it, make it happen. Are you shy? Then put yourself in situations where you will have lots of exposure to people and practice until you get it right. Ask more girls out. Maybe you are going for the cheerleading captain and you need to start with a girl from the bleachers, ya know.Emotions are real feeling but emotions like jealousy & envy will eat you alive. You should be too busy working on yourself to be bothered by jealousy for others. This is going to be your life. You are going to mold it into exactly how you want it. Are you working toward that? If you don't make enough money than you find a way to go back to school and work toward that. Join some fun clubs that do things that you are interested in. If you feel insecure with yourself then read books about it and do what they suggest to get over it and feel good about you. Alot of your thinking could be the way you were raised, that's okay you can change that too. Remember Rome was'nt built in a day.
a well rounded self confident guy takes years to achieve! Forget other people and concentrate on you! You are wonderful, own it!! :))) and keep smiling  Hope a little of this helps

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by melimeli, Jun 26, 2011
FB is not real life, people post there to brag and only show the good parts.  If you really want to feel better about yourself volunteer... giving is the best way to feel self worth

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by brice1967, Jun 26, 2011
I'm not a doctor and I won't give you a diagnosis.  The feeling I get from what I've read above, you seem depressed.  I hear a lot of self doubt and sense some self worth issues as well.  I can tell you from my personal experience with depression, I felt all of that and then some.  I've been depressed since childhood and am 44 years old now.  (Just within the last year have I started to do something about the disorder.)  I know how you feel.  That doubt, the over all feeling of inadequacy.... at times it's ever present, and when it is it is all consuming.  You begin to doubt your worth, your abilities, your feeling towards others.... it is a loop that keeps replaying itself over and over.  My closest friends had no clue that I was depressed, as depression has no face.

My first suggestion would be to talk with your primary care physician regarding this problem.  He/she can direct you to a mental health professional that can help you weed through this.  You're 20 years old.... deal with this now.  Don't wait until your 40's to look for help.  Who knows how much of my life I just squandered.  It's like I can't even remember days, weeks, or even years sometimes.  You're too young... address this.  

Secondly, as aheart mentioned above, take a good personal inventory.  Doing this is difficult.  You have to be honest.  You're likely to pay more attention to anything you perceive as a negative, but inventory all of it.  Good and bad.  Do this on paper.  2 columns, one good and one bad.  What you're likely to find is that nearly 100% of the "bad" things are traits you can work on... and look at the bad first.  After evaluating the bad, take a look at the good.  Likely, those are victories or surround small (or maybe even big) victories.  Remember how you felt during those victories, and remember how you feel about those things now.  You will also notice that you indentify yourself with both sets of traits.  

The difference between you and the friends you do have is that your friends are willing to overlook anything that you feel is bad, because they enjoy your company... usefullness... humor...etc.  You on the other hand hold on to those negatives.

Believe it or not, here's where it started to get slightly easier for me personally.  The negative traits are all repairable.  These are things that you can change about yourself.  How or where you begin addressing these issues is really up to you.  (Your therapist will give you guidance.)  You'll eventually notice that the good outweighs the bad.  

Part of this is judgement....  Do you judge all of your friends?  Do you judge everyone?  Do you judge them all of the time?  Do you judge yourself?????  Yup, me too.  Why would we be harder on us and more forgiving when it comes to our friends?  (By the way, I don't know the answer to that other than the fact that we are always with us.)  WE forgive our friends, so we can forgive ourselves.  This allows us to address our short comings.

There's a lot more to this.  A therapist is key to your recovery.  Please seek help.  You are worth it.

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by beau194, Jun 27, 2011
   You are jealous of an illusion, thanks to the media. Work to create a life for yourself and you can find the things that will bring satifaction to you (including relationships). Don't measure your life against what you hear & see on television, in the movies, or on the internet. The 'priviledged' are only a small percent of the world and actually, they have more problems than we do.

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