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Aug 15, 2011 - 23 comments
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Parents

Pick up the slack! You have 2, 4, 6, 8, and 10 even 12 children knowing very well you do not have sufficient funds to take care of them. You have them, abuse them and neglect them. Living in the inner city (ghetto), my heart is saddened each and everyday when I see beautiful children grow up only to associate themselves with a life of crime, violence and pain, hungry and forgotten they prowl in the night, on the hunt in order to eat. Young girls with all the potential in the world, sell their bodies just for a hot meal, jumping in cars with old men, doing god knows what to whomever in order to survive. Not even legal with mascara, tear-stained faces at 17, 16, 15, 14 even 13, they have fallen pregnant with no help and here the cycle starts again. Their hearts just as empty as their stomachs and all they do is sit and wait. Uneducated and unloved, feeling lower than the pebble on the floor. They have stepped on, stomped on and just plain old ignored. Teenaged boys fall into the wrong crowd because daddy wasn’t there to help when he was going down the path of destruction, he feels like he needs to take care of the family, he can no longer listen to his siblings cry so he takes matters into his own hands and do what everyone else is doing. Gunshots fire and mommy hears the sirens, she searches for her son, finally she sees him in the back of the police car, staring just staring, and she hears the prison bars as if they we were closing right in front of her. Or she searches for her child and just in time she finds him, she calls out to him but he cannot answer, he cannot hear, he is no more.

Rich father, Shopaholic mother, Career-Oriented mother and father, they have all the money in the world owning everything except the air we breathe and provide only the best for their sweet baby girl. They’re so caught up in their own world, where to take over today and who to buy off, not seeing how sad and alone their daughter is. Ignoring the cuts and bruises on her body that she has inflicted upon herself trying to bleed away the pain she feels with facing everyday. Bullied at school – teased and mocked, grades slipping, breaking up with her boyfriend because her best friend slept with him, pressured into sex and drugs, trying not to fall under she screams and screams but no one can hear her—no one’s listening. Trying to be cool she goes to party, this will make her popular right? Only to be raped and left in the bathroom—all alone…once again. Her tears flow like a river and her heart beats faster than a drum she opens the door to her living room and she’s all alone and so finds it! The perfect solution to her problems, “this way everyone will be happy right? No one has to deal with me anymore, everyone will be happier and I will be free.” She goes to the bathroom and takes one sleeping pill, and then two and then a dozen, meanwhile dad is at work and mom…she’s around somewhere.

STOP! Your children need you, they are yours, you had them, take care of them! You have no idea how the things you say and so affect your kids for the rest of their lives.


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by sweetpea03, Aug 15, 2011
Love the journal and would add in more to my response, but I don't want to get myself into trouble! lol.

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by Kayannaboo, Aug 15, 2011
nope this is a free journal..u r free to say how u feel hon :)

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by sweetpea03, Aug 15, 2011
I probably shouldn't or else the Mods on here might get involved and ban me or something. I don't want to get myself in trouble. lol. I'll just say I totally agree in that parents need to step up and people need to think about their futures and their child's future. Shouldn't have kids if you can't provide for them.

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by adgal, Aug 15, 2011
I love this.  When we choose to have children we are taking on an incredible responsibility, and not enough people take that as seriously as it should be taken.  This journal provides much food for thought.

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by Kayannaboo, Aug 15, 2011
Wait...they do that on here??? Need to stop cussing then! But yeah it sickens me when I see children on the street begging money so that they can buy something to eat because they haven't eaten since God knows when and often times it's the parents who send them out figuring they'll have more luck considering that theyre kids! Some mothers pawn their teenaged daughters off to grown *** creepy men to get the bills paid, instead of getting off her bum and getting a job, Its truly shameful and they have no pride whatsoever! And I HATE talking to some poor distraught teenager who's been a victim of rape or bullying or simply just sad and they feel like suicide is the way out for me. Their parets have no time to see what exactly is going on their child's life and they have no provided a stable communication zone, the kid goes out there and gets the wrong info and then they find out their son is smoking pot and their daughter is pregnant at 13 and they go how could this be? U just wanna slap em!

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by Ashelen, Aug 15, 2011
I agree completely...you must provide fully for the children you have. That includes nurturing them, not only putting a roof over their head, although that's obviously important too.

On the other hand, remember that we NEVER know all the details in a story...we never know the whole story. Things aren't always as they seem! But I couldn't agree more with the premise of your journal; care for the children you bring into the world.

I've spent the last 5 years biting my tongue because my husband's brother and his ex-wife (who have both now "come out of the closet") and while they had a decent house and 3 cars (for 2 drivers...still haven't figured that one out) their kids were passively neglected because they didn't consider it "important" to care for their emotional well-being as well as their physical.  Why have kids if all you're going to do is pop them in front of a dvd player 24/7, shuffle them off to other people's houses whenever you can (including when you're home doing NOTHING and should try to play with your child) and spoiling them to the point of making them incredibly difficult to care for?

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by sweetpea03, Aug 15, 2011
I think what irritates me the most is when parents are so selfish and focused on other things, that they forget about their children and what they are going through. I've seen some women who I would just love to slap upside the head and say 'wake up, your child needs you'. A mom asked about taking her daughter to the gyno and was so focused on trying to get pregnant with her second husband, that she barely paid any attention to her 13 year old daughter from a previous marriage. I told her that she would need her to see that doctor at either age 18 or after she becomes sexually active. Her daughter was having sex at 13 and she had no idea because she didn't spend much time with her, allowing her daughter to basically do as she pleased and spend a lot of alone time with her bf. She was so focused on TTC with the new hubby, that she ignored her daughter's needs. Personally, I would never even allow a 13 year old to date, let alone have alone time with a bf. She was lucky she found out then and not later on when her daughter could have come to her saying she's pregnant. That's just one example and there are so many more. I also see teens or other women who have no money, no resources to raise a baby, trying to get pregnant. They figure it "will all work out in the end", but usually it doesn't. If they don't have the resources now, they shouldn't be trying to get pregnant. In the end, it is the child that suffers greatly and it's just sad. Just because a woman wants kids, does not mean she should have them. It's foolish and cruel to bring a child into this world when you don't have the money to raise them and give them a decent life. So sad.

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by Ashelen, Aug 15, 2011
Yep sweetpea I totally agree. And this is no offense to anyone in particular, anyone who knows me knows that I am a peacemaker and a peacekeeper and I would NEVER intentionally hurt feelings...but once in awhile I'm blunt, lol...

When someone tells me that they're trying for a baby, but can't afford a pregnancy test or don't have a car to go to the doctor's....it not only worries me, it angers me. How are you going to afford ANYTHING once the baby's here, if you can't afford a pregnancy test? Oh, right...:-/. I am completely for gov't assistance. I've been on it before and it's a life-saver...but just assuming the government will catch you when you get pregnant isn't a responsible way to approach becoming a parent.

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by Kayannaboo, Aug 15, 2011
Yes I do agree that sometimes when children go down the wrong path it's not always the parents fault they have succumed to peer pressure but for those who do not give their kids proper care, it's ridiculous! U can't have them and then say "there I popped u out now do the rest" it doesn't work that way! A woman in my community has 11 kids ELEVEN! and the older ones thank God has feared off fine but the younger ones I'm afraid to say if they do not get help soon theyre doomed. The other day i went to the house and she is in bed watching cable and the kids are in the kitchen making tea in their underwear with no milk and no sugar. Often times u seem them with black eyes because they are beaten for stealing THEYRE HUNGRY! DUH!

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by Kayannaboo, Aug 15, 2011
If don't have money to find out if ur even pregnant dont get pregnant :/

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by Clysta, Aug 15, 2011
I've seen those posts a lot too Ivy. They make me so sad, because if they can't afford a 12 dollar test how are they going to be able to afford formula or clothes? You can't rely that the government WILL take care of you because it doesn't always and sometimes when it does kick in it's far too late or isn't enough. Just because you want something doesn't mean you should do it. Children ARE NOT a right, they're a privilege and one that's far too often abused.

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by katie761, Aug 15, 2011
I agree with this 100% but thats because i experianced it. all of it is true. I dont want to throw my story out there, but when you dont have parents who dont care for you and who are busy doing other things, you feel like you have no one, and on top of that getting picked on in school, and being made fun of because you arent as pretty as everyone else,  or you arent as cool and people starting rumors, and then making fun of you for the problems you developed. Thats the one thing in every kids life that is most important and the first thing to mess up your life if your parents arent around.

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by Kayannaboo, Aug 15, 2011
I get it Kate! When I was in the 11th grade ALL my friends turned on simply because I was "sad" I was depressed girl and they decided they have had enough of tears and bs so they turned on me and not only that but they got other members of the class to turn on me! I was picked on, teased and just ill-treated. I ate luch alone everyday many times I didnt eat i just cried until the room started to spin. They would take seat behind me in class just to throw paper at my head and called me stupid names. I was miserable! They talkedabout me and spilled my secrets! My mom--she called me stupid and weak for crying and told me I have no sense! As soon as she turned her back my brothers started laughing at me and calling me the same names! So I was bullied at school and at home I wanted to die. A hug from my mom would have changed the way I viewed myself. My day at school was hard but if she would have just comforted me it wouldnt have seemed so scray so believe me....I get it!

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by krichar, Aug 15, 2011
Great journal... I heard a great statement on television the other day. "we are not here to produce children, we are here to raise children. To care and love them and ensure they grow into wonderful productive adults"

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by katie761, Aug 15, 2011
yeah i know how you feel, i was sent to phyc wards because my mom didn't want me at home :( and i got kicked out of school because my problems became so bad, from cutting to drugs and to everything else, like today my status on here was actually how i felt. i have been this way fr about 5 years now and its mainly because of people and my parents, and now i am having a baby and i dont even know if its possible for me to keep i while living at home with my mom because she does drugs and everything else. Its all still happening and i would do anything for all of this pain to go away, i have no friends or anything.

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by bbxx, Aug 15, 2011
There is the other side as well. I was raised by very poor parents who could not buy a television, or afford to let us play sports at school because of the insurance or have much of anything. Our family was large, but I assure you we were loved and my parents were very hard workers. Mom worked hard at home and dad worked hard at his jobs. Mom stressed the importance of cleanliness, so although our clothes were in in style, and house and furniture were not like others, we were very clean and our house was so clean you could literally eat off the floor.
My parents never took a dime from any of the tax payers, but I remember people making comments to my mom for having so many kids. Saying they were irresponsible. No they werent. They had a great trust in God and we kids witnessed many miracles.If you dont have that trust in God then you wont see the miracles we saw, therefore you wouldnt understand.  We always had enough to eat,  and we always had our NEEDS met. In the eyes of some, we were lacking, but they were the ones lacking. All of us kids grew up to have more materially than what we needed, great marriages, and wonderful families of our own. Our house was the house all the kids came to, and that is even the rich spoiled kids loved our home. Kids always told me I was lucky. I was. Not every woman you see with a lot of kids that is too poor to afford a pregnancy test is lazy or sucking off anyone.  


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by sweetpea03, Aug 15, 2011
I don't think people are implying that those that are very poor are just sucking off the government, but only saying that if they can't afford a pregnancy test, it would be better of they would not try for a family until they have their finances settled first. For myself, I would never want to bring a child into this world if I couldn't afford the necessities. I think that is mean to the child. I really hope to give my children the world and let them experience as much as possible with travel to different locations(Grand Canyon, Yellowstone National Park, etc) and have them experience different cultures. I really hope to show them what is out there and to have them go after their dreams. I don't want to just give them the bare necessities and that's it. I don't think that is something to strive for. My fiance's family was very poor and they had their needs met, but they never got to experience the world. They did not travel and experience new places, missing out on so much in life. I've been with my fiance's to all of these locations and it's his first time being there as an adult, which I think is kind of sad. The family vacations my family went on really created a love of nature for me and I got to see and experience so much. I was very fortunate to grow up in my close-knit family and experience all that I had. It's just sad to see women purposely try to get pregnant when they really can't afford even formula or basic needs, let alone provide a great experience for their children.  

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by adgal, Aug 15, 2011
Wealthy or poor has nothing to do with it.  It's how you treat your children, and understanding that they and their needs come first.  I have seen neglected children come from both poor and wealthy families, and everything in between.  I do think though, that you should not have more children that what you can afford.  What a child needs is an opinion that differs from person to person, and nothing wrong with that.  However, the basic necessities do need to be provided along with your time, your love and just plain being there.  Making sure they know they are wanted and loved.  I see neglected children on a daily basis unfortunately, and every one of them has that sort of empty look in their eyes.  It's incredibly sad.  

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by bbxx, Aug 16, 2011
I guess the other thing to remember too, is that hard times can happen to all. A friend of mine was very very wealthy and lost it all. Their lives changed completely. Their idea of what what important also changed. They will tell you it was the best thing to ever happen to them.
The way things are going, there is a good chance that there will be a lot more people struggling to make ends meet and many people will find ways to enjoy simple things. I dont think its wrong to have money or to have all those things, but having lived on both sides, I can say that chldren dont suffer because they cant travel or buy new clothes. Children suffer because they are not having TIME with mom and dad. Time can be simple things like talks after school to find out about their friends, their day at school. Time at bedtime to find out about their fears and dreams. Many good people start out intending to give their kids all the things they never had, or all the things they dream for their kids, but sickness or the economy or things as such can take all that away in an instant,and more than anything, the children need to be loved, and cuddled and taught values and even told no on occasion. I dont think anyone should decide how many children someone should have, because someone making 200,000 a year may look at someone making 75,000 a year and think they cant afford to raise children. The other issue is religious beliefs. I do however think if people are going to live off the governement, then that is another story, because they obviously are not providing, but expecting others to provide for them. If however a family has ten kids and they are dirt poor, but the parents love their children and are seeing to it that the kids are not hungry, and they are not naked, and they are not sickly, then people should worry about themselves.
You are right when you say both poor and rich neglect their kids. Its possible to destroy your children by over indulging them. As I said before, my house was the house all the kids came to and we were not dressed in style, and we didnt have anything that was and eye catcher, but I was told by several of the wealthier kids that I was lucky because i had parents that cared. They thought it was the neatest thing how after school we would all sit around the table and tell about our day and who did what etc...(this was HS). We had a lot of laughter in our home too. Anyway, I do understand wanting to offer your kids the world, and if you can great, but if something happens and you are stuck with giving them 2nd hand clothes, its not the end of the world.

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by Kayannaboo, Aug 16, 2011
Thats the point we are trying to make tho, that it's not of how many kids you have it's how many kids you can afford. I know poor families who would never give each other up for all the money in the bank, they were happy and they were so loved and these are families ranging from 17 members - 22 members (yes really). What I was trying to get across is how can you have 10,15 kids knowing that you would not be able meet their basic needs? As sweetpea said you PURPOSELY tried to have them but you cannot afford them. What happens when they get here? I am well aware that there are loving nuturing women out there who just want to have a kid but for what? the sake of saying I have a kid? When that child pops out of your stomach, it cries, it needs pampers, formula, clothes, shoes, blankets and so much more. You have to think about babysitters cause aint no way u can sit at home with the baby, there's the light, rent, water etc plus food. Then ur busy holding down so many jobs that when u come home from work all you want to do is sleepppppp and then there's a crying baby! Stress and tears shall be your friend and before your turn around your child is a teenager and your even more STRESSED...and theyre still neglected due to you being so busy. Accidents happen, some people fall pregnant and either they have no money for abortions or they do not believe in it. But I do not understand why then would you deliberately bring a child in this environment. Anything can befall others, it's life, it can change drastically but in everything you do careful thinking is required.

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by bbxx, Aug 16, 2011
lol I guess I am having a communication issue here. lol I dont think anyone can say who can afford how many kids. It needs to be up to the individual, but I do get your meaning. Sorry if I confused things or misunderstood you all. :)

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by Ashelen, Aug 16, 2011
bbxx my parents were horribly poor too...my mom when she was growing up, and both of them were poor when I was little....we used to eat leftovers until they were rank, and ketchup soup was on the menu more weeks than not...and I can remember a few Christmases where all I got were socks. My parents were struggling artists when I was young, and it wasn't until I was older that they became established and more wealthy.

But they also never took a dime from the government. It's all about how people approach having children. If you want 4 kids but can't afford them and have them knowing that the gov't will give you money, I personally find that wrong. However, if you fall on hard times and need help (my husband and I have been there)...that's what gov't aid is for.

But what *I* was saying that if you are TRYING to have a baby but can't afford a pregnancy test...it may be time to reconsider.

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by Kayannaboo, Aug 16, 2011
Thats ok healthy debates are necessay in life! We don't have to agree on everything! Thanks for ur comments!

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