Aug 16, 2011
So, I'm wondering how you have all dealt with your family members when it comes to your infertility treatment. First, have your own parents approached you about why you weren't getting pregnant or were you the one to tell them. Also, would you say your mom's have been the one you communicate the most with? My mom has been great, which is completely unexpected. She is really out of her comfort zone and has exceeded all my expectations in terms of supportiveness. My dad listens when I speak with my mom about our treatment/problems, but he really never says much to me. He kind of avoids the topic, which for HIM, is very unusual. He is the more willing to talk about emotions in our family then my mom, so i'm wondering if this is just a male thing. Do you think it could be b/c I'm a female and he maybe thinks this is something I'd prefer speaking to another woman about? I'm not really hurt by him, just confused and honestly surprised that he doesn't say much. Actually, now that I think about it, he seems to speak up more when my husband isn't around. So, maybe it is a matter of him not wanting to comment much when my DH is around. What do you all think? How is it with your moms vs. dads?
Also, I'm really struggling not to be incredibly angry and hurt by my husband's family. We have been trying to get pregnant for 3 years and they all know that. However, not once did one member of his family (other than his sister-in-law, followed then by his one brother, her husband) EVER ask me one thing about our difficulty (or even offer support). This includes his mother, which I'm completely shocked by. She is so nosey, I can't believe that her desire to spread gossip alone isn't motivating her to talk to me. They have spoken to my husband, but pretty much only when he raises the topic. Otherwise, they act as if nothing is wrong. I have even brought up the topic myself, thinking that they may not know if it is "ok" to talk about with me. But, no questions followed. Nothing. We do hear from my sister in law that much is spoken behind our backs about what we are and aren't doing, but none of them seem to want to ask us to our faces. This is so hurtful to us both, but I think particularly to me. Last time we did IVF and found out it didn't work, I didn't join my DH the next day to visit his family b/c I just wasn't up to it. I was so sad still and knew I'd cry at the sight of them (since they did know it wasn't successful..my DH did tell them that). My husband told them that I was taking it hard and that I was sad. Do you think one person in his family sent me a card, gave me a phone call, told him to tell me they were thinking of me, or anything of the sort? No, not one (except the sister-in-law I mentioned before). I couldn't believe it. I felt like I just lost a child and I didn't hear a word from his mother or father. Even now, apparently word is that they know we had something done and they are pretty sure it was a transfer, but no one called even my husband to ask how things went. Am I being unfair to expect some support in this way? Any advice on how to solve this issue I'm having?