day one of this journey

I had surgery 3 yrs ago to fix my back. I had an anterior posterior lumbar fusion...and then 1 year later I had the metal removed. I have been taking pain killers ever since. It has recently spun out of control. My mother died last year, I was her primary care giver. I noticed my pain level got much worse durning her death and after. I have begun to take antidepressants, as well as percocet, loritab, ibuprophen and soma...now the doctor has given me a 12 hour dose of morphine. How could I have allowed this to happen to me. I am a Christian...a wife,,with a very helpful husband..he has been more than willing to help me in anyway possible, and yet I have lost control over the pills...he asked me if I understood that I was taking my own life in my hands...I was putting a pill in front of my love for God, him and our lovely daughters. I have a beautiful home and everything a person could ask for, why have I gotten so far from my goal? I want to join this forum to gain insight from others doing the same thing I need to do..stop taking these things.
I run to these pills like a child to candy. What a shameful person I have become. This is not the end of my story..but the beginning. Today I will give myself fully to God, with his help I can be brought back from the fires of death. No more excuses...I must be true...Please God help me to change.