A lot has happened since I wrote last. I guess the biggest event was the relapse. I started out buying some pills for my friend and the next thing I knew they were in my system again. They made me sick at first but after a couple of days I started to enjoy them again. I am spiritual and believe that you shouldn't beat yourself up over things. Enough about that.
That may have caused the depression or something else may have I don't know. Whatever caused it I have been depressed for a little while and it has been horrible. I have started back on my Topamax hoping it will help with cravings as well : )
Mania, Deppression, or "Normal"