Oct 19, 2011
I feel like my heart is pumping in my ears.
Normally I can deal with the fact that my old friends realize what a terrible friend I am.
But this year or at least now I am trying and I find that they just push me down when I have gotten this far.
My breathing sped up so fast and I felt as if I was a monster. How can someone just completely forget about their friends. but I was trying to cope with what I was given. And i didn't want to lose something that felt right.
I guess i can't expect people to understand. I broke this year and I coped in the wrong way. I made my insecurities and self hate worse as I created a character to play. I feel like I fooled myself. And now I feel like I have to play a certain character. But I dont want to anymore. and I feel like everything will fall if I act like me. or what feels right.
I want to confidently say i like something, but atm I can't
i think when home is stable i will be able to jump because the ground won't shatter and the bridge won't melt because home will be there no matter what type of personality i have.