Oct 19, 2011
The aforementioned post regarding my cracked-out period this month has got me all stressed out. I know I shouldn't be paranoid, but if I am pregnant at This time, that is the end of my world as I know it. Some may wonder why I feel like it's the end of my world---well I am not married and my family is very strict about sex before marriage. Also, I have a good job and if I were to escape my family in order to go through the pregnancy thing alone, I would be giving up a job I really need right now.
I have always wanted to wait until I'm married and committed to one man as well. Long story short, I got fed up with my life over many different issues, and I finally gave in, 6 days before my 26th bday. (This isn't even a big deal to most people these days so I don't even know why I'm writing this). Needless to say no one in my family knows of my secret rendezvous with the sexy badass/nice guy (who doesn't even know he was my "first")...even if I did spill the beans and tell them all about what all I've been up to, they would be so hurt that it would be enough to break my heart. No, they wouldn't dis-own me (unless I was deliberately trying to be in their faces about it)...but I would still feel like I'd have to disappear from them so that they don't have to cope with me. Am too shameful to face them with it. I love them so much and hate the thought of hurting them, yet I had to finally feel like a grown woman and do something crazy...I've learned so much from it that it's hard for me to regret any of it!!!
My only main issue is the whole pregnancy thing! I know my choices are my choices and I should always be careful (hence the BC), but maybe I should have been even MORE careful. Now, I'm just shaking my head wondering why my period is acting funky NOW, of all times...surely it has to do with my recent Sexcapades! I have not gotten a pregnancy test yet. For one, I'm scared of the potential results, and two, I'm not sure we can really rely on pregnancy tests. I've heard so many stories of them showing false positives AND false negatives! Besides, I'm not even sure when the best time to test would be.
Like I mentioned in my post, any and all encouragement and/or help would be welcomed. If I am preggers, I definitely need to find some new friends.
(PS), I know I'm not a little girl under my parents "rules" anymore, and hope no one misunderstands where I'm coming from. It's more of a conscience matter I guess...it's out of love for them. I hope someone can relate-