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Baby girl was born Sleeping.... 10.19.11

Oct 28, 2011 - 6 comments
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baby girl

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The hardest thing I ever had to deal with popped up in my world. I was 30 weeks and 3 days pregnant and just getting use to being pregnant. I had a hard time with the pregnancy being that I was recently single after 10 years and 9 months. How did that happen? My ex didn't want to be a family guy. He chose to be single and live in under the same roof as his family. Not with this chick. I kicked him out in early Sept. He never called or wrote and sent money or nothing. He is 29. With a 2 year old and one on the way. He made it so hard for us. I was so stressed and upset and not ready to bring another baby into this world. Especially not another baby for my dead beat baby's dad. I cursed my pregnancy. I thought of adoption. I didn't tell my family until I was 30weeks. I was super small with the pregnancy. It was my 3rd pregnancy and I was so small so I didn't tell people until I was 5 1/2 months til delivery at 7 1/2 months. SO I went to my appts as scheduled. I noticed a little less movement but chalked it up to an in active baby. So when I heard the heart beating  I was fine. Five weeks of small movements 3 NST's and the dr didn't seem concerned. Finally at my 30 week appt. I was told I need to go to the hospital for evaluation because I had protein in my urine and blood pressure was 220/134. It was time for the fundus check and heart tones. To my surpise nothing. US machine comes rolling in and there was my baby girl. Sleeping without a heartbeat. The worst words I heard that day. "I'm sorry dear." I looked and asked " Sorry for what?"  "Your baby doesn't have a heart beat." Oh My Gosh. I broke down and cried. Even through I had trouble excepting the pregnancy she was still my baby. She was my flesh and blood. She was my child. I cried a while and waiting for the nurse to give me orders and off to the hospital I went. Only 5 hours til she was born. I was drugged up so I don't remember much. I was diagnosed with HELLP and severe Pre Eclampsia. I am alive but my health was really bad off during and after this sad time. I finally got better and was released. My baby also suffered from IUGR. So she was really small and so was my placenta. She had a hard time in utero and nobody knew. I blamed myself and the dr.s but truth is it wasn't her time to live on this earth. It wasn't in god's plan for us to have her. I will have my chance with her again one day. But today she is smiling over us.

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by Babyelias, Nov 02, 2011
Many people say "words will never hurt me." Sometimes our words are used by God to realize thats it can hurt. And they can become actions. Im so sorry to hear that. Ask for strength and you shall receive. And like you said, she is watching over you, and in better place. I wish you the best in life and I'm sure its easy. May God bless you.

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by Babyelias, Nov 02, 2011
Sorry ment to say *not easy

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by PetiteWonder, Nov 02, 2011
Im so sorry for your loss. that is so devastating.

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by kallies_mommy_720, Nov 02, 2011
Im so sorry hun for your loss!

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by baby2929, Nov 02, 2011
Im sorry for your loss, my close friend went through the same thing and I wouldnt wish it on my worst enemy. I can only imagine how your feeling, but know you are not alone and if you ever need to talk, shout, scream or vent I am here. Thinking of you!!

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by claud9, Nov 02, 2011
I am so sorry for your loss.

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