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Don't want to try and change my husband anymore!

Dec 11, 2011 - 14 comments
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Alcohol

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tx

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wine

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smells

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change

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spouse

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journal

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triple therapy

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hep c




I want to thank everyone for all their support.  I am off almost 6 weeks of triple therapy and my smells and tastes are still horrible.  The metal and stink is overwhelming.  That's just the way It is.  I can't wait to get on here and say it's all gone and I'm feeling better now.  I want to prove the doc wrong that my side effects are irreversible.  I am very scared that the Carolyn i once knew will never come back.  

Oh well, I have another issue I don't know how to address.  This is my journal, so I might as well just get it out.

My husband has taken very good care of me, is always there for me, loves me very much.  That should be enough., right?

  My husband drinks about 3 to 4 tall glasses of wine a night, every night.  I am trying so hard to turn my life into a healing, clear, fun new world.  He gets so politically angry.  He sleeps through every movie or show.  He would rather be in his office drinking alone.  I'm the one with the problem.  He has no problem.  He will not admit it to save his life...literally.  

  I knew he drank too much wine at night when I met him, but that was his only strike against him.  He does love me soooo much and I need to overlook this fault.  I just want to get well with him well too.  We are a team.
And I want to grow old together.  At this rate, he's 8 years older...he won't get a physical, not since he was in the army.  He's 58, still thinks he's invincible.  I have to quit nagging him to stop drinking.  He's perfectly happy to be drunk or tipsy !

  He has tried to quit in the past...but now he doesn't even try, he just drinks in plastic cups in the office and hides them and hides his wine glass behind stuff on the counter while he cooks.  
No one wants to hear, " Are you drunk?"

  He has tried to quit, but it only lasts a couple of days and then he's just like walks around sad, like he's been beaten up and depressed.  He's just a mess.  Is there anything I can do at this point?  Probably not.  Should I let it bother me, heck no !  I have enough on my plate, especially now trying to recover from triple therapy.

  I'm 51 and I don't want to loose him or trade him in for someone else with other baggage.  He tries very hard, poor guy works two jobs so I can stay home and try to heal and he cooks and helps take care of my 83 yr. Old mother.  I am so blessed.  Perhaps I am a little envious of him opening a fine bottle of wine.  We have so many, many things in common, I should just get over this one.  We can make this work even if we don't drink together, right?  

Let see, I think I'll try weighing the benefits of this out instead of just thinking of trying to change somebody...

okay:
My husband will always have a designated driver!  
He can yell at India for me!  
He can go on drunken cleaning sprees...yes he does like to clean when hes been drinking and that's good!  
Let's see, he only drinks at night...that's good!  
I can admit I'm an alcoholic...that's good!
He has a good life insurance policy...yuk.  
He has discovered he likes to bake when he's drunk and he's very good at it!  
He's a bit of a gormet chef when he's drinking, a little wine for him, a little wine in the sauce...he does make excellent Italian food.  
He never gets angry with me, he just passes out mostly by 8:30 or 9:00 pm.  
I really believe that the alcohol is my problem.
Its definitely only self abusive on his part, it's his liver...not mine.
He's never smoked or done drugs...and that's more than I can say for most, especially me!  

So I believe I have tipped the scales in his favor, so that's really good too!

I just live in a fantasy land thinking we can all be silly and fun and crazy on our own accord.  I do realize most people cant.  I don't know anyone as goofy as i am, and i like me a lot...so thats good too!

I believe the stronger I get mentally from TX, I will get a better handle on life and stop trying to change things I can't.

Hey this journaling things pretty cool !  I think I just worked this one out with myself!  YAY !!!!!

Alright, gonna go have some grape juice and rinse out the metal and jump in the hot tub and smell some chlorine!  I
Nothing like a little relaxation and a little meditation to put cha on the right track!
~Carolyn


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by orphanedhawk, Dec 11, 2011
Carolyn,
Is this your first treatment? I did tx before and because I was very sick at the time, it was incredibly hard.
The scariest thing to me, is I stopped dreaming at night. They were just gone. It took a good year and half, but my dreams came back.
So did the hair that fell out and I even had a boost of energy before my poor liver continued downhill.

Most people do recover fully from treatment.

You can not change your husband and even if you could, this is not the time.
Take care of you. Get through treatment.
Wait for your clear un-medicated mind to return.

I have accepted that I am now a mush head. Last night in the shower, I couldn't remember if I'd washed my hair yet or not.
Hugs,
Eileen

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by Advocate1955, Dec 11, 2011
Hi MsDragonSlayer,
I don't have a lot of great ideas or suggestions other than drinking wine every night and at work is a sign of an alcohol problem.  The problem probably isn't going to get better by itself and could get worse, worse in terms of your husband's ability to work and keep his job, worse in terms of his health, and/or worse in terms of relationships.  Sending you prayers and support.
Advocate1955

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by Advocate1955, Dec 11, 2011
PS:  The metallic taste and bad smells should go away when you're completely done with therapy.  Some tips that helped him with these side effects:  use plastic utensils, eat lemon drops or sugar free hard candy, use less spice (as in pepper).  This is my husband's third therapy, and those side effects went away a few weeks or so after both of the first two therapies.  You will be able to taste good flavors and smell good smells again!
Advocate1955

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by MsDragonSlayer, Dec 11, 2011
Hey Eileen, thanks for the hope!  Yea, I must be starting to feel better if I'm back to worrying about hubby again.

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by rnangel, Dec 11, 2011
Hiya Carolyn,
My heart is so happy that you feel the genuine love and support of your husband. Your journal describes him as a fun-loving man who provides all aspects of support. It also describes a concern that his drinking may harm his health and that your 'nagging' him to quit makes you feel guilty. You would also like to have his company past 8:30pm.

You are totally right about not being able to do anything to make him stop drinking. Especially when the drinking is seen as a problem to him. When we consider how hard it is to change ourselves then we realize that we don't have a hope in hell of changing others.That's my motto lol.

It sounds like you have a open and honest relationship. Serious health crisis' seems to amplify our need to express ourselves. I trust that he knows how you feel, otherwise he would not hide the glass. He seems to try hard to protect you from experiencing worry. I have no doubt that he loves you and must feel a degree of anxiety and worry as you journey through treatment.

Even though addictive behavior may have brought some of us here it should not mitigate our feelings towards our loved one's addictions. It is what it is. It causes worry just the same.

I support your decision to focus on your health and emotional recovery. Your insight and thoughtful reflection is awesome. I liked your list and it gave me a good chuckle. Keep up the great work. Journalling is truly the cheapest therapy ever eh? ;o) I just wanted to comment and let you know that I heard you loud and clear.

I'm sending you heartfelt hugs and peace,
Crystal

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by MsDragonSlayer, Dec 11, 2011
Thanks Advocate, i feel better just sorting out my feelings in the journal. Greg will be fine and if for some reason he's not going to be...I am now comfortable knowing that I'm not responsible for him or his actions.  I will just stay focused on my repair and becoming the healthiest I can be !
BIg hugs,
~Carolyn

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by MsDragonSlayer, Dec 11, 2011
Hey Crystal,
You got it! Thanks so much!  I do feel a whole lot better since I finally wrote down my feelings and shared them...and it was really enlightening to see how i could examine my feelings and work my way through them.
Peace and hugs to you too!
~Carolyn

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by Dee1956, Dec 11, 2011
Hey there, for right now you are the most important person in your life.  You have to take care of you so you can finish up yur tx.  Worrying about anything else is pointless
My last trial took me 6 months to over come the sx
This time, even though the sx were much worse my mind feels clearer
Take Care
Dee

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by MsDragonSlayer, Dec 11, 2011
Thanks Dee, but 6 months?  No way Jose, we can't have that now !!!
Love you,
~carolyn

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by eureka254, Dec 11, 2011
One monster at a time, MsDragonSlayer... having the wisdom to recognize the reality of what is before you will give you strength, now and in the future.  Now indeed is the time to repair your armor ... you need to regain your strength and spirit and rejuvenate your soul to live and fight another day.  The monster of addiction in your life looms just one bit smaller for you recognizing it for what it is.  Heal now and indulge in your own brand of grapes -- thank goodness the juice does not seem sour :).  Wishing you and your husband the best of recovery in every sense. ~eureka
PS - Adding some cranberry juice to that grape might help the metallic taste in your mouth.

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by MsDragonSlayer, Dec 12, 2011
Thanks Eureka,

   I am so proud of EVERYONE on here.  I pray you all start to focus on your health too while you are all on these crazy meds.  They suck so much nutrition out of your body.  I don't have scientific data on this...I just believe with every radically healing drug comes radical depletion of valuable nutrients.  So I highly encourage everyone to force down those fruits and veggies often.

  I am very proud of myself today, with a little help from the complementary motorized shopping carts, I was able to shop at the "whole foods market" and was actually able to find fruits and vegys grown in America !

  So for dinner... I have juiced some beets, spinach, cucumber, celery and carrots with a little stevia.  Husband is grilling some portabellas we're gonna have some seedlander crackers with cream cheese, avocado and bean sprouts.    

   Ok, I think I've made myself hungry so I'm  going to go prepare the rest of my healthy feast !  I will also go have my fresh juiced juice in a wine glass and hopefully soon... I'll have a fire in the fire pit...but, i will probably have to put that on hold because it just keeps drizzling out there !  

Love you guys all SOOOOOO much !
Your my most very bestest support team!
~Carolyn



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by Dee1956, Dec 21, 2011
I think you sound pretty good, the smells are much better for me,.  At first it was bad smells, then like a dog I can smell every different smell in the apt.  It took bout 3 weeks before I stopped seeing evidence of the Incivek.
Ok, my do said it would take me 3 months for my body to recover, 6 months for the hair however last time I treated it took more than 6 months.  It is a slow return.  I do not understand why your doc would say your sx are irreversible.
That is a horrible thing to say, your body has been through a rough tx an needs tie to heal.
I was advised to try meditation
Dee

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by GoofyDad, Dec 27, 2011
At first it was bad smells, then like a dog I can smell every different smell in the apt.

Huh. I had the same doggie smelling thing thing as Dee. Then I discovered that if I smelled people's butts I could tell whether they were friendly.

If I got whacked on the head, I knew they weren't.  



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by Dee1956, Dec 28, 2011
You are a hoot, you were just waiting for your chance goof

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