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Luctor Et Emergo

Dec 12, 2011 - 0 comments
Tags:

Addiction

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Oxycontin

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opana

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Opiates

,

withdrawal



12/12/11
“If something is worth doing, its worth doing right”

I have been places, dark places;  I have fought with demons and battled devils in my mind.  I have done many things that I am not proud of and I have been a person that I did not want to be.  Although I have done those things, and have made mistakes the only thing that truly matters is here and now.  I will not blame tomorrow on yesterday and I have learned not to dwell in the anarchy of mistakes long sense passed for it will do no good to live in thoughts of shame.
My Name is Nicholas Patrick and I am 23 years old as I write this;  I am a father of a beautiful little girl named Jazzlyn that will be 3 this coming summer.  Aside from a father I have struggled as an Addict since I was 18 years old;  Prescription pain medication has almost been the death of me several times over.  As I already stated the things that I did in the past are in the past and I need only worry about today and right now.  Right now my focus is on remaining sober and pursuing a lifelong passion that I have always had:  Fighting.
Although I have come a long way since going to treatment over a year ago, I have not been clean the whole time and have struggled in random instances of relapse.  Some relapses stronger and more out of control than others, but for the most part I have been slowly progressing.  I do not want to slowly progress in my life anymore, battling constantly for a foothold in controlling my own life.  I have been working out and practicing MMA for nearly a year now and have lost a lot of weight and began to craft a new lifestyle but have been holding myself back because of the confliction with my other lifestyle as an addict.  Today is December 12 2011 and I have agreed to make a scheduled MMA Debut on April 7th of this coming spring.  Now that I have made that decision I have decided to do this right, to make the most of who I am and what I want to do in the cage.
As a joint effort between wanting to change my life for the better and helping enforce my goals with a new years resolution, I plan on a total transformation and crafting of the person that I am today and who I want to be tomorrow and the next day.  To pursue my passion as a fighter I have decided to abstain from Drinking and drugs of all kinds after the new year, in the meantime today will be the last day for smoking pot and taking pills.  I may drink on new years but drinking has not been a problem, but that’s not saying it very well couldn’t be with my personality as dependant on drugs as it is.
I plan on recording this transformation and writing somewhat of an Auto-biography of my struggle going all the way back to when things first started.  Now is the time, the time of all times for me to make a stand and fight for what I want in my heart. Out of the Ashes like a Phoenix I will Emerge

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