my infertility journey

october 11, 2008
I started my period today. Big surprise. I just knew that I was going to get it right this time. We did everything right. We went to the doctor and had ourselves checked out. we had sex when we were suppose to, so what the hell am I doing wrong?! I was two days late, and not wanting to get my hopes up, but how could I not? then this morning around 10:30 or 11:00, I have a slightly painful cramp, know exactly what just happened, go to the bathroom, and WHAM! Blood. Just got a call from my mom, figured my sister called her. She sounded disappointed when I told her. Yeah, as if I don't feel bad enough already. she wanted to know if I was gonna stop trying, I told her probably. She asked if I was mad, I told her no- big lie. It just seems easier to let people think that it doesn't bother me, because then they don't feel like they need to comfort me.  the bloodflow is light with slight cramps. My lower back is starting to hurt, another sure sign that this is AF and not a baby. We don't have the financial mean for matt to be driving back and forth from work next week just to try and get pregnant. It's stressful on him, it's stressful on me, and it really makes me not want to have sex. there's no passion in it, no romance, nothing. All it feels like is we're on a mission and that's it. We do it, it's over, he leaves for work, and I'm left laying in the bed. Yeah, that's real magical right there!