Couldn't write yesterday. Too much happened for me to be able to concentrate for long enough. Went to bed early even though I wasn't tired... asked my daughter to snuggle with me. Helped me to feel safe and loved. Slept soundly, and woke calm and rested. A really nice feeling.
Haven't thought much today about anything, there's been so much going on for the last few days and this morning it all just stopped.It's been nice not to have the thoughts spinning around in my head all day, just a shame that they're coming back in.
Spoke to Amanda yesterday. Told her about the conversation with mum, now I feel like I've opened up a can of worms! The whole family history is slowly being revealed. Turns out that Amanda was diagnosed bp over 5 years ago! She also suggested that I talk to dad about mum. She was telling me that Mum was taken away from us for a while and that I wouldn.t remember because I was a baby. I've always been told she had a breakdown when I was born, but it was always made into a joke so I've never really believed it was true but now I just don't know.
A hinted at a hopsital stay but wouldn't go into details. I'm sure there's a good reason she said to talk to Dad, it just feels wrong somehow to go behind Mum's back but somehow I think I need to know what happened.
I feel a bit sad about the fact that our family can't be more open with each other and yet hurt to. Why have we never talked about these things. We could've been helping each other long before this.Oh and there's another part of me that thinks **** em! If they want keep their secrets, let em. Why should I care!
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