This has been a long journey.....

Hmmm, Here I sit only 3 days before surgery. It has been such a long year in some respects, and like the blink of an eye in others. It seems I have been waiting so very long to figure out what is actually happening with my body. My first ultrasound was Oct 10th, 2007. Wow, that was a whole year ago. I remember thinking back then, oh the lesions or cysts or tumors will be gone with the follow-up US. Boy, was I wrong. Yesterday I had to get a bunch of stuff at Walmart and figured, hmmm Wed is getting closer and I need to do a bowel prep on Tues. so I better get the stuff...
I think that is when it finally hit me. Yikes, I have been pretty much putting things out of my mind, but I guess that is no longer an option. I am trying very hard to just get through today, as it is my mom's suprise 80th birthday party.
It should be really nice. I rented a room at a really nice restaurant she likes and we are having about 40 family and friends there for a lunch/dinner. She didn't want a party, but I couldn't let a landmark birthday like this go by without recognition. She is a uterine cancer survivor and one of the strongest women I know. I am blessed to have her in my life. I feel a little scattered with this journal, but my thoughts are racing from one subject to the next...lol

So I work on Monday 12hrs, ugh, but it will keep my mind off things. Tues I have a meeting at work in the am for a couple hours and then....ugh, the bowel prep. I suppose it is good that I am the first case on Wed morning. Geeze, I have to be there at 5:45 sharp, so they can get me ready. They said they like to do the big cases first....I was like...oh great, Im a big case....lol. I am very confident in my surgeon, but just the whole thought of surgery kinda freaks me out. I have been in quite a bit of discomfort this past week as I can't take Advil anymore cuz of the surgery. That Tylenol **** does nothing for my pain. It woke me up at 530 this am, and I was thinking, oh come on, I can sleep today...what the hell, but after tossing and turning for a half hour, I just got up, and took the Tylenol and have been up ever since.

I have been having a lot of abdominal bloating over the last 6-8 weeks, but I didn't notice it so much as I wear scrubs at work and loose clothes after work. Well, yesterday I tried on an outfit for my moms party and I can't even button the pants. I had an instant feeling of dread. I thought, wow, I knew I was bloated, looking pretty pregnant, but as I always do, just put it to the back of my mind. Well, yesterday it came racing right back to the front. So I thought, well make the best of things and do what you do best.... SHOP....heheh, I went and bought a really pretty outfit for today and I am glad I did. I so want this day to go off without a hitch. It's all about her today, not me. I have told nobody in my family except my brother and husband that I am having surgery on Wed. I will discuss that with those who need to know on Monday. After mom has had her day.

So, I hope things go well today, I hope the bowel prep on Tues is tolerable and I pray my surgery has good results.
I am nervous because of my last ultrasound in Aug. I have never been able to watch them before, but I did watch this one. I saw all the "stuff" going on in there and it made me kinda stressed. I got reports from my gyn/onc in order to do my sick leave and short term disability and didn't really like what I read. I guess, time will tell and I guess it is out of my hands and I just have to trust that everything happens for a reason.

I am so scattered right now....man, I gotta get a grip and get moving. I try to remember that God doesn't give us anything He feels we can't handle. He must think I am very strong.....lol. I guess it is onward and upward for now.