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1-29-08 making effort to get help !

Jan 29, 2008 01:16AM - 5 comments
Tags:

hydrocodone

,

Depression

,

Fear

,

addict

,

fentanyl

The reason I am writing you is because “I AM AN ADDICT”…
Addicted to pain medications now for several years.
Started with taking occassional vicodin 5/500 then up to the
lorcet 10/650's..
Now taking the medication is the only way I will work or go
out in public.
I have taken hydrocodone for years and am now using
fentanyl patches.
Since I have been taking all this medicine for so long
I have become very depressed. I have constant anxiety
problems and a constant fear of death. I know the drugs are
killing me. I am afraid to go to sleep I am afraid I will die
in my sleep. I will not sit in a dark room, because of
the strange and awful things I see when I close my eyes.
I stay awake until my body finally gets so exhausted I pass
out and sleep the whole time I am off work.I am probably
fixing to lose my job, because I call in quite a bit.
I will no longer go out in public except to work or unless
I'm taking hydros, then I just take a lot of medication
and go to work then home (I use to be very outgoing).
I will not answer my phone at all.
I will not call people back when they phone and leave
messages. I would commit suicide, but I am afraid of hell
and believe that is where I will end up if I did so.
I have made a call to a rehab facility tonight
and they are suppose to let me know in the morning if they
will take my insurance.

Comments
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by Imtired, Jan 29, 2008 06:48AM
Answer that phone when they call.  This is absolutely the best thing you could be doing.  There's alot of people out there that care about you.  And post here when you can. There are alot of people here that will have good advice and help you out.
Take care and keep us posted.  
You're worth it and don't let those pills tell you different.

by sickcookie, Jan 29, 2008 10:37AM
I am so happy you are here,and your call to rehab is a great first step.You can do this making the decision to stop and mean it is a huge step and you can be proud of that(it is nice to have something to be proud of .This is a great step in the right direction.You will feel better and get your life back a little more everyday.Until you go to rehab read as many posts as you can you will see you are not alone in this and there is something to learn from all.There are amazing loving intelligent people here and they all have something to share.please let us know how you are doing with things today.Wish you the best YOU CAN DO THIS!!!!!!!!!

by AR_MEDIC, Feb 02, 2008 10:30PM
I did find a behavorial health center that took my insurance and went in on the evening of the 29th... Was not what I expected.. pretty bad experience, but still glad I did it.  Just got home this afternoon 2-2-08 and am tired. still experiencing some insomnia, weakness, diarrhea and abdominal cramping.  Have a lot of follow ups to do starting monday. I have had a pretty good day, but this is only day 4. Luckily, I have a lot of support from my family, wife, 5 kids, mother, sisters and brothers. Most of whom where very supprised to find out where I was, but let me know they were proud of me for entering voluntarily. I know there is better times coming, this is only day 4, but it is a start..  Thank you Lord !!!  Well I am very tired, but will try and write more tommorow. Thanks for the encouraging words !!!

by AR_MEDIC, Feb 03, 2008 10:06PM
Well Day 5 - still tired, know I will feel better someday. Hurting in my back right now. feel little depressed, because I am afraid I will not sleep again tonight.  If I could just get 6 or 7 hours straight one time I believe I would feel a lot better.

by GoingToMakeIt, Feb 03, 2008 10:38PM
Welcome back home. Days will start to get better from here on out. God is good. Take care of yourself.

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