I HATE BIPOLAR

you need your meds re-adjusted - please get to your dr. asap.

you shouldn't let yourself fall into that, please get in today :)

I have an appointment with my pdoc today, thank God.  It's just so exhausting!  I don't like to sound like a pitiparty - it's just so exhausting!  I was so excited because I was doing so much better, but now I wonder if it's the manic playing up - maybe I'm not any better.

different things trigger and if you haven't been eating well or even if your hormone levels are changing (at 40 possible) your meds might not be working right.

I guess being new to the DIAGNOSIS of it, not the illness, and being so excited about the positive things I have felt since my Lamactical and treatment, the down side just is very frustrating to me.  And, yes, my diet stinks right now - another part of my "thing" - I eat horribly when I am going toward a depressive cycle.  I have felt it for over a week (discussed with my therapist) and this weekend, my issue with my son just put the cherry on it for me.  My hormones are always in a state of confusion ( had a hysterectomy at 35 - so my hormones are taken not generated.  They have been adjusted several times through the year, so that's definitely a possibilty.)

My pdoc said a month ago that once I got stable on the Lamactical he might put me on an anti-depressant, but part of me is afraid to take it because I can actually feel things now (not numb), but I am also afraid that the depression will get worse and worse.  I have been on an anti depressant for 20+ years until now, and it didn't work then, but didn't know what I have now.....dilemmas.

Do you have BP?

OK - I went to the pdoc.  He is adjusting my meds.  I am going to 200mg of lamacital during the next 2 weeks.  From 100mg to 150 (right away), and then to 200mg after two weeks.  He thinks it will help with the depression that I have dipped into.  I have a therapist appointment on the 27th, so I guess we shall see.  It's just been scary to hear that thundercloud of depression in the background with feeiling so upbeat - I am doubting my getting better with a manic episode.  I told him that and he said that he thought the depression was clouding it and to hang in there.  GEES!  

i don't have bp, but my daughter does, so i know alot of ins and outs.  my daughter will stop eating at all when she's going into a manic state, which makes it worse.  you have to make sure to sleep well.   eat healthy, no junk food, it seems to make things worse, i don't know why.  they have to tweak the meds alot so you just have to keep going.

It's weird that the manic side is easier to deal with on this side of the BP - it's a relief, actually.  I do that, too- no food during mania - of course, no sleep either.  During depression, I want horrible junk food and lots of it.  Yesterday, I slept all day and went to bed at 7:30.  Luckily, since having the diagnosis I can actually feel them coming now - not just sneaking up on me like before.  I start increasing the meds tonight, so we will see.

Thanks for the posting comments.

everyone says I am bp but I do not know I sure know I have all the syptoms of up and down I took a written survey but the doctor keeps rescheduling my appointments I am scared if I do not do something I  am going to lose my fiance and possibly eventually my kids that can not stand me half of the time

Change doctors.  You need to get diagnosed.  It makes a huge differnece in how you deal with everything.  Even with treatment, it's hard - without it - it's impossible.  

I was taken off of antidepressants 6 weeks ago after 15+ year due to mania.  I am on a combination of Lithium and Lamictal and feel pretty good today.  Last week I felt it was the end of the world.  I had nothing in my life to cause the down feeling it just happened.  I am thankful that it ended after 1 day, because I did not think I could go on if that depressed day was as good as it would get.  I have a good doctor and a daughter that is bipolar since age 15.  I kind of think of her as by little bipolar ginea pig.  She has been on just about everything.  Unfortunately, she is not med compliant and refuses therapy at this point.

I have to beleive it will get better.  They one thing I have added to my treatment is a little bit of exercise.  I have made a commitment to 20 minutes of walking a day.  I think it helps :)

We go through those depressive states. Just want to shut everything out. I don't answer the phone unless it is my husband or dr's office or something. One good thing to keep in mind, it will pass. Nothing has to happen to bring those episodes on. It just happens. They can be ugly, but if we weren't on meds, it would be worse. Lamictal has proved to do well for me. I had to have mine increased to 200 also. I am working through depression now. I get in that state of limbo and confusion, aggravated,peeved for no reason. I've gotten through most of the aggravation (most of it), but it is still there. I find myself getting very defensive for no reason. Calm down later and wonder what I got so aggravated over in the situation. I think about it like this bi is 2 so it is two poles, positive and negative, then the middle. We mellow in the middle, go higher and higher to the positive, then go dropping down fast and hit the bottom at the negative. We try to hold on to the middle with the meds, but stress makes it harder to hold on, then sometimes our hold is not tight enough and we will slide one way or the other. So when we go through that low, we have to try to bring in every positive thing we can to draw us back to the middle level. I call the low 'Mr. Depression". With a name, it puts it in one spot that I can see and know what he represents. He takes everything he can. He is bad and hurts us. I'm getting me some kind of punching thing, write his name on it and when he messes with me, like now, beat the hell out of him. It will make me feel better to make him physical and be able to let my frustrations from him right back at him. We have to fight him every way we can. I'm going to check out the toys and the sport sections in the store, to find something that will hold up under a lot of punches!!

Thank so much.  It's just horrible to not know where you are going to be.  Today, I feel better, and I guess my increased dosage is starting to take hold.  When I am feeling better I worry that I am going toward Mania, and when I am "in the middle" I am sooooo afraid of dropping back into depression.  Overall, I usually feel pretty good after getting diagnosed and on the right meds.

The year that I was on Cymbalta and Adderall was a whole year of manic and that was EXHAUSTING, so I guess I am trying to get caught up on that huge roller coaster ride.

I have noticed through the years that my episodes are more frequent and worse each time.  I watched my Dad all his life with this (Non-diagnosed), and then my Grandmother, who I think was BP also, die with dimentia.    What do you guys think about it getting worse as we get older?  

i do think it gets worse if it is not treated appropriately with meds.  my daughters grandmother (my ex's mother) has now been diagnosed bp, in her 60s she obviously had it for years, now she is psychotic too, never treated, and now institutionalized.  i think treatment holds the disease in check and doesn't allow it to grab hold on your brain.  think of it like a cancer.  it is real, it is an enemy, and send in the reinforcements (meds!) to beat that bugger back!