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Being different

Jan 04, 2012 - 2 comments

Each year I make a new commitment to "fix what is broken" in so I mean doing some much needed renovations. I start and then I stop. So soon comes the depression, the tears, the excuses and the hurting. It is frustrating that I always end up putting off what means the most to me which is being happy and filled in my life. I have done some things out of my comfort zone in 2011 and while some may see it as me enjoying my life, inside I am not sure if its that or a recipe for disaster. I have no idea on how to feel. One thing I know for sure and its that I am bi. Its a little confusing as I am not sure I need to put a label on what I am. I like to think I am just "open" to whoever I deem as being right for me.

My actions in 2011 may end up hurting me this year and so I would like to at least lighten the impact by getting to an emotionally healthier place. I would hate to start cutting and harming myself again, just the thought of going back to that place scares me in the worse way. But I must be true and commend myself on at least being a better me this year. I am proud of my accomplishments, I have made myself understand plenty about life and have smiled at the storm more often than I was able to do so in the past.

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by Londres70, Jan 05, 2012
Great self-reflection.......a big key to healing

Kudos to you for trying to be a better "you"  

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by specialmom, Jan 05, 2012
Hi.  We are ALL a work in progress!  I commend you for working so hard to be the best you can be and to have a healthy, happy life.  Just take one day at a time.  Each day as the goal makes it so much easier to achieve than looking at a whole year ahead.  Every day you get through without self harm or going to the 'dark place' is a good day.  Have things that you will do if you start to go there to stop yourself.  

I agree that you need not label yourself.  I know you want to be loved and to love and hope that you find someone secure and healthy to do that with in the future.  It helps when we love ourselves first.  I know you are working on that and I have every faith you will get there.

You have overcome a lot my dear.  Give yourself credit!!  You deserve it.  Take each day as it comes and do your best.  That is all anyone can do.  We are all evolving.  I do wish you peace in your heart and all of your dreams to come true.

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