Jan 16, 2012
- as long as thy are all healthy fit and well, because sick people aren't included on the family
it didn't bug me before, or i had been so in denial, but fhat makes three annual holidays i haven't been able to go on due to illness/ mobility. i know if i'd had an operation or visible/ obvious condition, my gosh, they might even pick a location that i MIGHT be able to access - but no - it's one third the way around the world - again - which makes international flights and time zone changes and general traveling the limiting factor for me.
so. very hurt. realizing how unclose our family really is! no support for the sick/ unachieving/ unemployed/ whatever undesirable image.
i'm in the middle because i can't really go so it doesn't make that difference to me what they do - but at the same time quite hurt and shocked that they couldn't pick some onshore destination that i could at least have a chance of maybe joining in!
which makes mescratch my head again at this need for holidays to be far and away. oil have never really 'got' that.
IF i was in a wheelchair, they would help and organise and assist in every way - i'm sure of it. but i'm one step down from need of a wheel chair - couldn't push it anyway - and i'm like hurt and alone and surely unimpressed.
often just wanna die.
then investigate within - in what ways am i
unsupportive to self? who's being excluded? who's not listening?who's being distant? who accepts excessive gifts?
when was i first alone and upset?
who's leaving out who?
we're all equal in here so who's making ranks out of it all?
anyway. don't know what i want.
yes i do - i want them to understand that i am not able to travel well and so if they could please pick a more proximal location, i might have. better chance of attending - if they want me there.