All Journal Entries Journals

well it seems that the family that plays together stays together -

Jan 16, 2012 - 10 comments

- as long as thy are all healthy fit and well, because sick people aren't included on the family
holiday!
it didn't bug me before, or i had been so in denial, but fhat makes three annual holidays i haven't been able to go on due to illness/ mobility. i know if i'd had an operation or visible/ obvious condition, my gosh, they might even pick a location that i MIGHT be able to access - but no - it's one third the way around the world - again - which makes international flights and time zone changes and general traveling the limiting factor for me.
so. very hurt. realizing how unclose  our family really is! no support for the sick/ unachieving/ unemployed/ whatever undesirable image.
i'm in the middle because i can't really go so it doesn't make that difference to me what they do - but at the same time quite hurt and shocked that they couldn't pick some onshore destination that i could at least have a chance of maybe joining in!
which makes mescratch my head again at this need for holidays to be far and away. oil have never really 'got' that.
IF i was in a wheelchair, they would help and organise and assist in every way - i'm sure of it. but i'm one step down from need of a wheel chair - couldn't push it anyway - and i'm like hurt and alone and surely unimpressed.
often just wanna die.
then investigate within - in what ways am i
unsupportive to self? who's being excluded? who's not listening?who's being distant? who accepts excessive gifts?
when was i first alone and upset?
who's leaving out who?
we're all equal in here so who's making ranks out of it all?
anyway. don't know what i want.
yes i do - i want them to understand that i am not able to travel well and so if they could please pick a more proximal location, i might have. better chance of attending - if they want me there.
*******

Comments
Post a Comment
82861_tn?1333457511
by Jaybay, Jan 16, 2012
You have to tell them!  Nobody can read your mind.  Next time, explain your limitations and suggest a location that is workable for you and see what happens.

773755_tn?1328123377
by acker, Jan 16, 2012
ta mate, yes i had put in my preferences, might have to enunciate more clearly.. or just have internal resolve..

1157646_tn?1343970728
by Nat_16, Jan 17, 2012
So sorry you're feeling this way lovely. Its not fair or kind that the sick miss out on so much...I know all about unsupportiveness. I know how you feel...I really do!!! And you're not alone...you know I'm always only a text message away. I know its not the same as family support but its support and a friendly ear none the less...and always lots of hugs!!! xx

1157646_tn?1343970728
by Nat_16, Jan 17, 2012
So sorry you're feeling this way lovely. Its not fair or kind that the sick miss out on so much...I know all about unsupportiveness. I know how you feel...I really do!!! And you're not alone...you know I'm always only a text message away. I know its not the same as family support but its support and a friendly ear none the less...and always lots of hugs!!! xx

773755_tn?1328123377
by acker, Jan 17, 2012
thankew mate ...

773755_tn?1328123377
by acker, Jan 20, 2012
ended up seeing everyone on their way back stopping over in my town, and it was a really great visit. awesome :)

1157646_tn?1343970728
by Nat_16, Jan 21, 2012
Oh thats great!!! Glad you got to see them all. xx

317787_tn?1373214989
by Dee1956, Jan 22, 2012
Hi my first thought was to say that I am sorry, I am in similar position.  My family makes fun of me for being weak and tired, my parents think I go to bed early because I am bored.  They do not understand nor have they tried to understand that I am ill  I have made efforts to go visit, I do understand that it is a two way street.  I have to be willing to give what I can.
This year was the first I was unable to decorate, buy gifts or celebrate Christmas and I was very depressed, luckily I have a kind family member who said "it is one year, people will understand and if they don't that is their problem"

Then I got to the bottom of the msg and see that your family stopped by to see you  I am very happy for you. I feel this is how it should be.  All we want is understanding, well at least that is what I would like..  I  cried for you.  That is really nice.  I myself would be happy with a card or an occasional phone call however I know I can not dwell on this as it is not good for my health and healing.  I think the separation is adding to my anxiety during tx.  I have been told that I am better off as they are so negative however in my heart I long for my "family" or my fantasy of one.  Sorry, TMI
So happy for you
Dee

773755_tn?1328123377
by acker, Jan 22, 2012
thanks dee - yeh i know it is extremely hurtful to have a normally fun occasion like christmas be the exact opposite.
it's hard to meet people halfway when you can only make it a tenth of the way!
i think one of my sisters was semi avoiding me - or maybe just wanted to get to the gate and not miss the flight - it was a short stopover. anyway it was a good visit - i think - they didn't blab about the holiday or bring me any souvenirs - thank goodness.
'family' is 'difficult' at times - you feel like writing them off and being better off without them.. but it doesn't work that way.. mysterious.
i have become a little more practised in just remembering what they DO do well and that they dont mean to be unthinking, instead of picking out the really bad parts and bagging them all with it..
our health challenges go far beyond our body, medicine cabinet, front door.. it just devastates our whole life. big hugs and thanks for the well wishes :) !

2049168_tn?1330265059
by karen1106, Apr 22, 2012
I have spent 4 holidays alone, for the first time in 53 years. I couldn't travel in the car w/my parents. I am uncomfortable sleeping in any bed other than mine. My brother & his wife MUST have Thanksgiving @ their house, 4-5 hours away. They just don't understand & never check on me nor do they even want to know about my illnesses. My brother who lives here in the same city, he never checks on me either, and I don't think he's ever bothered to find out what's going on with me. I feel rejected & very hurt that MY feelings don't even seem to matter at all. I MISS THE FAMULY HOLIDAYS WE USED TO HAVE. IT FEELS AS IF IM NOT INCLUDED IN THE PLANNING NOR WHETHER I CAN EVEN MAKE IT. MY PARENTS ARE THE ONLY ONES WHO REALLY UNDERSTAND, AS MUCH AS THEY CAN, AND THEY ALWAYS WANT TO KNOW HOW THINGS ARE GOING WITH ME.
I HATE FMS/CFS!!!!  AND THE PAIN, PHYSICAL AND EMOTIONAL!!!  

Post a Comment