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Don't know what to do!

Jan 30, 2012 - 7 comments
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day care

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4 year old



I need some help. I work in a day care and my 4 year old recently started going there due to our babysitter (MIL) flaking out on us. To try and cut the story down here is the short part of how we got here. I went back to work the last week of November, only because my MIL was suppose to be moving down here and told me to find a job, she would take my son to and from school. My old job was hiring and hired me on the spot. Everything was going good until right before Christmas when she decided she was not moving. I was like oh crap what am I going to do, we had a couple family members helping us out until a few weeks ago and I had to pull him out of his pre school and put him in my day care center. I get half off, but it is still $85 a week. He HATES it!!!! I feel so bad, he cries and cries and screams for me. It just makes it all bad because I am in the same building. I am torn and don't know what to do. My Dad can watch him Mon, Tu., and Wed. I need someone Thursday and Friday. I mean he is almost 5 and cries like a 2 year old. It hurts me and makes me mad all at the same time. He is not a big crier, but today he cried from the minute he woke up to just right now when I said he can stay with my Dad. One of the biggest complains he has is nap time. He does not nap at home, and he is forced to lay down from 12:30-2:30. He does not have to go to sleep, but he has to stay on the mat and be quiet. Ugghhhh I don't know what to do, I can not keep coming home mad and stressed like this. I feel like I am going to go crazy!!!! Any tips, or advice will be greatly appreciated!

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by chrissymom, Jan 31, 2012
I don't really know what to advise here, other than to speak to the day care centre. The fact they expect a 5 year old to lay down or even sit still for 2 hours and just be quiet is unrealistic to say the least! They should have seperate places for the olser kids so they have something to do when the little ones are sleeping :(  The only other option you have is to not work and that is a no brainer really if you got to work you got to work. I can't help other than that, I hope you can find someone that can take your little one the thursday and friday for you. Again either that or the day care centre is going to have to get a grip and sort something out for your little one! At the end of the say your are paying ALOT of money for him to go there so they should in fact be catering for his needs also. I have to say their nap time is odd also expecting any child to sleep with a full tummy after lunch is a bit much. I hope you get something sorted out hun I really do. Sorry I can't offer any useful helo for you  xxxx

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by Shyladybaby27, Jan 31, 2012
My son was like that at daycare and what they did was made him lay down for an hour and the other hour he could take a book to the quite area and read it as long as he remained quiet ask them if that is a possiblity.  Children after 4 especially boys \i find hate to have to NAP. Just expalin to them he does not nap at home so this is a different routine for him. You could also try making him nap on the weekends around the same time to see if that could work if you change his pattern so that he actually naps at daycare

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by specialmom, Jan 31, 2012
Hi.  What about leaving your job for one more year and then trying to return?  Extra income is wonderful but you said the reason or one of the deciding factors in taking the job was that your MIL was moving there and now she isn't, that could be a deciding factor for keeping the job????  Also talk to the job about working part time.  Perhaps they'd go for that.  If you have options, you may find it is not worth this stress.  

The other thought is neighbors or moms at your child's preschool that stay home.  I can't tell you how many kids in my preschool came with other parents while their own parents were at work.  Many a stay at home mom enjoys making some extra money taking care of another child or two and it is often win win.  The kids enjoy the play mates and mom enjoys the extra money.  There is a mom in my neighborhood that does this for a working mom that lives a few doors down from her.  So maybe ask around???

Last, if you have a college in your area, you could possible contact them and look for a college student or two that can babysit for you during the times you need it when family can't help. There is a college in my area that screens students and hooks you up with them.  I actually had a college student come to my house once a week for 3 hours when my kids were tiny to give myself a break.  I had two different ones and they were FANTASTIC.

Childcare can be such an ordeal to work out.  I do wish you luck

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by earthangle, Jan 31, 2012
hope this will help a lil but cant you take a hour break thru that time and take him outside for a walk

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by frank_noahsmommy, Jan 31, 2012
Thanks everyone for the advice. I really thought about quitting yesterday, but we enjoy the extra income now that we have it. I took him with me on my lunch break a few times, but when we would return he would be super upset. We decided last night to pull him out. My dad is going to watch him M, T, and W. On Thursday our 19 year old niece will watch him, and on Friday our 17 year old Niece. It took a while to figure out, but I could not go on like that. My Husband was so torn last night after picking my son up early and seen him crying the way he was.

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by April2, Jan 31, 2012
Hi Noahsmommy! I saw your journal. I too work in a daycare and know what you're going through. I had to take my now 7 year old to my daycare after school and on school breaks, including all last Summer. I got to take him for free but they had no school age program so he had to go to the Pre-K room. For the most part he didn't mind but now that he's getting older there's more of an age difference. I also didn't like that they were making my then 6 year old take naps last Summer!
I recently found out through our state regs that they can't make them stay on their mats 2 hours. I talked to the director over Christmas break and she said he needed to be on his mat at least 15 minutes and then he could read a book, do.a puzzle or some other quiet activity so as not to wake or bother the other children who were sleeping.
So check your child care state regs and see what it says. Each state can vary.

It's a shame you had to pull him from his preschool if that's what he was comfortable with. That may be partly why he's having a hard time adjusting, that and knowing you are close by in the same building!
Does your daycare have a preschool or Pre-K program where he will be learning his letters, numbers, colors and shapes? He needs that to prepare him for Kindergarten.

Do you have a friend who can rake care of him those 2 days a week? I would see what you can do on that end and keep in mind with him going to Kindergarten next year that you will face this same dilemma so maybe it would be good to find someone now, unless your daycare also offers a school age program.

Lots to think about and plan! I'm kind of in the
same boat. I don't want to put my son in daycare all Summer again so I'm considering some other options by then, such as working in the school district so that I can have the same holidays and breaks off as my son or finding a center to work at that has a school age program and will cut the cost for me.  I'm leaning more towards trying to find a job in the school district.

Anyway, hope you find something that works for you and your son. Best wishes!

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by skepticalpeach, Jan 31, 2012
I agree it's ridiculous that schools expect 4/5 year olds to try and nap. My DD hasn't napped since she was 2. The law requires that schools give the child the option to sleep for 3 hours, but they do not have to. There is no forcing my DD to do anything. You can coax her or bribe her into doing something, but laying still for 3 hours when she's tired isn't one of them. I finally just told the school, I don't want her to nap, I don't care if she decides not to nap. Instead she's allowed to quietly sit at a table and do a puzzle, read a book, draw, or even watch a video on her cot. I would talk to the director and ask them what they can do. A good school will be willing to meet the child/family half way and figure out how to accommodate the child.

Also, I'm sure it's a bit difficult for him to share mommy with other kids. But, then maybe it's a good thing he has to learn that now! ;)

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