Well people, here it is. I went to see my doctor yesterday, and I was put on on Xanax Extended Release 0.5mg. My doctor has also read the 9 page journal entry about my medication experience as documented on MedHelp here:
(and you should read it too if you haven't had a chance yet).
When I asked doctor if there was anything we could do next, my doctor then told me something I thought I would never hear from a medical professional: "I don't know what to prescribe you next, we've tried everything." This made my heart sink.
I'm not saying that is a bad thing on my Doctor's part, because she is absolutely brilliant at what she does, and not only that, but she cares about her patients. She has saved SEVERAL lives, including my own. But wow, just wow, It makes me feel like that I will never be able to function in society ever again.
I am actually thinking of moving out of Utah, and resorting to using cannabis (medicinal marijuana) if I can get it prescribed to me. This came to mind when my state mental health rehabilitation counselor said to me yesterday (before my doctor's appointment" that medical marijuana actually helped people, especially those diagnosed with ADHD like me, AND autistic children. I even remember reading this last month:
Upon asking her if it will ever be legalized for medicinal use in the state, she said no. I mean, what options do I have left anymore at this point?
I can't move out of state right now either (I have 50 bucks in the bank at this moment and my boyfriend who works full time is just as broke), and I really REALLY don't want to go down illegal routes just to make myself a functioning member of society. I don't want to break the law, I just want to get by and survive, go to college, read a book, I JUST WANT TO LIVE!
I am not even a convicted felon, nor have I ever been convicted of a crime as an adult (just minor Vandalism at 16, I had major guilt and came forward the next day). I haven't even received a traffic ticket since I was 17 (7 and a half years ago), and heck, I even have a perfect credit score (I don't mean to brag, but I'm just trying to point out that I have worked so hard and done so much to get somewhere, and I'm STILL no where). My past employers love me because I am such an amazing worker and I catch on so fast...but I can't hold a job because I can't hold it together. I still remember working at McDonalds and being told I was on my way up to being higher up in the company...and then I fell apart and had to quit.
Does moving out of state and trying to get prescription Cannabis actually seem like a logical route at this point? Or is there another route that I can take that won't end up nearly killing me in the process like the Effexor or Cymbalta did? I mean, the Xanax works OK sometimes, but it makes me sleepy, tired, and sometimes it even makes me even more depressed.
So. this is pretty much last resort for me at this point. I thought I was there with the Effexor, and then I thought I was there with the Cymbalta. But no. The pain never ends.
Does anyone know what I should do next?