Even though I've been here a couple years, I finally went to my first college sports game today. It was basketball. I went because my brother and I were supposed to have a "date". I organized it so we could do something together (we're not the closest) and because I've been lonelier than **** lately. Instead of being a sibling thing, it ended up being me and a troupe of guys, which, although really annoying and it drives my social anxiety crazy; it's better than being lonely. At least better than being as lonely as I feel now. It literally feels like an ache in my chest, and I know the dumb ole experts tell me it's cause of my "disorder".
The only reason I didn't go out with them after the game was because after just starting the new antidepressant, the Dr. told me to steer clear of alcohol. That and I figured it was a bunch of people I wouldn't know and even though I don't *have* to drink, I'd get drunker than **** in that situation to overcome my shyness and anxiety. ****!!! My ex tells me I have no control and that's why I'm how I am. I "can't think rationally."
Well, I'm sitting home alone sober as can be on my laptop late Saturday night. Now let's look at what *you're* doing right now and tell me I'm the irrational one who just gives in. :P