My pathway of trying to cure my tinnitus

Please remember, I have been told I am damaged beyond repair, I’ve had a operation on my right ear, plus severe infections over the years, also a vast amount of trauma, just think of it as you would think a wrestlers ear would look after many bout of having your ear twisted, you hair continually pulled and a few blows to the chin, body dragged pulled out of shape and your the continue loser. You then retire..

I had a very ugly cauliflower ear, with array of bumps, lumps and the ear was sitting lower and the top part bent over and out, problem with the lower jaw..... TMJ is similar in a few problems....sound wonderful doesn't it? (Smile)..

Then put yourself through the medical team of experts, second opinions, therapy, you do all the healing that can be done, you followed docs orders to the letter, you diet, exercise, lost weight, you've done the research. You tried alternative medicine. You have gone to hell and back many times with depression, suicide and all the array of things one endures, you did the medications, legal and not so legal, alcohol oblivion. You begged screamed for help, relief from the noise, the pain, you even completely lose control of your temper, rant and rave, nearly losing your mind, insanity you think would be bliss. You simply can no longer have a life, the tinnitus takes over everything. The itch for me I thought would drive me over the edge, the infections were never ending, dizzy, vertigo, headaches, eye twitching, and this is without all the other problems in my life.....yet the tinnitus was the demon....

So how I started is so hard to explain, what I do is so hard to explain in words that may make some sense to someone. I have tried a million way to write it down for months now, I have posted on a few sites but unless i myself get over everyone is thinking  I am a crack pot. I've  hoped I will find just one other person, doing something that seems similar or even believes differently than the norm.

Yet, going back over my post, long, serious and boring some and the questions asked, not answerable. I still do not put into words, what I am doing.  I twist my ear or stick things in them, telling no-one nothing. I wish that was all I did but yes the ear is the starting point but if you JUST think its the ear I play around with, then your wrong.

As my tinnitus was so acute (bloody loud) and lots of things were attributed other than the damage to the ear or relating to the ear.. Medications, stress levels, situation in life, other conditions as in AADD and the medications I was on, I was diagnosed with AADD after my tinnitus became 24/7.

Also what should be taken into consideration, I have had forms of tinnitus since childhood. The ringing and shsssssssss  in the ear. I know it can change from morning to night, and at times seem to go away as you have learnt to zone it out, still there but its in the background more,. I did try a lot of white noise or masking before, no help to me after it became as if someone had just turned up the volume switch to high and left it there. Nothing would change it, same level, and same sound for years...

Things took time, before I gave up trying different treatment, medications; I gave everything up, basically over night. My hope, and faith finally took a beating I had nothing to  fight with, I became one of the walking dead, Hell would of seemed like a holiday in the year I first stop  everything......Nightmare to say the least....

In this time something I had done over my life, playing around with the ear, sticking things in the ear, not just a ear bud, I could insert my finger inside the ear with ease,( left good ear my little finger cannot go in, right ear near all the way, ring finger at half, both I would use and I would scratch away, pull and twist.

Also another important tidbit of information is, in the 6months before giving up. All happened around the same time. My GP of 20 years took another post, and within my medical centre, whom I was with since a child, they could not seem to decide which Doc I should see and for a time, seem to be passed around like a rag doll, my psychiatrist of 3years went to another state and getting referred to another by my GP became a problem as my file was misplaced and they had no information on me and I was not in any fit state to go explaining the last few years of hell as well as I could no longer afford the cost of running back and forward to my GP while they tried to work out, whom I should be seeing about what, the ENT that I had seen for the last 20 odd years I could no longer afford with no job and no medical cover.,
The last ENT I seen was after I went too far in my exploration of my ear, I was still having a lot of pain, and once again I had an infection, I didn't go at first to the docs as so tried of them, ear bud after ear bud I kept getting more and more **** from the ear, I thought as I use to go to my ENT to get it cleaned every 6 weeks or so, and no longer could afford that, I was just doing his job,  the ear smelt gross but the pain was starting to ease, until my probing cause a pain, liken to when my ear was first twisted out of shape, blood started to be on every ear bud.  Hospital, GP round about ,  while waiting to see the specialists, I were on Ciprofloxacin tab 500mg trying to fight the infection going on, the lumps were large red and swollen to twice there usual size.....

As my GP had no history and I was waiting to get into an ENT through the hospital, went back and forth from hospital to GP as vomiting constant diarrhea, no eating, everything that was wrong me spiraled out of control.  I dehydrated and put on the drip in hospital on weekly bases.

Finally after I probed too far i got to see ENT from hospital,. scans, test, usual array, usual waiting, final outcome, as above...NO HOPE......but I tried to tell over the last few months while waiting to see you, I have done this and that and its helped, why?....Seems I had done no damage and seemed as if he just did not want to know me, I was wasting his time........If what I did helped, then continue but to be careful if I had any more problem go see my GP..

Can anyone imagine it, months of waiting, months of stuffed around by different docs, , no-one, nothing could be done, there I stood after month praying my visit to this ent would hurry up, I lived on the hope he would help me but I got hald a dozen words, yes lots of tests, it was a 5min first visit, weeks of test, go back for verdict another 5min. I then was out the door..........

It really does seem I need to get a hell of a lot off my chest its a very good healing proccess and I have tried to shorten everything but still It all seems so long and way over the top and I still have gotten doen to the main topic, how and what I do.......

I feel a need to make sure I understand how this all happened and if I can make some sense of it all, other maybe able to understand and help me,.then maybe I can actually go back and start the medical round about again with out panic attacks happenening every time I think about a going to hospital or a doctor, as after 3years, off medications since 2005, only seen a GP a couple of times for hormone as only thing I couldn't do with out, moods and hot flushes too erratic..over a year without them but HRT was also a know fact in causes tinnitus or not helping it...The day I want to come Is the day I feel sane enough and in control to ask, what happened to my medical file and how in hell are you even treating me without my history........

Next post I will try and keep my thoughts on the actually proccess as I believe I have just about given all the back ground information that is needed.