Feb 01, 2008
It's been 12 days since I stopped taking codeine cold turkey. After an 11 year addiction where I was taking up to 30+ a day( 30mgs). I slipped up on day 4 and downed about 9 pills, which is still a lot less than I was use to. I have no idea why I took those 9 on that day because I don't think my body had even started going into withdrawals by that time.
Its been so long now that I can't even remember why I started taking codeine in the first place I just know that for the last many years, I needed to take it to actually get to sleep. I hardly ever took them during the day, except for the odd occassion that I had a headache or a toothache and then I would only take 3. It was night time that I would wait until everyone went to bed and then sit there and down up to 30. I needed to be able to go to bed and just fall asleep in a second and thats what they did for me.
My husband was aware of the addiction as he use to find empty packets all over the house, but until I told him, he was totally unaware of the extent of the addiction.
If I didn't have any tablets I would start to panic, then my mood would be unpredictable and a little agro. What made it harder was that I live in small town that has only 4 pharmacy's but us addicts can be pretty resourceful.
I am not sure when the withdrawals started but when they did I swear at the time I thought I was going to die. The stomach cramps the constant nausea, the constant diarrhea, the night sweats, hot, cold, cold but sweating all night, hot and shivering all night. Yawning, constant tiredness, the list goes on and on.
Now its nearly 2 weeks and I have a little nausea but the thing that is driving me totally insane now is the restlessness in my legs and the pain in my back. I spend all night tossing and turning and trying to get comfortable and then I get so angry that I can't get to sleep. It is getting a little easier. I think I had really high expectations, I think I was expecting to be over this a lot quicker. I did think about going to the Doctors to get help over my addiction but in the end I decided to just stop because I didn't want them to give me something else to rely on and become addicted to but at the moment I would seriously think about saying yes to a sleeping pill or a muscle relaxant but I won't
A good thing about not taking the pills anymore is I am not sleeping my life away (I do go to bed earlier now though). On the weekends I would sleep like 18 hours a day. I would go to bed at like 4.00am, sleep until 2.00pm get up for a while and go back to bed. I have no idea how I managed to hold down a full time job and raise 2 children.
I just want this to be over although I am in a better place now than I was 6 days ago and I think the hardest thing for me right now is I have no control over how I am feeling. I am so use to gettng my own way and having what I want when I want it, I am suddenly thrust into this situation that is beyond my control. It is not going to be over because I want it to be and I have no idea when I am going to be "normal" again and another things that is a little scary is I don't think I know what normal is anymore, or who I am going to be when this is completely over. I feel like I have been living someone else's life for years and I have no idea who I really am.
I have so much more to write and say, but don't want to bore anyone.