Continue of my journey in curing myself of tinnitus (not yet but I am close)

If anyone is going to be able to follow me on my journey into the working of my pathway to a cure, you are going to have to think outside the square. No religion, no spiritual source at all.  Sorry no-one spoke to me or came to guide me, no medication, and no drug of any kind or herbal remedy. Not even a doctor or healer.

Everyone you must free your mind and open up to your imagination.

You must think you are blind and only have your sense of touch to go on.
You cannot see what you are doing, only feel it.
You have to learn to listen to your body and most of all for me the sounds within my head and that is sounds NOT VOICES.........

Totally block out all other stimuli and listen to the sounds, (has always got me curious that even some deaf people do have tinnitus). One does have to have a laugh, I trained myself for years to ignore the sounds, everyone tells you, to not let the sound control your life, you can still do everything you did before, etc..Not so for me, if you have very loud tinnitus, you know it’s near impossible to ignore and it takes over everything, mentally and physically.

Yes i do use relaxing and visualizations techniques, meditations to relax the body mind and soul (yes I believe we have one) I do come from a religious background, the Catholic faith and have searched alternative pathways in exploring my spiritual side over the years. I believe my faith is some where in all of it. (Smile) I pretty much keep to, treat other how you want to be treated, harm no-one, keep an open mind, try to be tolerant and be true to yourself.

Remember back then, over 3years ago. I came out of the hospital; the ENT my last hope, nothing, this is how I was going to be living the rest of my life. I sat in my car, the noise pounding, headache making me  dizzy again, my body felt as if, once again it had been brutalized. Oh the doc had given my prescriptions for the itch; noise and go for a hearing aid came in there some where.  I do realize not the doctors fault but the way it was all handled and the feelings he left me with, I should of just walked out and hung myself or the like.

Sitting in my car, was my life.  This was it, all I had to show for 40years.no-where to go, no-where to live, no-one to turn to for help.I felt I had done all I could do. I couldn't even cry any more, I had no tears left. I did not feel angry or anything.

I think i said some where before, all I heard inside my head, was FIX ME..Laughing, ha I did hear a voice. No really wasn't like that...Glad also as I may of then believed I was really insane, crazy maybe (fun type) looking back now, I would say, "I did have a lot of insane moment as I learnt to deal with everything."

I also believe for the last 6 odd years, that the outer ear had somehow pulled into the inner ear and nothing could be done about this, no operation or the like. I had made it worse by probing around in there as you see for years before the partnership started (3years together, year to get out) he knew where I was vulnerable in more ways than one, he would grab my right ear and twist it, but it was particular episode, the ending of the relationship, that left me damaged beyond repair.

Anyway, for most of my life, I would stick things in my ear, fingers to scratch away, only the right, never the left, pokes and probe and always in trouble with my ENT for it. I had an operation , bone removed, not sure of the in and outs, it was over 20years ago, all I can tell you, I would go see a ENT to have my ear cleaned, every few months, unless I had infections then more often. I also felt the caused of a lot of my trouble due to my probing. I also hid the facts of why my ear became as it was, at first, too ashamed and all that. I blamed myself for everything to the Docs until the final episode. Once I had escaped from the relationship, the truth of it all came out.....

I had also from my previous medical fight,  I lost that fight, ending with a total hysterectomy, in other words everything went, we were hoping for just a tube but I was damaged beyond repair at 29, learnt from pain relief seminar, you named it I tried back then as also, it seems while I was fighting endo as I wanted another child, I was also working, as I put my pain down to this condition, told myself to get on with it, stop whining, tough it out, take another pain killer, it took some time before realized I was carrying a back and neck injury ( no cure, nothing could be done) and this lead to me  un able to work in any work environment and fibromyalgia was another  battle...Management and all that.  Got all this sorted out, mental state back in good order and by now I had spent years on my own, my son had left home also.
As I could not work any longer as in getting myself someone to employ me, then I would have to find work or the like from home, I took as my next step, so I took myself back to school, adult education first stop, as left school 14 basically illiterate, needed to learn the fundamentals and eventually ending up at University for my BA degree, when my life took on a nightmare of it own and we end with me sitting in my car out of options.

My mind is going a million miles, as all these event coming to my mind, this is the best threapy I have ever found. Writing but never have I wrote for others eyes as well.........

I also need to find out how I got to this point in my life.........