how do I get pictures of my husband and another woman out of my head

hi im chris everybody is different as in things that work for u may not for me but time is a great healer plz dont take any meds if poss have u asked him to tell u wat happend i mean the gory details as it may stop u wondering and then u may also refuse 2 think of it

I'm like Chris, AVOID MEDICATION because they have horrible effects, could be addictive. I would go out of the house and be with POSITIVEand SUPPORTIVE people with whom I could talk openly about how I feel. Is there a support group in your area like a church group?
I would also do something to make me feel good about myself like going out for a personal makeover (new hair, new attractive appearance). Do you have any clue why your husband got turned on by these women?  Usually, it starts with physical appearance.  Focusing on yourself and making yourself look and feel more attractive could trick your mind into thinking more about you than these women.

Regards,
tigermom50

Thanks for your advice. We have been over the issue many sleepless nights and both of us can not come up with what happened. I have asked details, he has reluctantly told me some, but everytime I do, he gets totally out of control. He has kicked the bathroom door, and gets soo depressed that I find myself comforting him. I had to sit on him one night because he was so upset and just kept saying I can't believe what I did.(I guess this is a good thing that he cares)
I know if wasn't for the sex, that has always been great. He only had sex with the one woman over the summer. The other two it was just forplay but it might have led to sex, I don't know. The doctor put him on meds, but it made him nuts so he stopped. I tried one one night when the visions were horrible, but all they did was put me to sleep. I find myself becoming a weekend alcoholic. When he's home, everything is ok, but when he's not, like this weekend (his shift is everyother weekend on) I find the best thing for me is to drink. I know this isn't right but it helps me sleep without waking up. I guess time will make the visions go away but its so hard now. I have told one of my girlfriends and she suggested therapy for me, but due to insurance refindments I can't go until we close out the marriage counseling, and our insurance is changing April 1st so I'm gonna stuck right now. My oldest son is in college and has no idea what is going on. The other two don't know either and I want to keep it that way. My middle son would hate his father and my daughter is too young to realize anything. I just want things to be ok. Should I confront the women. I sent and email to her husband because when all this stuff started (phone calls, message, looking for my husband while he was working) he just said she is friendly and can't sleep at night, that it means nothing. I never got a reply from him. Do you think it would make me feel better? Do you think my husband and I should both see her, if said he'd do whatever I wanted to make things right? Any ideas?

Hello,


I would first like to tell you I too am a survivor of my husband's affair with a girl at his work who gave him chlamidia then of course I got it. Finding out of the ugly affair, 6 weeks after giving birth to our 3rd child. Yes I did stay. Two more kids later I am still here. Happily married, no. I'm here for my kids and financially I decided to stay home as a house wife. BIG MISTAKE. That was 7 years ago and I still am not over it. It is like a spiritual divorce that I can not run awat from. I did go on welbutrin for my severe depression, which made me lose weight. I also went back to church. My world was CRUSHED and still is. I can never forget that he chose another girl over his WIFE. I feel like I am now the woman he never wanted. Yes I have been to two year of counseling with my husband as well. You do not have the problem it's him. I am 34 years old now with MS which I blame on all the stress he has given me in this marriage. He madea decision that night to end our marriage. A unilateral decision. I was at home 9 months pregnant. My prayers go out to you and please dont think taking depression pills is wrong. You are going through a marital death right now. I would not confront the B____ Why make yourself hurt even more. Giving you faces you cant erase from your head. I feel so bad for you, I know exactly how you feel. Time does heal but if I could do it all over again I would have left. I want to be cherised by my husband. Now that I am ill I feel I wasted my life with a looser because that is what they are LOOSERS.  

April 30, 2008 my world changed.  I work a night shift and  I was at work and my husband was at a friends house.  I talked with him before I had left and knew there was some girls down there.  As the night went on I started feeling like something was wrong, I couldn't get out of work fast enough.  By the time I left work I was freezing cold and it wasn't cold out, I just knew something was wrong.    I wasn't going to go the friends house and just go home and see if my hubby was home, but I didn't, I found him with one of those girls.  Both were asleep, I went crazy.  I left and went home, he followed.  He said  that he didn't succeed.  He had been drinking, so I really don't know if intercourse happened but the fact is that he let it get that far.  This girl was like 15 years younger than him and he said he just let it go to far.  He said that it felt good for some young chick to hit on him.  We talked about that morning only.  We are still together.  Our relationship isn't the same.  He has never seen or talked with this girl as she didn't live in the area.  There are times I wish I would have left, we don't have sex hardly at all, and when we do I always think of him with her and what he did.  I'm so lonely.  I told only a couple of people.  One time I did ask him if he had told his best friend and he said no but got real mad at me because he thought that I was holding a grudge.  I don't think I am as I don't ever bring it up, I just thought maybe he said something to his best friend as this person thinks we are awesome together, we used to be.  I love him.  I've never loved anybody like I love him, I can't imagne my life without him but I'm still very lonely.  Thanks for listening.

Help. Its been awhile but I still have flash backs. Tonight I had to be in the same location of two of the women my husband cheated with. I think one knows I know because she avoids me but I don't think the other one does. The third one should know because I sent her husband and email, but I never got an answer, so who knows.
Things have been better, although my husband has a problem getting an erection with me. Of course I start thinking that it has to do with other women. But he swears his love to me.The only think I know is that when he fooled around with them he was taking Cialis because he was having problems back then. Still no excuse. I'm not over weight or anything like that and I never turned him down for sex. If anything I am sex deprived.  I love my husband and I think I think I want it to work but sometimes i think that 6 yrs. my daughter will graduate and I can leave, but I don't think I want too. I just don't know. I'm really frustrated and lonely. He works a lot of nights so I'm home a lone a lot. Any comments anyone?
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My bf and I of three yrs. w/ whom we have a child together now, split up for about a month. Well, I wouldnt talk to him while he was gone, b/c there had been dom. viol. in the pic. and protection orders in effect. I dont remember who finally gave in and talked to who, or if it was a mutual thing, but he ended up coming back.

I found out that he slept w/ two different women, which one that was a one night stand, and much older than him, was still calling after he came back to me.

We dont talk now, we sleep in the same bed, and dont even touch. It's like being w/ a total stranger. I dont even know if I can be w/ him again now, knowing that he was w/ someone else. I will prob. end up leaving him, and moving on. All is do is cry, and I'm even losing interest in my three children, b/c of this.

I think if I got him out of my life, that would prove to him how much he hurt me, and I am not going to stand for it. He needs to know that even though we were apart, those feeling should have still been there. So, maybe the best thing to do for me is to let him go.

2 weeks ago I was told about my husbands affair with co worker that happened a little over a year ago.  Of course, my husband was NOT the person to tell me but, it was his best friend.  When I confronted him he absolutly denied everything.  I then told him that the girl called me and was tore up with guilt and said she was going to come clean to her husband (yes, she is married with 3 kids).  After about an hour he admited to "making a mistake". I was ademint that he tells me what the "mistake" was.  At first lied and said that he allowed her to give him oral sex twice.  When I spoke with his friend he told me that not only did she do that but they also had sex.  After confronting my husband for a second time that day he admitted that yes, he had sex with her twice as well.  He keeps saying that it was the biggist mistake of his life and that he was not attracted to her at all (she is really big, bad teeth, and just not pretty at all), and the sex was not good that he didn't even get off the second time.  He has been honest with me about all the discusting details that I have asked (Don't know why I want every detail but, I  do).  His reason that he had an affair was that him and I were in really bad place in our marriage (I agree), he was using meth frequently, was also on different medications for bi polar, and drinking on a daily basis.  I believe that he is truly sorry and this was a HUGE mistake but, I can't stop thinking about them being together, it kills me.  We have been married for 13 years and have 4 year old child... I have chosen to stay and TRY to work it out.  I, of course, told her husband and tried to confront her (she hung up on me).  She is still denying everything and is in fact saying that I making things up about her to the point that she tried to file harrassment charges on me (failed, since I only called her one time).  I found out that she was the one that pursued my husband by grabbing his "package" while at working and saying that shes "gotta get some of that" and talked about her trimmed area and how smooth it is and would talk bad about her husband saying things like how bad in bed he is and that he only last for 1 minute.  I don't know how a woman can go after a married man with a family.... I am so mad, hurt, sad, lonely, confused, embarrassed, and humiliated...  I am now having some sort of sexual contact with my husband on a daily basis, I dont know why but, It feels like Im in competetion.  He tells me that there is no competetion and that she could never even hold a candle to me.  He says that he sees now that she is a ***** and has no respect for her b/c she went after a married man and is showing no remorse what so ever. I fixate on small details of the affair even though he says that there was no intimacy and it was more like a "wam bam thank you mam" .  I am furious with him and her since I did confront her in person during the time that the affair happened and she abolutly denied everything and said that she was happily married and would never do anything like that to her husband, stupid me, I believed her at the time (like I said before she is really ugly and actually has a "fupa" front butt) I just couldn't believe that my husband would have any kind of sexual contact with her.  What kind of woman pursues a married man?  I could not imagine going after a man like that... ever!  Thanks for listening, I really had to get this out.

Hi,

I hate to tell you but its been 3 yrs. since my husbands affairs and the pain is still there. At times things are fine and then something will come up to remind me and I get all emotional but try not to show it to him. He has not done anything else (so he says) but I always have that thought in the back of my mind that I didn't know before so he could be doing something again. My heart says he won't especially with all that he, us and my family went through, with him in the hospital on suicide watch, etc. but I can honestly say I will never completely trust him. I love him and will stay with him, unless he does something again, but I now find myself looking at other guys. I would never do anything but sometimes I think, well he did it so now its my turn. I no thats wrong thinking but sometimes thats how I feel.

After the affair we had a lot of sex also, I don't think I was trying to compete with her but the emotions both of us felt were almost like when we were first married. Things have since gone back to sex every once in awhile when "hes" not tired or can get it up. I also wanted to know all the details, I guess its just something you do. I still think their is more that he is not telling me but that could just be from the "trust" issue. I never confronted the women and I think that was a big mistake. Its too late now unless I run into them which is always a possibility but I think they are avoiding me. You might be able to get over it because you did confront her even though she denied it. I'm sure mine would say the same thing or blame it on my husband, etc. But it does take two. I think the women who chase after married men are probably in a very lonely life and don't care who they hurt. They probably have no self estem and it makes them feel good when men pay attention to them even though they know the men are not going to stay with them forever. Who knows. I just never, ever thought I would be in this situation with my husband. I thought (and so does everyone we know, except for a small few) we had the perfect life together. I now know their is never a perfect life together. Good luck, hope things work out for you.

I have read the posts above and cannot believe I am in the same position, my husband of 4 months I have found out has actually not been faithful for the whole time we have been together (6 years) apparently the woman had no idea he was with anyone, I have spoken to her and she confirms this although they did have time to get their stories straight. The story goes that he only saw this woman a couple of times a year, I have asked all the questions you would anticipate but he says it was because he thought he could get away with it.  I don't buy this because I cannot understand why you would only do it a couple of times a year, if you were getting away with it why would you restrain yourself to just a couple of times a year why not every week or month.  Obviously as I look back at the events in our relationship, I could possibly offer excuses for him however as this appears to have been from the start of our relationship all I can wonder is why he wanted to continue a relationship that was flawed from the start. His response is why wouldn't I want to carry on with you, he doesn't seem able to see that what he has done.  I cannot understand why 3 years ago we had a son and why 4 months ago we got married, only for me to find lurid text messages on his phone to this woman, who happens to be a good 8 years older than me.  Having spoken to her he said he used to contact her every now and again, of course she is equally liberal with the details, apart from, he is the only person she has slept with in 12 years and he made it clear that he didn't want a relationship with her.  So I feel like I've heard half the truth, I also feel like all the decisions I have made in the last 6 years have been a lie.  This is the thing that is crucifying me, if I had of known any of this, I never would have brought a child into the world or got married.  Funny the earlier posts saying about sex and there being a lot of it after everything has come out, the same thing has happened to me, although I no longer trust myself or my reasons for allowing it to happen, I suppose emotions are just running high.  I don't know what to do, I feel like he has trapped me...I can't believe that he loves me enough.

Its been awhile since everything went on. The sex was great after it all came out and even though I was hurting inside things between us seemed ok. Now I almost asked him if something else was going on because our sex life is back to once every month (if I'm lucky and hes not too tired) He still is trying to be nice to me but I almost feel like its now an obligation by him. I was so upset two weeks ago I was alone, he was working, my kids were out for the night and I drank myself silly. I wrote him a long note on the computer (not a good thing to do when your drunk, but I said things to him that I never had the guts to say sober. All my feelings came out. He did read it (although I don't know if he want onto the second page where I told him I was going to find someone to satisfy my needs) and he has been more attentive lately. Unfortunately I know things will go back to being comfortable, but I guess thats what happens when you are married for as long as we have been.
I know this isn't nice but I found out yesterday that the women he slept with fell and got hurt just about 2yrs. ago and is still in pain. Can't work or do much. It made me feel so good, I don't know if my husband knows or not or if I should say something to him, but I feel almost back to normal. Strange how things turn out. Every dog has his day and I've had mine (almost). I hope things work out for you, I know things will never be the same here but I do love him and will probably stay, well at least until my 12yr. old is at college, then hopefully by then I will feel differently and everything will be ok.