May 15, 2012
Well I finally got rid of my headache, but now it seems im back where I started. I always feel funny in my head I cant describe it but it's really getting to me, I just want it to go away. I just want to give up, I hate that I can't ignore this and it go away, I dont want to deal with it anymore :'( I am being so strong, I haven't cried in so long but today I want to because I'm tired of being strong I want my life back, I hang out with friends and family and all I can think is how much I hate the fact I cannot completely enjoy myself like they can.
When will this end, everyone keeps saying give it time and when you learn to deal with it, it will go away. Well I am dealing with it, I go out, I am back home now, I am looking for work, I go shopping even when I feel anxious! I dont know what the **** I am supposed to do now, I'm doing everything I was told to do and I'm getting no where.
So how do I get rid of this? Will I ever get rid of it, will I be myself again? or is this my life now? I'm still holding back with alot of things because i dont know if I can handle it. Should i just be doing everything I did before the anxiety?? I DONT KNOW....
I'm trying so hard not to be scared of this, sometimes it's too hard to ignore the feelings. I have ignored the scared feelings though, accepted them. I know I'm feeling scared and anxous and that's okay, feelings cannot hurt me, they will pass and I will be fine :), it work's works but then the feelings come back. There is only so many times you can tell yourself the same speech :(
I just dont want to deal with this anymore... I am well and truly over it.!