New Kitty, but depressed and mad! No estrogen?

It's been almost 3 months since my aneurysm and valve placement surgery.  My bff died Nov.8 and I can't seem to get over it. I was depressed b4 he died. Hell, I've had depression for some...what is it...20 years now. Been on meds for 18. Prozac for the first 16, celexa (citalopram) for the last 2.  I think I need to go back on Prozac.  I just dont care about anything. I used to get excited over the holidays, but this year...nothing.  We had a 50th Anniversary party for my husbands parents in PA a week ago, I did most of the planning...it turned out real well.  The ones who knew I had surgery kept saying they "couldn't believe" how well I looked, how good I looked, etc.  How do you tell them that inside you feel like dying. I guess my bff dying made all of this depression stuff worse...now maybe instead of just dysthymic, I'm headed for major depressive disorder.  I don't know. I know the state of the economy doesnt help, and I know kids in Somalia are hearing gunfire and losing their parents and starving...and I think I should be grateful for all I still have.  I have to try to be positive.  This *****. I can't wait for this to go away. Plus the gyne said I couldnt have estrogen anymore since I'm on Coumadin. The cardiologist doesnt have a prob with me bein on both, so why does she?  I asked. Her answer..."liability issues." That is "cover my ***," for those of you not familiar with the term.