because whatever is new? certain things make me really, really happy (right now, boybands of all things), but as soon as i turn those things off, the reality of my life sets in and i feel completely trapped and empty and hopeless and sad and nothing all at once.
i can't stop missing who i used to be, which, i suppose, is not conducive to life adjustment, but dammit, i've been living with this for over ten years and i keep getting worse and it's not fair because i was so smart and so good at the things i loved and now i can hardly even read because of my concentration issues and i'm so angry because it feels like everything is being taken away from me. so, really, why should i just adjust to this? how can i? how can i adjust to a life that i hate, that i will never enjoy because everything i love is gone.