"The Reason"

I've read many posts here on the forum, and a few mentioned that they have a song that gives them inspiration to get and stay clean.  Here's the one for me.  It goes out to my three beautiful, wonderful kids.  They are my heart and my world, and my using has hurt them, no doubt about it.  A very sad fact is, they have been on this earth most of the time I was using.  My youngest, up until I detoxed, had never seen or knew me 'clean'.  My older two were too young to remember. I have never physically harmed my kids, and never haven't provided them with enough food, clothing, shelter, etc.  What they haven't had enough of is 'ME'.  I was always too busy, tired, and 'pilled out' to spend much real, quality time with them.  I would turn them away, tell them to use the Playstation, or to go outside, etc.  My daughter suffered the most...she needed me, many times, and I 'wasn't there'.  The meds sapped every bit of any motivation or energy I would have after work, and taking care of the house.  I just always needed to be alone.. Most certainly not 'Mother of the Year' behavior. My older two are now teenagers, and my youngest is already 10..the time slipped though my fingers overnight.  This is something I need to somehow learn to forgive myself for, and I hope that someday they in turn can forgive me.  This knowlege is my main reason to get and stay clean.  I can't change the past, but the future is a new beginning.  So far, nothing much has changed because of how lousy I feel, but I am hopefull that this will pass too.  Now, if I can just get through this hazy, blah, depressing, nothingness, no energy phase of my recovery, things will definitely get better.  My kids will be 'introduced' to their Mom.....


"The Reason" Hoobastank...2004

I'm not a perfect person
There's many things I wish I didn't do
But I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go

That I just want you to know
I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
And the reason is you

I'm sorry that I hurt you
It's something I must live with everyday
And all the pain I put you through
I wish that I could take it all away
And be the one who catches all your tears

Thats why i need you to hear
I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
And the reason is you

And the reason is you!!! [x3]

I'm not a perfect person
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go

That I just want you to know
I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
And the reason is you

I've found a reason to show
A side of me you didn't know
The reason for all that I do
And the reason is you.....