lupuskidkid1's Profile
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lupuskidkid1 is
days from the finish line
About Me:
Male, CO, member since Sep 2007
Was getting my E. Engineering degree, got sick, and now look to either teach highschool math/science or Air traffic control (I love the mental math).
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Winners don't quit and Quitters don't win
Feb 17, 2008 10:05AM
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Christ how scary the start of this week was. I was under the impression that my w/d just re-appeared. I never heard of that happening. I started to cry because a) the pain again and b) am i going to have w/d pain this bad forever? c)who the HELL will believe a 24 year old calling the doc or hospital saying "i stopped drugs a while ago, and now w/d symptoms just arrived. right. can anyone say drug seeker? I knew my doc would believe me, but his new reception is horrible. You can tell by their voices that they didnt give a **** and my story sounded like i wanted to get more drugs from my doc. It took over 48 hours, 2 faxes, 5 phone calls, just to talk to him. By then i had it figured out.
My best friend from grade school has finished med school, so i call him sometimes to get some pointers (and i help him with his electronics) After the w/d, i was still achy on day 16. I was dumb enough to accept some suboxones and 2 mg of that every other day was fantastic! My friend had thought that taking that little suboxone was virtually inexistent, so i was congratulated, clean, and done. Though i had the same daily aches, it was minimal. Morning head aches were easing. life was GREAT. Some time later, BAM, full w/d again. So the suboxones f***ed me. Now i gotta do this one more time. The pain today is pretty low. Though i slept terribly. Guess it's good its the weekend. I'd say today feels like day 6 from last time. Still pain that wont let you forget its there, but the yawning and tearing is WAY better. If there is anything i learned it's just to take the pain in its entirety. There are no short cuts. Winners don't quit and Quitters don't win. I think i have another 2 days of the w/d cycle before it starts to get better and better, which may take up to 21 days. The advantage i think i have is that though yea, a fist full of oxycodone would be nice. I've run short on pills so many times that i've done maybe 8 single week w/d over the last years. The prospect of not needing those pills, the ability to think again, it's beautiful. I always deny it, but my body has been hit by a train these last years. If a man scared of shots and pain can go into heart surgery with a smile on his face and tears from his fathers, If i can sit in the same chair my late mother sat in during her chemo and receive my own, if i can fight back and get my kidneys to work again, if i can just cold turkey hard narcotics, if i can accept LP after LP, trachea scopes, hourly blood draws, and the psychological outcome of 1000 days of the only social interaction i get is from doctors saying "Well the tests show you're f***ed, take some more meds.", I know i can handle whatever it takes to be off narcotics. I don't want them. My life has been on pause for three years, i want to hit the world. yes.
My best friend from grade school has finished med school, so i call him sometimes to get some pointers (and i help him with his electronics) After the w/d, i was still achy on day 16. I was dumb enough to accept some suboxones and 2 mg of that every other day was fantastic! My friend had thought that taking that little suboxone was virtually inexistent, so i was congratulated, clean, and done. Though i had the same daily aches, it was minimal. Morning head aches were easing. life was GREAT. Some time later, BAM, full w/d again. So the suboxones f***ed me. Now i gotta do this one more time. The pain today is pretty low. Though i slept terribly. Guess it's good its the weekend. I'd say today feels like day 6 from last time. Still pain that wont let you forget its there, but the yawning and tearing is WAY better. If there is anything i learned it's just to take the pain in its entirety. There are no short cuts. Winners don't quit and Quitters don't win. I think i have another 2 days of the w/d cycle before it starts to get better and better, which may take up to 21 days. The advantage i think i have is that though yea, a fist full of oxycodone would be nice. I've run short on pills so many times that i've done maybe 8 single week w/d over the last years. The prospect of not needing those pills, the ability to think again, it's beautiful. I always deny it, but my body has been hit by a train these last years. If a man scared of shots and pain can go into heart surgery with a smile on his face and tears from his fathers, If i can sit in the same chair my late mother sat in during her chemo and receive my own, if i can fight back and get my kidneys to work again, if i can just cold turkey hard narcotics, if i can accept LP after LP, trachea scopes, hourly blood draws, and the psychological outcome of 1000 days of the only social interaction i get is from doctors saying "Well the tests show you're f***ed, take some more meds.", I know i can handle whatever it takes to be off narcotics. I don't want them. My life has been on pause for three years, i want to hit the world. yes.