the now

I have been addicted to oxycodone since I went through chemo,  I just finished de-tox and I am in outpatient rehab for 6 to 8 weeks and with the exception of my 5 days in de-tox I haven't stopped using...so today is my first day of sobriety and it just so happens that I got my bloodwork today and my liver enzymes are all normall  I am still waiting for the results of my viral load but I am so thrilled that the drugs have not roasted my liver.  I quit drinking alcohol the day I was diagjnosed in 1999 but I started using heavy duty painkillers instead,  Really bad idea.  Now I am doing to try to learn how to live sober and it scares me to death,  At least when I use I forget about the hep c but it's always there just waiting to overwhelm me with what ifs.  How do you help the panic attacks when they just come out of the blue?  Well,  I guess that's enough garbage for one setting ,  More tomorrow,