Feb 21, 2008
I lost my baby boy four hours after delivery. I didn't even had the chance to see him alive. Even though that my last pregnancy was full of drama, and even though I was not so sure if I will go beyond the first trimester, after I lost him, I was so sad. From day one, I was bleeding, but managed to keep going. I had my water breaking at week 20, but some how the baby was still kicking. By week 28 I went into labor and a C.-section was performed. My baby couldn't survive. I had another pregnancy which never even had the chance to survive beyond the 4th week.
Now, six month later, I am 6 weeks pregnant. I don't know what to feel but I was so happy when the doctor rang me to confirm the blood test. When I thought that everything was going fine, here I am again, standing at the same spot, wondering if this is another prgenancy that I will lose.
I luckly was getting ready to do my first doctor visit so I didn't had to wait for a long time before I can get checked. My doctor is one of his kind. He always and by the end of each visit makes me feel wonderful. He said that spotting is not the end of the world and it could easily means nothing. He ordered me with blood tests to see the level of my hGh and if it was increasing or not. I am also due for an untersound on Friday to check if there is a fetal heart beat. I am so hopping for the best, I really I'm!!
sadly .. my doctor called me with my blood test results. He said it didn't look too good. The level read 120 and is supposed to be between 160-500!! I knew that was going to be the case. I know I should never lose hope but believe me I am not able to do that at all.
this morning I have see real blood. Not heavy but the color is pink-red like!! I am going to the hospital I don't think this is meant to be..
yes ...the hormone level went down to 76.. that is it.. yet again.. I have lost it.. and my dream come to reality.. oh I am so sad .. seeing my small hope shattered and repeatedly again and again..