I can't do this

My depression hit me hard today. I have Borderline personality disorder and major depression and that is what helped me get addicted in the first place. All day I have cried, and all I want is a tab or vicodin, the only thing that is keeping me from doing it is that I can't get any. I was watching celebrity rehab tonight and i kept seeing myself in all those people. Why do I want so bad!!!!!! I have had enough heartbreak in my life, I lost both my parents six months apart and I was in a mental hospital for a month, I am cursed......why does this have to happen to me? As the days go by I get weaker and weaker, I told my friend tonight that all I wanted to do was use, she held my hand and told me how proud of me she was for staying sober for so long and that I can't quit now. I want to be that person but I don't think that I can. The pain from my dislocation is still strong but I try not to think about it, i tell myself I am making it worse because I want to use, but today I suffered pain. REAL pain. It has been 20 days since I dislocated my shoulder why is it still hurting...why won't it go away....why can't I find other things that make me as happy as pills did. God help me.