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As fast as it begins, it ends...

Feb 22, 2008 07:15AM - 3 comments

So, my husband and I currently have some problems.  I guess I really can't say currently...because for the 9 months we've been married, we've had them.  The funny thing is, I've known him for 4 years before we even put the rings on our fingers and said our vows.  It just goes to show, that you don't know a person until you live w/ them.

See, he "cheated" on me at the beginning of our marriage.  I say "cheated" because I feel that sending and receiving dirty pics and telling these girls you're not married, or that you just broke up w/ your gf...is cheating.  He's never physically done it.  That I know of.  But for some reason, I cannot get past this.  CANNOT.  I was just diagnosed w/ bipolar, and they have me on a medicine called Trileptal.  It's kinda like a mild sedative.  It leaves me feeling very lethargic...I'm on 300mg twice daily.  Maybe a little too much.  Leaves me feeling a little...numb.  <---for lack of better word, but describes it accurately.

We had a nice little talk.  And I'm going to say talk because usually our fights are pretty brutal.  We both have quite a temper and can get very, very nasty.  So, this time we actually sat down and talked.  I mentioned divorce, and also mentioned that maybe we spend a little TOO much time together.  Then instead of him mentioning divorce, he said "Well, why don't we try spending time AWAY from each other first...see how that works out."  So I know he wants to work it out...and that's fine by me.  

So this is my dilemma.  I know my husband and I aren't going to be together forever.  But when it does end, as it will, I want it to end as nice as possible.  It may not be possible for him to remain friends w/ me, but who knows considering out history together.  Should I let sleeping dogs lie, and just say..."okay, it happened, stop holding this stupid grudge and ENJOY the little time you have left w/ him..."  Or say.."no..scew that, he did it, and he's going to pay for as long as you have left w/ him."  Because in the end...it's really me who's losing my mind...not him...

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by gottabelieve, Feb 26, 2008 01:51PM
sorry to hear about the situation with you and your husband

by ArualAmi, Feb 26, 2008 08:03PM
I'm sorry to hear about your situation... you're on a tough position.
All I can say is... if you know that your marriage is bound to fail, why would you delay the inevitable? I would think that's just a waste of your precious youth. You are still in a possition to get out of it without much harm... there are no kids involved and that in itself is huge... What would happen if you 'let the sleeping dogs lie' and all the sudden you find yourself having children within a marriage that has no future? That wouldn't be fair to anyone.
Guys think they can 'take some time off' from marriage... how convenient is that? Oh, I need a break to go F* around a little, but I'll be right back in time for my laundry to get done. NOPE. I don't believe in 'breaks'; breaks are ok when you're dating... but you're married now... he's either with you or not. There's no in between.
You are only 21 years old? If you've been with him for almost 5 years, that probably means you've never had any other serious relationships. Failed relationships are hard to get over, but sometimes they're a necesity for us to realize that there are better things out there for us. You deserve better.
At age 21 you have your best years ahead of you. Don't waste them trying to fix something that you already know has no fixing. Besides, if you want things to end in a friendly way, it would be best to do it before he cheats on you again (and probably 'for real').
I don't mean to be hard on you... but it hurts me to think that such a young person could consider spending the best years of her life consumed in a pointless relationship that will only bring suffering and disapointments. Give yourself a chance to find someone who will love you and most of all respect you! You owe that to yourself!


by gracefromHHP, Feb 27, 2008 09:11AM
Very well put  ArualAmi :)   Really life is too short to spend in a relationship that you aren't happy in. Either both of you go to a counselor and work on your problems together so that you can rebuild it better than it's been before or end it now.  You don't want to find yourself in the position that arual mentioned - suddenly kids in the relationship to boot. As well as do you really want the hurt of finding him with someone else? Or how about you suddenly meet someone you are attracted to and before you know it YOU are the one doing the actual cheating?  If you think he wants to work on things - suggest the counseling. Finding a good counselor isn't always the easiest thing to do but it's well worth it when you do. If nothing else - hopefully it will help you not have as much "baggage" to carry out of this relationship when it does end if counseling isn't successful.  

grace

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