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MY PERSONAL DIARY OF OXYCONTIN WITHDRAWAL.

Feb 25, 2008 - 918 comments
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MY PERSONAL DIARY OF OXYCONTIN WITHDRAWAL.

May I briefly fill in a little background.I am David aged 55 and employed as a postman/driver/sorter, well up until 38 months ago I had never been into hospital,well boy was that about to change. I went to my GP complaning of no sense of smell, saw a surgeon and surgery was recomended, I was given a prescription for Prednisone, a steroid, this gave me some sense of smell, and here's the but, I had the operation and still could not smell, so more Prednisone, well the upshot is that the steroids have caused my Osteo-Necrosis, this is when the heads of the long bones die, so have now had core decompression on one hip and the other totally replaced.

Oxycontin.- While awaiting the scan results I was given oxycontin for pain relief, this seemed to do the trick for 2 weeks, 10mg 2x a day, then things hurt again so up the dose went 20mg 2x a day, then 40mg 2x a day, then 80mg 2x a day and up to 120mg 2x a day, recognise the scenereo anyone??..



Well after the operation I thought I'd better cut down as constipation was real bad issue, up to 45mins to pass what seemed like an Elephant, I even ruptured a nose blood vessel with the straining at one time, and as a friend who had had the same operation was off painkillers after 3 weeks I thought now's the time. ( 05/12/07 ) So taking the bull by the horns I cut down to 40mg 2x a day, and never expected what happens next.

Just after Christmas 07 my 40mg 2x a day started, then I caught a virus, and was very ill, and it just would not go away, nausea, aches and pains all over, I blamed it all on this virus, never really suspecting the real culprit, yes you know don't you, it was because I had cut down on the oxycontin, and my body was craving it, this went on for 7 weeks, until one day it dawned on me what it was, by this time I had become tired all the time, getting up early and doing nothing, then backwards and forwards to bed, never hardly going out or doing anything, it was such an effort just to have a bath once a week, and the constant yawning, and coughing in the morning was a real drag,Oh and when I told my GP about cutting down she said, and I quote, ' why would you want to do that ?. Eh AMAZED.

So Thursday 21/02/08 16:00 I got all the tablets I had, over 300, put them all in a bag and returned them to the chemist, and that was the start of my journey into the bowels of HELL!!!!! Below you will find my journey to reality ( Please remember I was suffering greatly when writing, so at times it may seem a bit emotional........And it was.


MY JOURNEY THROUGH WITHDRAWAL.

Thursday 4pm. Last of the Oxy ( This is how I will refer to the drug from now on.) Nauseaus through the night.

Friday 6am. Pain in legs and arms a bit of nausea, ache all over, no appitite.

Friday 10pm. Bed-No sleep at all ( up and down all night ), legs arms crazy could not rest or stay still, kicking quilt off then on , the standing up sitting, oh my arms and legs were a nightmare ( worst night I have ever experienced ).

Saturday am. had about 20 mins broken sleep, feel sick and ache all over, nausea, sweats hot/cold, have tried to sleep again - no success. Decide there and then to return the pills ( Oxy ) I am very very weepy and crying, I have lost 18 months of my life to those ******* tablets ( angry now, and more determined than ever to get my life back ).

Saturday 14:30 Started writing this diary.

Saturday 14:45 Tried to sleep again but arms and legs were going crazy, the pits.

Saturday 16:00 Went for 3 mile walk, very emotional, crying lots to myself at memories past occasions, legs hurt, arms hurt.

Saturday  17;30 Watch telly and chat with Terri, then on the computer to read more oxy horror stories, start to get shivers and feel wooly headed and sick, legs hurt and feel nauseas.
18;00 Collect curry, feel real bad, pint of Guiness was awful, felt really bad on way home, sick when stopped car/have meal/bed/cannot sleep up about 10 times, pains in legs arms and now shoulder.

11:00pm Yawning real bad and shoulders ache like crazy, eyes watering real bad legs hurt stomach feels on fire, this yawning is driving me mad, and hot/cold shivers, ( must stick at it )

Sunday 01;00am Weeping has calmed, but keep wanting to be sick to rid my body of the food, runny nose/sniffles and real bad wind,feel sick now, stomach aches.

Sunday 01:30am back to bed, went for a drive, could not stand crazy arms and legs any longer.

Sunday 02;45 back to bed no sleep crazy arms/legs/sweating real real bad hot/cold coughing/sneezing, and EXTREME CRAZY ARMS/LEGS.

Sunday 04;30 On computer, 60 hrs now feel clammy and sweaty and ache all over, have you heard of RESTLESS LEG SYNDROME, well think of that 10 times worse ( CRAZY LEGS/ARMS. )
To be Cont.......................................

Sunday 1 hours sleep, really sore, and strange dreams, am now really suffering from lack of sleep, try sleeping again breathing very hard, next thing thse cat wakes me, damm. will get up now, it's 09:45, legs really ache, but slept for an hour, legs hurt when sitting now, real pain or W/D symtoms??.64 hrs now, feel real sick and sweating.
Sunday 11:00am Went to see friend, felt a bit better and mind more focused on quitting, so cleaned car, went home ate some food, ( forced down ) Felt sicky. Then for a 3 mile walk, then to shop for Radox, then home 71hrs now, going to have a long bath.Tried to sleep, no joy so went for another 3 mile walk, pain in legs gets bad.

Sunday 18;30 Had to take Terri to hospital, ( bad cut to finger ). Home at 21;00 had some food, bed at 22:00, ARMS AND LEGS DRIVING ME CRAZY,REAL BAD,got up at 23:00 went on computer, then went for a drive, home at 01:30, back to bed, and after a lot of thrashing about, holy of holies I sleep for 3 hrs, wake up and dressing gown is drenched in sweat, back to bed get another 1hrs sleep, then up at 07:30. It's now Monday.


Monday 0945.Am feeling a bit better now, go see boss at work to explain ( goes ok ). then have a drive round, I find I am noticing things I took for granted before, things are in much sharper focus. Although I had real bad stomach cramps, the Flu like symtoms have all but gone. Did a 3 mile walk, then cooked my dinner, watched some TV, went to bed at 22:00 no sleep, mild crazy legs/arms. up, then back to bed, slept for an hour, then legs wake me 03:67 and writing this diary update.

Tuesday 08:15 got about 2 hrs sleep, those dreams are real strange, every time I get to a good bit the bloody legs wake me up.I am feeling the effects of sleep deprivation now, and am having trouble typing this, very sluggish and the legs are crawling at the moment, also started sneezing real bad, eyes so sore.Shoulders and back also a bit painful..

Tuesday 12:00 Am feeling quite ok, haircut/shave, look almost human lol, sister tells me my eyes look clearer than for a long time, nice to hear a positive comment, had a nice day.


Tuesday 15;45 tried to sleep with the help of a sleeping pill, 45 mins later got woken up. Got up went to see Dr, gave me a prescription for Zimovane, ( a sleeping pill ), but I went to the chemist and got some Kalms and Zinc Capsuals instead, my trust of tablets of any kind is at an all time low ( now why would that be ??.. ).

It's now 17:30 have one or two minor flushes, back aches a bit across shoulders, maybe being hunched over this darn computer, hey!!!! I said something funny, I must be on the mend a bit.

To be Cont........................

Tuesday 21'45.Went to bed, have taken some Zinc tablets ( taste great ) Kalms herbal pills and two sleeping pills, tried to watch telly, woke up switched it off, legs felt a bit zingy, but Mother of God I wake up at 06:45 on Wednesday, sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeept for almost 8hrs yeeeeeeeeeeeeeees.Legs feel stiff, but thats expected, back a bit achey, but thats to be expected also, as for the last 30 years I have been out of bed then walking over 6 miles every day( some over 12 ) and getting by on about 5/6 hrs sleep most days, then for the past 5 months doing hardly nothing.

Wednesday 07:16 well apart from the aches described above and a few sneezes, things look brighter, ( I might even open my Birthday cards and presents, birthday 24/02/08 lol ).

Wednesday 10:00 Had a real hot bath.

Wednesday  11:00 Very very bad sweating, real bad even footprints on patio slabs, feeel real sweaty now and have a chill running through me, arms really hurt, now yawning bad and sneezing ( I have read of day 6 being bad. 14:00 Feel real flu like symtoms and stomach cramps, ( but they have subsided in intensity.

Wednesday 14:30 went to bed, think I slept for an hour, wierd dreams hot, and a real bad temper mood, ( this maybe my daughters fault ). 16:30. Mood ( temper?? ) was real bad, feel a bit sweaty, stomach turning overand the chills, legs were crawling, but can walk that off.My energy levels seem to need a boost Hmmmm, Lucozade drink maybe ??..

Wednesday 17:00- 20:00 a bit shivery, 21:00 flu like symtoms return and am very tired, cold and shivers,also having bad mood swings. 21:30 take 2 sleeping pills and awake at 05:45.

7 DAYS 2 hrs NOW. ( CLEAN ).

Thursday 06:22 Think I must have slept for over 7hrs last night, feel a bit fluy and head a bit wooly, arms and legs ache a bit, energy low, but after the last week what can I expect, the birds a making a lovely racket this morning ( chorus anyone ).And blimey even a small thing like having a good old stretch is so pleasurable

7 DAYS 2 hrs NOW. ( CLEAN ).

Thursday 06:22 Think I must have slept for over 7hrs last night, feel a bit fluy and head a bit wooly, arms and legs ache a bit, energy low, but after the last week what can I expect, the birds a making a lovely racket this morning ( chorus anyone ).

Thursday 18:30 all the flu like symtoms have returned, feel hot, dizzy and headaches, dam, I thought that part was over, tried to have a nap an hour ago, bloody legs were bad, bit in the arms as well, didn't expect this, goes to show you've to keep your guard up at all times, very bad tempered at the moment.

WEEK TWO.

Friday 07:00 Legs were a bit crawly but slept until 06:00, sweats not to bad, although those bloody wierd dreams are very strange. My legs ache and arms are heavy. Unable to gauge my mood, seems you are never sure if it's you or the oxycraptin, I have read that it can take a year to really be out of your system and that it can damage thre neuro-transmitters.

Friday 14:30 legs and arms not to bad, have been for a long drive and a couple of walks, a funny low emotional feeling sometimes sweeps over me when I visit the past. I then have to keep busy and not dwell ( this helps ). Still not got much of an appitite though, I am taking lots of vitamins, and loads of water, smoking slashed in half..

I have just recieved this post and it is a bit of a worry.

Hey, I've been clean for 3 weeks, and I just want to share what's going on, kind of to forwarn....I hope this doesn't happen to you...I started sleeping fine. after the initial withdrawls passed-after a week or so...then I started to have panic attacks and felt depressed at about 4 pm-6 pm every day. I'd get anxiety about social gatherings etc. Now, for the past 3-4 days I can't fall asleep, I have horrible dreams about doctors forcing narcotics on me, I wake up in the middle of the night, and I cried all day long yesterday. I feel full blown depression coming on. I've never been depressed, I mean truly depressed in my life. I'm not trying to scare you at all....I just want you to be aware that just because the physicals seem over, doesn't mean it's over. My counselor just called and said I'm going through secondary withdrawls and this could last for months....I've heard people say this, but in disbelief. Now I believe. She said this drug has damaged our neurotransmitters. and it may take up to a year for it to correct and possibly need help with antidepressents. I just wanted to tell you the reality. Because I thought the worst was over....and it isn't, at least for me. I know how horrible the emotions are. To hear and see a grown man to his knees tells me I'm not just overreacting as a crazy woman....this is real.....be safe....you are not alone.

Oh dear!!!! I hope I miss that bit, just when things seem to be getting better.

Saturday09:00  Not feeling to bad, but seem to feel very low at the moment, seems like I'm a bit fogged up, still a bit shivery, and get chills occasionly, and sneexing, and that awful taste and smell YUK! Went out Saturday night with some friends but although enjoyable I had the wierdest feeling of not wanting to be there.

Sunday 01:00 Took 2 sleepiing pills, the crazy arms/legs have returned tonight, nowhere near as severe, ( had two pints, that maybe ?? ).

Sunday 09:00 woke up feeling low, let's hope it passes.

Sunday 13;30  low feeling persists, but trying to think positive thoughts, bloody hard sometimes, at least the emotional weepy feelings of past times and places is getting better, for now!!!. Let's hope It's another of the feelings over with. I am rather tired, exhausted really, and energy levels seem real low, I suppose this might be a response to the W/D, hope so, pain in the lsft leg is the real thing ( will have to learn to live with it, at the moment it's on and off, but not severe, just niggly ) .

Sunday 14;00 went bed for a while, legs were ok, ache a bit and chills, coughing a bit now.

Sunday 20;45 Have been for a drive, watched sun go down over an old aifield, clouds and sun were great, me or the remains of the drug???? I seem to be more lucid at the moment, I am looking forward to going to bed, dare I try without the sleepers, I will keep you posted.

Sunday 01:00 Took 2 sleepiing pills, the crazy arms/legs have returned tonight, nowhere near as severe, ( had two pints, that maybe ?? ).

Sunday 09:00 woke up feeling low, let's hope it passes.
Sunday 13;30  low feeling persists, but trying to think positive thoughts, bloody hard sometimes, at least the emotional weepy feelings of past times and places is getting better, for now!!!. Let's hope It's another of the feelings over with. I am rather tired, exhausted really, and energy levels seem real low, I suppose this might be a response to the W/D, hope so, pain in the lsft leg is the real thing ( will have to learn to live with it, at the moment it's on and off, but not severe, just niggly ) .
Sunday 14;00 went bed for a while, legs were ok, ache a bit and chills, coughing a bit now.

Sunday 20;45 Have been for a drive, watched sun go down over an old aifield, clouds and sun were great, me or the remains of the drug???? I seem to be more lucid at the moment, I am looking forward to going to bed, dare I try without the sleepers, I will keep you posted.

Monday 05;30 Had quite a good nights sleep, although still feel tired, and have the chills. Throughout the day I had a few low periods and do not yet feel the drug is out of my system, and I am yearning to be my old self. Through some research I have learned that using sleeping pills is not the answer and have decided to stop using them. It takes time for the brains receptors to begin making it's own chemicals again natuarally and the taking of any kind of drug ( not natural ones ) can upset this process.

Tuesday 07;30 After trying hard to sleep without the pills I gave in and had just a half one ( from 2 on previous nights ) I slept but had vivid dreams that I wish would go away as they seem to exhaust me.



Tuesday 18;30 not a bad day, but am really exhausted, feel goose bumps crawling up my back and arms,thighs still very stiff, although when I walk a bit, it helps to disperse, just will have to keep active.

THREE WEEKS PLUS.


Sunday 16/03/08. Well 3 weeks and 3 days have passed, I have since returned to work. I find keeping occupied is the best thing, but the fatigue and the pain in arms and legs are real bad some days.

WARNING.

I had read that symtoms can return at anytime, well that seems to be the case, I ache all over today, ( same yesterday ) and my skin feels as if I have rolled in some stinging nettles, arms and legs in particular. A feeling of general unwellnesss all over, the only thing I seem to want to do is sleep, but that's not going to happen without sleeping pills, and I only take them at night ( another pill to stop asap ).

My mental problems from withdrawal are not yet over as I am not yet able to mix and socialise as I once did. I feel the need to be alone overpowering sometimes, maybe not a good thing, I will need to exercise more as that helps, but it's a merry go round, more exercise equals more tired, but then cannot sleep equals more fatigue, am at a loss.

At least I am not climbing the walls like the first few days, only minor sweats, a bit of coughing and bouts of sneezing, so I suppose it could be much worse, I have read on the forum about people thinking they are over the W/D only to be reminded they are not out of the blue.



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by sister mtt, Feb 25, 2008
Hi  , I heard a talk one time about how we get into traps. You dont get in to a trap all at once, we slowly
fine ones-self in these traps.If you put a frog in boiling water he would not stay in the water, he would jump
out, but now if you put him in a pot of luke- warm water he will be come very sleepy and guss what will
happen , he will dose-off to sleep because he filles real good. Now if he wakes up before he gets to sleepy
he can save himself ! The deal is your not ment to save ones-self! Sound all too weird? Well satan dose not
want us to wake up and get a grip on life , he needs us to stay this way! Maybe him and his evil helpers get
some kind of sick thrill out of seeing people do harm to themselves, who knows why! All I know is I had a sister
that got on pills and she is no longer with us any more! It fills all to good when your in the middle of it all and
at first and then like you , it hits one day, what the HH am I doing in this hot pot of stuff, and where do I go
from here. I heard another thing one day,[ Im full of them],If you cant go back  and you cant go forward take
another direction , take Gods direction. I have learned one thing if I have not learned any, God will always be stronger than Satan, always and a day! Now we in life have got to pull up on one side of the river of life, so where
and why not on the right side. I do know its the right side? Its like this, been there done my share of dumbness!
How did I stay alive , how did I know where to go from here? I could not go back and could not go on the way I was!
So I took another path, I got up shook all the bull off and said , well here I am God do what you may with me because my life is at a stand point, at this time I no longer know where I am going! I got inside of my head , did not want to come out. I cried for two days with out stopping and they give me a big shot and I still cried . I kept praying for  God to do something with me! A man came and told me your filling sorry for yourself an to get up go home and get a grip!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! you are not helping yourself at all this way! I got so mad at that man, I did ever thing but call him nice!!!!!!!!!!! Well I did just what he told me to do. I went home, and got drunk. Its all the same booz, pills, sex, and  power, money,  and any thing els you cant shake. There is but one that has the help to get you up and out of the water and that my Dear is yourself and God. You can call all the friends, we can call on any thing called a crutch but untill you get your want-too fixed even God cant do that for you! Been there and done all that , dont want to go
back ever again ever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So your on the right path of getting up and standing ,  you just need to grab hold of that third strain in the rope your holding on to, that my frind  is GOD him self ! I will pray for you . Im sure you will
make the right step for yourself and grab the right things in life , sounds like your off to a first good big step!


                                                                                                                          Keeping it real and in touch,

                                                                                                                             sister mtt

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by badbetacells, Feb 26, 2008
Hey David, bummer about how this situation spun out of control when all you initially had wrong was a loss of smell. I'm surprised surgery was recommended at your age since loss of smell is more common and natural as people age.

Look, I felt the urge to repsond after the last "GOD!!!!!!!!" message since it amazes me how religious people equate everything back to Satan or frogs boiling in water. Yeah, wtf, right? I'm sure they meant well, though, and that's how they deal with a crisis.

Simply put, you were prescibed and took a powerful narcotic, ie Oxycontin, and your body adjusted to it. By adjusted I mean our body chemistry apparently loves opioids and shows it by making more receptors for the drug to switch on (the process is called "upregulation"). The obvious problem is you need more and more to satiate those ever growing receptors. When you stop (and good for you) your body does not like it. It would have been "easier" for you to maybe wean yourself off slowly rather than abruptly with your Dr's help, but, if you made it this far, you probably made it through the worst. Looking around on these forums  A LOT of people have problems with this class of drug so you're not alone.

And get a second or third opinion next time a Dr suggests any kind of surgery. Ibuprofen still works wonders.

Oh, and remember if you're a frog stay away from Satan's kitchen.

Flame on, sis.

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by debbiekind4, May 04, 2008
First  I do notHi,know why the folks who do not want God in their life,have a need to  to say what they say. About us who need and want him in their life. I like this person she  has a right to bring her thoughts about  our God in the picture.  After saying that. I am still taking oxycontin and I hate it and love it. I am trying to fight the good fight of faith and be healed and not be on this pain meds.  Back pain and fibromyalgia and a lot of what doctors have done to me.  have left me with  pain in my body that would  put a horse on the ground. I have been on it for 7 years. I have a love hate for it. I love that I can paid  my family bills by phone (before the pain meds things would get turn off). I have alway paid our bills on time, but went all went down I could not get out of bed. I could not have the bed moved or pain so so very bad would go right thur.body. I could not stand to be touch at all. I thank God yes God because my faith was not were it was to be at to get healed. And then the doctors they put you on these very stong meds then want or do cut you down. RIght now I under meds and need to have it dose ups. But I the doctor will not do it. And that is not fair. There you were having n sleep  id were I am right now because I can not get the right kind and he right dose. I right now  I am again (This is the 3rd time I have been fired from my doctor) It is not want you are thinking. I did not get kick out because of I was doctor shopping or selling my meds. No the first doctor  firer all his pain people (It was not the doctor who did it it was his son and were was something very wrong going on there) It was very bad also because the doctor cared not like the doctors now. He was not even getting his money from people after there health indurance paid. His son got him in a lot of trouable and how he is not a doctor any more. Were was one man who love his people he care for all the away.  well the next doctor I stop going to him went I found a  pain doctor who took over. after going to him for 3 years (it took me  that long to find a family doctor who would also write for my pain pills. I found a very nice new doctor (and I do mean new right out of school almost) She was very nice but after her staff broke her in she was not a good doctor. that was very very not good to see, because she could have been great but the power that be put a stop to her caring doctoring. I got firer from her because the lady who made appt. did not like me I told be the wrong time so for two appt. I was late my 5 mim.  the next one 10 mim.  There was more going on were than meet the eyes, because I turned in my drug store man, because he was going to hurt someone very bad and I thing he got to my doctor because she would not even talk with me. You have 30 days from went the doctor send you the kicking out letter.( which because that lady did not like me and It was because of me being  pain pills and they know because you have to go to the office every month to get the presciptons  for the pain pills.I did not get the lettler for 15 days) not good for someone who is on  strong pain pills. But God was good again and I found a nurse  who would take over my care I have been going to her for about a year, and it been a long year with her. I like but she made me jump thur so many hoops. I did it, ( I is wrong of her to make I pain patent keep going to fix the thing went I have try try try to get it fixed just to get sicker and in more pain. and trust me I wanted to get fixed I was a person who would get a mirgain headach  and would would not take a pill. I felt even how very bad about taking pain pills. My famlily is ( my  mom and at times my husband it come in very handled for my husband to put the blame for all on a pill. (he was hit by a logging truck in 1988 and been in pain but will not go to the doctor and is now so band in pain now can not wait to get his 30 years in at work. 3 years from now so he can have his back fixed. He was hitting over the drug store pain pills. Whick he was taking up to 15 a day. His Father called me to get my husband (Father in law live 3 miles down the road us) right back down to his house he was having blood coming form his mouth and other holes in his body. he lost about half of his blood. So how after that my husband has stop taking the pills. He did not want us to see want happen to his dad happen to us. He said he almost lost his mind went he saw all the blood that came out of his dad body (his dad is alright) How I have to go look again for a doctor because I got fired again this time again because was one person in her office. I am sorry abut this but I was gettting every sick of going thur the hoops (like going to get blood work done 3 times but each time something happen???? )I got up 4 time and let me tell you after not eating every time to have this blood donw I was vry upset about. The nurse is very nice but she can not rebmberber time to time what she what me to do. So the girl who worked is nice but if she is haveing a bad day she is going make your day bad. 5 time how in the year I have been with this nurse she told me I can not come back until    ! I go to my diabetic school I called and got it going but i needed to get a other time to go (I live 30 mile out of town and went you hurt it is hard to leave your house) but the hospital told her I did not go and did not call so I was  not doin want she told me to do. I would not do do what I was told because went you are a pain patent you dod what you are told to do. anyway   she told me she was sorry about the mixed up. number 2) I was told I could not come back until I until paid to $150 dollars I owe her, (again I called and made a payment plan with the billing people) I love cell phones I calle the bill person I talk with, And SHe told be she send a fax to the nurses office about the paidment plan. again she told me she was sorry about the mess up. again not my doing. The 3). was blood not done. after I went 2 time before to get it done I could not because the test need to be done in the morning not at 2.00 p.m. the next time t  

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by debbiekind4, May 04, 2008
sorry I ran out of letters??? anyway  I next time I went to get the blood work done the hospital said the orders were not in the computer. So I went fast to the office to find it was close, but The doctor right next to them told me went I step over to there side (that is why I got in the door because she shares the office with two other people. anyway I asked if knew if someone was still in the back. she told me she thought there were still someone in so she call over and someone anserer the phone and she told the lady she would come up front to talk to me. I told her It was scary because 2 time she told me not come back until things were done and once again I went to get in done and could .SHe told me to clam down that it would be allright she would tell cindy the nurse what happen and for me not to worried about it. I told her thank you very much about I was going to need my pain pill soon and did not want to have to worried about going thur withdraws (i have been were once and It was very bad went I lost my first doctor.). so all was alright so I thought. I  went to get the work done again (not eatting again) thinking all of find and the orders for the blood work was go to be in the computer. Wrong. I went to get the blood work draw and went  she was looking up the orders. She told me all the blood work was alright done. Oh boy I called over to the nurse office again. and told the girl what was going on and I told her about the miss up and how I was in last week. And she got very mad and let me know that she hear all about me coming shouting at  the office window and how was shouting the lady in the next window (about 15 feet away were my nurse office window is and how she was not going to put up with at this office??? I did not rise my voice to the office worker or the lady at the other window. I was not my way of doing things. Then she went on to tell all my blood way already done it was all in my folder. wrong again. well to make a long story short the blood work is not done and the next call i get is from the lady telling once again that cindy the nurse will not see me until I go to th other doctor. To tell that story will take to long so is some of it this is been going on for 12 months the doctor is a  endocrinologist he told his worker to stop my  vistit until I have all the blood work done. This been going on with all the other junk.  Well now I get a letter tell me she letting go fired again.  I think I  get to see one more time. And I am going to tell her that she got a person who lied to about me because were was the fax, were was tshe blood work order. Why to people need the pain meds get people being rude and doing unhanded things to people now again I have got to find a doctor who will write for my pain meds.   But to  turn this back to why I wrote this for 2 reson really 1, is why do we and meto think the pain pill just so low class and went i and other take them beat are our own self over taking them, but maybe it is  how other are being to us. other thing is the biggest thing. with out GOD I would killed myself because of the pain. And I must trust GOD not man to be there thur this with me. My one prayer is that the person get upset about God and people talking about is that I hope you will find your wasy to him. Deb

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by Panga, May 19, 2008
David please write an update, I would like to know how you are doing now...as I start my own journey!

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by payne4720, Jun 06, 2008
Hi

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by payne4720, Jun 06, 2008
Hi, I am also addicted to oxy,,,I was taking 40mg of that 12 hour ****, and 10 mg of that breakthrough stuff,  in total I was taking about 140mg per day, and yes I chewed those little suckers.  Here's the thing, On may 6 2008 I went in to get my left ankle fused and my akeelees  tendant removed and lengthen.  That hurt like a mother for a good week, even with the prescribed amount, so I took more and chewed. In total I took 80 40mg and 80 10mg pills.  I took my last pill on Mon June 2.  Its now friday 3:00pm,,,,holy **** what a ride, I haven't slept one wink, I've convulsed like a crack addict for hours on end.  I've cried like a freak'in baby over nothing.  My mouth taste like an ashtray, I feel like I have the flu, and I'm depressed like no other.  How the hell can I be this addicted after only just over 3 weeks of taking this ****. I've never been this messed in my life. Day 4 is just as bad as day 2.  I hope to god I don't suffer as long as you have been.  Thank you for sharing your story, it has help me understand what is going on with me.  I feel like kicking the living **** out of my surgeon for giving me this evil drug. Tim age 29, male, Aircraft Eng.

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by pink_ness2002, Sep 20, 2008
Hi:

Okay, guess what, done that, been there, I am taking myself off of oxy as we speak!  However, here is the twist, I am using MaxGXL, I went from 40 mgm. of oxy a day with still alot of pain, to 10 mgm. in one day!  Next is to cut back to 5 mgm.!  

Wish me luck,

pink_ness2002

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by pink_ness2002, Sep 20, 2008
Hi:

Me again, Pink_ness2002!  


I will be brief.  I have a rare genetic disorder called Ehlers Danlos Syndrome!  Joints are breaking down, so constant pain.  Have tried morphine, tramadol, cesamet, then oxy, and they were going to try methadone next!  Well then I decided to experiment with the MaxGxl because I wanted to further my income!  I will not promote something if I do not believe in it!  Well a couple of weeks into the taking of it, along with my oxy, my pain was increasing and my dosage of oxy too.  THEN I REALIZED WHAT WAS HAPPENING!

The MaxGxl was seeing the oxy as a harmful thing to my body and flushing it out. Sooooooooooo, in one single day, yes one single day, I cut the oxy from 40 mgms. to 10 mgms/day!  I know this seems impossible, and I do not blame for doubting. (sorry, I am in tears as I type this).  This is a miracle product. It is helping me to live!

Now I am going to post my site, not because I want to you buy it from me, (although it would be nice) but because I have been where you people are, and I want to help!

Go to: www.pinkness.maxgxl.com even if it is just to read about the product, and decide for yourself if you want to take a chance on what could give you your life back!


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by Fripton, Sep 26, 2008
Hi David,
Your story really scared the Hell out of me. I'm a 52yo above knee amputee, and around 3 weeks or so after the surgery I started getting horrible pains where my leg used to be. That was over three years ago, and I quickly went from 20mg Oxy twice a day to my current 80mg twice a day with Vicodin ES for breakthrough pain. Nothing else seems to touch the pain and I guess I'm just stuck with the Oxy for the rest of my days. I'm hoping through research they'll eventually find some relief for phantom limb sufferers, but nothing so far :( Good luck to you and thanks for sharing your story... it gives me some idea of what I have to look forward to if/when I come off the things...
Liam

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by janah223, Oct 29, 2008
hi

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by janah223, Oct 29, 2008
hi                                                                                                                                                                          i was on oxycontin for 12 years , and i was takin 400mg a day , oxycontin was my life my family my everything , it took so much from me , my children my husbund my family , my job , ,i nearly died so many times when talking oxycontin and that wouldnt stop me all i would think  is about how sick i would get , i would cry so many nights and i wouldnt go out any more , i was always in the house , it takes so much from you , i would lie to so many people , i would lie to the doctors i was seeing , i did so many things to get my oxycontin  i missed out on my  children growing up , on there birthdays on so much , iwas so young when i started , that i wasted 12 years of my life and i cant get it back ,, i nearlly burnt the house down so much with my kids sleeping , because i would smoke and fall a sleep . and that wouldnt stop me  ,as i think now , i say to my self what kind of person am i ,, i wont and dont blame any one but my self , i chose to take oxycontin , i was seeing so many doctors to get it , and it wasnt hard at all to get it ,, they would give it to and give me extra sripts  , so i would always have it ,i would get so sick if i didnt take the mediction on time and if i was out i have to be home on time ,, to crush my tabblets in a plate and inhale it , thats how bad i was and that what a addict i was , ,, i stoped cleaning , cooking , stoped talking to my chirldren , thats what oxycontin dose , my daughter would be in the kitchen  , cooking 4 her and her brother  , and i would be lyin down  and she was only 10 , she clened and donr so many thing that i should be doing , but all i cared about was my OXYCONTIN,,,,,  there is much i can say that i did and went thought , takin this oxycontin , bit now i will tell you how i got off it ,,,,,, 2007 i got out of bed as i did every day went to the kitchen crushed my pill and inhaled it , and  had a really bad fit , i was bleeding so much from my nose and mouth , and found my daughter huging me and crying and saying to me ,, mum mum ,, i love you , why are you doing this , why are you taking oxycontin , we all love you , dont every think we dont , i need you mum , i need a mum in my life  and that really hit me ,,thats same day i went to see the doctor and told him what was going on , and told him that i dont want him to give me oxycontin , even if i beged for it ,, and also went to every doctor i have seen and told them the same thing , and also when to every chemist  and told them if i come with a sript , not to give it to me , and the next day i took the kids to my sisters  and came home  ,, flushed all the tablets i still had left and closed all the house windows and said i will never take a oxycontin again ,,, the with draws where so bad that all i wanted to do was die , and beged 4 my body to be normal ,, i wont even say how i felt because every time i think about it i feel sick ,, its been a year now that i am clean and yes i do have my life back ,, but there isnt a day that i dont think of oxycontin and how it took 12 years of my  life ,, but all i can say id i have my kids back now , and im happy ,,,,,, janah    

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by ouchthathurts303, Nov 17, 2008
Hey David thanks for the story, Im sure it will help out a lot of people understand what goes on after using oxys. I started abusing oxys when I was 17 and I noticed how much they seemed to steal peoples souls. Everybody I knew who used oxys abused them and completely lost all of there motivation and only wanted to sit around and do nothing. It seems like this happens when using the drug and when WDing from the drug. They initially used them to get high and be happy and as the months went by they realized that they were not happy anymore just addicted and hopeless. You have no motivation to do anything while going through withdrawls, not even bathe or eat, all you want to do is lay in bed. Even after loosing everything; house, car, wife you still don't wake up and realize you need to quit and get your life back. I would say that most of the WD symptoms have a lot to do with fear of WD, and after you think you are done you notice you are not like you used to be. When you don't take them you start to think that you cannot live without them and be like you used to. You start to think am I depressed from using and stopping, am i depressed because I don't use them anymore, or am i just depressed. When you try to quit and straighten up without telling anybody they automatically know you are not yourself and constantly ask what's wrong, are you ok, and you want to be normal and be yourself so you start using again just so people don't wonder. After abusing oxys for years and then stopping it seems very hard to recapture your personality and social skills, something always feels not right. You can try your hardest to be happy and it will seem like a sort of fake happiness. The WD's last so long it makes you think it will never be over. When all you want to do is sleep so you don't have to feel all of the horrible symptoms you can't which makes the WD's seem even longer because your always up dealing with the agony. From reading the medical sites suggesting that a person NEEDS rehab to quit I would have to disagree with that statement. They are probably just looking to get money from people who need help, Im not saying that all people can do it without rehab but some can, rehab is not the only choice. All you really need is the will and dedication to truly get clean and you can accomplish that. You might need some help taking methadones or suboxines to deal with the WD's but it can be done by yourself, I am proof of that and David as well. To those who can't afford rehab, which is probably most of us don't think that spending thousands of dollars is your only option. Of course these symptoms do disappear so if there is anybody out there thinking it will not end and the only solution is to stay on oxys don't loose your hope. I personally think when you finally do kick the habit you will be a better person after and appreciate life a lot more than you did before you started using. You will notice that life is beautiful and you should never take anything for granted!      

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by brooke891, Nov 23, 2008
this is my thrid day off of pills and i feel like **** someone please help me what should i do

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by rambleon, Dec 08, 2008
if i know someone who may be going through this or possible still using how can I tell? And what can I say to try and help them?

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by Fighting65780, Jan 04, 2009
I am terrified to stop taking oxys, I was never someone who was prescribed to them, just someone who enjoyed getting a little buzz every now and then.  that was 5 years ago.  If a day goes by that I cant get pills or cant afford them, the WD is too much to handle.  everything that he posted Ive felt.  The most ive ever gone was 3 days, and it was beyond unbearable.   The first day is always ok, i just sleep a lot.. and don't even get out of bed to go to the bathroom or drink anything.  The 2nd day is unbearable, and by the 3rd im so ready to check myself in somewhere or surrender myself into the hospital, that i would do just about anything to get pills.  Which is usually when i break down.  (I am TERRIFIED of getting to that point.. because the WD is so bad.. so I never let it get that far) So instead of being an "intelligent" person and trying to ween myself off, I continue to use and maintain high levels, (which always increases instead of decreases!)  Ive made appointments twice to seek help through Suboxone, and have not shown up for either of them. (im so angry at myself...) But I have two friends that have successfully gotten off oxys with the help of suboxone and say that they are a MIRACLE.  But they sometimes dont take their pills that day to buy an oxy to get "high".  This occurs maybe once every two weeks, but they say that they have no withdrawl symptoms at all.  So I guess by writing this, I am making my problem real, and trying the best I can to face the demons that I have let run my life for the past 5 years.  This has taken over my life, and I'm tired of it.  I know everyone always says that family helps a lot, but my family has no idea about any of my problem, and I dont want to blind-side them... it's like oh yeah and by the way Im a junkie!! So i think im going to battle this one alone, with the help of the clinic and the doctors that work there.  Ive allowed this to take over, and probably could have been cured ten times over, but I am fearful of the demons that Ive been running from for the past 5 years.  Once Im sober, I know Im going to have to deal with the emotional pain that Ive been numbing.  I know that the journal was about a man who got prescribed oxys by a legitimate doctor for legitimate pain, but something in his writings struck me, and I felt the need to tell my story.  Even though I started out using to "get high", now i am hooked just like the other people in this forum.  I am inspired to start communicating my feelings about what I'm going through.. and this will be the first entry in my journal to sobriety.  Please wish me luck!! I know it's not going to be easy....



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by soxfan0622, Jan 07, 2009
I only started taking them about 3 months ago, I realised the road I was traveling when I was getting up and "sniffing one" to start my day. Like many others I started just for a "buzz". I decided to stop on news years day not knowing what the next few days had instore for me. I went to the DRS on friday and came clean with him and my wife. He has put me on Methadone to help with the phsyical side of things. I have not been taking it nor have i called my "friend" to get more. I am not sick anymore but the "MENTAL" side has taken over. I went to him today to talk about this and I think he thinks i am looking for drugs. Any Ideas???

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by Smileycat351, Jan 10, 2009
I to have been going through this "self made pergitory". I'm 42 and unfortunately have had to use those damn things since a 2000 MVA that very nearly killed me. Technically, because of some news broadcast that said I didn't survive the accident, I have been considered to be deceased in one area at least. Yes, this did cause some problems. Try proving your alive when people believe you to be dead! Anyways, I had many very bad injuries and had little options at the time but to use these things. I went through virtually everything that has already been described. Something that I've noticed about myself and about others in the same or similar situations is that we're trying to find answers and solutions to our problems (oxy!!) using the same methods and processes the average person uses. I think this is where the problems begin. You have to remember that this medication affects your spinal cord and brain. It's not like asprin or Ibuprofen which are site specific...ie: toothache. Since Oxycontin is affecting your brain and spinal colum directly, it is going to begin to change the actual chemical reactions in your brain. That "Buzz" you feel when you first start taking this medication feels the way it feels because your body simply doesn't have any way of countering the affects of this medication. Your body is quick to learn though!! Soon after starting your "Buzzsearch" you'll notice you're having to increase the amount you take simply to try to reach the same affect you had the first few times you used these things. Remember what I had just mentioned earlier? Your body is smart. The very first time you use these things your body starts to figure out what it needs to be doing or producing to counter the affects of the Oxy. Think of it like this: When you get a flu, you feel like hell for a while. Why? you feel like **** because your body simply hasn't manufactured anything to fight this. It's a viru, something foriegn in our bodies that we have to build up some immunity to. It takes a bit of time but it happens. When it does happen, our bodies now have a way to fight this virus immedeatly if it ever shows up again. Why do you think there is a thing called a flu shot? It's the Center for Disease Control's (I think) best educated guess as to which strain of the flu virus will come up next. You are injected with a basically dead version of this virus and your body goes to work creating it's own defense against this virus. If the docs are right, they've guessed the right strain and now you are immune to it. Oxy's the virus. It's a substance that is foriegn to out bodies and since it isn't natural in us, our bodies go to work trying to find some way to fight this. Ever wonder why you never seem to be able to find that feeling you had when you first began using these? Your body is telling you that it is tryng to fight off this substance and has, to some extent, started to learn how to defend itself from this. If you kept the same dose all the time, you adjust and virtually never even notice the drugs affect. You're body has learned to deal with the level you are taking. In other words, you've built up a tolerance. Unfortunately, this is the time when the body proves to be far superior to the brain for intelegence. Just like with the flu virus, our bodies may be able to find a way to defend itself from the virus, but if all you're doing is providing ever increasing amounts of the virus in your system, there is only so much your body can deal with until it learns to produce more "antivirus" of it's own to deal with the extra. With Oxy, people keep forcing more and more into their systems trying to reach a "high" they simply can't get any more. The bodie has learned how to fight this stuff but the brain keeps fighting the body. Why does this happen? I think the most important reason (and mostly overlooked one at that) is simply that this drug changes how your brain works. It's strong enough to change how you perceve pain so it's definitaly strong enough to affect how you preceve everything. Sight, smell, taste, touch all the sense that send information to your brain are affected. If all the information going into your brain comes from senses that have been affected or altered, your brain is getting false information. Add to that the fact that even your own brain has been affected by this drug and you begin to see people get hooked quickly and have great difficulty coming off the drug. When you're awake your body is constantly taking in information from all your senses even when you're not aware of it. You simply grow up learning to trust "your senses". Even if you have one or 2 of your sense out of whack you have the others to take up the slack. Worst case, all your senses are not working, you still have the benefit of your brain and all the years it's had to learn from all of it's sensory inputs to make sense of things. I think this is one of the major reasons it's so hard to get away from them. Your brain really isn't the same as it was before starting down this road but most people don't realize or understand this. It really is hard to get your mind around this. Still, I think this would be a good starting point for many people. Understand that much of what you believe you've lived while being on this drug has been precieved differently than it would have been if the drug wasn't involved. Since this is the case, trying to rationalize or even understand the "w's" makes no sense and would probably just end up hurting you. The last thing any of us wants is to be hurting more. Just understand that your brain works differently while this stuff is in your system. So attempting to do things the average person might do a certian way (example: breaking a habit) probably won't work for us. Also, it would probably make us feel worse about ourselves.
It's impotant to know that in the begining we were all clear headed and believed we were in control. The drug simply changed how are brains worked chemicaly and since we were unaware of the change, we started forming beliefs and fears that, in the begining, we may have laughed at.
I'm very sure everyone can walk away from these things. That's what I'm doing. I'm just going about it in a different way. The start for me was just what I've explained above. Then, I began re-training my mind (I'll go into this some other time). The body and the withdrawls aren't the problem and I'm pretty sure it's the same for just about every one. Again, I'll explain this at another time. Just know that the problems and difficulties most are having are not the withdrawls even though they swear up and down that they are. They aren't! They just need more info about what's really happened and what they are really going through and then things will be seen in a new light.
Got to go for now. Don't worry friends, you will beat it!!

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by Skya, Jan 10, 2009
Hi, i don't know if any body actually cares about these posts but i have absoultly no one else to talk to..... and right about now i just want to give up . I have taken OCs for about 7 years of and on. I quit for a few months but somehow  i always end right back on it.

This time worse than ever. Getting perscriptions from any stupid Dr who doesn't care about there patients. I'm taking 6 40s (that have to be washed and crushed) 12 30s that i just crush up and then mix with 2mg xanax. Started messing with morphine to help with withdrawal but that **** was a waste of time because the time realease is to hard to break up, something to do with wax binding the drug together so that it can't be abused. Who knows.. i'm no scientist..

Anyways that **** is the past.... but this is day 2 of my sobriety.....well i'm still taking xanax, and clonodine to try and help me relax and not feel like my skin is going to crawl off my body.

I can't take this.... i want to sleep so bad but my legs and my arms and everything feels like its burning and i just can't stay still for a second. I wish i could afford to go to a rehab where i could put my real life on hold, but i have my infant son to look after so you can imagine that even if i could sleep during the day, there is no chance of that.
I' m  just so sick of this. I have lost everthing, my house, my boat, basically my husband too because he is addicted also.

I'm only 24...... i can't live my life like this any more... i just want it to end, i want to sleep...i want to sleep so bad, Sorry i sound ridiculous.... i just i'm freaking out....i'm scared that i will call someone and get ****, or just pay another $180.00 to tell my  story all over again to another money hungry DR.

You know what the worst part is.... that every family member just thinks its a cry for attention, and that the addiction is not real.  

100% on my own.

Skye

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by Smileycat351, Jan 11, 2009
Skye,

Heres something that may help you. The only thing every one seems to be worried about and focused on all the time is simply the withdrawls. That's not the real issue you should be dealing with at all. What you should be focusing on to get past this for good is what had happened when you began taking these things (and it's not what you may think). When people start taking these things the very first thing that happens is thay start living and running there lives according to the drugs time table. They watch very closly how much time has gone by between doses. Very inadvertantly, and unknowingly, they start losing there normal perception of time. Before people star using these, time works for them and with them. After using them you start to see that you become impatient and unfocused and almost become obsessed over matters that deal with time. You forget how to be patient. This is one thing most people miss. If you don't know how to be patient and see time as it really is, getting off these will seem impossible because your waiting to get past the withdrawls. This is one of the most important issues I found to be struggling with myself. Here's how I beat that. Take one day per week and do not use anything. This isn't very simple or pleasent to do at all but there is a good reason why I think you should do it this way. You need to allow your brain time to re adjust to normality, basically. 1 day a week will force you to learn "time" again. Use your pills the way you would normally but always make sure you take that one 24 hour period off. As I mentioned, it'll feel like hell but you'll know without a doubt that after that 24 hours you'll be able to get rid of the withdrawls simply by taking your pills again. You'll quickly discover that after the one day off, you won't be using as much of the pills and if you do you may find that you'll feel even worse than you did going through the withdrawls. You'll also notice after a few weeks of doing this that your thinking will start changing back to what you used to be. You'll start noticing things you've ignored and begin to see all kinds of positive things that will help you. First couple times may seem like a bit of a shock to your system but you will begin noticing that you are changing. Then, all you have to do is simply accept that feeling that new feeling you've began to notice. You've felt bad for so long that you've forgoten what it's like to feel good. That's the new feeling you have! Accept it and start enjoying life in a whole new way. The pills may have "locked up" your mind but they did have a positive affect in one way. They have given you a way to see life in a completely new light when you don't use them. It really is amazing how just one day a week can have such an affect. After about 6 or 8 weeks, you'll just start noticing that the pills are getting in the way of you enjoying life. You'll start looking forward to that one day off and also notice that you're not quite as impatient as you were. This is the time when you will discover that you are now begining to have control over this drug, not the other way around. With all my heart I say this to you..BE PROUD OF YOURSELF. You've just taken control of your life back and all you did is allow yourself to relearn and readjust to who and what you were to begin with. All with only one day off a week.
I know this solution sounds odd but it has worked for me. I won't say "Trust me", instead I'll say "Trust yourself". You'll get it just remember that theres nothing saying that getting off these pills must be done a certian way and in a certian time. Do it in a way that allows you to relearn who you are to yourself. Time is irrelevant and you'll even come to realize that. When you're at the end, you'll basically look at the withdrawls (if any) exactly the same way as you would a cold virus. You'll simply accept that you have it and understand that though it may be annoying, it'll simply pass and have little affect on what you do, just like a cold!!
You'll make it! I have no doubt!!

Smileycat351


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by Smileycat351, Jan 11, 2009
Skye,

Forgot to mention this, YOU'RE NOT ALONE! and you're a lot stronger than you think! The pills make you believe otherwise. Remember that! The chemical processes in your brain are a little out of whack at the moment, that's all. You'll beat it!!

Smileycat351

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by Auntie69, Jan 11, 2009
I am an aunt trying to emotionally support my 25 year old nephew who has been off oxy for 4 months after being on it for 7 long years.  He goes to his NA meetings, he goes to the clinic each day for his meth drink and group therapy and individual therapy session once per week, he writes in his journal.  He is presently staying with his grandmother, my mother who goes with him to all these things. His frame of mind is focusing on recovery and nothing else.  But, I find him to be quick to argue about insignificant things- like my mother's opinion of what to get at the store, or why his brother hasn't phoned him, little things like that. I have to say, he says he is thankful she has given him a roof over his head, that he loves her, etc.  But his personality is kind of off.  My sister, his mother lives in NH where there are no services, which is why he is with our mother.  My sister also supports him as far as food, clothing, etc. I am writing to ask when will he feel he can work and start supporting himself?  When does it click that he cannot be taken care of for a year?  Which is what counseling is telling him - that it takes that long to be really clean.  He tires easily, has to nap during the day, doesn't sleep well at night.
I would appreciate any feedback.  

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by Skya, Jan 13, 2009
I just want to say thank you to Smileycat351.
You are absolutly right about the whole impatient thing!

Unfortunatly(or maybe not so unfortuate) i have no more pills. They are always a phone call away...but so far i have made it 5 and 1/2 days without any oxys. I have just been taking 2mg xanax and clonodine, just to try and ease my body and mind. Doesn't really work to good, but i'm hanging in there.

There's not a second that goes by, that i just want to feel that good oxy feeling, but i'm not going to give in to it. I'm not, ever...
My husband actually got admited to hospital cause his withdrawals were so bad that he shocked his entire system, to the point were he nearly died.
I think this time... will be the last.It has to be. Because i don't think we have many chances left.
We are both going to go to meetings to help with the mental side of the addiction, until our brains realize that you can do normal things in life and still have fun.
Anyways.... Thanks again, it means alot to have someone  take the time to help.

Skye

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by sochris, Jan 14, 2009
we are going thru this with my 19 yr old daughter who has been smoking it at least a year finally away from the inhabiter and with us now we are trying to be supportive thru the withdrawls, any suggestions your story scared the **** out of us we were not sure what we are in for

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by Tom09, Jan 16, 2009
Hello
      I am a 44 yr old male from PA.I have been on oxys for about 5 years now.Iam so afraid of what withdraws i will go through if i stop taking them.I know if i don't take one when i need to my arms and legs jump all over the place.I feel like i just want to rip them off.I would hate to see what would happen if i did not take them for a day or two.I would really like to get off of them some day soon.Iam in so much pain from a MVA that missed up my back bad.Their are days i can't walk with out the oc's.Iam on 2 80's a day plus one 15 mg's of  oxycodone a day.Please let me know what else i can take to get off of these pills that make me mean as hell to my wife and kid's.I want my life back.

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by houlie44, Jan 22, 2009
hi

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by houlie44, Jan 22, 2009
Hello
  I'm a 21 year old male and I have hade this love hate realationship with OXY's for about 5 years now, it has also been an on again off again thing, two times in the past i kicked the habbit no problem by keeping myself busy, exercise ect...  not until recently i realized that i really wasn't addicted to them before it was only a fun thing doing it for kicks. About 6 months ago i got hurt, low and be hold me and the Oxy's were back together and making up for lost time. i was pretty much bed ridden and in a ton of pain the DR could not fiquare out what was wrong with me until i went in for a painful MRI .I had a torn labram and  the Doc only perscribed Perks for me i was pissed but i knew i would just get the oxys my own way. A big problem with my addiction is the fact that i can get my oxy's for free by someone close to me. and in turn makes it extremly hard to get sober. I am Just starting and have been sober for less than 2 days my big problem is the mental WD it makes me feel worthless and stupid even somtimes thinking whats the point or feeling unwanted or unloved that is my biggest problem i relapst once in the past 2 weeks and i tri to do like i did before exercise, but i feel 2 sick to do that no to mention weak. does anyone have a meathod to help with the mental part of the WD's. In the end i feel over whelmed and worried not about the wd's but what the **** i'm going to do when i am sober. i Live in a house with three addicts one who severe pain due to nerve damage so being sober to her is basicly out of the question plus it's her house and at this point i am in no shape 2 move out i'm laid off till june and my car just s*** the bed i don't really know what i should do but i do kno i must get sober any suggestions whould be GREAT Thanks
    

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by king09, Jan 25, 2009

I have been addicted to OC's for two years. This drug has took over central Kentucky so much that we are called pillbillys. The drug has been released to the streets in mass numbers and i have to question the drug company's roll in the epidimic of our communities. Dr.'s perscribed to anyone who could provide a co- payment for years and made people believe that the pills are not addictive. It became such a big deal that now there is a huge class action law suit against the drug company cause of the common statement they made that OC's are not addictive. Now the drug is almost impossible to get legally and has became a major money scheme on the streets. And it all happened so fast, the drug became illegal and would cost a hundred to two hundred dollars for an eighty. Thats why I question the drug companys who are protected for some reason when the drug is in the streets by the thousands. I have seen the most honest, wealthy, church going, and purist people become a slave to the drug and have their lives ruined. The source is corrupt. I can't count the people who were perscribed the drug then cut off and had nowhere to turn but the streets, and as a result they have been convicted of felonies because of the corrupt system that left people with no solutions, they gave em out like candy then cut every one off. Its our goverment that have become the drug dealers. This should be known before it spreads faster across our nation. But there has been help to reach our community, it use to be that methadone was the only meds to get, but its just as addictive if not worse. The best thing to ask for is a octagone shape pill that's orange, has a sword on one side and a nr or maybe nc on the other. The name (spelling could be incorrect but close) suboxtine. THIS IS A WONDER DRUG FOR WITHDRAWLS!!! U will get of the drug and be able to move on with ur life the first after quiting. And have very little w/d after quiting the subs. I promise that u will not regret it as long as u are motivated to quit. I dont know what i would have done cause I didnt have the time to spend more than one week to go through it. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy other than the people who made them so that they know how many lives they ruin with their lies. I give much props to Dave and any one who stayed comitted to staying away from the drug cold turkey. But there is a solution from being in misery. Ask your Dr if your battleing opiods about the orange pill, get your life back without giving up your life to get it back. GOOD LUCK!!!!  

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by king09, Jan 25, 2009
king 09's sis-in-law
This terrible pill they call OC is like a virus ravaging it's way through our great country. Showing no racism, no knowledge of class, no discrimination whatsoever. Eating it's way through families with no remorse. Our entire family has been affected by these terrible pills! Our country is crying for help and no one is listening!!! What I can't stand is the drug companies screaming that addiction by prescription is extremely rare. What a crock!! The websites I have gotten on researching this all say the same thing. They claim that OC's are not addictive when used for pain. That is a total lie. The only time OC's should be prescribed is in cases of terminal pain. If a person has cancer, for example, and they are given a prognosis of death, then yes OC's are ok to prescribe. If the pain is not terminal OC's should not even be considered. Our justice system comes down so hard on drug offenders and most crimes that are committed are by people on drugs or for drugs. Instead of putting these people in treatment and getting them the help they need, they are put in prison for several years where there is access to drugs and they learn to be better criminals. These people NEED treatment.  They need to learn how to deal with their addiction and understand why they have addictive tendencies. The so called war on drugs is a joke. There is too much money to be made by crooked politicians, the drug companies, DR's, etc. Money, Money, Money! That is all it is about. Forget about the families whose lives are forever destroyed in the aftermath. OC's are deadly and worst of all they are supplied by our own government. It is not like there are people downstairs in their basement with an OC lab cooking up this deadly combination and funding terrorism with the profits. This drug CAN be controlled. Guess what is is called if you get caught with possession of it without a prescription? It is called possession of a controlled substance. HA! Yeah the government is really exhibiting their control, aren't they? It is a felony to even be caught with one and each pill in your possession carries a prison sentence of 1-5 years. Can you believe that? 1-5 years in prison for a substance that our government claims to have "control" over. Child molestation carries a weaker sentence!!!! People who are prescribed them should be made to take routine drugs tests to ensure that they are taking the pills, not selling them. Also a DR should have to get some kind of special permission before prescribing them.The manufacture should also have to know exactly how many are be prescribed, where they are going and for what reason they are being used. I believe these steps could be very helpful in the real war on OC's.  Control over OC's should come from the top. The manufacturer. Every single last pill should be accounted for at any given moment. OC's grab a hold of your entire life and it takes no time at all to become addicted. Your body craves the damn things and the withdrawals are completely unbearable. For extreme addicts, withdrawals can be deadly and they require a safe, medical detox. These abominations are so addictive one has to wonder if the drug company has added some substance to increase the level of addiction they exhibit. I am not one to scream government conspiracy but just think of all the money these things generate. At a time that we are in recession, addiction to drugs is at an all time high. Coincidence? I don't think so. People are ignoring bills and responsibilities to buy their drug. It takes over your mind. You think of nothing else but getting your hands on them and getting them into your system at whatever cost. I live in KY and these little pills are in every nook and cranny of our great state. How is it possible that these "controlled" substances are so readily available? David, i commend you for having the strength to quit cold turkey.  KUDOS!! God bless everyone addicted and who want to stop. Good Luck to everyone.

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by lumpdog, Feb 07, 2009
It was and still is hell. I wan't one so bad but so far (two weeks) Iv'e been able to kick it on my own with no medical help. I am by nature a very week person so if I can do it you can too. Was taking 6  80mg pills a day for as long as i can remember. Everyone going through this hang in there it WILL get better. The horrible feelings lasted about 10 days and now its just sort of a miserable all day long ache but its getting better

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by lumpdog, Feb 07, 2009
It was and still is hell. I wan't one so bad but so far (two weeks) Iv'e been able to kick it on my own with no medical help. I am by nature a very week person so if I can do it you can too. Was taking 6  80mg pills a day for as long as i can remember. Everyone going through this hang in there it WILL get better. The horrible feelings lasted about 10 days and now its just sort of a miserable all day long ache but its getting better

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by ace89, Feb 09, 2009
Hello,

I'm a 17 year old male from San Francisco, CA (where Oxycontin and other drugs runs rampant and are a huge problem among teens). OC's have, for the most part, taken over my life. I am bitter about my situation and feel cheated by the people who gave them to me for the first time. A classmate at school told me about six months ago that taking an OC every day would "help my depression," (I have clinical depression) after I poured my heart and soul out to her. She gave me a pill for free, which at the time I thought was very considerate, and low and behold - when I popped it, my depression VANISHED! I felt great - for about 12 hours. I'm not one for drugs and didn't understand that OC's are practically the legal version of heroin - I had no idea what I was in for. Every day this girl would give me a pill,  and I started thinking of them as strong antidepressants. I have prescriptions for Celexa (an antidepressant) and Klonopin, an anti-anxiety med, but the OC's made my prescriptions look insignificant and ineffective.

Now, six long months later, I am taking 80 mg of OC, once a day. I don't take it for the high, I take it because I'm terrified of withdrawal and because I just want to remain stable. I suffer from panic attacks and severe anxiety, and I feel like if I stop taking the pills, which have, for the most part, made these conditions disappear, I'll turn into a full-blown mental case. Two weeks ago I was leaving for a trip to Florida, and I made the decision that while on vacation, I was going to stop taking OC's. Just as I was walking out the door, on my way to the airport, I freaked out and told myself I couldn't get through two weeks without my pills. It was too late to call the girl I get them from, so I stole about 15 tablets from my mother, who has a prescription for them due to herniated discs in her back. I was furious at myself for stealing from my own mom, who I love more than anyone. WELL... I hid them in my suitcase, and as my loving mother checked it to make sure I hadn't forgotten anything, she found the pills. At first, she was furious, but after I broke down sobbing and explained to her everything that had happened, that I was lured into the situation unknowingly, she was sympathetic and promised to send me to a treatment center as soon as I returned from Florida. Because she takes Oxycontin herself, she understands withdrawal, and let me take the fifteen pills with me, as she didn't want me to A) miss my trip and lose the money she paid for the airline tickets and B) go through withdrawal alone.

I'm returning home today, and I'm terrified of the long road to recovery which is ahead of me. My parents are divorced, my father is a hard-working attorney who is always stressed out and expects the best from me, and he doesn't know about the OC's yet. I don't know what to expect from rehab in Los Angeles, all I know is that I want my life back. I want to FEEL, I want to LOVE, and I want to APPRECIATE everything I have. OC's have numbed me, it's like all my feelings have been taken down several notches. I am determined to permanently get this drug out of my system.

Wish me luck!
Adam

P.S. - To the original poster, thank you so much for sharing your story. While it scared me, it was extremely informative and made me realize that I'm not alone in the battle to reach sobriety.

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by sandhill, Feb 24, 2009
Thank you all for your honest comments.  I'm a 57 year old woman who was in a bad car accident in Dec.  The hospital had me on a morphine pump, and they prescribed Vocidin for when I went home.  My own Dr. took my off the Vocidin and put me on Oxy, 40 mg twice a day.  It's now the end of Feb. and I am desperate to get off of the Oxy.  My 40 mg doesn't sound like much when I read of the huge dosages some of you have been taking.  I'm physically, not mentally addicted and don't get a high from the pills, but I know that I'm physically hooked.

My Dr. gave me a script for 10 mg a day and told me to wean myself off, but I'm scared to death.  The problem is this -
I'm starting to physically crave the Oxy more often.  I'm getting the creepy crawlies all over my body after about every 6 -8 hours, and I'm sweating like crazy at night.  I have to put paper towels inside my nightgown to absorb the sweat.  I wake up craving the pill.  I hate it!  I also just lost my job and am very depressed.  So I don't need this pill adding to my depression.  But since I'm not working, I have nothing to distract me from these awful cravings and depression.  On the other hand, if I have a few miserable detox weeks, at least I won't be missing work.  Silver lining?

I haven't given in to the cravings and I refuse to take the Oxy more frequently, even tho my body sure wants me to.  I can see how this addiction can easily escalate.  It is indeed an evil medication!!

I intend to make an appt. with my Dr. and see if he has any other suggestions.  

Adam, how are you doing?
  



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by tjohns14, Feb 25, 2009
Hi Everyone,
Just browsing around to find out problems with OC. I started using them a few months ago as a recreation drug, snort a 40 and drink a few beers smoke a joint everything nice. It didnt take long to be at two a day. I could even do them before work no problem SO I THOUGHT.... Ive been off them for 4 days and now i know why i feel like ****. My problem is this Monday i can get more. What a cycle. I have crohns desease and feel depressed alot. Im going to set an appointment with my doc maybe some anti depression meds might help.
Tom

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by kitten52, Mar 01, 2009
Hi Everyone!

My name is Beth.  I have been clean from Oxy for 50 days.  I sympathize with all of you.  I know how addictive the drug is and the power it takes from you.  I had to go to a rehab clinic for five days and was given meds for withdrawl but, when I got home there was no more meds to take for it.  I went into an outpatient with AA and they don't let you take any mind altering drug when you are released from the rehab center.  I was also withdrawling from clonazepam (benzo) .... I went through physical withdrawls for over two weeks.  I had delerium tremens (DT's) .... no one explained to me that when you have these you will halucinate.  I couldn't write, read, hold a pen, eat, SLEEP, walk .... I shuffled forward like an old lady with a walker.  i lost all function of my motor skills ... my brain lost all control.  At one point I literally believed I was in the bathroom with the devil and I decided that he and I were going to "have it out" ... I locked myself in and even drank scope.  I would have taken something but, I was literally not functional.  The hallucinations ceased after a week or so ...  but, the panic attacks were so severe that I was literally paralized in fear.  I have been addicted to coke, crank, speed, crystal, pills up and down, alcohol, tried crack but, didn't like it.  I started this when I was 21 .... and now I am 34.  
15 years of my life have been wasted.  Happy now to have the chance to carry forward.  I am going to AA meetings and I have noticed that a lot of new people are on this stuff.  Everyone I know was or is.  I have decided to make a speech and print information about the drug to warn others and to let them know they are not crazy ...... cause I just didn't know how bad this **** was ... also, anyone on clonazepam or any benzo .. like valium xanax .... withdrawl symptoms can last up to a year.  DO NOT TRY TO GET OFF BENZO'S ALONE .... IT CAN KILL YOU !!!  PLEASE CONTACT YOUR DOCTOR.  The oxy IS possible to get off of without meds.  I just wanted anyone to know that you are not crazy and it will get better.  
God Bless you All
Beth

3/1/09

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by kitten52, Mar 01, 2009
Hi Again,

The feelings of worthlessness, insecurity, insanity, unloved, unable etc...  Every bad emotion you could feel is what I felt and I am still fighting with it.  It has gotten better though.  The Dr's put me on anti-depressants (effexor)  I have tried almost all the anti-depressants and this one seems to do the trick.  Be honest with your Dr. you may need something stronger like prozac which is what my best friend was prescribed with and she also take caboxin which replaces the withdrawls and you can move forward.  You can do it with no help from mind altering chemicals but, it's gonna be hard and being with others who are experiencing the same thing is really helpful too.  See about going to an AA meeting ... there are many others there who are experiencing the same thing.  

you are in my prayers ... Beth

If anyone has any questions please feel free to write ... I am very open and will help in any way that I can.

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by sandhill, Mar 01, 2009
Hi again,
Well, I checked my prescription and I've only been taking 20 mg doses of Oxy, not 40mg.  Thank goodness!  But 20mg is strong enough to cause addiction...geez.

So, last Thurs. was my last day of work and I knew I'd be really busy, so I took the plunge and cut back to 10mg in the morning.  It was okay, and I was so relieved.  I haven't backslided and am still taking the 10mg twice a day.  But some of the transitions have been harder than others.  Last night, as I was nearing the time for a dose, I got very depressed, flushed, creepy-crawly skin and miserable.  I took an Ambien to sleep, so was able to go almost 14 hours between doses, even tho, as usual, I was sweating all night long.

I'm so glad the my Dr. didn't prescribe a stronger dose and that I never upper the dosage. The Dr. never said a word about how even 20mg is addictive, and how hard they are to kick.  If he had warned me I never would have started with them.  It was my own good judgement that kept me from upping the dose and making the situation even worse.  Anyway, he said to take the 10mg for 2 weeks and then cut back to once a day.  That's the part the scares me now.  

More to come...

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by ckejj, Mar 20, 2009
Well done man you did the right thing quiting like that.. i went through a heroin detox at home 6 months ago and it was exactly how you described. except i didnt take any sleeping pills nothing, i didnt sleep at all for 8 days and it took months for my sleeping pattern to get back to normal. i just steadily got more and more sleep, for a hell of a long time i'd wake up at 5/6am wide awake and craving sugar dunno why. wierd..
the depression thing does pass.. exercise sex and work helps to get your natural opiate endorphins working again.
dont underestimate the pyscological aftermath. am constanly looking at opiate related sites and still crave opiates i think its my unconciuos mind tying to trick me into using again..

opiate withdrawal is horrible but i think the best way to stop is to quit cold turkey and learn your lesson the hard way.
opiate addiction is for life.

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by sandhill, Mar 24, 2009
Hi all.  I'm clean!!  I took my last Oxy last Wednesday, so its been six days and I feel like a monkey is off my back, for sure.  I gradually tapered down until I was only taking one 10mg pill per day.  And believe me, when evening came I was dying for that second pill.  But Ambien and some muscle relaxers helped me sleep through, and it was actually a little easier quiting all together than just taking that one small dose per day and craving more.  I was sweating like a faucet all through the night.  I shoved paper towels down my nightgown, and I was waking up in the night with the towels soaked, and changing them.  But that was better than going through fresh nightgowns all night.

I've gone through some big-time depression this week.  Like others who have posted here, its hard to know how much of the depression is from the Oxy and how much is my life, but there's no doubt that the Oxy withdrawal causes depression.  I still occasionally have that burning inside feeling and some jumping legs and sweating, but each day seems a little better.  Just knowing that I'M DONE with those damn pills makes me feel better.

I saw the doctor today and told him how nasty those pills are.  But he's the one who prescribed the small doses that made quitting possible, so I couldn't be too mad.  He says he only prescribes them for true pain, like broken bones, but that doesn't make it easier to quit.  I HIGHLY RECOMMEND seeing a doctor, whether you're taking Oxy legally or illegally, when you're ready to quit.  You don't have to do this alone.  And if your doc won't help you, go see someone else.  The doses go as low as 5 mg, so you can taper back very slowly.  It took me a month to quit, and I was only taking 40mg a day when I started, but it was doable.  So ask for help.  

Peace be with you all.


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by good2bking, Mar 27, 2009
Hi All,

I've been on Oxy 20mg twice daily along with Percocet 5mg 4 to 6 a day for a total of 60-70mg of Oxycodone a day for pain relief during healing of broken bones for about 45 days.  My Dr. wants me to cut back as much as possible to lessen dependence  and avoid addiction problems.  Any advice or specific techniques for making this easier would be appreciated.  I realize I'm on a lower dosage than most people with  problems, but from what I gather even cutting back from small amounts isn't so easy.   Please let me know how you've done it - even "homemade" remedies or techniques.  Unfortunately, my left leg is still in a rigid brace with a broken tibia - slowly healing so the bone will be ready for a total knee replacement - so hardcore exercise is difficult.

Any and all advice is welcome.

Thanks,

MJ

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by JLW1956, Apr 05, 2009
Well, I guess I'm one of the odd ones.
I take 3 80mg oxy a day.
I remember my life before oxy.   HELL!
I have terminal cancer, surgery on my knee and neck.
I've had 5 exploratory surgeries to my stomach, which has caused an unbelieveable  amount of adhesions, so there is a constant pain.
My liver was resected, removing 1/3 of it.  Constant pain in that area.
My pain level before Oxy was a strong 8 every moment of the day.
With Oxy, life now seems worth living.  Pain is down to a 3 or 4 on most days.
I have been on Oxy  for over 10 years.
I guess I'm one of those who is glad for Oxy, since it has given me more quality of life.

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by free980, Apr 06, 2009
i have taken oxy,s for 7 years due to a severe neck injury and now spinal fusion.  i have gone cold turkey off them 3 times. my dosage was high. but i never crushed or snorted the tabs.   the withdrawals are hell, no question, the tired lethargic body and sweats and chills and flu and aches are bad...real bad....what kills me more than anything, is the constant leg and arm movement of creepy crawling skin.     cannot sit still restless arms and legs is unimaginable.

keep busy,  have alot of baths to regulate body temperatures, go for walks, get some benadryl for allergy and some immodium.

ride it out, force food, drink lots of water, take calcium and magnesium and zinc at bedtime to help with muscle cramping.

stectch out tight muscles, you can do it,  i have also self admittted into a hospital for treatment for withdrawals but i will honestley say that once i came home after six days, the exact same withdrawals that i had experinced before i quit cold turkey last time just started the same and worse cuz now i had all the meds that the hospital shoved in me  to get off of.

weaning will work.   but u will crave from smaller doses much more frequent, so u are constatly fighting that too.

i am yet agin in the process of WD, from a small dose of 2/ 40,s daily.  detox detox, tea helps, get the blood moving work that ****out of ur system.   be kind to urself.   stay focused.

Ps. i too will say that they have givin me a life of pain free, i had no choice but now i feel i can't take them forever and want to yet again detox.  

cheers...xo

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by NoDrFeelgood, Apr 21, 2009
Hello:

This is the first time I’ve ever written on one of these threads but here it goes.
My issue started like many of you. I had a back injury at the young age of 20. I spent nine years dealing with Chiropractors, Physical Therapists, and  several kinds of Dr’s and even a brief stint in alternative healing (what a joke that was, I’m even embarrassed to admit it). I had all kinds of prescriptions, Vico, Norco, Codein, Soma, Flexeril and so on. It’s amazing how many Dr Feelgoods there are out there. At age 29 my condition had escalated so bad that I required surgery for my back or I was going to permanently damage the nerves in my lumbar. I flew to Tucson where the Neuro-Surgeon for the Arizona Cardinals performed my lamectomy and discectomy. After my surgery I felt great for 9 more years; I was as good as ever. No back problems, no painkillers … nothing. (I never craved them nor even thought of them). Last year at age 39 I reinjured my back doing some honeydoos around the house. I was 10 years older and things hurt more. I had also built up enough scar tissue from my first surgery and it only compounded the problem. For the past year I’ve been bounced around from Dr. to Dr…also with the same result; “We’ll put you on 5,10,15,20 mg of Norco.” After almost a year of that I felt that the Tylenol in Norco would start to damage my liver so my Dr. put me on Oxycontin. I was on it for about 6 months. It plays games with your mind. This is no joke. The first 3-4 months were a honeymoon with this drug. I felt great but slowly and surely came the depression and paranoia. I wanted to be a recluse. I only wanted to sit with my laptop and not get involved in anything. I found myself procrastinating at work. (I work as a white-collared professional in the Financial Services industry for a well known bank). I found myself not wanting to return client calls. I found myself sitting on the sofa all weekend long instead of playing soccer with our son or taking him out. I had always been so motivated to do some remodeling around the house but not this time. Compared to some stories I have read, my prescription was on the light side. I was on 3 (10mg) per day with the freedom to take a 4th if necessary.  As the story goes 4 became the norm and a 5th on literally a few occasions. Since I never wanted to deal with the WD, I was always too chicken to finish them too soon before I was able to get my prescription refilled. As a result, I really didn’t take them more than I should have. Recently I said enough. Spring is here and I really should be outside enjoying ourselves going places and doing things as a family. I just tapered off but I did have those unbearable ceepy crawleys under my skin and the cold sweats. Holy smokes it sucked. I don’t ever want to repeat that one again. It’s been about a week and I can finally see some light at the end of this very dark tunnel. Does anyone know what that crawling sensation is caused from? What is actually going on in the nervouse system to cause that?


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by HurtinNpercin, Apr 23, 2009
Well I'm a 20 year old male about to be 21 and I've been using percocet, vicodin, sometime's oxy for around a year now. It started from being in a mild car crash with some friend's and my back was killing me the day after but I didnt want to go to the hospital and get my friend in further trouble for it so I started to self medicate. For awhile it wasnt too bad maybe 20-30mg a day, at the most 50-60mg cause I liked to have a good time sometimes lol. If i couldnt get them or wasnt on atleast alittle bit I would have alittle trouble sleeping but nothing like what's described above and I thought that was the worse it was gonna get...was I ever so wrong...I started taking oxy's on an almost daily basis since..christ I cant even remember I guess 4-5 months ago? Now I was no stranger to the drug but the town I lived in at the time was more of a xanax/benzo type of a town and they were never around. Then slowly but surely people started selling all sorts of perc's and oxy's since the money was alot better (a xanax bar would go for $5 as opposed to an OC 80 going from $45-$80). Now when it comes to perc's in my town they go for a dollar per milligram (meaning a perc 10 for $10 or a perc 30 for $30) but OC most of the time would be alittle cheaper than how much milligram it was so it was really for the cheaper price I started to do em on a daily basis, not realizing the power those little pill's hold I was soon on a wake up/get ****** up plan doing alittle more than or less than an 80 a day, sometime doing 150mg's cause I'd wake up too early being eager to do my 80 and I'd need another one later in the day. The **** I've done to get em gives me major anxiety problem's cause I know sooner or later I'm gonna get what's coming to me. Today was a rough day, I'm broke..owe "friends" money... and I've been up all night trying to drink myself to sleep but it wouldnt work. I wish I could kick this habit but I dont know where to start since everytime I try the withdrawal is either so intense or just down right annoying I fold and go a grab one. It also doesnt help that most of the people I hangout with are either addicted/on the way to being addicted/ or bribing me to help get them what they need. Almost every phone call I get is someone with perc's or oxy's or someone looking for them. I know I cant do this alone and any suggestions would be greatly appreicated, suboxine? try to get a doctor to prescribe me a lower dose? rehab is out of the question cause of the money and I cant do that to my family but I can tell they know something is up. Reading these entries has helped though seeing I'm not the only one going threw it but I cant get over how long it's gonna last and what it's gonna be like. I'm pretty much a glorofied prescribed dope addict and that thought alone keeps me down in the pit's, also I cant believe it got this bad, this fast?  I always knew it was something to not take lightly but damn I didnt think one week of using would change my life for the worse, I say one week because when I started it was cause I was home alone in the morning sleeping getting phone calls around 11am from friends bringing OC 80's over for me and themselves, that got me hooked to the whole wake and get ****** up. I dont understand why opiates are my downfall - I've done countless xanax and coke and never had a problem with either of em but this I cant seem to stop.

          - HurtinNpercin

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by D1224, May 02, 2009
Hi Folks,
I hardly know what to say.  I just found out my neice is addicted to oxycontin.    David's story above is incredable.  I wish him all the best.  It scares the hell out of me thinking of what my neice will be going through starting Monday in rehab.  The brevity of my comments tells you I'm at a loss for words.  After reading about David, all I want to do is hold my neice for about 3 weeks. May God bless all of you who have taken responsibility for your future and have decided to break your addiction.  
D.

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by jimmy9991, May 03, 2009
Hey everyone, i am recently starting my jouney to becoming clean fro oxys and percs as well.  today is the last fucking day i will ever take these horrorish drugs.  At 9 this morning I took the last 2 percs that will ever touch me ever again.  although i have cut down significantly for the last 3 days using only around 10-20 mgs per day.  But since i have cut down so much the sleeplessnes and as david says CRAZY LEGS drive me insane.  I went 39 hours without anything and i really did start feeling better about things but it only took a bit of stress to send me running back to hde from shit.  That is so rediculous this isnt me the normal me is outgoing and in your face fun with everything.  im sorry but my thoughts are badly scrambled and i could get confuzing at times.  that also brings me to another shitty thing, the thoughts in my head.  HOLY SHIZ!  my damn brain running at a thousand miles an hour.  but i will say sitting here writing this helps keep my mind off of the pain i am in and the racing thoughts seem to slow a bit.  I started taking them to ease the stress in my life and to have a good time and throw the worries to the wind.  Shit did that spiral out of control fast.  Since iv been using i really have cut myself out of alot of ppls lives and have been avoiding alot of things.  Haha that new movie "yes man" that movie should be something to live by when tring to quit opiates.  Say yes to everything within reason, even if you dont want to.  My dad tells me the same thing but gets frustrated with me when i become whinny, man i sound gay :P.  His patients have run thin with me about everything.  I had to come home because i knew i couldnt do this on my own at this point in time.  Another thinng that lead to my abuse was a bad break up with my girlfriend of 3 years.  I am 22 and have been in 5 years of back to back relationships(a total of 2).  I realised i dont know how to be alone and thats scares the shit out of me, further making me want to use BUT I FUCING WONT!  I CANNOT ENTERTAIN THAT THOUGHT!  NO MORE BULLSHITTING MYSELF!  these drugs have done nothing but fuck my life hard and fast.  I am ready to get my shit together no matter what i cannot give in.  please if someone reads this respond to me or something i need more support but wont find it from my RL friends or family in fear of being labled an addict cause thats not me, i do realise i am one but NO FUCKING LONGER! YES!

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by chickmag, May 05, 2009
Hey Jimmy9991.

Our 22 y/o son came clean to us 4 weeks ago. We knew he was in drugs but thought it was nothing more than a little mj. Turns out 3-4 80's, injected, building up over the last 8 months - but using for the last 4 yrs. We put him in a 5-day detox, now is in 90 day rehab and doing great. His grandmother unexpectedly decided to help with the cost.

What I want to tell you is don't discount your family. You know it has caused lots of problems, you have lied to them, possibly stolen from them (our son did) but we still love him and want him to get better. Trust that they will understand and support you. You need that support. Lots of healing will be required but don't write them off. Get away from your friends and suppliers - that's critical. Ask for help from those who love you, not from those who will take advantage of you.

Your family will probably not understand the severity of your situation/condition - we didn't. Can you get them to go to a doctor with you? Have them go into the room with you. For us, we needed to hear from the doctor what the physical issues were and how difficult it was going to be to detox (we didn't believe our son - he had lost all credibility.)

Don't worry about being labelled an "addict" - consider it a sickness, just like a cancer that you will have to deal with for the rest of your life. But that's OK. Your first step is recognizing that you want to end this garbage (that the pharmaceutical industry pours into our culture, but that's another rant). You can do it - I'm saying a prayer for you.

Mike


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by jon709, May 18, 2009
43 year old male with wife and three kids.  I have been taking oxy for the better part of 4 years.  I was prescribed them after all of the other pain meds would not work.  I had neck fusion surgery and have a titanium plate with screws.  I have also had lower back surgery also and now they are calling it failed back surgery syndrome.  I have delt with extreme pain over the last 5 years but my problem is not the pain but the oxycontin.   In my opinion it's the worst drug you could ever take.  I did my research before I started taking oxy and told my doctor I was scared because of all the negative stories I found on the drug.  My doc told me not to worry its not that bad and you will be ok.  Well I consider myself a drug addict now.  My normal dose of oxy is 80mg twice a day.  So 160mg a day.  At times in the past I have cut down to just 20mg a day.  I have found this to be extremly difficult and very taxing on my body.  Have experienced everything everybody else has.  What I was supprised at is how you start to see things more clearly.  It's like a fog has been lifted from you and now you can hear and see and feel better.  I feel very fortunate that I have a great family with a great wife and three loving kids.  They all know how much I hate these pills and wish to be rid of them.  I did some research on opiate addiction and things to help you quit.  NOW PLEASE LISTEN.  Medical Marijuana has been used to help people quit various harmful drugs including alcohol, ciggs, heroin, opiates and lots of other drugs.  All around me I see people addicted or abusing pharm drugs that the doctor has given them.  Cannabis/Marijuana is one of the safest substances known to man.  Nobody has ever overdosed on Cannabis.  It is an herb that has no toxic level.  You cant say that for the oxy now can you.  Take to much of that and you will die, its that simple.  I am not asking anybody to break the law but if you live in one of the many states that allows Medical Marijuana then you should read up about it.  It has helped me very much in the past and I dont think I could have lowered my dose to 20mg without the help of cannabis.  Another natural thing I have been taking is somthing called BRAGG natural organic apple cider vinegar.  You can find it in any health food store.  You just put three tea spoons of vinegar into 8 oz of water.  You drink this three times a day.  I have found it to make me feel much better.  People that I know have come up to me and said " Hey you are walking without you cane these days what's up?"  And I will tell them about the BRAGG and now I have half a dozen people that are taking it and have cut down and whatever medications they are taking.  The vinegar is supposed to help alot of different things.  Check it out. So the last two days I have taken just 20 mg and soon I hope to stop all together.  I dont know if stopping all at once is a good idea as it could be quite a shock to your body.  I would slowly cut down your dose.  I am really supprised that patients have not come together and filed a lawsuit against the drug company that makes oxycontin.  Maybe they have and I just dont know.   What a terrible drug to give someone.  Yes your pain goes away at first but then you need more and more just like a junkie.  I would like to come back in a week or two and post how I am doing.  My prayers go out to all people that are suffering today and that need help.  Peace.

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by JayReez, May 23, 2009
Hi Everyone, 25/m who has been abusing oxy for 9 months. Started off sniffing one to 3/4 80 mg a day, which gradually increased due to my tolerance building up. For the past 3 months was averaging 2-3 80mg pills per day, and even smoking them, and also smoking opium which took away the withdrawl symptoms. I tried to quit numerous times, but the intensity of the withdrawals was too much for me to bear when I knew that I could just sniff a line or smoke a piece to feel normal. It got to a point where I wasnt even using it to get high, I was using it not to get sick. Luckily, my parents, realized that I was not doing well and that there was a problem and it needed to be fixed. They intervened and I went through two of the worst days of withdrawals I've ever experienced before I was admitted to an outpatient detox program. The doc put me on a regimen of suboxone, clomidine? (spelling incorrect) for the chills and cold sweats, Klonopin for anxiety, and a muscle relaxer called amrix to help me sleep. When taken correctly, these medications killed my withdrawal symptoms of muscle aches, nausea, restless legs/feet. I had some of the best nights of sleep without oxy that Ive ever had, my appetite was back and I was feeling "normal" because the subox was blocking my opiate receptors. I was weaned off the suboxone, starting with a 16 mg dose throughout the day that decreased by 4 mg each day. The last day I took a quarter of a 8 mg pill. The only withdrawal symptom I have now is  stomachache/heartburn type feeling that is pretty tolerable once i take some antacids and drink some cold beverages. I also indulged in a little cannibis to help with the nausea, That has lasted two days and is almost gone.I have had some insomnia, but its nothing like when you are withdrawing, and my doctor put me on trazadone to help me get some good rest. My last OC of my life was Tuesday May 12 and today I am so thankful that I am not dead or in jail. I am so lucky to have a support system of caring parents and friends, and a amazing girlfriend who will be my wife one day. If anyone is reading this who is going through problems/ abuse or hellish withdrawals, see an addictionologist, they will put you on medication to make you comfortable. That is only the short term solution, however. After that the real battle begins because I know I will probably experience some post acute withdrawal symptoms down the road.I know a quick fix seems like it will solve your problems, but it is only dragging you down into a hole that is damn near impossible to get out on your own.
___ Bless everyone on here who is going through it or has a friend or family member going through these troubles. Sometimes the night is darkest just before the dawn.... I am so happy for my future and to get my life back

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by BDM195, May 23, 2009
Well mylast oxy was on May 11 so that makes today day 13.  I am still sweating in my sleep (not as bad though), still vomitting sometimes and had diarrea today.  I went from 193lbs to 172lbs which isnt good since I am tall.  I find myself bored without oxys and I am trying to remember my life before them.  Are my physical and mental symptoms normal after almost two weeks??




BDM

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by yellahorse, May 24, 2009
Strange,what happened to David? Such an ordeal an we never  hear from him? He has forgot and moved on,You see oc withdrawal is an awful thing,but it is not like some one blew your legs off with a shotgun and you will never walk again,or you have just been told you have terminal cancer, I have had three detached retinas,cancer in the left eye and have been with one eye for the longest time. And yes i have been addicted to oc,hydrocodone benzos and on an on.For you people on Hydrocodone addictions thats nothin 10 days its done,done it 50 times, diarehea,little flu,depression,your good.OC s little harder,killer leg knawing,bad flu,three weeks ,can do it standing on my head,would you rather spend three weeks in jail? Benzos ween off slow you got it licked, Dont do the the crime if you cant pay the time if it feels good you gonna pay later,in pain whats your choice get off them back to square one.Withdrawal can become accustomed to just as the drugs are its miserable but you forget all about it,like a women after the babys there forgets the labor pain,and some of us do it again..........where is david


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by jon709, May 27, 2009
Hi,  just wanted to post an update on my condition.  I posted that I was taking 160mg a day but I was abusing them and taking 240mg a day.  Kind of forgot that.  Well after my last post on May 18 I stopped taking all oxy two days later.  So today I have 7 days.  It has been the worst 7 days I can remember.  I have not slept in the last 7 days except for an hour or two a day.  All night I watch the clock.  Hours tick by and I am just dead tired.  Leg kicking at night was so bad for days.  Legs kicking about every 30 seconds.  Very bad diarreha and sweating.  I have aslo been very sick with vomiting.  On top of the withdraws I have had a bad ear infection giving me very bad ear pain.  but.......

Today I feel better.  Still tired but I feel good that I made the right choice in stopping the oxy's.  What a terrible drug!!!  I will say that what has helped me to not need suboxone or anything else is Medical Cannabis.  I prefer to eat the cannabis and made some muffins with cannabis butter.  PLEASE TRY THIS if you want help with the withdraw symtoms.  I hope everyone who needs help will find it.  I feel like I have my life back now.  Peace.

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by PatrickSebastian, Jun 15, 2009
HI,

as you all know there is 2 sides for that pill. Like for me it tremendously helps to reduce the pain, but you need to take higher doses to get the same effect. No other meds helps as Oxy does. I have had 3 back surgeries and my back will never heal, but I would like to find an alternative for Oxy.  As the dose goes higher (for me the highest has been 300mg's/day), you need to cut it down periodically, and that truly sucks. I think I am on my 5th t-shirt in last 12 hrs as they all are soaked with sweat... I HATE this cutting down... For 2 reasons... Witdrawals are a bitch and the pain goes up to 8-10... Sweet. Though I am going to try to be oxy free for a week. I just want to see how can I manage.Unfortunately there is a little alternative for Oxy as a painkiller, but thank god pain reducement is one of the most studiet areas. I truly hope they can find a better solution.

For all you are quitting, stay strong... It'll pass after some time, if you can live with the pain... For those who take Oxy as recreational drug... DON'T, there are much better drugs for that... Oxy is hell as you can read here...

Patrick

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by heather213, Jun 15, 2009
These posts scare me.  I am 34 (120lbs), and I take Oxys (prescribed) for my back.  I am only up to 100mg/day, but for me that is too much - I don't want anymore.  I cannot tell my employer about my issue, I am too afraid.  I was thinking about taking vacation for a week, to try and get them out of my system.  Is there a rehab that will take me for only a week?  Please, anyhelpful advice would be wonderful.  Should I try to cut back?  Just thinking about cutting back makes me yawn and go into a panic attack.

Please do NOT preach about God and Satan to me.  You keep your beliefs to yourself and I will keep mine to myself.

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by momofmoms, Jun 15, 2009
I am a mom who watched all three of my sons crash and burn on oxy's, roxy, xanax, and vicodin. It was first offered to them by their stepmother who was a registered nurse...a hospice nurse at that. She had degenerative disc issues and would get her own script. Over time, she needed more. Then one day I heard she was fired for stealing meds from the supply cabinet at her work in the hospice center. She was never able to work again, and told everyone it was because the pain in her back was so bad.

Her addiction spread to my ex-husband, who had a horrible accident and was in a coma for several weeks. He was prescribed his own meds, and between the two of them, she was having a picnic! I did not know at the time that this was happening...but I never could understand where her hellish mood swings came from and why she was such a BITCH! Over time, my ex, my son’s father, who truly needed the scripts would find himself running out, and the search was on for more. He knew something was up....Susan was taking his meds, but he was in no position to do anything about it and she was denying it. In the meantime, she had begun to offer pills to my older sons who were in their mid teens. I did not know till several years later when I could piece it all together.

I could literally write a book about this, but for here I will keep it shorter. Susan died of an OD in March 2006. My ex was devastated, and even though we all saw it coming, it was still a shock. Rick was depressed, he wanted her back and his life was over as far as he was concerned. But he would tell me over and over that he wanted to see his boys grow to be young men and do well.  His addiction had already taken quite a hold, as he himself would run out early and spend every last cent he had to find more. By then, my sons, minus the youngest, were relying on pills for keeping themselves normal. I witnessed many roller coaster mood swings with them, anger, fights, the disconnection between everyone. They literally would turn on each other.

One night in April of 2008 I got a phone call from a friend of my sons, who saw everything they were into, and she herself also had the addiction. (Susan used to give her xanax and oxy). When she called she was frantic. My eldest son who had been living with his dad had nearly been shot by his father. Rick, (father) and Dan had gotten into an argument and Rick pulled a shotgun out and pointed it at Dan. Dan and Sarah (not her real name) wrestled it from him and Sarah ran with the business end pointing upward. Somehow the shell was dislodged and it blasted a hole in the ceiling. That scared the crap out of her and called me. I had them get out of there and bring me the gun. They did. Dan moved in with me that night, and so did his brother Sean.

Over the next several months I was learning that Chris, my youngest son was also dealing with the addiction. I had witnessed his complete personality change and could not be certain. He denied it when I'd ask, but then his behavior was so unlike the Chris we all knew and loved. He soon lost his job, apartment, and car and was quickly losing his family. He would turn on me if I didn't agree with him, or just said something he didn't like, and that was just about everything. Chris and I used to be very close and he was the one we all held high esteem for. He was once wise beyond his years and the one everyone loved to have around. He never played guitar anymore, and if he did he had to find his happy pills first. There was no joy in any of my sons. It seemed that every call that came to the house was someone wanting something. They would try to be on the sly, but it got to a point they just did not care. Fights occurred and after their horrible outbursts where they'd call me every name in the book, and I threw them out. Sean went to live with a friend, so did Dan. Chris, who had just lost his apartment about then,  stayed with his father because he felt his dad needed him to keep an eye on him.

I was finally at peace alone in my home again and could begin focusing on things I wanted...miserable inside because there was little I could do to help them, but unwilling to allow their horrible treatment of me and the home we were in. The fights and the dissention in the family kept spilling over into my life. There was nothing I could do or say and although we all had talked about the problems, declared they were going to stop and get help, nothing like that happened.

Late in the summer of 2009 Chris called me bent out of shape an angry that his dad was accusing him of stealing his meds. Well, duh...this crap was going on ALL the time in that house. I had already been lied to, deceived, ignored, cursed at, blamed, and to the point where I did not believe a darn thing anyone said. I heard all the sides to the stories, and never believed a word of any of it. I knew at that point the drugs were making them ALL lie, steal, cheat each other and basically tear their lives apart.

Chris told me he'd had enough, wanted to come clean and was willing to detox on his own, so I let him come live with me and get him through it. We did, it worked.....for a short time. It wasn't long after Chris moved in that his father was found dead in his home. Betcha can't guess why? God, I knew he was finally at peace!!!!! His life was so distorted and dingy, his home was filthy, his health was sickly and he was miserable. His death, like Susan’s, was literally, the 'final straw.'  He was found in the same place as Susan when she died….in their bed.

The funeral should have been enough to launch them into kicking this addiction,  but it wasn't. Chris did clean himself up long enough to begin Medical school as a PCT and got his CNA license. (Yes, I wondered too if he might ever try to steal meds) and once he started school he began to feel like he had a purpose. He began in the late fall, right after his father’s death, but by Christmas, things darkened again. It was happening. I found straws, residue, got into horrible fights over nothing, watched his color turn dark as his sleeping and eating were both inadequate. He lied, he stole my debit card and money from my purse. He would go through my things to see what he could take. He even stole jewelry from his girlfriend’s mother and grandmother while they were in the house. (Yes his girlfriend was hooked too, for longer than Chris had been!) When I found out, I made him get it and take it back to them….he refused, and wanted to do it himself the next day. I said no, it was going back that night! I took it myself. That was very hard. He is no longer allowed in his girlfriend’s home! By this time, Sean, my middle son was living back at home with me and Chris and he too was going through the same thing, but BOY DID THEY EVER DENY IT!!! Lies all the time, about so many things. It was killing me, watching my son’s lives determinate right in front of me.

I have no money to get them help. I make enough to cover the bills and food and very little extra. Doctors were out, I did not have insurance on them, and they were grown! They could not hold jobs at all, so no money was coming in from them. I was supporting them, along with feeding my eldest who lived nearby, but never had money for food, so he came and ate at my house. He was awfully thin and dark too, and I could not deny him food. But he was ever so UNgrateful most of the time. Sometimes he'd come in to eat, cop an attitude with me and I'd stand my ground, and he'd get pissed and slam the door on his way out. I know what you are thinking, I should have kept is ass out. I couldn't. I knew IT WAS NOT HIM! That was NOT the son I raised. ALL 3 OF MY BOYS were like demon possessed. I swear, that is what it seems like!

The lease was coming to an end on my apartment and I had to relocate about 70 miles away from my sons to help take care of my elderly mother. It was a heart wrenching thing and no one could understand the effect that was having on me. Even though I had warned the boys I had to move many months earlier, and repeatedly at that, when it came time to leave, the last full day I was there I cried because Chris still had nowhere to go. I KNEW it was because he had burned a few bridges with the addiction problem,. Both he and Sean had,. But besides that, he was not working yet and finishing up his schooling was priority. He had 5 weeks left before he finished!

The last day a friend did come through and Chris got a room in his apartment. Thank you God, now I can be at peace!   Or so I thought.

It was just a handful of weeks that I had moved away, and early one beautiful Saturday morning the phone rang. It was Sean, telling me Chris had been arrested....for burglary!!!!!!!! I wanted to die. I think I did die to a point! Chris had been caught breaking into someone’s car in the apartment complex where his good friend let him stay. Not only that, but he had lost a lens to his glasses and left it in his bathroom sink upstairs, left his food wrappers all over the floor and walked out of the apartment, leaving the front door wide open and the KEY to it that was given him when he moved in LEFT IN THE DOOR. When his friend woke the next morning, he found his apartment wide open, and Chris was nowhere to be found.

The phone call was bad enough. I felt the pain of knowing my son was still enslaved to that monster and if I knew how to kill it I would! I have always been the fixer, the healer, the advice person, but this is one area I was hogtied and bound.

Chris was released on ROR 4 days later. When he came out he was homeless. Scared, embarrassed, and sorry for what he did, he vowed never to do anything like that ever again. His brother Sean has been covering for him, but I just found out recently (this past week) that Sean is still going after the pills, and he has also been fired from his job. Without a job, he will lose his room he rents in a private home. Chris has the felony charge to deal with, loss of his career and 14,000.00 of financial aid on his back gone for nothing now, no money, no place to live and is barely making it. I send money when I can. But even then I am fearful he may spend it on drugs. Do you blame me?

That is where things are at today. I don’t know where things will go in the future for them, but it is not for me to determine the life course of another at this point. I cannot carry the responsibility of their misfortune they have placed upon themselves. I do understand this addiction problem is a nightmare……what can I do? How could I ever help them? I feel so helpless!
M.O.M. Mom of Moms
(a name they gave me when they were in Jr. high and High School…because I was the mom to so many of their friends too)



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by jon709, Jun 17, 2009
Mom of moms,

thank you for sharing your story.  I posted on may 18 the day after my birthday.  I am 43 a husband of 19 years and a father to three boys aged 7  10 and 13.  I have taken oxy for 4-5 years for neck and back pain.  I am an addict.  I have stopped oxy in the past and the most time I had without them is 11 days.  Withdrawing from oxy is the worst feeling I could imagine.  I have gone through withdraw about 5-10 times in the years that I have been taking them.  So a month ago on may 17 I stopped and got to 11 days.  Then for some unknown reason I wanted to take my oxy to see what I was missing.  STUPID!  I threw up right away and felt real bad.  For the next week I took way too many oxy and could have ended up OD'ing.  I felt so ashamed.  I mean I need to be here for my family.  I stopped for a few days then took the oxy for a couple more days.  Today I have 4 days without oxy.  I am not a church going man but I do pray.  I have prayed many times for gods help and I believe he has helped me.  The only other source for me getting oxy is a friend.  I had his number on my cell but my cell went through the washer so I dont have his number.  Thank God.  

I dont have the answers but I do know that I will beat this addiction.  I was touched by your story.  I took oxy for the first 3 years and did not feel like I was addicted to them.  But the last two have been terrible.  I hope anybody who reads this and is hurting finds the help they need.  I was given this drug by my doctor for pain but in the end addiction is the most painful.  

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by momofmoms, Jun 17, 2009
I read your story Jon – your earlier post too.  I read everything on this thread.  Even though I don’t have the addiction I feel as helpless as the rest of you who are dealing with it.  I just wanted to throw in my perspective of what it’s like to suffer as a parent watching her three sons slowly commit the same suicide their father and stepmother did.  I pray to ofor intervention on their part so that they may be freed from this thing.  I don’t care if anyone out there cares about God or not, but I do, and I think this addiction is actually so detached from God and anything of the like, that it can deceive you into thinking there is no God.

I didn’t mention in my story about all the other friends of my sons who are addicted, even some of their parents.  I know of one family where the entire family is addicted.  They just lost their home, have no money and no where to go.  They were known to drop $300 every week on pills.  I know because they would call my boys looking for them.  So now they’ve lost their home and everything they own and I do not know where they are right now.  This happened in just the last few months.
And the last person, but not least, that I did not mention -- -- is my sister.

I recently moved here two months ago to help care for my elderly mother.  My sister has been doing it all along for the last year and has been doing a fine job, but she has her own physical problems that she has to take opiates for.  The last I knew she was on hydrocodone 7.5.  She had surgery on the cervical vertebrae in her neck and has severe pain in her lower back, so her doctor prescribes them to her on a regular basis.  This is been going on about two to three years.  My sister, who is generally warm and wonderful and so much fun to be around but now is changing.  Everything and everyone irritates her.  I see the same things in her that I saw in my sons.  The personality change, the irrational behavior, the look of disdain when she gets stressed out which takes very little.  She will take one of her happy pills and be happy again, but then after about three or four hours her mood changes and her face starts to sag and she gets the look in her eyes like she just can’t stand it anymore.

She never had children and has no idea what I am going through with my sons.  She doesn’t have a clue.  The only thing she thinks of my boys this is they have caused me undue amounts of trouble and stress and that I should kick them to the curb and make them grow up.  Force them to grow up by ignoring them and pushing them away from me because their behavior is less than she expects it should be.  She has told me on countless occasions that she doesn’t know how I put up with them, how I can deal with all the crap that they dish out to me.  So I stopped telling her things.  I do not share that sort of information any longer.  It’s just a girl thing, girls share.  But not anymore -- -- not in this case.

Last week my sister became very angry with me because my mom went to the store by herself and I wasn’t with her.  No one can monitor my mom 24/7 and I explained that I had called mom earlier that day to see she needed anything from the store, in which she did not.  So I stayed home and out of the heat.  That evening my sister found out and proceeded to chew me up and down for not being with mom.  I e-mailed her back and told her I could not help but mom did, she still likes to be independent.  This sparked further anger, and more exchange between us where I tried to explain and defend myself and soon gave up.  It was just like arguing with one of my sons who were trying to justify their actions.  It was the same old scene all over again.  Now she has not spoken to me in a week.  I wonder so much if it may be a cumulative effects of the hydrocodone.  I know she eats it like candy and when she runs out her husband has been known to go hunt some down for her from some friends.  But her mood swings and her agitation and her depression are so prevalent that I cannot help but think that it is the hydrocodone.  What do you all think?  And how am I supposed to deal with this?  It seems this addiction problem follows me wherever I go.  It’s funny to because I do not take any pharmaceutical drugs of any  type and I’m always trying to educate people on the dangers of pharmaceutical drugs, and when I look around me all I see is people that have problems on pharmaceutical drugs!

If I had an answer for you Jon it would be the same one that I would give myself.  But if I had an answer I wouldn’t be on this board hoping somebody has the magical cure. Often times I can go to an alternative health board like curezone.com and get remedies for all sorts of minor things, but that is not the case here.  This medication changes a person’s brain.  It changes them permanently so that I don’t believe they will ever be the same again.  Can someone out there correct me if I am wrong?  For those of you that have kicked to this problem can you honestly say that you feel like you did before you ever got on the medication?  I wonder if there is some sort of electrical imbalance in the brain.  I know it has been altered chemically, and there must be a solution.  Or are people who go through this destined to suffer forever?

I wish you the best Jon – and all of you.  I truly do.   M.O.M.


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by jon709, Jun 18, 2009
Thank you for your nice comments.  You seem like a very strong person.  I have three boys myself and I know that special love you have for your kids.  I have been completly honest with my wife and kids as to what I am going through.  I tell my kids how much I am suffering although they can see for themselves.  I cannot imagine how I would deal with my kids being addicted to anything.  I pray for you and your family.

To answer your question I can tell  you that I am not the same person I was 5 years ago and it is a direct result of the oxycontin.   I used to be a very happy person who loved live and looked forward to every day.  My perspective has changed and the smiles and laughs are few and far.  I thank my wife for doing goofy things and trying to make me laugh.  I do not know what I would do without her.  God bless my wife and kids.

I have 4 days today and am feeling a little bit better.  I am glad I found this site as it helps to let some of my feelings out.  I am really kind of supprised at how many people are suffering from LEGAL drugs that have been given to them by there doctors.  Just because someone is a doctor does not mean they know what is best for you.  I truly believe that your heart and soul will guide you to the right choices and decisions.  You are your own best doctor.  Who knows you better than yourself.

M.O.M.  I pray for you and your family.  You would figure a death of anybody close would shake you up and you would change.  That just goes to show you the power that oxycontin has over people.  Dont give up!  Let your boys know that you love them and want them in your life.  Are there any places that would take your sons into treatment without cost?  How about the show on TV called intervention?  The more I read about addiction it seems like detox/treatment, and aftercare are very good ideas.

Take care and God bless you.  

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by momofmoms, Jun 18, 2009
Hey Jon,
4 days! hangin in there! I am behind you all the way!

I do not know the show Intervention. I don't wantch much TV, even the reality shows are staged. Is it a Reality show? I never know what is staged and I have enouigh drama in my own personal perpective without watching the TV.

I would have thought my sons would have never ever touched the stuff, especially for 'kicks' after what they have all witnessed. As for those that are on legal scripts, I'd hope that taking these meds are their last recourse before they die, like in cancer or aids.

I was just thinking about one TV show I do like to watch and it is House. The obnoxious, eccesntric doctor who thinks he is god sometimes, but always comes through. He's got a Vicodin problem. Even he gets bent out of shape without his meds. Sprinkles of truth lay in that script. Maybe the writers should show him slowly crash and burn and lose his job, his car, his house his friends, and then lose all his fammily. And lastly his life. Would that get the message across? I doubt it.

I have already looked into the rehab centers for their area. There are some that will do a payment plan thing. I can't afford it for them. One of my sons friends who I fondly consider one of my many 'adopted' kids, just came out of one last week. He called me and told me and told me many things in confidenciality (sp?) One thing he made clear is that already he has had to fight with himself not to go get some more....it is too easy to do. He has to cut ties with my sons too. Everything from his life before 3 weeks rehab is a trigger. Even his job.

Have you tried suboxin? Without going back and reading again, I can't rememeber in yur case. Most people say it is a miracle, and others say it is an addiction just like oxy. What do you think?

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by PatrickSebastian, Jun 19, 2009
Hi,

like I said there is 2 sides of that pill. I am back to "normal" doses (120-160mg/day) after the cutting down perioid and lifes good again. Unfortunately there is no substitute for Oxy as painkiller. I've tried everything and nothing helps. These cutting down perioids are pure hell, but Oxy really helps my pain.  Though I would love to see another way to handle the pain. I think I have love/hate relatioship with Oxy...

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by chickmag, Jun 24, 2009
To M.O.M:

Get yourself to an AlAnon meeting. You are trying to deal with this on your own and you need help. You describe yourself as a person who cares and supprts others - but you need support too! AlAnon is for the families of addicts. You will get support and learn how to cope with your situation.

I posted May 5 about our son. Just to update, he will be transitioned out of a 90-day rehab program on July 3. He is doing very well - but we know there are no promises... The 90-day program was great - don't know how a 30-day program works...

Mike

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by momofmoms, Jun 24, 2009
Mike, I am very happy for you! And you son! You have learned alot from this experience...one thing was to pay attention and don't brush the problem off like he can fix it on his own. I know they can't.

I can't drive (legally blind) and going to AA meetings is out for me. The other members of my family here think my sons are trash and not worth the time of day. Some even have the resources to help get them treatment, but I guarantee you they wouldn't step up to it. They didn't get the boys dad help when he needed it, and now he is dead.
Can I borrow Grandma?  Just kidding!!!!  Thanks for you input, I appreciate it very much.

My good thoughts are with you!   M.O.M.

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by chickmag, Jun 24, 2009
M.O.M. - Just to make sure your know, AlAnon is not AA. AlAnon is for the family, not the addict. Very sorry to hear about the rest of the family's perspective. I hope you can get a chance to check out an AlAnon...

Mike

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by sportnut, Jun 29, 2009
I'm 50 and have been on 20mg once or twice a day for four year after 4 rotator cuff surgeries.
No legit need for them because of the pain they just gear me up like drinking three or four five hour energy drinks, so I guess I'm weird in that way, I live a geared up life style and this is the ultimate pick me up. I am very fit and health conscience but as the years are creeping up and the energy level going down I resort to these and man they do the job. I haven't even thought too much about it and the docs will write the rx upon request.

BUT BUT BUT after looking in the mirror and reading many posts I realize that I need to quit, they are now causing me to have incredibly painful leg cramps that will not go away, nerves that twitch like they are out of control, and it is apparent after reading up on this that my brain has now rewired itself and I fear damaging itself.
I have nothing like some of the problems that I read on here, somedays I may bite one 20mg in half before I work out etc, so although I know I'm abusing them it is not to the extent of others on here.

Now the dilema and the fear, I did try to stop a couple of weeks ago and man everything on here is true, even my small doses over the years are adding up to trouble, I made it two days and going in thought it would be no big deal just do it, man I caved big time, I needed to stay upbeat and keep smiling for work etc but the yawning and wanting to sleep all day couldn't happen.
The three main things for me were,
1. Constant never ending yawning and wanting to sleep all day, I mean all day and the yawing was something that I could not hide.
2. Irritability, just in a world of my own fighting a battle in my head to stay away from the Oxy perhaps but very moody.
3. Jumping twitching legs, arms, pretty much every thing jumping and twitching, it drove me nuts.

I knew I was in trouble.

I am a strong willed individual and want to do this cold turkey and after reading the posts of you that have been on seriously high doses for years I am almost ashamed to even ask for some helpful advice but due to my family, my job (very intense high level of focus and energy required), I must ask.

How long will these symptoms last? A week, three weeks?
I just need to set a bar and go for it but after trying it for two days I may need to take some vacation time to accomplish it thus the question about the timeframe.
Any help would be greatly appreciated and good luck to those who are in this deep hole.




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by eileen54, Jun 29, 2009
Its so sad to read all of your stories. I am in the same boat, put on a drug that I monitored closely, no change in dosage for years, and I could tolerate the odd day or two off, I would just have more pain than usual. This all changed when I went into hospital and the surgeon (chief of surgery) rejected the plans that had been made for pain control and my RA and migraines. I was told to being my own oxycontin, asthma inhaler, and migraine meds, as they may not have them. Even the anesthesiologist and both doctors told me to take my Oxycontin and "keep it on my person"as in reality the nurses were overworked, and I could not count on my meds being administered. The second day, after the prednisone and morphine wore off, I asked about the morphine drip and the RA meds, and was told no orders existed. To add  insult to injury, the carefully labelled meds that I registered with, and was told to give to the head nurse (but keep a few in secret as I didn't need the stress of withdrawal on top of the surgery) were rejected, and I was told, just keep them yourself. The next day, a nurse came to help me with bathing, and saw my bag of meds in the drawer. Well, I was treated like a thief, and humiliated in front of the other patients. Despite a five page report from the anesthesiologist, I was made to hand over all meds, (didn't get a chance to hoard any as I was told) and made to give her the names. I told her I had a pre op report with all info, if she would take the time to look at my chart, but she treated me like a drug addict, who was trying to hide her meds, when I had actually been trying to hand them over, and finally gave up. I had no luck getting the head nurses to give them to me as my doctor even trumped the chief of anesthesic.

I started getting horrible muscle pain in my legs, and chest, and was walking up and down the hall with my IV drip and cane as it was too painful to lie down. Long story short, the third day a nurse with a clue actually read my file, and said, you are going through withdrawal. My daughter and mom were there at  the time, which made me feel worse. I actually believed if I followed instructions, I would be able to stop at will. However, the stress of surgery plus no meds at all, not even my sleeping pills, triggered a severe increase in My RA, and since that day I cannot write, and only started typing a year ago, when I found our new ergonomic key board made it possible for me to write! Years wasted, not being able to communicate!  I have recently had another set back as my trusted rheumatologist for the last ten years or more was suddenly diagnosed with cancer, and is off indefinitely. I have a new family doctor after being rejected by several as they won't deal with narcotic meds. I have now been off for four days, one of them having to go for an MRI with my legs and hands in constant tremors. Today I finally went to see the doctor, and was fifteen minutes late as I had an attack of nausea after eating for the first time since friday. I was told to return tomorrow at 11.

At this point I have been wondering is the worst over and should I just stop taking them. I now doubt that assessment after reading your stories. I am fortunate I think in that I rarely had any "euphoric"  or emotional change from the pills after the first few months. For a while I would have a good hour or so after a dose, so I would structure activities around that. That stopped happening years ago, and I now take the lowest dose I can to function. My life has almost ended effectively, even with them, and I have a ton of surgery coming up again which I am dreading. I do have morphine patches, but I found they made me ill and somewhat manic. Fibromyalgia causes such brain fog, and I find occasionally an extra pill will enable me to accomplish something.  Other than that, and keeping the pain down, (which I am told will be a lifelong issue) I would love to be free of these little devils.  I am also off prednisone to prepare for surgery, but I did take some Saturday night to make it to the hospital-ten pm was my appointment, I came home and went straight to bed and couldn't get up until this morning. I find if I keep myself busy I can get by better, but now I need to rest, and that is when the pain really kicks in.

I feel very strongly that we have been given a poison disguised as an answer, and i think many of us were put on this when other measures may have worked. In my case, I can't tolerate tylonal or ibupropin, so was put on the oxy by my family doctor,  who said it had less toxic effects on my liver, which is already diseased. I believe that is true, my liver has improved, and most of the time I take my 3 doses of 20 mg every 8 hours, (my rheumy is also on them, and she says it is not true they work for twelve hours.), and except this is my lot to deal with the pain. However, I wonder if they sap my strength and make it harder for me to function. I am basically  non functional most of the time, but being a writer in the past, I can still type an essay in a few minutes! However, other things, forget it! I rarely watch TV or do any of the things I used to when first disabled. Getting fibro and RA as well as total pelvic collapse hasn't helped, and I suspect the collapse was helped on by the prednisone I took for three years. I was much heavier but did have a better quality of life, but it is not good for the immune system and I have a four hour surgery coming up, hopefully they won't try to kill me this time!  
My thoughts and prayers to all of you, i will check out that suboxtine a couple of people mentioned. In Canada we can get codeine over the counter, and I have been taking robaxicette with codeine while waiting for my appointment. However, it is very hard on my stomach, and maybe delaying the inevitable. I think I deserve the opportunity to taper off instead of being forced cold turkey because I can't connect with my family doctor, who may well refuse to issue it to me. I agree with others who have talked about the necessity to get the drug, and being treated like a criminal. If you have a long term pain condition, I see it the same as having high blood pressure, etc-people are not judged for taking drugs for other conditions, but with an inoperable disc collapse as well as the rest of my woes, it is a matter of finding another alternative, the pain is still very active and I am loosing more functioning, hence the MRIs.

Has anyone tried marijauna as a supplement? Ironically I am now legally able to get it, but I view it as a street drug, and am reluctant to go there, or ask a doctor. I also worked in a form of drug control. and it is very ironic that I now find myself on the other side, feeling like a junkie as I was put on this drug that I can't get off. My doctors say if I hadn't had such a shock to my system after the bowel surgery (which was a complete failure) I would likely have continued on OK, but now my body reacts quickly to loosing its drugs. I am greatful I didn't go on Soma when it was offered, as they now say this is worse than oxy to get off. Things like the passing of Micheal Jackson, Heath Ledger etc really make one nervous about a stew of medications. I often feel like I am ready to go, but for my family's sake, i would hate to have such an error occur, that would be nightmare for my daughter.  It doesn't help that many fibromaylgia victims were A type personalities like me, I refused to stay home after my accident as I was going to grad school, and worked for ten years longer than I should have, until it all collapsed on me after a pretty minor accident on a business trip. Since then keeping and fighting for the disability I was entitled to has been an ongoing battle. Good luck to all, I will let you know if I am able to ride this out!



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by sportnut, Jun 30, 2009
I have been reading alot now and educating myself, there sure are some horror stories.
I never really have taken a full 40mg a day, usually 20 mg and mostly bite a 20 in half for a pick me up around that afternoon 3:00 hour.
Hearing things on the news about Michael Jackson, Billy Mays (who was taking two pain meds for hip pain) Heath Ledger, etc, is scary.
Michael is speculation at this point and this stuff on the surface seems harmless but internally it must be doing damage.
I have tried to find any medical material to sunstantiate that but have found nothing.
I know for a fact that it is having neurological affects.
Tomorrow is July 1st, that may be a good day to give it a go.
Contemplating talking to my wife of 15 years about it, she has no clue but has had to endure the mood swings and inpatience when I am geared up and has no clue why.
She "will" understand as she has been through the rotator cuff surgeries with me but she won't like the fact that I hid it from her so I am hesitant to tell her BUT if I don't I think it would be easy to regress. Hard to admit that a normally clean health nut got hooked on something like this!
Anyone know of any medical literature out there about the internal affects of this crap?

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by momofmoms, Jul 02, 2009
Eileen, I would highly suggest Marijuana. It's illegal BECAUSE IT WORKS.....for the most part the medicinal efects that MJ poses are far superior to the chemical crap that the Big Pharma people like to feed us. Do your reseach on it. I almost fell over a few weeks ago while listening to famous Dr. Dean Adell, who is on AM and XM radio often. He advocates the legalization of MJ where I never in a million years thought he would! He recognizes it's medicinal value and is in a tight spot, so he voices his side with evidence to back it up. And there is plenty out there. MJ is an HERB, not a drug.

Sportsnut, yes, tell your wife. Let her read this thread so she will know what you are about to go through. It will help her understand the helpless snare so many are caught up in. You need her now more than ever.
M.O.M.

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by Wifeofaddict4, Jul 02, 2009
These stories are amazing. I had no idea how bad Oxy is. I do not take it! My husband does. I know he knows he has a problem and is trying to quit. The withdrawls are so hard for him. He does not handle pain very well sober. Where I can. I always think it is nor big deal it is mind over matter. I am dumb!! For thinking that way. I can see my husband showing symptoms that has been stated above in all of the journal logs, sleeplessness, pain, aching body, depressed, fighting, it just breaks my heart to see him go through this. We have 4 wonderful kids who adore him. I just want to take the pain away from him and I can't. I love him more than life and do not want to lose him, he is my bestfriend. I feel that I am to blame because I would let him do it and think oh he knows what he doing he is a grown man, he can control it. I do suffer from migraines  and take vicodin. I can stop  and not take it for a while and then do it again.  It is hard because these drugs numb the pain and make everything go away. I can see how easy it is to get addicted. I don't know how my husband has made it this far. He has drank, taken xanax, vicodin, oxy, morphine, you name it he has done it.  He seems to get delt a shitty hand on everything. Drugs make it better. It is a bandaide and the wound is still there underneath. I wish all of you stength and as little pain as possible. My heart goes out to you and prayers, oxy is shit "hillbilly heroin" and it sucks, it not only hurts you it hurts the ones around you.

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by oxyhater207, Jul 05, 2009
dear wifeofaddict4,

my husband has just come clean of his use of oxy, well i did know about it but not the seriousness of it, or i was in denial,, he has been clean for 6 days and has found comfort from this sight knowing that he is not alone,, we both sit here and read the horror stories and our hearts go out to all of you.. As i hold back my tears and try to help my husband thru these withdrawl sytems ..i am sick to my stomach as well as blame my self,, we have been married for over 15 years and have 2 boys. i have watched as my husband lied about his addcition and the fights and depresion seems all to familiar.. my husband has started his fight cold turkey becasue he says that he wants to feel every bit of this pain so he never forgets.. In the past 6 days i look into my husbands eyes and see the determination he has to kick this habit.. i am scared for him but am here to hold him and comfort him, i am not a dr but would like say stand by your man,, because he needs you..after he had come out with all this i hve admitted to him i was ready to leave him,,his comment to me was if i would have left him he would have never pulled back..i am so glad i chose not to.. us as wives are probably the best rehab that these men can get,, i read this past weekend that we as the wives are aslo the addict in a differnt way..  my heart goes out to you an i hope and pray that with your help yoru husband will see what he has.. as to all evevryone else whom has addiction,, i have no clue of the pains you are all going thru but my thoughts are with all of you and just take it day by day..may you all pull thru and beat this nasty fight....

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by binkyr7, Jul 11, 2009
I was injured over 3 yrs ago.  I had a crushed foot, crushed thumb, and an injured back.  I had surgery the following morning for the thumb to be amputated, luckily they were able to save it, they were unable to do anything for my foot, I was taken first to a hospital that was not equipped to take care of my injuries,  I was later transferred to another hospital, but the swelling of my foot was to bad.  I was in a wheelchair for 2 months.  When I started walking, I knew I had a back injury as well, anyway, because of the severity of my injuries I was put on pain pills.  I started with norco, and I don't remember what else.  Again, because of the severity my pain killers kept increasing, i was on percocet, then morphine and know Oxycontin 80 mg 2 x daily, and 4mg Dilaudid, for breakthru.  I had about 5 surgeries on my hand and foot, including skin graft and bone graft to my foot, but my back was unbearable, finally having surgery on my back in 3/09.  The surgery was successful.  I am now weaning off of the oxy, within 2 months I have come down and will start 60 mg 2 x daily tomorrow for 2 weeks, then continue to cut down.  I don't understand why all of you are going cold turkey, I'm sure you didn't start out taking as much oxy as you are when you are trying to quit.  I'm having a lot of sleepless nights, and some aching, but nothing like most of you are talking about.  Also, I don't ever remember feeling high or good from oxy, maybe because my dosages were increased very gradually over 3 yrs time, and also for the pain I was in.
I wish all of you luck.  I will contiue to cut down, and hopefully be off of it and on a milder pain med.  I will always have some pain, but nothing like I did before the surgeries.
Best of luck to all.

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by gumpster, Jul 12, 2009
I've been taking OC for over 5 yeard now - 240MG of Oxycontin and 4x 10MG Oxynorm for breakthrough. I ALWAYS take more than my dose (As the pain gets me up at 1 am every morning so have the need for another dose). I have been back to the doctor every month pleading for help - they try this and try that. One doctor even called me an addict and suggested I contact Narcotics Anonymous. I am just weary of thinking of excuses to get my meds early and fed up with being treated like this.
So, here I am after week 3, all out of OC and a handful of Oxynorm left. I have been off Oxycontin for one day and feel like crap but I know I have the crutch of a few pills to try and get me closer to the point where I can either go back for my monthly supply or stay off the damn things altogether.

Familiar tale anyone? I get this month after month and am so sick of it. I'm increasingly thinking now that maybe I just just ride the storm and go cold turkey. Have tried explaining how I feel to friends but you can see the look on their faces - it's very difficult for them to understand.

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by gumpster, Jul 13, 2009
Well, 24 hours on and I couldn't do it. I had a night of hell - I've never felt so bad in my life. Went to the doctor this morning, told him what happened and guess what? He prescribed me ALL my pills again - no plan to get me off these things. I'm not abrogating all my responsibility at all - I know I abuse these things - but Oxycontin is a wicked wicked drug and has turned me into a drug-abusing liar.
I'm going to have a month of only taking my prescribed dose and then work out a plan to reduce my intake of OC. I wish I had been told all those years ago what my life was going to be like with Oxycontin in it - I never would have agreed to it. Meanwhile, I'm starting to feel like myself again but still have the memory of this weekend to remind me what I must do.

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by momofmoms, Jul 13, 2009
I have a question: How can you tell  (or can you) the original pain from the pain the oxy withdrawal causes?

Gumpster, you sound like my ex-huisband...he'd run out every month!  Please hang in there and ween slowly if you have too. Some people on here just want to crash through the barrier and deal with the blows, others want to ease on through. Whatever you do, keep the goal in mind.

I think if there could be a place where all of you who have addiction could go, like a nice tropical Island with a self sustaining community of ex addicts, this could be kicked. As long as the temptation is there, and the means to get the drug IS available, it's almost impossible to deal with.

My middle son cried to me this weekend and said he wants off the stuff so bad, wants to break away. But he knows when he gets back to the same place he lives now, it's going to be in his face.

Hmmmm, and Intentional Community for ex addicts...I like that idea.

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by j_meezy, Jul 13, 2009
Hey Gumpster,
     I had the same affair with oxy... I recently just quit cold turkey (6 days ago). I always ran out of my scripts early due to my opiate loving personality.  Anyways, Im not going to bull shit all day... it was extreamly painful.  The thing is, you can do it! Make the move right now (do not ponder it, inform someone to help you if you need it)... If you decide to ween cool, if you decide cold turkey, cool; but do it now. No more burdens of chasing down scripts for oxy, no more lying to your family and doc, no more going to the pharmacy as if its a daily chore.

I BELIVE IN YOU.  Now, you need to belive in yourself and make that move.

JUMP!

jmeezy

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by gumpster, Jul 13, 2009
Thanks for your kind words - it really helps.
Momofmoms, the answer is I don't know if the pain I experienced yesterday was my original back pain or the Oxy withdrawal - I guess I never will until I'm off these things altogether. (It's 4 am here in the UK and I've just woken up. The daily routine starts with 120MG Oxycontin and 20MG Oxynorm - what a slave I am to these wretched pills.
Jmeezy, god I admire your bravery and wish you every best wish on your journey. I could never do it - yesterday and the day before were the most miserable in my life - I would have sold my soul for those pills - and I hate being so out of control. I love that Tropical island idea too - preferably with a doctor who understands what these things do to you.
I'd be really interested in hearing about how I should wean myself off. One doctor suggested reduce by 5mg per month - that way I would take at least 18 months to get clean - is that realistic? I guess the first stage is to get back to my proper regime of tablets so I don't run out after three weeks.


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by j_meezy, Jul 14, 2009
No doubt... Im now trying to ween off Ambien, and my back is killing me today. Some type of opiate seems like the perfect answer, but still staying strong dude. Almost one week for me.  Anyway, yeah... If it takes you 18 months it takes you 18 months. Better than not trying dude. Oh, by the way... Freeking love Britts dude. I fought with the Royal Marines in 03.  Funny cats, all they wanted to do was workout and tan.  Definetly a culture diff. Anyway gump... You need to start your 18 month journey now; today. Im here for you man... I know its pain.

Keep me posted.

jmeezy

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by momofmoms, Jul 15, 2009
Morning all,

I have to bring up the Suboxe subject again....it seems worthy enough to do so! I retired to bed early last night with my trusty XM satelite radio on Dr. Dean Adell again......His frankness and honesty keeps me listening. A caller asked him about Suboxone; she had been addicted to opiates like the rest of you and had her story to tell, and her doctor prscribed Suboxone for her....and is weaning her off opiates. She wanted to know if Suboxone was any better than the oxy she was on for so long and wanted to know if she was going to be addicted to it too. His answer was that Suboxone was indeed the answer to the addiction problem, and it was not  prescribed for such reasons as often as it should be. He said Suboxone was a miracle drug in itself, and it must be taken under the guidance of the presicribing physician....and slowly weaned from as a true opiate.  He said it may take 6 weeks, or it may take 6 months to a year! The addict has to determine when they a re ready to break off completely, all the while dosage is reduced or maintained at the level that is comfortable for the addict.

Now there is a ton of information out there on Suboxone, and there are even forums ot there where people are telling their stories just like on here!  

I swear, I want to get my boys, all THREE of them to a doctor to get them ALL on this medication to wean them from their addiction, and I have little money to do so. I have been praying.....and I must trust that somehow, some way, it will be provided for me to get them help. My middle son called me a few days ago to talk...he is fighting with this monster and cannot seem to break away. Through his tears he told me more than anything, he wants free of it. I have heard this from all my sons. I live off my SSDI (legally blind) and I cannot afford the help for them, and none of them can hold a job long enough to save any money for help, not to mention, they money that is spent buying more oxy's off the street to keep them 'normal'.

But for you all who CAN go this route, research and talk to your doctor. I want to see some lives turned around on here....I truly do! Tell us your experience with Suboxone and maybe it will be encouragement and hope that will enable the rest of you to come clean and be free again.

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by gumpster, Jul 15, 2009
Hi Everyone

Small steps .... it's 3 days since my withdrawal episode and my return to the evil OC. I am sticking to my medication regime now and will ask the doctor next time to start the weaning process. 18 months seems a long time but hey at least after that time I'll be free!

I love you Americans too (I served in the UK Army and Air Force and was in the Falklands War - we have to stick together in the face of all sorts of adversity don't we. At least here in the UK we have a free health service  - I have 7 different types of meds and I get them free each and every time. I just wish the docs were a little more clued up about this drug and hesitate before prescribing.

Take care everyone and keep us all posted on your bravery!


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by momofmoms, Jul 15, 2009
Love ya Gumpster!  Hang in there!

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by Mandie826, Jul 16, 2009
Ugh...Im on day 4 of my recovery. I've actually been so sick that I was just online looking to see if this is normal and I read these posts. I've been crying for an hour (could be the withdrawl). This is my third attempt at kicking Oxy. The first two times I couldn't deal with the not sleeping and the crazy legs. Went back within a week both times. I'm doing this in secret. No one except the others doing them around me, know how bad of a problem Ive had. 2 years...everyday on this crap. I was up to 240mg a day a month ago. Ive got it back down to 80mg/day. I started using because I was going through a hard time in my personal life and used these to "ease my emotional pain". Started just on weekends...within a month it was 4 or 5 days a week until before I knew it...everyday. My parents have NO IDEA, my friends, employer, NO IDEA, my boyfriend just found out a week ago...we've been together 1 year meaning Ive been high my whole entire relationship. Im spending every dollar I have on this s***. Even sadly took out a loan to pay for these. They don't make me feel good anymore...Im angry all the time...Im a shell of myself. I feel like a stanger in the mirror. The thing is Oxy has no prejudice...This can happen to ANYONE. I have a good job, I came from a good well off family, I never did any drugs before this, I was dean's list in college every year. I always thought I was too strong..this kind of thing I could never in a million years imagine happening. Not to me.. Im smarter then that..well I lost a battle to OxyContin and it has since taken over my life. Hiding it is the worst part... I lie about where Im going, I lie about why I cant stay at my boyfriends ( unless I have enough to get me through) I lie about why Im in a mood (coming down) or why Im so broke... (told everyone I got a pay cut due to economy) LIE LIE LIE LIE. I hardly visit my parents anymore...out of sheer guilt. This is a nightmare. I just took 2 weeks "vacation" from work to kick this AGAIN. Basically...I've been wanting this for a while (so sick of lying, being broke, worrying about having it so I dont get sick, dealing with the people that I have to deal with) and finally my pills fell out in front of my boyfriend and I broke down...told him everything. Its a horrible thing to look the man you love in the eye knowing what youre about to say might ruin everything you were together. We sat on his floor crying together...he was crying because he was worried about my health and I was crying because I missed the girl who is still somewhere deep down inside of me. She was crying on the floor desperate for help...desperate to LIVE again. So then came the decision. It was him and the rest of my life or a little blue pill and no life at all. At day 4 clean..I still chose LIFE...Id rather be sick for a little while and learn new ways to handle my feeling instead of FEELING NOTHING AT ALL. I want to be happy, silly, sad, scared, mad, excited...everything!!!!! Ive been numb for too long. As bad as this feels coming off of I see the light at the end and Im positive this time is for real. Im never going back...Im starting a new path. I have to realize, i can't be the same girl I was pre-Oxy and I cant be the Junkie I was on Oxy but i can be something different, something great. I have to believe that I can be great again so I dont look back. This is the hardest battle Ive ever fought...but I did it to myself. I have to forgive myself and do this. We all deserve another chance.
You have to get through the rain to see the rainbow.
Heres to the rest of my life...and the death of my addiction. May peace be with you in your hearts..today and always.  Fight on.

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by momofmoms, Jul 17, 2009
Mandie, you remind me sooo much of one of 'my girls'...she has been fighting it too, just like you. She has been on the suboxone for nearly a year now, and I rarely see her 'sparkle' that she had pre-oxy, but at least she is finding peace again. Your story is a classic example of what happens when someone says' here, take this, it'll make you feel better"......and the roller coast starts. It's hard to say no. And harder once addicted.

When I first started reading your post I thought maybe it was my middle son who found this forum!

Please stay strong....and keep us updated...even if you 'fall', keep us updated. If you start to feel normal, tell us.

M.O.M.

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by lobak, Jul 21, 2009
by great Dr.  short version; after 8 back surgeries and a 4 vertebra fusion.  I started on oxy 6 yrs ago the Dr. explained the whole world of tolerance and the need to increase a medication "Oxy". as everyone else, I started with 10mg. when the fusion took place 7 months ago I was taking OXY 240mg 3X a day , wearing 4-100 mcg of Fentanyl changed every 2 days and 100mg of morphine for breakthrough 4 X a day. After the successful surgery my Dr. sat down with me and explained that it took 6 years to build up to these amounts and it will probably take a year to dose back down. The Dr. sees me every 3 weeks and we have gone down slowly. Right now I am taking OXY 30 mg. 3 X a day as needed and 12 mcg fentanyl patch changed every 3 days, no Morphine. next week we're going to try NO Fentanyl and 15 mg Oxy when needed. We have had some set backs, when the with drawals would start we'd increase the Oxy for 2-3 weeks then try going back down. So all this talk of cold Turkey makes no senseto me, why would anyone think that something they took and increased the amount over even 6 months could be stopped, cole turkey  Every narcotic drug or benzo's clearly states "DO NOT STOP TaKING THIS BEFORE CONSULTING WITH YOUR DOCTOR" Even if it was Beer and you started drinking 1 bottle a day and after 3 years you were drinking 24 bottles you would stop by gradually drinking less every month just like you started adding more each month! Does this sound sensible to anyone or is it just me., but I went from the above amounts to the current with ZERO in sight within 2-3 month without 1 day of withdrawal symptoms.

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by goingcrazywantingtohelp, Jul 27, 2009
how do i help someone who is trying to get off these and is simply running away? I mean literally running away. He left town and is not staying in contact. He says he needs to get off them on his own and I am worried sick. I know he is sincere in his efforts but I think he needs more than just his own efforts. Theses goddamn things own him! we've been together for 7 years now and he has run away, how do i help him??

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by cruiselbb, Jul 29, 2009
I am on day 9 (10?) of WD from farely low dose of 80mgs daily prescribed by a doctor for lower chronic back pain. I had been as high as 320 mgs per day a year ago but have tapered off gradually to the 80 mgs. Not easy with most of the WD symptoms described in these posts. Hope they will stop soon. Good luck to all!

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by momofmoms, Jul 31, 2009
GoingCrazy, there is nothing but your time and patience at this point. He'll be back.

It's all you can do to watch them go through this...I still worry about my sons....one was arrested again last night for petty theft....CD's...wanted to pawn them for more......you know.

Hang in Cruise, doing good!

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by eileen54, Aug 04, 2009
So much I would like to say, just had a message disappear, so will keep this brief (or try to!) I posted last month, when Dr. disappearances forced me to go cold turkey and stop the oxy I have taken for 7-8 years for many pain causing conditions. I was humbled to read the stories-and wondered why people don't come back to update their status. It would be good to hear how some of you went on!

I am now once again out of meds as my rheumatologist is still fighting her battle with cancer and my new family doctor renewed half a dose for 30 days as I thought I could do that, but didn't tell me she would be on holiday when the thirty days was up. So here I go again. What I have found to keep the suffering under control is codeine-which we can get in Canada without a prescription. This was suggested while I wait for surgery for ulcerative colitis and I have also taken robixcette with codeine for back spasms, (at dr's suggestion, works better than oxy) so I had some available. There is also plain tylenol with codeine. (Not Tylenol 3 which is stronger and needs a prescription). This can only be short term for me as I cannot tolerate much tylenol. I also have clonazapam which is for nerve damage, and it helps a bit with the leg cramps, as does the robaxcette, and out of desperation I dug out a back massager my daughter had bought and sat for hours with it on my legs while I tried to watch movies on TV. Pathetic! I eventually realized I could put it on the couch and lie on it, as it is the back of the legs that hurt worse, and was covered in blankets despite the heat. Does anyone know what causes these cramps and the creepy crawlies? It is hard to describe, and utterly torture. I now realize the night sweats are not menopause, the sequel ( went through it early at 40) but likely withdrawal. Unbelievable what this crap can do to us!

This time however, only one night has been hell and I kept three 10 mgs for emergencies and haven't had to take one  yet. I have also had very bad diarhea (sorry) and was so dehydrated I could barely get up. My angel (my daughter is so patient and has got me the tylenol from the pharmacist, gatorade, bananas etc to get my potassium back up.) What a nightmare-two months in a row! This is the least I have suffered though, so I suspect if you can manage, weaning off slowly would be the least painful option. I am luckier than most as I do have sleeping pills (useless for withdrawal), seroquel., (for when I don't sleep as I have fibromylgia as well as the crushed discs and bowel disease that causes much of my pain) and the clonazapam. I voluntarily dropped lorazapam as I never seemed to take it, but now have read it helps with withdrawal. I will be able to renew my pills on Wednesday (hopefully that is when she gets back) and again have the dilemma, do I want to go back on them when I have gone off? I have never felt "high" from them, and  take 60 mg a day of the long acting ones. I didn't renew the the short term ones, but think I will cut down the 8 hour and get some for breakthrough pain. I have never snorted or crushed them-once or twice I did crush them more to stop the bowel which that works for. The pain in my spine can be horrendous when all flares up at once-I do need something for pain. I can see however how insidious this drug is-I find it hard to keep up with friends and financial issues, and have little desire to go out. Could be the real symptoms (major surgery planned in Nov for the bowel (again) and pelvic collapse) and have had minor stroke activity and am loosing my sight so other issues could be at play. I have tried marijauna with patchy results-I think you have to have the right strain for your needs. I qualify for it, but Canada seems behind California in working with people to find what will help them. I also hate breaking the law! Twenty years with a cop can do that!

I will check back again, thanks for sharing-you are all very brave. Mom of moms-my heart goes out to you, and thanks for responding last month! Sportsnut, did you tell your wife, and how are you doing? You were not on a high dose, but good to nip it right there. I thought your wife would be proud of you for admitting this when your doc is willing to keep renewing. I can't seem to find one lately so monthly withdrawal better not be the new normal for me! If so, I'd prefer the pain.

eileen

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by momofmoms, Aug 05, 2009
Morning Eileen,

Thanks for your story. I took wait and watch for sequels to these drug induced dramasand hope so much to see some light at the end of the tunnel for those involved. I keep checking here to see if anyone has made the magic discovery to be released from the chains.

I want to see my sons free from this before it takes them down too far to recover. God Bless You

I'll bea round. M.O.M.

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by goingcrazywantingtohelp, Aug 05, 2009

mom of moms,

thanks for the hope. I keep thinking he'll be back but I just think that the addiction has become something he wants to end so badly he can't handle it. As like most addicts he is of the mind he can do it on his own and although I commend the effort trying,  I don't believe disappearing to try and quit will work. only time will be able to tell. We have communicated and he says he wants to quit  and has to be away from everyone including me to do it. Sometimes he's the person I know and love and other times he's not, he's angry and completely turned off emotionally. Which hurts immensely, but I want him to get better and wish I could convince him to seek the professional help that he needs. You are watching your children go through the same thing and as a mother myself I can't imagine. How do you cope? How do you remain hopeful and strong? HOW CAN I CONVINCE HIM TO GET THE HELP HE NEEDS BEFORE ITS TOO LATE???? Good luck to you and your family. I think the magic discovery is something that is individual for each addict and sitting back and waiting is the most helpless feeling.

I remain,
going crazy

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by momofmoms, Aug 08, 2009
Morning goingcrazy,
   I just woke up a whie ago and can't get my sons out of my head for long. I came here to see what is new and found you. I am sorry he is still away, trying to deal with his problems on his own. I know what you mean by the moods....most times they don't even remember them.

My middle son may be getting out of jail in a few weeks and wants to come stay with me and dry out. I don't ind that at all, but what happens when he goes back?  I already know....

Keep us informed on how he is doing. It may be that eventually you may just have to move on with your life, as he is seeming to branch off to do the same. As much as I can tell you care, remember we cannot control the actions of another, but stand and watch as they grow. I have to remind myself every day and more, that I cannot make my sons be better than what they are now. I can be here for them, but if they cannot make the choice to say no, no matter how tough, then I can't carry the stress and pain. How do I cope? Truly, I have to detach myself from it. Become an observer. It's not heartless, it's self preservation.

M.O.M.

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by DannyF73, Aug 13, 2009
I'd like to share my story with oxycontin withdrawl.    I'll make it short because all the details are about the same as all other post.    I was taking around 300mgs a day for some time.   I have multiple Meyloma which is a blood cancer that deterates your bones.  I have 2 fractured vertibre and I am in constant pain.    I had been taking OC for about 2 years.    I had recently had a stem cell transplant and was hit with high does chemo.  Between that and the high doses of OC, My brain was fried.  My short term memory was gone.   I decided to quit cold turkey!!!!
    WOW!!!!!  It was the worst 2 weeks of my life.....NO DOUBT AT ALL.   I have been through countless chemo and 2 stem cell transplants and that was NOTHING compared to the difficulty of coming off this synthetic herion.    
     I am about a month clean now and I still am not normal but I am considerably better.   I didn't start feeling "better" until day 15.    All the Dr's and APRN's will tell you it last 3-7 days.  THAT IS A LIE!!!!  
On day ten, I lost it...broke down crying , extremely depressed, in fact suicidal.    My DR perscribed CLONADINE which helped alot and got me to see the light at the end of the tunnel.
    
   IF YOU PLAN ON COMING OFF OC COLD TURKEY.......be prepaired for a really ruff time.   You will need the support of your family and friends and try to keep a positive attitude.   YOU CAN DO IT!!   but it is going to be an emotional rollercoaster ride through hell.    I would HIGHLY recommend getting a perscritption of some type of sedative.  Valium, zanex, lorazepam.   SOMETHING TO HELP YOU SLEEP.   Without this you will NOT sleep and it will drive you absolutley INSANE!!   The minutes turn into hours.    Also get a script for clonadine.   This will help with the vomiting, shivers and shakes and will help you mood as well.   It is not a cure-all but it helps.    Drink lots of fluids!!!  This will flush you out faster and keep you from getting dehydrated because you are going to have prolonged diareah.  Immodiume will help.    You will not have any energy.  This is normal.  You will have to push yourself with all you got.  

YOU CAN DO!!!!!   It won't kill you.....but you may think it is going to.  

One month later.....I feel so much better and my head is fianally clear.   My back hurts like hell, but atleast I can remember what happened yesterday.  

BEST OF LUCK who ever reads this and plans on quiting.  BE STRONG and you will prevail   I PROMISE!

After going through this ordeal.....I feel like there is nothing I can't do.   I am proud of myself...and everyone else who goes through this.  

Danny

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by momofmoms, Aug 14, 2009
Hi Danny! That was some hell you went through....gawd I wish for you health and peace...I really do. And all the others here. Even the ones looking and lurking.

I may write a book one day-- a collection of horror stoies like yours and the others on here. It would be geared to thwarting addictions with the various drugs mentioned on here as well as provide resources for getting help for those that are already caught up in it. Think anyone'd buy it? Think it would help anyone?

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by DannyF73, Aug 18, 2009
momofmoms,
I'm sure people would buy it,  but you would have alot of competion from the internet, there is alot of info about  OC and hydros out there.  
Oxycontin is a hell of a drug.  When used properly it is a very effective pain killer, but it is very addictive.  
I actually came off OC a few times.   The first time I was only taking 20mgs X 2 a day with a percocet everynow and again.   That wasn't too bad.   I felt really sluggish and was depressed and had no appetite for about a week.  
      Two years later I was perscribed 5,400 mgs of OC and oxycodone a month.   I would do that in about 3 weeks........you do the math.   Keep in mind, I am a cancer patient and getting this amount of pain killers isn't too much of a problem.     I would NOT recommend coming off this amount cold turkey AT ALL!!!!    But, I was fed up and I was going to do what ever was prescribed to me as fast and in what ever manner I wanted!   I was reckless to say the least. I would chew em, snort em, when ever and however much I wanted..   I was using them for energy......BIG MISTAKE.    If you find yourself heading in this direction.....PLEASE be careful......it is a VERY SLIPPERY SLOPE.  

I believe the key to using them properly is to take as small of a dose as you can stand and don't ask your DR. to up the dose every couple of months unless you can't stand the pain.   I can remember when I first started to take them, 15mgs would knock me on my ***!!  2 1/2 years later I'm eating 400mgs a day.   Your body will build up a tolerance to them FAST!  Atleast I did.  Of course I just kept asking for more and the DR's would give me more.  It's not there fault.....I was the poor sap asking for em.  They thought they were helping with my pain.  

If you find that you cannot control yourself, ask a loved one to give you a days supply each day and not a single more.   If I had done this,  I wouldn't have had to go through hell and back to get my life back on track!  

I hope this will help someone out there who is concerned about where there pain medication is taking them.  
There are many many stories out there just like mine.......please don't be the next!  

Danny

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by confusednscared09, Aug 25, 2009
My 19 year old son is battling the same problem and I'm not sure how to handle it.  I'm not sure how much he was taking, but he says it was atleast 4 30's a day or more at times.  About 2 weeks ago he decided to leave town and move 900 miles from home to be with his sister and get away from the friends.  He had some with him and I would say it couldn't have been more than a total of 600 mg to do over a 2 week period.  The last day he did anything was Saturday so he hasn't had anything in 3 days.  He has been calling me to keep posted and he says it feels like someone is scraping his spine with razor blades.  His legs are killing him and he is crying a lot.  He did work yesterday and is working today, but I know he is struggling.  He says he can't sleep at all.  He has been taking 2 pain relievers every 4 hours and they aren't helping.  He tried a sleeping pill, but that doesn't help either.  I don't know how he could be hurting so bad knowing he really didn't have that much, but he said it's not what he has done over the past 2 weeks, it's what he did before then.  I wonder if maybe he is telling me he is worse than he really is or if this is for real???  After reading so many of your stories, it seems most of you were taking much more than him!  I'm scared he won't be able to handle the withdrawls and we may have to hospitalize him.  Am I worrying too much?  Do you think he may be lying a little bit about the pain (since he really hasn't done much in the last 2 weeks)?  Would it help if I didn't talk to him as often as I have been?  I just wonder if talking to him may be making it worse???  I'm so confused and scared.  I don't want anything to happen to him.  I have made plans to go to him, but I can't until 9/10.  By then it will have been 20 + days that he hasn't done anything.  Should I go sooner?  His sister and brother in law are dealing with it, but they are young and don't know about withdrawls.  They are pushing him to stay active and trying to make light of the situation.  Is this the right way to handle it????  Someone who has been through this please respond!!  Thank you and good luck to all of you...I'm praying for you!!!!!

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by momofmoms, Aug 26, 2009
Hello COS, welcome to the gathering,
I know exactly what you are going through.Since I haven't touched the stuff myself I can't personally relate to the addiction, but watching my sons go through it is hell too! I'd rather I have the addiction and die with it than they have it and live the way they are now. Day to day--just enough money to get the next...and the cylcle goes on. I swear, I hav never seen an addictionlike this. I stopped sending money a long time ago. It only goes up their noses and the bills fall by the wayside.

It is very hard to tell if he is lying to you. I honestly believe they believe their own lies as truth. I have had my sons get in my face--look me straight in the eye and lie. Then everything goes all normal again after awhile, and they are laughing, playing their guitars and everything is just fine and nothing can hurt them! Like they are invincible! Then the crash comes after all that and it's headaches, can't go to work, pain and can't sleep. The leg thig is also a problem.

One of their good friends, who went through 3 weeks rehab ON HIS OWN just a few months ago came out clean and determined. He even cut himself off from my boys so he did not have to get the trigger to snort again. (They all use straws cut to about 4 inches). I got a call the other day that he is back at it worse than ever now and is about to lose the job he just worked so hard to get and was a great opportunity to train working dogs.  How in the hell can this demon drug problem go away?

I am sorry I am rambling. I'm so gladI have you all to vent to. Thanks.  

COS, I have no advice. I'm at a loss for words myself. M.O.M.

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by chickmag, Sep 05, 2009
ConfusednScared:

Have you seen the movie Ray? Do you remember the part where he goes through withdrawal from his herion addiction? This is the same process as OC wd. They are both opiates and affect the brain the same way. He needs your understanding. Believe him. We were sceptical of our son, but the doctor we took him to helped us understand - what he is describing is for real.

It's not wd from just the last pills he took - it's a physical process from his body's dependency developed over time. Good news: as you've probably read, the symptoms won't kill him, although he'll wish he were dead.

Very high risk for those who have detoxed: if they don't also go through rehab and learn how to live with their addiction, there is a big risk of taking OC again. Glad he relocated to get away from his bad peers. But once his body detoxes, if he relapses and takes the same dose that he was previously (and that may be where he is not telling you the truth - but that doesn't matter), then there is risk of death. That's where you can really worry. He can successfully detox but he needs to get his lifestyle figured out. Many OC deaths occur after detox because the addict doesn't realize their body can't handle the same dose that they used to handle.

To do it right, find a detox center, and go through a 5-7 day detox. Then from there, straight to a 90-day rehab (especially for a 19 year old, a 30 day program is insufficient. Don't make light of the situation - it is extremly serious and ultimately, life threatening. Sounds like he wants to be clean - use this opportunity to get him clean. You may not get another chance.

Gool luck,
Mike

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by wirry1422, Sep 06, 2009

Hey everyone.  Wow its amazing the amount of long detailed threads online with stories filled with anguish and suffering.  All from a legal drug.  My quick story is that I am withdrawing myself after 5 years on the oxy.  I was stable on 40 x 2 for three years.  I still have a legal prescription.  But i know in my heart that my tolerance is only going to get worse and worse.  So I have decided to do a self directed cold turkey wd. I new it was gonna get bad, but you have to live it to really know it.  I compare it to being on chemotherapy.  I am midway thru day 8 right now and i'm not sure but i think i've turned the corner.  I think the peak of hell was three days ago.  But with that being said, I still feel like ****.  I can literally tolerate every side effect of the w/d (the muscle aches, the cramps and shaking, the terrible runs, the runny nose and yawning, and the non-stop sneezing, and the terrible headache that comes and goes) but i can't take the insomnia.   The insomnia for me has been nearly complete.  In eight days I have probably slept literally 12 hours or so. And it was not restfull sleep, so i don't even know if that counts as sleep.  The only thing that has been getting me a little relief is the muscle relaxer soma.  Otherwise i don't think i could physically do the cold turkey w/d.  But my goal is to detox so that i can then resume using the oxy for my underlying pain (which is quite severe) but at a much lower dose.  Almost like being born again. Of course in a few years i'll eventually have to do this all over again.   But what are my alternatives?   God luck everyone. Stay strong, especially those who are not merely physically withdrawing, but also are phsychologically addicted.  Get intervention if need be.  Good luck.

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by wirry1422, Sep 06, 2009
BTW  "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger!"  This won't kill you, so you know what that means.  STAY STRONG!

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by myphia, Sep 07, 2009
Hello everyone, I feel bad about what I'm going to say here, but for those of you getting ready to go "cold turkey" or by "weaning off" I need to say, I've been weaning down and am now going through withdrawls severely.  You need to know that the "weaning down" process will not remove your addiction at all, but also, it won't really even help with your withdrawls (WD) in the sense of "length" (how long will I WD?) However, weaning down WILL HELP with the severity of your pain while going through WD.  They will be more tolerable per say but just as long of a time frame....not good news huh?  

God knows I feel your pain though, deeply.  My boyfriend and I have been taking OC for 7 months.  We were up to 40mg 1x a day for each of us.  Basically we weren't doing much, right?  Well, i gotta tell you, my TINY dose is JUST as bad as what others are taking. So, "confusedandscared09" yes, your son might be telling you the truth!!! It's such an evil drug!!!!  

I noticed I was physically addicted around 3 1/2 months ago. Before the 3 1/2 months I didn't take it daily.  I would take it recreationally.  Once a month, then twice monthly.  Eventually twice weekly.  Finally one weekend, like a fool, I took a 40 every day for three days straight.  That weekend is what began my physical addiction, it's what made me sick and is now what has thrown me in what has been for me, the bowls of hell.
After that I needed it everyday in order to cope with normality. Finally, after 3 months of doing 40mg (freakin daily!!!) just to feel normal, my boyfriend Alex and I decided to quit. (because obviously that 40mg daily was not getting us high, just coping and trying to feel normal, while wasting all of my money away...down the drain)  So, here is my journey, so far, into hell...

I went out last Tuesday (that's now 6 days ago) and bought 4 of the 20mg tablets (totaling 80mg) in order to wean Alex and I down to nothing, zero.  Keep in mind, that 80mg is split between two people (40 for each of us...for the rest of our lives.  My last 40 ever again basically)  

I wrote out a 5 day regimen stating that i would wean down to nothing by Sunday, using those 4 20mg tablets, it went something like this:

Tuesday, we started with doing half of a full 20mg (10mg each).  I felt WD but they were mild.
Tuesday,late at night, we split half a 20mg (10mg, 5mg each)  just to sleep...  

Wednesday morning felt like dog s***!!!  We fought all morning, dealing with our WD, "tricking the brain" as someone else had posted here.  I finally gave in and we took the other half of the 20mg from last night (10mg, 5mg each) around 5 hours after waking up.  I am proud of us though, for holding out for 5 hours after we woke up before doing any....that was good.
Wednesday night we did none.  Though, we did eat a marijuana brownie and  even though I was suffering from serious insomnia, that brownie knocked my lights out!  Thank God!

Thursday I woke up feeling decent.  We toughed it out again, not taking any until several hours after waking.  Around 7pm we took our first amount for Thursday, only 10mg, 5mg each, again.  Surprisingly, that 5mg lasted all night, no WD!

Friday we did a little less than 5mg each, maybe around 3.5mg.  We did Friday like this...we took a small amount (in a line, sorry to be blunt) and waited 15min.  if our bodies felt normal then we stopped, if not then we would do a tiny (and I mean tiny) more of a line, then waited 15min again.  We would stop, not when we felt normal but when we ALMOST felt normal, keeping some of the WD pain just to trick the brain!  The point here is to wean yourself down and also trick your brain simultaneously!

Going on like this,  I was able to make my 40mg last me all the way till Saturday night, which was my last night and i stopped with my last intake at only 1.5mg.  Now, some of you might think it's crazy to only take 1.5mg but it helped me, it lasted for up to 5 hours strong too, then 3 hours with mild WD and eventually sleep! All that with just 1.5mg!  So, yes, you really can wean yourself down to that low of a dose.  Now I'm 2 days Oxy free, and today Monday of the next week, labor day.  

I'll tell you guys this, these two days with nothing, even from this little amount of 1.5mg is still bad.  It's nothing like the WD i felt 3 months ago when realizing my addiction, but it's still WD nonetheless and it *****!  But, good news, I slept last night for 7 hours!  I woke this morning and ate a full breakfast!  I did have diarreah but hey, what the hell?!  Ive been on the toilet for the past week, what's another few days!  My mood is getting better, I'm still emotional yes, but I have more laughs now then I have in a long time.  I've cried to death, but then came out laughing my a** off.  Tomas and I are a little looney right now too, but it's ok.  I'm almost done with it.  I can feel my body getting better.  

For WD pain I've taken some ib propheren and marijuana for sleep and relaxation. I've had to walk close to 4 miles every single night to wear my body down.  Yesterday I actually ran!  These exercises, IB propherine and the marijuana, combined with the love and support of my boyfriend, are all I've needed. We support each other and for now it's really important.  Our friend Andrew (who has never tried this OC stuff felt terrible and wanted to help us.  He is the only friend that has not made a joke or "lightness" of our situation)  He found this web sight and printed these stories for us to read.  I've been reading all week and I have to say, you guys out there, wherever you are, have single handedly inspired us to continue.  M.O.M. your story scared me half to death!  I will NEVER touch these pills ever again for as long as I live!!!!!!  I would rather WD forever!!!  

The crappy thing is that even weaning to nothing will not stop these WD's.  Though they are mild, I will have to suffer for at least another week I'm sure, but I feel like an Indian, the WD and suffering are like a crazy adventure on there own.  I feel like I'm fasting, hallucinating...I'm more spiritual than ever and closer to God now.  It's weird.  But I'm happy, I feel good.  For those of you out there who think you can't do this.  You are allowing yourselves to think that.  You are afraid of being without this drug.  But if you surrender yourself to this drug you will NEVER BE HAPPY.  Just remember that.  You will never......

And for the friends and family out there who have never tried this devil drug.  Firstly, it is a devil drug and your victims are not the same anymore.  They will have to fight in this journey to survive.  If they are not strong enough to do this alone then they will need help, segregation, solitude, support, warmth, love (it's an emotional rollercoaster!!!)...tell them you're proud of them!!!!  Tell them they will make it!!!  Don't put them down and for God sakes, don't try to hand them a veggie smoothie and expect them to feel better.  They are going through their own purgatory!!!!  Do not take this lightly, it is a HUGE deal!  If need be, put them in 90 day rehab center.  30 days may not help...but if it's all you can afford, do it!

Also, they do offer 90 day live in rehabs for people with low income!!!  And please, don't buy any of that methadome clinic ****.  It's not going to help them, only prolong the problem.  If you must, capture them and make them stay on vacation for a month away from everything....or leave them be and hope for the best.  But don't belittle them, or make lightness of this situation.  What you are suffering from is very real....and if you are suffering, imagine what they are going through.  I just wish they can be helped, but unless you hold them against their will, there is nothing you can do because the decision to take their lives back lies within their own hearts....

wish me luck with my journey as it gets better each day,
until the next time...

xoxo,
myphia

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by myphia, Sep 08, 2009
Hello everyone, it's day 3 with nothing.  Getting better and better.  I've been eating a lot of fish and chicken for the necessary proteins I need.  I also break omega 3's gel capsules into soup or smoothies for essential fish oils and fatty acids.  It's absolutely necessary for people to stay away from red meats and refined sugars.  OK?

As far as my WD's go, yesterday after I wrote my entry I came down with sudden and almost debilitating fatigue.  I went to my friends house to lay by the pool.  I didn't even get in, I literally just laid there, could barely even move my mouth to talk!  So so tired and sore....ugh.  It's strange tho, that fatigue lasted only about 4 hours and then after that I felt like a huge amount of energy and was able to go on my nightly walk and everything.  It comes in waves.....

But I did smoke more marijuana before bed last night, and poof!  I fell asleep like a little baby.  Then I kept having these crazy anxiety dreams about accidentally doing more oc's.  It was terrible.  Like, I'd be with one of my many "hooks" and I'd be trying to get away but then a bad guy would come to steal from the hook, so my hook asked me to hold his stash and I'd end up having to hold it in my mouth...where it would melt in there and all of my WD pains would go away.  I woke up almost crying because I felt like, in my dream and even in life, if I fail at this....I will never forgive myself.  My dreams were taunting me as well as warning me...

I gotta say this though...yesterday when I was laying at the pool I began weeping like a baby...haha...luckily my friend is WDing too, so he understood.  But I told him..."man, I may be crying here, sore as sh** and dying...but at least I FEEL!  It may be the worst pain ever...but damn, I'm feeling!!!!"  

So, today is new, I woke up feeling fresh.  I don't have the crawling feeling and since sleeping my emotions are back to a level amount.  I'm not expecting myself to feel this good for the rest of my journey with this ****, but it's ok.  I've already been through the bowls.  And even if I don't feel 100% I know each day is easier and easier and for me, that's a blessing enough.  Let the WD's ride!!!  For they are one hell of a crazy ride indeed!  Still, tho, I'd say they aint as bad as child birth.

xoxo.

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by myphia, Sep 09, 2009
It's me again, i can't sleep. you know, I don't think it's the WD's though, think I simply can't sleep.  Either way I just wanted to say I'm on day 4 with nothing (after 6 days of weaning down from 40mg to 1.5mg, with medium to bad WD)  and this day, day 4 so far has been the very best!  I feel almost normal!  I am, however, a little depressed...which ***** cuz it can make you crave the drug...(just to feel the opiates hit your brain, you feel calm and relaxed...and happy again.) : (

  But I know that those feelings weren't real, just the pills.  I also know that I was a really happy person before taking oc and I'll be happy again once it's completely out of my system.  I don't know why people insist on taking anti depressants?  (unless you were taking them prior...)  There is nothing wrong with feeling down in the dumps, kinda expected when your brains "feel good" receptors have literally been fried or covered up.  It's gonna be a while before I can rebuild my own receptors...I can deal with that.  taking anti depressants would just prolong...or possibly hault the process if taken long enough.  yikes, I'd rather be sad for a month in order for me to be happy and healthy later.  

Other then that, the cramps, aches, headaches, hot and cold flashes, diarreah, vomiting, crawling skin, mood swings, bouts of weeping, thoughts of times passed, "cracked out feeling", brittle bones, insomnia, insanity, runny nose, eyes and mouth.......it's all gone....

so, maybe I'll be able to conclude my test on [if it's better to wean down or just take the WD's by the horns]

I'll wait to answer that in a couple days....

but so far I'm thinking it's better to wean down.

I'm gonna try and get some rest...can't stop thinking.  but at least i can lay still....
yes!

xoxo
myphia




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by wirry1422, Sep 09, 2009
Well its now been a total of 11 days.  I went from full dose (40 x2) to zero cold turkey (see posts a couple up).  Well i think i have now really turned for the better after about 9 very difficult days.  As I stated above, I have only been using the muscle relaxer soma and nothing to ease the symptoms.  Primarily soma helps to at least allow some sleep and is fast acting (unfortunately its also fairly short acting)  but it does not cause physical dependency (or only slightly depending who you read/ask), other alternatives would include the benzos like xanax, but those can be highly physically dependency creating (and addictive in some people as well) so are not such a hot thing to use as you are just replacing one dependency/potentially addicting med with another.

As stated previously, I have experienced the full range of symptoms, but the most damaging and horrible by far is the insomnia.  The insomnia makes everything else pale in comparison because it magnifies every other discomfort by a factor of 4 or 5.  It also makes the time seem to last forever as you must live through all 24 hours of each day.  Those first 9 days seemed like at least a month subjectively.  But on Monday night Tuesday morning, after having not slept at all the previous 2 nights, I actually slept a total of 6 hours (which was eternity for me and my alarm woke me at 8, darn it).  But the really cool thing was that I dreamt for the first time since withdrawing and I awoke totally refreshed, like a new person.  I'm no neuroscientist, but I think the vivid dreaming was indictive of REM sleep, which meant that my brain was finally able to start producing the essential neurotransmitters that had been all but shut off while taking the artifical endorphins known as Oxy for several years.  On Tuesday, I almost felt normal.

I know that I am not out of the woods just yet.  I still am not able to sleep much at all without the soma.  Once I gradually reduce the soma and am able to still get a decent nights sleep on a consistent basis, and once the bowel symptoms are totally gone, I will then be able to declare victory (hopefully within another 18 days or so.)  But I am almost certain the worst is behind me.   As I said, I am a chronic pain patient, and yes the pain is still there and still severe, so my goal was to detox, "opiate holiday" to reduce my dosage tolerance back down to beginner levels mainly for feasibility issues, so I will be back on the oxy in the future (i cannot physically function at anything approaching a normal level without the pain relief).  But my dose will hopefully be 20% or less of what it was.  I will then have to do this "opiate holiday" again several years in the future, but its worth it for pain relief and control.

Please keep in mind that my story may be different from many of the others on this board, as i was not using the oxy to physchologically subdue my "inner demons" or blunt my anxiety or my mental anguish.  In short, I am not an addict.  I am a chronic pain patient who has built up a physical tolerance to the medication to the point that relatively high doses are no longer providing appropriate pain control. Physical tolerance to the medication is something that is a 100% certainty in anyone taking opiate based pain medication for an extended period of time.  I have no mental need for the medication or craving to "get high".  I have a full bottle of 40's and oxymorphone 5's sitting in my dresser as i type and they will stay right there until i have fully withdrawn.

I make this point because I think that based on the disproportionate amount of online stories on this site and all over the net, most neutral observers would conclude that oxycodone should be banned and made 100% illegal.  The reality is not captured by the "horror stories".  The reality is that there are plenty of quiet folks using oxycontin legally for legitimately excruciating physical pain from everything from cancer to amputations to severe burns.  For them, having any normal functioning requires high doses opiate based pain control on a regular or even permanent basis.  For every young hs or college kid that would be stopped from taking the med (which remains to be seen as even illegal meds are readily available to people my age) there would be another person having to suffer through pain that most can only imagine, on a permanent basis.  

People need to take responsibility for there own addictions and not blame the chemists or the pharma companies for there addictions.  I believe that addiction probably has a genetic component to it and that some people are easily addicted to various substences.  But regardless, people need to know themselves and not use drugs or meds to try to control there moods.  That is where the trouble starts.  And that applies to a 15 year old kid as much as an elderly person.  Kids are suprisingly savvy and are well aware of what is right and what is not by the time they enter high school.  And as for the adults here, I am sorry to hear your stories.  But always remember that you chose to take that first pill, it didn't jump into your mouth/nose/veins.  Choose to get off on your own.  Don't force the government to force the drug companies to make the choice FOR you as a way to kick your habit.  Because that road has implications for everyone.  No medication is inherently evil, it is only how they are used by people that makes them evil, or in some cases, good.  Good luck to all, especially those who are addicted to this medication.  Get help if you need it.  There is never anything wrong with asking for help.  Good luck and I hope my views haven't upset any of the family or friends of those addicted.  Everyone is different and some people just make a bad decision and get trapped.  There brain is not wired to be able to stop the medication on their own.  So help them.  Good luck.



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by myphia, Sep 13, 2009
so, it's 12 days now with no oxy.  I don't think about it at all.  I don't really have any WD symptoms left... except some stomach problems.  I'm still not digesting correctly...but it's somewhat mild.  Also, I've been sleeping fine at night, but come morning I'm up at 5:30, sometimes 6:00am everyday.  It's not good for me cuz I have a night job.  Finally, I do have some depression symptoms.  I went out last night with some friends, had two beers, couldn't really finish the second one and really just wanted to go home and relax.  Like I said in my previous post, I know all of these symptoms are from cutting out oxy and my receptors/endorphins are not what they use to be.  So, I continue to truck on...

I just want to say, in response to the last posting before this one, I say, we are both on about the same time frame, 11 days for you, 12 days for me!  Nice job!  I was watching this show "Intervention" and there was a woman on there who was taking oxy for her chronic arthritis.  Her hands were literally deformed, her bone formation was lumpy and crooked.  She was in constant pain.  But on the down side she had also become addicted to the pain killers.  Her family began feeling like they were loosing her completely, so after tons of research they found similar symptoms of her arthritis in (i think they said) lime disease.  Her mother begged her to get a second opinion about the lime disease and it's causes or similarities of arthritis.  well, finally the girl went to the dr. got her second opinion and low and behold...she had lime disease and it was indeed causing her arthritis and her ongoing pain.  Her family was ecstatic because she could simply take a anitbody to remove the disease.  The problem was that the woman literally freaked out in fear of loosing her pain med's. She eventually used the "everyone is different card"  which my very own brother uses (because he is also addicted to oxy from back pain after surgery) and I've personally battled with my brother, especially this past week, on how he should get off of it...even if he does have pain (it's destroying his life!!! I can't get into it...but I'll tell you...it's very bad for him now)

My point is that oxy is so addictive, it does not matter if you are labeling yourself as an "addict" or not.  There is not one person who is immune to it's physical or mental addictions and I can't believe that not once will a person who was on oxy and got off never ever even think of it again?  Do you remember a lost lover?  Yes, that's a form of addiction.  It's a habit...your brain changes when forming habits.  It's electrical patterns change and they conform to the new habit.  Even if the habit is healthy, like exercise, it's still becomes an addiction, most times mentally, which is even harder to deal with than physical, for some.

With that said, there is still hope.  In my opinion, it's ok to be addicted to oxy.  Hey, it happened right?  whether your dr. gave them to you or not, in most cases your dr. did not tell you how bad these things are.  So...all you can trust is yourself, your own body and your own will.  If there is a will there is a way and no matter what happens, don't blame yourself for this "devil drug" it brings pain relief sure, but at what cost?  the deterioration of your body?  There are many other ways to deal with pain.  Don't make excuses for yourself people, you are all slaves to this **** and if you are not you will be one day.  Get off or don't, but just remember, making excuses for yourself is not getting clean.  It's just making excuses and staying on.  As they say "once that decision is made, there's no going back"  Like my friend who is terminally ill and the oxy has made him worse (as most people find) he tried to quit a total of 6 times, relapsing every time.  Eventually he got embarrassed and pulled the "everyone is different card" with me, told me that he needs it and that's why he relapsed (never once taking accountability for his own actions, that he indeed could not quit this stuff...he couldn't admit that, it made him feel weak)  well now he's back on the "get off oxy wagon" for his 7th time and he made it to day 8 when he finally broke down again.  He said, and I quote "it's like a terrible train wreck you see happening before it even happens.   And once you've made that decision, to get some more, there is no going back, nothing will stop you."  He was never addicted before and his family has never even touched a glass of wine.  So you tell me about this drug....
I'll tell you this, after he took that oxy, destroying his 8 hard days of getting clean, he broke down in anger and ended up slitting his wrists....
so again, you tell me you can't get addicted.  

I'm not trying to scare anyone, just warning really, no one is better than anyone, no one can escape this fate if you choose to play with fire (if you get it from dr. or not) you WILL GET BURNED.

Anyway, in good news, I'm feeling fine....and so will you.

xoxo,
myphia

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by jwade38, Sep 14, 2009
that is very true.every word Myphia I can not tell you how many times,i tried to quiet it not working.but i will try and do it.thank all of you i am trying hard thank you all..

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by jwade38, Sep 14, 2009
that is very true.every word Myphia I can not tell you how many times,i tried to quiet it not working.but i will try and do it.thank all of you i am trying hard thank you all..

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by wirry1422, Sep 14, 2009
Day 15 completed.  So far all of the symptoms have subsided except for slight sneezing and coughing as well as slight bowel symptoms.  However the insomnia is still quit severe with me getting an average of 3 hours a night, sometimes very restless.  Oh well, on the bright side, I am somehow able to function nearly normal during the day.  Perhaps I don't need much sleep after all, lol.  More time for other things like message board posting.

To the previous poster, I would congratulate you also on your period of drug free time.  Its great that your sleep seems to be improving.  Hopefully things get better day by day.  

I would have to disagree again though on your overall views on the medication itself.  You are certainly a gifted writer and are good at persuasion.  However, when you drill down to it, all of your "proof" that oxy's are inherently "evil", which you used in your previous post is basically anecdotal stories.  Again, as i stated, those "horror stories" that are often posted are not representative of the reality for those in chronic excruciating pain.  Many people function perfectly fine (which they couldn't do BEFORE starting the medication) on doses that would kill an opiate naive person.  If it weren't for the escalating dosages and difficulty in obtaining the quatities need for pain relief after years of use, a chronic pain patient could gradually escalate the dose indefinitly.  The trouble starts, however, when they loose a doc or when the doc will no longer increase the dose just due to the absolute amount and the all-encompassing (justified) fear of the DEA by American doctors.  

When chronic pain patients are forced to abruptly discontinue their medication, unless they are very strong (few have this strenght of will)  they will begin to loose a grip on their life, and the spiral may very much resemble classic addictive behavior by recreational drug abusers.  But the distinction between physical dependance and physchological addiction is a well understood tenet of pain medicine and should be understood by everyone.  There are many situations in which high-dose long-term opiate treatment is the ONLY option which allows full functioning of the patient.  That is a fact which cannot be disputed no matter how many anecdotal "stories" are tossed around on the internet.  Good luck to everyone withdrawing for whatever the reason.  Btw, I am withdrawing solely because the medical establishment and the government enforcement apparatus has conspired to make the treatment that would be most effective for me unfeasible.  Good luck.

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by Wally97, Sep 20, 2009
Hi,

I have been taking Oxycontin for a year and have reduced from 100mg/day down to 10mg/day. The chronic pain from peripheral neuropathy is back with a vengeance, added to withdrawal symptoms it is unbearable. I have been referred to Rheumatology for tests but having read every one of these very helpful entries on OC withdrawal I am convinced my symptoms are not a progression to arthritis or Sjogrens Syndrome but simply (inappropriate word I know) withdrawal.

I was told by the consultant that this drug could become addictive but having been through the card of every other available drug, test, treatment over a period of 3 years for my condition, I would have tried anything for the pain and didn't give any thought to future withdrawal. Looking back I don't know or remember how I got from 10mg/day to 110mg/day, I just know I am not the same person I was before taking it. Will I ever find the original Wally again? I dislike the person I am so much right now; I perform the essential daily tasks with lethargy and without any interest for about 5 hours a day then it's back to bed cos I'm exhausted, sick to death of yawning and aching from head to toe.

I would rather not get out of bed at all in the morning.

Does anyone know if there is a list of places to go in the UK to help with withdrawal? there must be goups? maybe OEU ('oxy enemies united') I would be happy to be part of it or start one to help others if I ever get through this nightmare.

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by Lorrie4194, Sep 21, 2009
Hey everyone,
I have been using roxicodone for 12 yrs off and on now and took my last one yesterday @4pm. Right now I am just at 24 hous, in a few hours. I can't sit still, throwing up and I feel like The reason I'm writing is because I keep thinking that I can call a Dr and get more, etc.,etc. Is that the addiction playing mind games? I have done this a 1000 times! I just have to hold on! We all can do this. ?The detox ***** but it's the mental and cravings that always bring me back! Wally, keep on keeping on! Anyone out there that can give advice?

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by myphia, Sep 21, 2009
Hi wally.  I hope you get through this nightmare too. I hope everyone does!  One day at a time...you will see the old wally again : )  He is there...he's the one knocking saying "I want to be me again!"  That's how I felt too...

That's the only reason I'm writing, I'm hoping I can help someone the way I've helped myself get off oxy...

  I know it might sound silly but "trust" was the number one essence that helped me stay on track.

I told myself to be strong and most importantly to TRUST myself (and my body chemistry) when going through the worst of it. It sounds so elementary but trusting myself kept me from saying "screw this I can't wait for my body chemistry to get back to normal, who knows if it ever really is?" and doing more oxy or methadome or suboxine or any other "easy answers" besides the ones in my heart....I had to trust that the withdrawals would stop and I would be normal and happy again.  

Just to know without a doubt that I would be better again, my old self again, is real trust.  I continue to believe this and it helps in the 'now' where physical agony has all but passed and depression is going...somewhat....strong.  

Oxy has created this new depression of mine.  I've never felt depression or true boredom until now.   And it can be difficult to differentiate between complete boredom and the realization that It's not boredom, it's oxy depression trying to trick my mind into thinking I'm unhappy!  Aaah, there we go...I'm not depressed!  It's again, this stupid drug!!!  I trust that I really am happy, but my happiness has just been on vacation and now it's slowly coming back home.  

Though you may not know when, you just have to trust that you will be back to your old self again.  If you don't believe that to be fact then you will have a very difficult time getting off and staying off of oxy.


Trust yourself because who else can you trust to REALLY help you?
  

Just knowing that my brain had been damaged by oxy and not blaming myself for my 'lack of life' was also key.  Because it's not my that I feel lack of life, it's this new me who is actually not me at all....

It's not your fault...
either way you look at it, this was a big sick accident.  A big mistake that is ridiculous to try and fix...but it's not your fault that this happened to you...

however it will be your fault if you don't stop it from killing you.
Trust yourself and know that you are not going to just curl up on the floor like a little fetus and just die there with your bottle of heroin pills in your hands.  That is sick.  You are not sick!!!    

Jesus, now I remember why the simple things are what really makes life go around.  People are always looking for answers.  An easier way to do things, to get through life. But sometimes the answers are staring you in the face, stupid!  haha  
What I'm getting at is that there is NO answer.  
Life is a big, twisted, social mess and we can choose to be part of it or we can choose every man for himself and keep things simple.  I tried finding answers to get off oxy.  I tried weening myself down to 1.5mg.  But see!!!  I'm still withdrawaling!  So, it's gotta be one road or the other.  There is no easy answer!  If you want to get off this **** there is only one way and it's cold turkey.  Too bad.  But it's true.  And every dr. who tells you it's not a good way is a liar and I would run for the hills if you have a dr. like that.  The only dr. who is a good dr. is the dr. who prescribes you hugs, kisses, green food and lean protein to get off oxy.  It's rare to find that kind of dr.  It's rare to remember those simple things in life are what really make us better.  

I know the hugs and kisses comment sounds lame.  I know we're in the 21st century and I know, for example, how great nuclear power is...how wonderful using power of atoms is a good thing!  But is it good that it also has the power to destroy everything???  Listen, i'm no doctor but I say, I am a woman!  and in my heart I truly believe this oxy pill was a good idea at first...to help people...but what a mess it turned into.  There must be another way to cope with pain...because I don't know how to even help my brother who has serious back pain (which is now even worse!) and on top of it he's addicted like crazy to the pills.  His dr. keeps giving him more and more and now he's truly sick.  : (

  For me it was either get off or stay on.  Getting off is a rocky road, but it's a shorter and brighter road then the long gloomy, expensive, time consuming road of dependancy, that's for sure.  I chose to trust myself and my abilities to make my own decisions.  I have power over myself and no one is going to take that from me.  See how easy it is to do that?  Now keeping with it and not letting material influences guide you off track is the tricky part, huh?
Just keep strong!  This is what I've done and it's the ONLY thing I've done.  Well, also a little bit of weed has helped (wink)

There must be a way for people to deal with their pain without painkillers.  Ancient China used stretching the body and physical therapy practices as well as hydrotherapy (using hot and cold water) moving the blood in your body with glass bowls or by standing on your head (haha) to move the blood, acupunture, sleeping on floors...I'm sure there is more.  

Also, in WW1 men were living with lost limbs and trench foot and they didn't have any oxy.  Hmmm...back, joint, muscle pain, etc I would argue is not worth it to take oxy. It's not bad to feel pain, even when it's excruciating.  I'd rather feel!  I have to say, I was in a major accident which left me with serious 3rd degree burns on the back side of my upper leg.  the burns were excruciating and for some reason I chose to get by without pain killers.  I went through 4 months of healing through terrible burn scars where I literally had to have all of my scabs scraped off and removed from my wound to help it heal again!  It was sickening, I was kept out of work and finally I healed completely with the help of a great diet and proper cleaning.  I couldn't sleep at all, but whatever.  Pain shows us that we are alive.  Pain shows us that we are getting better too!  Oxy will never make you better and by it eating at your muscle and joint mass, in fact it will cause the pain from your deterioration to get worse.

xoxo,
stay strong and trust yourself!

myphia







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by Lorrie4194, Sep 21, 2009
Myphia,
Thanks for responding. It is defintely hell getting through the withdrawls. I do disagree w/ you on one statement. Everything else you said was wonderful! But going cold turkey, the best idea? Probably not, IMO. Why put one self through that if you can have a detox center wean you down? I don't mean replace it, ie. methadone or suboxone but for me everytime I do it, I feel like I'm dying. I can't even sit still or sleep. I just sit there tossing and turning. It's awful... degrading... and downright inhumane!  But if you don't have any other choice, it CAN be done. It ***** but it can be done! Thank you so much for responding and I hope this finds you feeling great today! Wally ~ How are you feeling today?

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by realtime, Sep 23, 2009
i have a bad back and started out with darvocet 6 years ago then it went to vicodin for a while then the last two years i have been taking 5 30mg oxycodones and 60 mg of morphine for my pain and have completely lost the last two years of my life.i have a 9 yr old daughter and she is the main reason that i am on day 4 of cold turkey oxy withdraws.sometimes i think i am feeling better and then it hits me like a ton of bricks an d knocks me down again.i am going to do it though i have to for her myself and to get my life back. oxys only made me stupid and tired and moody and very inpatient.i got the good feelings off them too but wow its not worth it. i will never touch another oxy as long as i live if i can handle the wd and get better i will be so happy.its very hard but i know i can do it.i actually do not hurt anyworse than i did when i was taking the devil pills.reading all of your stories has really helped me out alot.thanks.

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by realtime, Sep 23, 2009
today is my first day here and have been reading for 4 days and it ha helped me to know that other people are suffering as well. my story is that i have been on pain meds for 6  years it started with simple darvocet then it turned into vicodin and for the past 2 years i have been on 30mg oxycodone 5 times a day and 60mg morphine two times a day.i have a 9 yr old daughter who needs her mom sober not in a cloud all the time. i am on my 4th day of cold turkey withdraws off of my meds and it has been so hard and sick that i wonder sometimes if i can make it.but i will because i have to for my daughter and myself. i need help and someone to talk to thats going through the same thing.i am disabled dut to different ailments including fybrmyalgia and ruptured disks etc.write me if you can give me some hope and help keep on the right path to staying off the devil pills.

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by gumpster, Sep 24, 2009
After my posting a couple of months ago I have gone back to OC and this has stabilised both my pain and my withdrawal. I had an appointment at the pain clinic (UK) last week and the specialist suggested that I change meds from Oxycontin (current dose a whopping 160MG am and 160MG pm interspersed with 20MG Oxynorm for breakthrough 4 times a day) to Methadone. This would be done under controlled conditions and would mean a week in hospital to ensure I do not suffer withdrawal. She said that this would enable me to cut out my OC altogether and proceed on a lower opiate loading. I wonder what everyone thinks of this plan? I guess I should have asked the specialist but I was in front of a panel of doctors so forgot to ask some very basic questions.

One thing she did say was that after a period of Methadone she would consider putting me back on Oxycontin but at a much lower dosage.

Many thanks and good luck to everyone. x

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by misty310, Sep 24, 2009
I have been taking oxycontin for 10 years.  Over time my dosage elevated to 40mg 6 times per day.  I took my last pill Sunday evening.  On the following Monday I took 13 percodans over the course of the day, and I took my last percodan on Tue at 4 am.
I am now 61 hours post last opiate dosage.  Tuesday and Wednesday were hellish.  Today I am sick to my stomach, but the skin crawling has subsided.  I can't sleep.  I can't eat.  I have diarreah, and vomiting today.  When will this end?

Someone please respond.
Chris


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by momofmoms, Sep 26, 2009
Chris, we are lsitening, keep talking to us. We are here.

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by misty310, Sep 26, 2009
momofmoms,

Thanks for responding.  I think I am through with the worst of it, but I am still sick to my stomach and I can't really sleep.  Also, I am alternatively too hot, or too cold, but mostly I am too cold.  I am freezing all the time and everyone else in the house says its too warm.  Will my guts settle down soon?
Chris


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by momofmoms, Sep 29, 2009
Yes they will...eat healthy food like fresh veggies and get lots of omega 3's and 6's in ya. Eat REAL protien like the kind you get in healthfood stores if you can. It won't fix the addiction but will give your body proper fuel and healing power.
Just want to let you know I care....we all do. It *****.

My youngest will be moving here in a few days and I know I will have a fulltime job getting him through the rough spots agin. He wants away from the old crowd. I'm for that. Just hope he stays away and gets a new life.

How are you feeling now Chris? Tell us what's happening...   M.O.M.

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by Kathy159, Sep 30, 2009
I'm 46 years old and a breast cancer survivor.....2 times.  This second bout with cancer was soooo much worse.  Even though I went every 6 months for a mammogram, the cancer was not detected.  I had a "bad feeling" that something wasn't right for about 9 months.  I finally, at the risk of sounding like a hypochondriac, told my doc. She told me that "No one knows your body better than you do.  I'm sending you for an MRI."  Sure enough, there was not one, but three, tumors.  To make a long story short, I had a mastectomy, but not until AFTER the cancer had spread to the skin, and further radiation and started chemo.  However, the radiation destroyed the tissue in my chest wall and I ended up with a huge hole in my chest.  We tried everything to get it to heal, specifically using a "wound vac" which caused THE MOST intense pain I have ever experienced in my life.  The wound vac had to be changed 3 times a week and I would start crying before the nurse even came to the house.  I took lots of pain meds (Fentynol, oxy,) in prep for the wound vac changing.  Even at that, I would sob for 3 hours afterward, because I couldn't stand the pain.  I couldn't sleep in a bed, because I was unable to get myself out of the bed.  So, I slept in a recliner and would wake up screaming out loud from the pain.  (I scared the **** out of my kids.)  It was later discovered that the reason I had so much pain was because I actually had a broken rib.  Obviously, they could no longer use the wound vacuum.  As its' name implies it is a vacuum placed over a wound that is intended to draw out drainage and draw a blood supply to the area.  For me, It didn't work anyway and I was relieved to NOT have to go through that any more.  However, I was still in a lot of pain and on oxycontin at an ever increasing rate just to control the pain.  AND, I was still left with a gaping hole in my chest AND a broken rib.  I had to pack the wound twice a day and one day I noticed that I could actually see the cracked rib.  As I was changing the dressing, part of my rib fell out.  (Talk about freaking out)  My surgeon said that he was going to remove that rib anyway when he did surgery to try to close up the hole in my chest so it was no big deal.  Yeah, OK.  After one failed surgery in December, 08, I ended up back in the hospital in January, 09 and spent the next three months there while they tried to get the wound to heal.  I had surgery 3 times a week.  The reason it wouldn't heal is because there was no blood flow to the area and until that happens, there can be no healing.  At one point I was up to 8 mg/hr of dilaudid (pain pump), plus I could push the button for more if needed, plus I could ask the nurses for an extra dose (Which I did many times because of all the pain).  Before leaving the hospital, they had weaned me down to 1 mg of dilauded/hour, but I got a glimpse of the hell I was about to go through.  Good news is that it did finally heal, but I had to have two skin grafts (using my own skin from my thigh -- which is painful in and of itself.) I was still on 160 mg of oxy 3 times a day.  I was given instructions on how to wean myself off.  But I experienced many of the side effects I've seen posted by so many of you.  When I tried to decrease it too fast, I had anxiety attacks that lasted pretty much all day.  I couldn't sleep at night.  When I did sleep, I'd wake up drenched in sweat.  I cried alot.  This went on for about 2 weeks.  Pain Management said it had nothing to do with reducing the oxy.  (Yeah...right)  I ended up increasing my dose (from 10 mg 2x a day to 20 mg 2x a day) just to see what would happen. The symptoms went away completely.  But, I really wanted to be free from these pills.....besides the pain was at a manageable level. I waited a month and decreased the dose slowly until I was at 10 mg at night.  I went off completely on 9/1, but have been going through hell not sleeping or waking up frequently with anxiety, waking early pacing through the house, restless and tired at the same time.  Anxiety attacks throughout the day....for those who don't know what those feel like, it's like someone jumped out and scared the hell out of you.  The difference is there's no "reason" for it.  I found this site just looking for an answer as to how long this is going to go on!!!  When the anxiety started up again, I decided that I was just going to have to suck it up and take it.  But, I have become extremely depressed and have anxiety, no motivation, no energy, no concentration and don't sleep well.  I feel overwhelmed and don't feel like I can even talk to anyone about it because how can anyone understand.  I've tried to talk to them, but it's like they don't get it.  Not only that, but they feel like they have to "fix" it and want to know what they can DO.  I have no idea what to tell them.  I've withdrawn from all of my friends and even my extended family (who have been sooo supportive during all of this)  Is there anyone out there that has made it through to "the other side" of this horrible journey?  Do these feelings ever go away or am I doomed to suffer the rest of my life?  I have gone on an anti-depressant (Wellbutrin), but I really don't want to replace one addiction with another (especially for the anxiety).  I feel like a burden to my family.  To make matters worse, I don't know if it's withdrawal or if it's just my life's circumstances.  I've been off from work for 2 years because of this cancer.  I lost my job after the first year and am forced to pay for COBRA, my insurance didn't cover all of my treatment and hospitalization so I owe hundreds of thousands of dollars to the Cancer Treatment center, the plastic surgeon and anesthesiologists; I was told that I'm at a high risk for recurrent cancer; I'm in debt over my head because my income was greatly reduced and I can barely pay my bills each month; my daughter says she can't handle being around me because it makes her feel stressed when I talk about what I'm going through (so I just stopped talking) and although she lives with me, I see her maybe once a week for a few minutes, my son went through his own anxiety and depression due to my cancer and he's just getting back on his feet emotionally.  I don't want him to regress, so I don't talk to him about it.  I will soon be released from disability and will have to find a job, which worries me (what if I can't find one).  The list goes on, but what's the point.  I think anyone that has read this gets the idea.  I really don't go looking for oxy even knowing that it would relieve my anxiety (that's a plus in my favor), so I don't worry about relapsing.  But I'm tired.  Tired of everything....wondering sometimes why I fought so hard to beat the cancer.  I don't want to feel like this anymore.

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by ange71, Sep 30, 2009
I recently had the epidural steriod injection in my lower back for chronic back pain on 9/18/09.  I felt a lot better after the injection so I figured I didn't need my pain meds as much, which was Norco 10/325mg.  I started out taking morphine, which made me feel really weird and my skin itched a lot.  So. my pain management doctor switched me to oxycontin once a day and percocet for the break through pain.  Well, I took the meds for about 2 weeks and my system couldn't take any more b/c I started getting really sick, vomitting, nausea, loss of appetite, etc.  I immediately told my doctor what was going on and he wanted to lower my dosage, but I said not at all...I'll try something else.  That's when he switched me to Norco 4x's a day.  It helped really well at first, then I needed more.  So, I started taking 1.5 pill first thing every morning and 1 pill every 4 hours thereafter.  This went on for about 4 months until I had the injection on the 18th of this month.  I think child birth was better than what I've been going through b/c at least I knew the pain would be over relatively soon.  I started reducing my meds on 9/20 and immediately started going through withdrawals.  I didn't think it was possible since I still had the drug in my system, but I was highly mistaken.  I cut down from 4.5 a day to 3 a day for two days, then 2 a day for a couple of days.  I had a half a pill on this past Thursday, Sept. 24 and I haven't had any since.  So, it's been a long 6 days 8hrs.  During the first couple of days without any, I cried A LOT.  My PCP has prescribed Adivant for anxiety and I've taken maybe 5 total since last Friday.  It does relax me, but I don't want to have to wein off anything else so I haven't even taken the adivant today.  My PCP also prescribed Lexapro to help with the depression.  I also went through hell for about 2 weeks in June when I weined off that.  I don't want to take the Lexapro again or the adivant.  I'm doing a lot of praying and trying to stay strong and not take any more mind altering drugs.  I've had to work during all of this, but I did have this past weekend to cry without everyone asking if I'm ok.  However, I did stay home from work yesterday b/c I needed some time to myself. Going through all of this, I don't always know if being alone is good or bad.  I spoke with the pharmacist and he says maybe I shouldn't start the lexapro at this point b/c it could make my depression worse.  Says if I was already taking before I started withdrawals, probably would've helped.  I'm taking Ambien every night to help me sleep and I still wake up around 4am, then every 30 minutes until time to get up for work.  I've lost 13lbs since going through all of this b/c I don't have much of an appetite.  It's starting to pick up a bit, but not much.  Does anyone know how long the depression from withdrawals last?  I'm thinking of trying St John't Wort, which I've heard can be better than anti depressants.  Can anyone shed some more light on all of this?  Thanks for listening.

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by PatrickSebastian, Oct 01, 2009
Hi all,

found out a month ago, that my 2nd back operation didn't work. They implants did not attach and are loose on my back. So I am going to my 3rd major operation in 3 weeks. Been on Oxy now for 2+ years. It does help, but like now, before the operation, I need to cut it down as otherwise the operation pains might be a *****. I have been on 240-280mg/day on oxy and for me it does help. Especially when I cut it down periodically. Though these cutting downs are the hardest things that I ever have faced. I know when (if) the day comes that i can get off from Oxy, it'll be a very difficult battle.

I do 2 week cutting down perioids, where after 14 days I take only one pill (40mg, or 2 x 20mg) on a last day. That 2 weeks is pure hell, but just manageable. I know it is very fast cut, but I have figured that I rather take 2 weeks totall hell than 8 week almost total hell.

But please, do not use Oxy as a recreational drug. As the withdrawals are hell and you get only couple times the good feeling out of it. And after that you are hooked...

-ps-

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by momofmoms, Oct 05, 2009
Tell that to my sons ! One of my 'adopted' sons is going to 3 month rehab. I just found out today. Wish I could afford to get my natural sons to go this route. Any philanthrpists out there?  :)

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by oxystinks, Oct 16, 2009
Hi all,

I’ve read many of the comments, and it sure seems we are all suffering from the same demon – regardless whether it was from the doctors or self-inflicted.

I had my first bout with severe pain when I was 10.  The doctors told my parents the only thing wrong with me was I was out for attention.  I spent 30 years in pain and misdiagnosed with multiple surgeries, nothing helping, the pain getting worse.  Finally, in January, I went to the ER and told them my intestines were tearing.  They didn’t believe me and sent me home, but one of my specialists finally got the diagnosis right, and in February, my appendix was removed and I was finally on the road to recovery.

By then, I had been on Oxycodone for at least a year and a half.  The summer prior to my surgery, I peaked at 150 mg of long-acting daily (taken 4 times a day) with handfuls of breakthroughs (taken 30 mg at a time as frequently as every 2 hours). I complained to the doctors it wasn’t helping at all with the pain and I wanted off because I hated who I was becoming.  They told me to take more.  I decided to ignore them and cut down on my own anyway.

By the time I had my surgery, I was down to 60 mg of long-acting daily (still taken 4 times a day) and avoiding the breakthroughs as much as possible.  After the surgery, I took more for the surgery pain, and it actually helped for that.

I eventually started cutting back on my own slowly, as much as I felt I could tolerate the symptoms without going too psycho on my husband and kids (or myself, for that matter).  Then, I was in a car accident in June.  The doctor advised me to take more for the whiplash, and like a dummy, I did.  But not too much, thank goodness.  I didn’t want to undo all that hard work.

Luckily for me, my neighbor recommended an acupuncturist in July.  That was the smartest thing I’ve done so far.  He has helped me with all the symptoms: restlessness, insomnia, angst, anger, antsyness, hyperventilation, depression, mood swings, restless limbs, nausea, diarrhea, choking, coughing, sneezing (which are the weirdest, scariest choking-sneezing things no one ever told me about!), dehydration so bad I probably should have checked into ER for IV, fevers, skin crawling, fatigue, muscle spasms (including Charlie Horses in my toes!), nightmares, vivid memories of all kinds (good and bad come flooding back at random!), chattiness, manic episodes, PTSD-type symptoms, weird smells and tastes, headaches, stomach cramps, crying, skin crawling, etc…

I’ve been at this – cutting down in stages, on my own – since April.  I stopped all medications a month and a half ago.  I’m not done yet, but I feel much better.  I’ve done round after round and now when I go a bit nuts and I’m arguing about something that doesn’t even make sense to me, my wonderfully patient husband gives me a hug and makes it better.  To get off these things, I decided I wouldn’t even consider going cold-turkey.  I didn’t follow the doctor’s schedule of cut-one-down-each-week, either.  I cut one 10 mg long-acting out, waited to see how crazy I would get, and if it was too much to handle, I took one 5 mg breakthrough to take the worst of the edge off (ok, sometimes I took 2 and sometimes I gave up and took the extra 10 mg anyway).  When 2-4 weeks passed and I had a few days of sanity behind me, I cut another one out and went through it all over again.  The worst was the start and the end.  The middle phase was rough, but not as bad.  At this point, the dehydration is pretty severe and leads to its own problems, but even that’s getting better a little every day.  – And yes, I did take sleeping pills at one point.  If I hadn’t, I wouldn’t have even had those precious three hours of sleep that made the impossible barely tolerable.

One of my relatives went through a similar problem with Valium withdrawals many years ago and she warned me I might have symptoms for two years.  YIKES, but good to know…

The good news:  Every time I managed to step down the dosage, I (eventually) got a little more of me back.  Especially toward the end, when I was done or almost done, I did feel more like myself.  My husband noticed changes in my face, posture, and attitude – others noticed it too.  People who have only known me sick have noticed changes.  I haven’t actually lost any weight yet, but I feel like a ton has been lifted off my shoulders.  I have more energy than I’ve had in years.  I can THINK CLEARLY again!  My kids are re-learning that I’m the boss – not them!  I feel like I’ve earned respect and it shows!  I have energy!  I can walk around the block!  I can cook, clean, do laundry, take the kids to school, get back to my hobbies – BE HUMAN!  All that suffering really IS worth it!  There IS an end if you stick to it!

So, to help all you out there who are where I was a few months ago, here’s what I have learned so far:

First:  Don’t give up.

Second:  Don’t give up.

Third:  Be more stubborn than the symptoms.

Fourth:  Remember you are doing this to get yourself and your life back.

Fifth:  Listen to your body.

Sixth:  Don’t kick yourself too much if you have a slip and have to take a little now to get through tonight.  Just make it as small a dose as you can and start back with your goal tomorrow.

Seventh:  Take it one day – no, one minute at a time.  Just try to make it through right now.

Eighth:  Pray or scream at God (or whomever you want to call him) if it makes you feel better.  He understands.  Just try to do it where “normal” people won’t lock you up.

Ninth:  Remember you ARE getting there!  GOOD FOR YOU FOR TRYING!

Tenth:  Don’t give up.

Yes, you, your family, and your sanity are so worth it.  Good luck!  God and I are rooting for you!


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by Mike22223, Oct 16, 2009
Hi All,

Well its day 5 and 60 hours for me with no oxy's. Yesterday was rough, diarrrea, shakes, tremors real bad. Last night I was flipping around like a fish out of water. My wife ended up on the couch. I took a sleeping pill, slept for 2 hours, took another and slept for 3 more. I feel better today a little shakey and my head isnt clear. I almost caved last night but thought of my kids and didnt. Glad I didnt :). well I was told that the physical WD last for 48 to 72 hours. I pray thats right. I'm at 60 hours now and hoping the worst is over. I pray yo god that all of you make it and please pray for me. Well im about to cry for some unknown reason. Stupid WD I WILL BEAT YOU AND LIVE AGAIN!!!!!!!!

Mike

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by Jonnysaves, Oct 16, 2009
Hey Mike,
     Sounds like your doing pretty good 5 days without any oxy's is quite an achievement.  No sense in doing what your doing if your going to cave so if the oxy's are still in your house they need to go.  It's been 5 days you don't need them anymore :D Seriously get rid of them Don't look back.  Keep an eye on the amount of sleeping pills your taking also you don't want to get dependent on another thing when you don't have to.  Granted you have to sleep.  I understand not being able to sleep will seemingly drive you mad but eventually you will get some.  Your not going to be able to help the RLS it come with the territory, funny focusing on it when your trying to sleep seems to make it worse.  You may want to try some natural remedies like kava kava, St. Johns wart, magnesium and even if you can find a person you trust acupuncture can provide you some relief.  Just so you know everyone says day six is supposed to be a bi--h but it doesn't always happen on the six day.  You can have 5 crappy days 1 great day then bam!  Back to the **** again but what you need to understand is that you can have that good day.  This means your body and mind are capable of it.  You get what I'm saying? Kinda like a end of the rainbow type thing.  I'm curious as to how much oxy you were taking and how old you are so I can give you some direction.  If your wondering yes I've been through it and didn't have the insider information that I would have like to have had.  Your lucky to have your family with you.  Be nice to them even if you feel like **** they're all you got.  Certain things will help you out during your withdrawal the body is hypersensitive to just about anything.  Touch and heat are great.  Let me know how your doing there is more to it than just the physical withdrawals.  You can do this.

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by Mike22223, Oct 17, 2009
Hi jonny.

Thank you so much for responding. I am 43 years old and I was taken 100 to 120 mgs pers day. Well its day 6 and so far I feel ok. I was up all night. no more sleeping pills for me. They dont work. I got maybe 2 Hours of sleep last night. I will never touch another oxy again.

Yes they are still in the house, I wanted to make sure i could do this but know that I know i can, down the toilet they go!!!!
I am so happy someone responded. Thank you so much. I could use an ear. i still have massive diarrea and so far that is the only problem today. no tremors yet. RLS last night but today that has seem to subside. I think I may gat out of bed today and go for a drive as I have spent the last week mostly in bed. no energy and so tired, the sucky part is that I cant sleep. I will wright again tonight to let you know how day 6 went for me. I had now idea how long these effects would last.
Oh one last thing, i have been taken oxys for 3 years
Mike

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by Mike22223, Oct 17, 2009
ok so far I was wrong about feeling better. No energy. ache all over. Just a dull ache. Also a mild haedache. No temors or shake yet. Better then the first few days! Day 4 was the worst for me.(So far). I dont know whats instore for me, but I am determand to do this!!! I cant believe how powerful these little pills are? John, How long were you on Oxy's. How much were you taken a day?

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by Jonnysaves, Oct 17, 2009
Hey Mike!!
     Sorry took so long it's been a long day.  Good choice throwing the pills away, get rid of the enemy.  Once you've decided thats what to do.  You will notice the withdrawal is a very up and down process one moment you'll feel like **** then later on you might feel good or at least like you can tolerate it.  It's very much a mind game kinda like an inner battle with yourself.  You are very much in the same boat I was in.  This for me was about two years ago I was 37 and taking about the same amount roughly 150mg /day sometimes more.  This went on for about 2 years until I weaned myself down to about 40mg/day then cold turkey.  To help with the withdrawal I started taking ambien to help me sleep which my doctor prescribed and also alprazolam which is an anti-anxiety medication.  I was taking both of those for about two weeks after about my first week of withdrawal.  That is until I researched more about them.  Turns out both can be very addictive also.  The ambien is basically a tranquilizer that will knock you out for a few hours which is nice until you read the withdrawal symptoms from that drug.  Needless to say not good.  Then there is the alprazolam which is a benzodiazepine, benzo for short.  This helps with the anxiety, kinda mellows you out.  Don't get me wrong it definitely works but the addiction to this can be way worse than opiates.  I've read some crazy withdrawal stories from this ****.  The best analogy was this one guy wrote that going through opioid withdrawal is like going through hell.  While going through benzo withdrawal was like getting dropped off in hell.  Lol I can actually laugh at this now but when I first read it during my withdrawal it scared me half to death, no joke.  
    On a different note.  You should be taking lots of vitamins, do some research to see how much of each is recommended.  I was surprised to learn how much the oxy's deplete your body of it's vitamins.  It's good that your out of bed now the flu symptoms should be almost gone maybe just stomach problems which last a little longer.  The no sleeping thing comes with the territory no way around it, eventually you will sleep.  Your probably saying yeah right WHEN!  You will trust me.  I know that the sleeplessness has got to kill you but eventually YOU WILL SLEEP.  Go out for a walk,  you should walk everyday it clears your head and helps your body heal.  I wouldn't drive too much especially on no sleep.  Let your wife do the driving your definitely not thinking clearly and your decision making won't be sharp.  You say your tremors haven't started yet?  This means your expecting them?  Let me know when they start and we'll address them.  If you havn't already google paws.  This stands for Post Acute Withdrawal Syndrome.  This I believe is the real withdrawal not the ******** flu symptoms anybody can do that.  The depression and the anxiety are a bit tricky and can play games with your head. Don't let this scare you.  You can handle this also I did it you can do it.  You need a good support system ie. family, friends, don't be ashamed of what's happening it's not like you have any control of it anyway.  The best way it was described to me was that your body and mind have to relearn how to do everything.  This meaning that you have been on oxy so long that it dealt with everything for you all your emotions as well as how you were feeling physically.  It took care of all your stress and now that it's gone your body has to relearn how to deal with stress.  Does this make sense?  You even have to relearn how to breath.  I would find myself sitting in front of the computer sometimes not even breathing.  So there are breathing exercises you can do for that, just to give you an example.  As I write to you I remember more and more so if there is anything you want to ask of that I haven't covered please ask there is no shame. As you can see I'm not the best writer in the world my girl makes fun of it all the time but I write how I would talk to you so I apologize for the style.  Lol.  Sorry it took so long to respond today the kids were running me ragged but family is the best!!
     Talk to you soon.  You have to EMBRACE  your withdrawal,  love to hate it.  You know what I mean.....  

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by Mike22223, Oct 17, 2009
Hi John,

Your writing is fine and a big help. Well you were right. Day 6 night has been hell. I started with the shakes which lead to tremors. They have ben going on for a couple of hours now. My head feels like its going to explode. A freind came to visit today. I told him what was going on with me. He in turn told me that he was hooked on morphine. It took him 2 weeks to get through the WD. He was on it for a short time. Few weeks I think? So john am I on the home stretch here as far as the physical addiction? Tomorrow will be day 7. My sister is an RN. I confesses my addiction to her. she is a great person. My guardian angle. Yo see I lost my wife 8 years ago to suicide. She left me with a 6 month old daughter, a 1 1/2 year old daughter, and a 5 year old son. after I lost my wife I lost everything. my house, and the manufactoring plant that i started. I lived out of state and she convinced me to come home. She has been the mother figure to my children ever since. My wife now is understanding and doesnt mind. anyway Im rambling. I ruptured 2 disc siding my new house 4 years ago. i dealt with it as long as I could. but ended up on oxz's about 2 years ago. Started with 20 mg per day. But Im sure you know that only lasts so long. so up and up I went. I noticed the back pain went away but continued on the pills. I WAS HOOKED! I knew it yet continued taking the demons till las Monday. I knew I had to quit. I was Using my script plus buying $1,300.00 worth off street every month. True story. I am so glad to be on the road to recovery. Aain you were right im not out of the woods yet. Well i end tonight by saying thank you john. I hope that in 2 years I can be there for someone that needs a freind to talk to like you are to me. means alot.   Have a good night. tomorrow will be day 7 yea man!!!!!!! Im doing it even though Im in the bouls of hell. Sorry for the typo's hard to type with tremors and shakes. learning to love them. lol
mike  


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by oxystinks, Oct 18, 2009
Keep up the good work!  Yes, I'm still going through it months later, but mostly because I decided to taper down and not go 'cold turkey.'  I felt I was having a hard enough time as it was without going totally psycho on my poor husband and kids.  I have definitely noticed a trend.  Every time I tapered down, I was on the roller coaster again.  Now, the kids are a bit too young and dense to understand the lack of sleep, the stomach cramps, the looooong trips to the bathroom.  I'm done with the blankity-blank things (yeah!!!) and all the kids think is I woke up on the wrong side of the bed today and that my 'cold' seems to have come back.  Only my husband picks up on the slurs every so often from the swollen tongue due to dehydration....  There is an end, and we are both on our way there!  Taking John's advice, I looked up this website that might help you:   Don't lose faith!  We've been through it, and we are rooting for you to be sane too!

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by Mike22223, Oct 18, 2009
Hi oxystinks

Months? How are you doing it? Its like hell. I slept for 1.5 hours and I am so freaking tired but cant sleep. I took Johns advise on the sleeping pills. They dont work anyways. I totally understand the bathroom trips it *****. I wish you luck and stay on track. We can beat this. I had no idea how hard it was going to be though really *****. I must say that I have no cravings for them. Maybe just a mind set, I dont know? I am sure that Im done with the pills, that I know. I will never go through this again.  
This is so hard but I do it for my children that need their father. Think of yours It helps trust me. I told my family whats going on. Talk to your hubby so he can support you. we need family and freinds to help us get back to the real world. oxys just make us live in a cloud. Well keep in touch with me. Im not real religous but I will pray for you and me. Thanks for the site.
Mike

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by Jonnysaves, Oct 18, 2009
Hey Mike,
     How's it going? The tremors are fun huh? I noticed you said your not a religious man.  Ha Ha neither was I but everybody needs to believe in something.  Right now anything that will help you is good even if it take your mind off the withdrawal for an hour because basically all your doing is waiting and learning.  It's a huge waiting game.  Your waiting to feel normal again.  I actually started going to church during my withdrawals for the first time In 15 years and It helped a lot.  I'm not saying go crazy with it you could go to a non denominational church or temple not sure what your preference is and it doesn't matter.  Seriously try it today is a perfect day for it.  Just go by yourself and escape for a little while you'll feel better, like your not alone.  Trust me.  Speaking of tha,t got to go I'll check back later.

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by Mike22223, Oct 18, 2009
Hi john,

Day 7. Didn't sleep much last night. maybe 1 1/2 hours. Not good seeing I'm so tired. My head is pounding. How much longer????? cant take much more! When will things get better with th physical addiction? I never thought it would be this bad. Really *****.

mike

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by Jonnysaves, Oct 18, 2009
Hey Mike
     I'm on my way to church so I'll be brief and yes you can take it.  It shouldn't be much longer for the physical part I'd say 10 days give or take a day or two.  Not to sound stupid but have you tried taking something for your headache?  Advil migraine or something along that line.  Have you tried a super hot shower that was always some temp relief for me.  Got to go I'll check with you soon.  Hang in there you can do this.  You have to look at the alternative, it's way worse than this.


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by Mike22223, Oct 18, 2009
Hi John,
I havent taken anything. I dont want to put anything in my system. At this point I will go to CVS and get some advil migraine seeing my head is still pounding. I went to grocery store with my wife  today. Wow what a chore that was. I was achey and sore have way through the store. couldnt wait to get home and lay down. My wife wants me to get an herbal sleeping aid so I guess Im off to CVS. Hot shower sounds good. Maybe when I get back.

Oh one thing. I do believe in god just havent been to church in years. I used to go everyday.

Mike

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by Mike22223, Oct 18, 2009
Hi john,
did I mention my wife just had an opeeration. she Has been in bed for 1 week and barely moving this week. She hate oxys but is taken vicoden for pain. She only takes them when its real bad. She is a strong sometime hard but good woman. She has been so understanding about my situation. Although we argue now and then I love her very much. I am usually a keep busy kind of guy but do to oxys i got lazy over the last year. I look at myself now and see that my poor wife has been carrying the load for some time now. I feel so bad. I guess i can see why she gets upset with me sometimes. Anyway Im off to CVS.
DAY 7!!!!!! Should I go to work???? I think Ill wait a few more days.
Mike

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by Mike22223, Oct 18, 2009
My Wife and I went to CVS like 2 cripples. LOL not pretty. She told me to get Alterril. Its an all natual sleep aid. Her friend said it works. It might take 2 day :( well im going to try it. Thanks hun.

John I also got some Excedrin Miggraine. much better now. Thank you for the advice! Also took some imodium A-D for the diarrea. Wow I'm taken more pills then the oxys. lol Kidding. Well I dont feel too bad right now. diarrea 3 times but less freaquent. head ache going away. (thanks john) just weak and little tired. I so hope tremors and shakes dont come to haunt me again tonight. last night was bad. Middle of day 7.
Mike

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by Mike22223, Oct 18, 2009
Oh one thing I forgot.

DAVID, thank you for starting this thread. It is great. Your stoy is amazing and I will follow to the road to recovery. I just wanted to thank you. I hope all is well with you.
Mike

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by Jonnysaves, Oct 18, 2009
Hi Mike,
     Glad to see that your headache is doing better and it's good that you got out of the house for a little while even though it's a lot of work.  Small things turn into a very big deal when your in withdrawal.  The imodium sounds like a good idea but I don't think you'll have to take it much longer and as far as the Alterril goes if it works then great.  If not finding that your not happy with it try Kava Kava and or valerian root both of these should also be taken in moderation and not more than about 2 weeks.  As far as the tremors go maybe you won't have them as bad as I did I literally had them for about a month strait.  I didn't think they'd ever go away... but they did.  The Excedrin Migraine is very good for headaches the only thing I warn about that is it has caffeine in it and they say to stay away from stimulants but your timing to worry about that has not come yet obviously.  Have you had a chance to research the PAWS things I was telling you about It happens to some people but I guess not to all.  It usually kicks in after the physical symptoms has subsided.  Then is maybe when you'll need a little spiritual direction but maybe you'll get lucky we can always hope.  Just think once your off the pills you can make it up to your wife for all that stuff she's been doing.  As far as work goes if you don't have to go I wouldn't everyone's situation is different.  Your pretty much through with the physical withdrawal maybe a couple more days.  Then we'll see what your body and mind want to do next but as you can see from today you are capable of feeling better so hang in there.  Talk to you soon

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by Mike22223, Oct 18, 2009
Hi John,
I just read up on PAWS. Wow scary stuff. I was down, I mean really down this afternoon. I think my wife was worried about me.I'm ok now. I wish I didnt get the Excedrin now. the last thing I need is caffeine. Well at least I took it early so it shouldn't be a part of my sleepless night, if it happens tonight. My head is clear tonight. I just have no energy. But i went grocery shopping, went to CVS, and went for a drive. Thats the most I have done since I quit. They say that 75% of people that quit get PAWS. I pray I am the 25% that dont get it. One can only hope. I am strong willed. As you can see. after all I made it this far cold turkey. So John did you get PAWS? If so how long did it last for you?

I talk to myself in the mirror all the time now. I know it sounds crazy but i started when I knew I was hooked, telling myself what a fool i was and how I had to quit. Now I tell myself GOOD JOB!! and YOU DID IT! Theoroputic I guess. lol
Well gotta call my sis now.
Mike

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by Jonnysaves, Oct 19, 2009
Hey Mike,
     Lol I used to talk to myself in the mirror also it's fun to do.  As far as the PAWS goes would you like the truth or do you want me to sugar coat it a little for you.  Or we can wait to see if your even going to get it.  Up to you.  Hope your having a tolerable day.  Let me know if anything interesting comes about.  Peace out.

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by Mike22223, Oct 19, 2009
Hi John,
No sugar coating here. facts only the facts. lol. Well I had a great day. I went to work for a few hours, gave my employes some direction. Went to walmart, went to town fair tires and had new tires put on my wifes car, went to walmart, and took a drive. I even had the oil changed in my 2010 camaro. I cant believe i have 3000 miles on it already.

Last night wasnt to bad I got 4 hours of sleep off and on. Diarrhea is gone! Head head is a little cloudy from time to time but mostly ok. DAY8 IS GREAT!!!!! so far. I dont get to excited because i know from previous day that things can turn on a dime. I hope that day 8 (night) is ok too!
Mike

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by Mike22223, Oct 19, 2009
Day 8 (night) Had company, couldn't wait for them to leave so i can lay down. No WD symptoms today except for no energy. everything els is subsiding. At least for today. Hope I sleep
Mike

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by Shelleysmom, Oct 20, 2009
Hi David: My sister sent me this link as I am too going through withdrawal from Oxycontin. I'd been on 80 mg 3 times a day for a few years (with Endocett for breakthrough pain) but they weren't working any more so my doc switched me to Hydromorphone Contin which apparently is 5 times more powerful. She thought because it was so powerful it would negate any withdrawal from the Oxy - WRONG. The first few days were hell but as it was a holiday weekend I couldn't get hold of my doctor. Finally she put me on 20 mg of Oxycontin 3 times a day to gradually wean me off completely. My withdrawals were very similar to yours and I'm in my second week now. The sweats are still awful and the odd night I still have the leg/hand thrashing thing, but the lack of sleep is the worst thing of all. My appetite is coming back but I still can't sleep for more than 45 minutes/1 hour and then I'm awake for hours.  e.g. this morning I've been awake since 4am. I've to leave home at 6:45 am for a 90 min. commute to work so the weariness is a real problem. I don't want to have to take more pills as I'm on a ton of meds due to pain, spinal arthritis, diabetes, high bp, cholesterol, thyroid, to start with, but I have to sleep. How are you doing now, are you through it all and back to normal? Do you EVER get back to normal??? Look forward to an update on how it's going for you now.  Joan in Canada.

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by Jonnysaves, Oct 20, 2009
Hey Mike,
     Glad that your doing good and no withdrawal symptoms hopefully your going to get lucky keep me posted.  

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by Jonnysaves, Oct 20, 2009
Shelleysmom,
     Hi I was wondering are you still taking the 20mg of oxy 3 times a day?  Are you taking any opiates at all anymore.  I think the reason for your long physical withdrawal is the apparent strength of your medication.  You have never researched what you've been taking?Try taking some benadryll before you go to bed this may help you a little. Yes you will eventually get back to normal it just takes a long time.  You have to try and be strong and patient.  I know easier said than done but it's true.  Please let me know how your doing talk to you soon.

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by Mike22223, Oct 20, 2009
Hi John, and Shelleysmom,

I am on day 9 for mr cold turkey. So far so good! I am down to only 2 problems now. 1 being my sleep which is very little and 2 no energy. other then that I am doing well. I wish you all well and I think I may be one of the 25% that dont get PAWS.

Shelleymom. Hang in there. there is light at the end of the tunnel. I was in hell for 8 long days. You can do it. Take johns advise and research your meds. I was shooked when I did. I think it gave me more will power to quit.

John, I can not thank you enough for being an ear and giving me advice and hope. Thank you so much.
Mike

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by mightygirl, Oct 20, 2009
OMG... so much information... so many stories... and even more pain. :( My dad is addicted to oxy. :( Going to send him a care package today with some of the things that people have used to get through the horriffic withdrawal symptoms. I hope it helps...

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by Mike22223, Oct 20, 2009
Hi Mightygirl,

I feel for your dad. It is hell. support him and assume him that he can do this. He is not alone. I am on day 9. It was a rough first week but that light is at the end of the tunnel of hell he will have to walk through.
Mike

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by Mike22223, Oct 20, 2009
assure him not assume

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by oxystinks, Oct 21, 2009
Hi all,

I decided to post a list of some of the things I have experienced while trying to get off these things.  I wish the doctors would have told me what to look for so I didn’t feel like I was losing my mind.

Again, the best help I found was to see an acupuncturist.  I don’t even want to think about what it would have been like without him!  He got me to sleep, helped calm my nerves, took away the crawling skin and muscle spasms, and generally made me feel more well.  If anything, that is the one thing I would recommend trying above everything else!

Good luck out there!  We’re all in this together, and we’re all rooting for you!  Keep up the good work, and don’t give up – you’re almost there!

Withdrawal Symptoms:
• Anger
• Angst
• Antsyness
• Chattiness
• Chills followed by hot spells followed by chills
• Choking
• Coughing
• Crazy, vivid dreams
• Crying episodes
• Dehydration so bad I probably should have checked into ER for an IV (that’s what you get for having diarrhea for more than six months)
• Depression
• Diarrhea
• Dizziness
• Eye watering
• Exhaustion
• Fatigue
• Feeling faint
• Fevers
• Gas bouts
• Headaches with vomiting making migraines look like a walk in the park
• Hyperventilation
• Insomnia
• Intestine cramps
• Itchy skin
• Lack of motivation
• Manic episodes
• Memory and coherency problems; just can’t seem to understand/remember simple things being said/thought immediately after hearing/thinking them
• Mood swings
• Muscle spasms (including Charlie Horses in my toes!)
• Nausea
• Nightmares
• Pacing
• Panic attacks
• Pelvic cramps
• PMS-like symptoms
• PTSD-type symptoms
• Restlessness
• Restless limbs
• Runny eyes
• Runny nose
• Shoulder/back/neck/leg cramps
• Skin crawling
• Smelly sweating
• Sneezing (which are the weirdest, scariest choking-sneezing things no one ever told me about!)
• Starving one day, can’t eat the next
• Stomach cramps
• Super-hyper episodes
• “The dropsies”
• “The shakes”
• Throat cramps making me feel like I’m going to choke to death
• Throat needing clearing
• Tongue itchiness and swollen, both chronic dehydration symptoms
• Vision changes, my prescription actually changed during the drugs and reverted after going off
• Vivid memories of all kinds (good and bad come flooding back at random)
• Vomiting
• Wanting to hide from the world
• Weird smells and tastes
• Yawning attacks

• Of course, knowing me, I had to have the worst fever episodes during our heat wave with no A/C.  I ended up with heat exhaustion, but because my husband and I both know First Aid, we were able to recognize the signs and take appropriate action before it turned into heat stroke.
• Being scared that sometimes I wanted to take the Oxycontin to numb myself instead of dealing with the problem at hand.  I went from being an independent, hard-headed, fix-the-whole-world kind of person to a wet mop.  Somewhere in all that pain and meds I learned how to think like an addict.  Not good.  I had to re-learn how to be myself and not succumb to those tempting, numbing thoughts.  Very un-like me, and I can imagine it would be almost impossible for someone used to handing problems that way.
• I actually could felt like “switches” were being turned on and off in my head at times, the book The Brain that Changes Itself  by Doidge really helped me understand this one and some of the other weird symptoms.  It also helped me get hope I could change myself back.


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by 24withsomuchthought, Oct 21, 2009
Well...Im on day 3, well, technically day 4 as it's past midnight, and this would be my second time at quitting. First time I quit for a little over a week from doing about 40mg everyday off and on, the w/d was pretty bad for a couple days but was withstanding and only lasted 3-4 days. I started back up because I found myself not knowing what to do with myself, as I was ignoring most of my "good" friends, and while the true friends understood and took me back, I just couldn't find that connection with them from before the drug, the connection like I had with the "bad" friends.

So here I am again, after going through a weekend "bender" , and after about 80mg a day the past couple months, about to start day 4 of this ******* nightmare I got myself into. Man, this addiction just came out of nowhere too. One day i'm just having fun with friends, the next I'm leaving work so I can come home to take a bump. I'm not gunna lie, I have a blast on this stuff, and would stay on it forever if it didn't have the horrible negative effects, like the ignoring of people, and the loss of priority in your life.

I knew I had a problem early in the year around late march/early april, and that's when I quit the first time. When i got back into it, I was doing just a little at first every couple days.  Had the love of my life, after 7 years of no communication, come BACK into my life, started to date, and when the "mood swings" started is when it's all been downhill. She couldn't handle them, I tried to get clean, but choose the drug over her one night and that ruined it forever. That guilt alone, that I choose a ******* drug over her, i'll have to live with forever, and has been the reason I haven't wanted to get clean since, because I can't live with myself for doing such a stupid thing....and the ******* drug is always there to numb the thoughts away. Those constant "what if" and "what will" questions that just seem to never go away.

So the detox/ withdrawals haven't been unbearable, but I know my work is getting pissed off for my leave of absence as my job requires me to be there. Just no energy to do ANYTHING. NOTHING AT ALL. i hate that feeling, specially since two years ago (when the use started) I was working out 4-5 times a week and felt the best i've ever felt in my life. I want that back so bad. I'm sick of lying to my mothers face (she knows I was addicted but I've told her I've been clean for a couple months)

I just see no hope as I feel so empty right now, even though I have so much to look forward too. So so so much God has given me in my life that I take for granted, and I slowly see it all slipping away. I feel like I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't. Reading these posts and happy music have been helping out greatly.



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by Mike22223, Oct 22, 2009
hey 24,

I'm on day 11. I thought I was over it but I was wrong. I am like a fish out of water when I sleep which is maybe 2-3 hours a night. I have some bursts of energy now, but tire so easy. diarrhea is creeping back. but I will never go back. Things are much better after the first 10 days. at lest for me

Hang in there. I now see what a mess I made out of my life and plan to fix it. You can do this. we all can.

Mike  

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by Jd2418, Oct 25, 2009
A few Pointers for everyone going through this horrible problem.  Before you decide to quit make sure you lower your dose enough that you are comfortable, it will be tough to do, but a little bit of pain now is better than quitting cold turkey at 100+ mg a day.  You need to get a healthy diet for at least 2 weeks before quitting.  Eat a low of low fat foods, and especially your veggies.  Take a multivitamin daily.  Try possibly getting a bit of exercise, cardio is a great medicine.  If you find yourself unable to sleep  - Melatonin, and Benadryl seem to help the most without creating any cross chatter.  I found that xanax always made me want to use even more, and I would eventually talk myself into it.  Take immodium A-D for your diarrhea, this also has a weak opiod in it, to help take off the edge.  Muscle aches and cramps - I think this has a LOT to do with overall health, exercise is your best medicine.  But, Banana's for potassium and a steady dose of Vitamin B6 - Try L-Glutamine capsules they work great.  Also, for low to no energy in your day, 5 hour energy rocks !! its got a little caffeine but the L-Tyrosine is great for energy and it lasts long.  They also sell L-Tyrosine at health food stores if you don't want the caffeine.  It is going to be hard, and it will take everything that you have to quit.  Remember to drink plenty of fluids and make sure you have a comfortable place to go through the DT.  I hope this helps, as this drug has been so very hard for me to stay away from.  I hope it works out for you all.                    Jared

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by UnfortunatelyAnAddict, Oct 28, 2009
hello everyone. I as well suffer from the same problems as most/all of you and I just wanted to help anyone i can by hopefully shedding light on a miracle that saved me. It is called suboxone, its quite hard to get and from what i hear, doctors arent to easy to get it from (i got it from a friend that knew someone who had a script for it). Suboxone stops the withdrawals about 90-95% so that you don't have to face that nightmare and it prevents you from getting high if you try to use opiates while you are on it.

I have been thru the some pretty severe withdrawals before, I stopped cold turkey (after having a moment of clarity so to speak) after being on 100+ mg a day for about 6 months (recreational use/street bought, never needed it for medical reasons), thats not as bad as some of you but it was hell so I know what you are going thru!!! I got off of it for probably about 4 months then relapsed and pills have been hard to find so I just ended up getting strung out on heroin (smoking never shooting) for a few months and kept trying to kick it cold turkey and kept failing. Finally after the many failed attempts my friend introduced me to suboxone and i took that for about ten days and it got me clean and made the withdrawals almost non-existent. So I am sharing my story and this information in hopes that some of you that are fighting with the horror or opiate addiction can have another option (if you can get ahold of some suboxone that is) for getting clean besides just facing the awfulness of withdrawaling without the help of anything.

I wish you all well and don't forget that you are strong enough to beat the addiction even without help of anything, and remember that your life is worth the pain of getting clean. This site really helped me when I was first kicking the opiates, reading all of your stories gave me hope and strength and helped me not feel so alone in my struggles; thank you all very much.

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by Mike22223, Oct 28, 2009
Day 16 here, doing great! Back to work and feel good. One problem. SLEEP! Its so hard. I keep waking up and so hard to fall asleep. For all of you that go cold turkey,it gets easier. I am living proof

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by momofmoms, Oct 29, 2009
Hi UnfortunatelyAnAddict,

I agree with you on the suboxone. I recently got my youngest son to a doc who specializes in opiate addiction and his suboxone has been working to help him. I had him get his arse out of the area he was living and come stay with me. I wish I could afford to do this for all thre of my sons, but this particular one was ready and determined, so I scraped money together and made it happen for him. It's been nearly three weeks into it, and he spends his days feeling much better than the withdrawals can offer and I'll keep him on it for however long it takes. We have tried to encourage the two older sons to get to a doc and do the same.  
Suboxone itself is addictive, yet it cannot harm the user like opiates. It too will need to be reduced as you wean yourself away. I expect my son to be on it for several months. Yes, expensive, but worth it. It helpsyou feel 'normal' while getting clean.

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by UnfortunatelyAnAddict, Oct 29, 2009
Hi momofmoms

I read your stories on this page, my heart goes out to you because you are being hurt by this awful drug and you aren't even using it, so at least the rest of us for the most part are responsible for our own pain but you are just being victimized by the drug use of your loved ones. I am very happy to hear that one of your sons is on it and getting better and clean!!! I didn't think that someone needed to be on suboxone for months though, i thought that its just used to help with the withdrawals for at most one month but i guess thats what the doctor says and i figure he has a lot better idea of what he is talking about than i do. I hope that son is done with that evil stuff forever and i hope that your other sons get clean one day, my prayers go out to you and your family.

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by momofmoms, Nov 01, 2009
Thanks UAA,
He is doing real good so far...and I think he'll have himself weened off in a few months. Some people take longer than others...some about 6 weeks, some have taken a year or more.

You are right--I don't do pharmaceuticals..in fact I have an aversion to the damn Big Pharma companies who allow this **** to circulate, and then blame the user for mis-using. Yes, it's true they do misuse, but many do not and still get tripped up and snared into the clutches of this damn demon drug. I'd have to be bedridden with pain and then I'd consider opiates.....tentatively. I hate them for the pain the have CAUSED!  I have a sister who loves them and is thankful for them. I know they have a place in may peoples lives and I am ok with that. What I am not ok with is the damn things are so plentiful that anyone can get hold of them and eat them, snort them, shoot them like they aer teh big new fad and think life will be grand. I wish I could get my other sons to get to a doc. I hear my older son is into needles now....and I am not supposed to know. Wouldn't make a damn bit of difference if he did know I know....he is going to have to get his share of woes before he realizes the trap he is in.

Just venting. Thanks.

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by BuddyBoy411, Nov 02, 2009
I have been using Oxycontin for recreational use and now, a week from the last time i'd done any oxy's, i'm having intense neck pains. I have also used MDMA recently and thought this to be the cause of my neck pain, but found out that MDMA decreasing spinal fluid is a myth.  Is it possible that these neck pains are withdrawl symptoms? If so how long will they last? Should i see my GP?

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by Heelcurve, Nov 03, 2009
  Buddyboy, do I have a story for you! I will tell my oxycontin story as it unfolds. If you are smart, you will read what other people are saying about it, and what it has done to our lives. Please don't start doing any of that stuff. I am about ready to stop using Oxycontin after 6 months of use from a serious car accident back in May of this year. Please stay away! I wish, I would have just dealt with the pain. For the people that are snorting it, or crushing it. You should read the black label, it says on there not to chew, or break. Thats why there is no line down the middle of the pill, it could be fatal. ( thats as real as it gets) FATAL! It only takes one bad pill. I have a friend who is a government liaison for a major pharmaceutical Company. This isn't her cup of tea, she works for mental health, and is just now starting HIV. She helped my find this on my PC because her PC was blocked out of some of the stuff. What I can't figure out is where these kids are getting it from? Do not screw around with that stuff. There are drugs out there that you can get through doctors that will help you find what you can never find through any drug on the street. You need to learn, the why I do those things, or drugs? As oppossed to what they do to me, when I am on them.
    It all has to do with the brain. I went through some drug years in my life but nothing very serious. After taking this though, I can tell you it is harder to quit than any drug, I have ever taken in my life, and I have about done them all. Some longer than others! I have slowly lowered my dose every month, and about ready to go cold turkey. I am thinking about that movie Trainspotting. I have a feeling, I am going to be going through what a lot of other readers have wrote.  They have given me hope. The doctor thinks I'm crazy but if they had their way they would just keep giving it to me. Thank you, to those who have shared your stories. You give me hope. I think, I will have plenty of restless nights ahead to type.  Be good Buddy, and stay tuned.

Sean








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by Heelcurve, Nov 05, 2009
     I'm still here. If you are getting them prescribed for pain from your doctor, and you are ready to stop, and get your life back, you can do it! At one point, I was taking  90mg of Oxycontin in a 24 hour period, and (45mg of oxycodone, every 6 hours). I got to 90mg because I had some 20mg left over because I lied to the doctor. The accident I had was May 22,2009. I spent 11 days in the hospital. Other when I was about 12, and peddled my finger through my bicycle sprocket, this is the first time I broke a bone. I am a proud father of one boy, and one of many unsuccessful realationships. I am good at what I do though, producing insurance and securities.
      On May 22nd, I could have lost it all. I was drunk, and fell asleep at the wheel, and hit a tree. My right foot was almost severed off. After being in the car for almost 2 hours total, when they pulled me out, the doctor said my foot was solid blue. I punctured my lung, cracked some ribs, and shattered the lower part of my right patala. My Honda Pilot looked like a mess.  By the way, I was only a left and a right from my driveway, maybe 300 to 400 yards away from my house.  I could count on one and a half hands the tickets  that I have gotten since I started driving. Buddy are you listening to this? I was the only one envolved, thank the maker because those 3 trees that I pinballed through maybe saved some sound sleepers lifes. Another 20 feet, and I could have been in someones house. DO NOT DRINK AND DRIVE. LET ME SAY IT AGAIN, DO NOT DRINK AND DRIVE. I am approaching 35, and its not that you can't drink, because you can. BUT YOU SHOULDN'T. I thought I knew my limits but I was working a lot of hours and just fellasleep. I did have about 3 or 4 beers, and 5 stiff drinks. I was with my older brother, who I had to drive home earlier in the morning that  was around 12. He lives about 7 miles from the bar we were at. I had a girl take my car, while I drove him. After I got him home, I took over the driving and almost ran us off the road. That was the sign. I should have walked home.(15 minute walk.) The only postive of this? I didn't get charged with anything. Since it was just me, and the fact that the Pilot was such a mess, it took them an hour to figure out I was even in there. There is the first part of story that has led me to where I am now, day 3 of no Oxys of any kind. I will tell this battle, the next time I have the energy to flip the laptop open.

Sean

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by Heelcurve, Nov 07, 2009
Day 5, Im really starting to smell again. I went through a 72 hour period with only about 3 hours of sleep. I saw my regular doctor on Wed, and he gave me some non- habbit forming sleeping pills. I have some pinched nerves in my foot that really hurt but im not complaining. The real bad aches are all but gone. The crazy legs come and go but they are not a constint anymore. I changed my sheets for last 2 days because I didnt want the toxins to creep back into me, which I think has helped. Everybody likes clean sheets. I would finally go to bed around 2:30am, and wake up at noon. I went to bed last night at the same time but woke up at 9:30, because my brother came by to trim a bush, that I didnt get to this summer. If you are prescribed by a doctor you can have them bring you down slowly. I still went through a lot but at the end, I was only taking 1 20mg pill for the last 4 days, and I took that at night. I was going through a lot of the withdrawls those days, and when it was done, I almost broke down, and went to the ER for a refill but I didn't. I am beating it, and you can too!! I am with my regular doctor, and he won't prescribe it to me, and thats what I wanted. That stuff is nasty, you think your living but your not. As for momofmoms, if you want to stop it around your house, you have to cut the snake off at the head. Find out where they get it, get the police involved. That to me, would be that all you can do. I still don't know where these kids get these things? At the end of the day, they are coming from a  doctor for someone that either doesn't need them, or needs so many that they are selling them to someone. Get involved, and cut the snakes head off.  

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by chickmag, Nov 07, 2009
Same drug store in our town has been broken into twice in the last 6 weeks or so. Guess what they take? Thousands of OC's. Insurance company (or somebody) ought to make them lock them up in a safe.


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by Heelcurve, Nov 10, 2009
      Hello its Sean, I finally went to sleep last night at 3:20am, and woke up at 10:30am without taking a sleeping pill! Yeah! My first night, since I started taking that nasty stuff back in June. In the hospital, they were just shooting me with morphine every  10-12 hours, I think. Every time, I would get that shot, it was like Ice water going through my veins. I've come a long way but I have a even longer way too go. I have been yawning a lot lately, having a little crazy legs at night but nothing like the first 72 hours. I only slept for about 3 hours total, and most of that was broken sleep. The sleeping pills helped with that but it took them a while to work. I now know  what it is like when a woman has cramps! I have had them real bad the last 2 days, along with sweats.I have been cleaning a lot of sheets still. You can do it! I didn't take as long as some the other people but I took a lot of it, and had to go to the ER twice for a refill!    
      Chickmag, I live in MO, and they do put it in a safe. There has been one time (I know of) that someone came in, and told them to open the safe for the stuff. They didn't even take the money! That's as desperate as you can get. The one thing, I haven't really looked at yet- How many crimes these kinds of drugs bring to the St.Louis area. I totally understand, why some people need to take it. There was one point in the first 40 hours. I had dailed 911 on my cell, and I'll had to do was push talk. They would have taken me to the ER, and I would probably still be on the stuff today.But I didn't, an I'm not!  BTW, I think you know what I am really saying, when I say,"stuff" it's really, well you know.... Take your life back! REALLY START LIVING. After what I went through those first 3 days, I feel so much sadness for those who have had there lives destroyed by the stuff. I would reward myself for good behavior by just getting excited about something I used to do. A couple of my friends took me out for a couple beers, and pizza. I was a little nervous walking with the cane. This couldn't have been other way. I almost had to die to prioritize my life. Other than going to the doctor, a couple trips to the grocrery store with my Mom, that is the first time I have left the house Since May 21,2009. I remember what I was saying at the end of 08. "08 wasn't great but 09 will be fine. HA! I never thought it could be so fine, that I'm still alive!!  I have to put this behind me, my next entry will be my last.  I hope this helps somebody.

Sean

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by Heelcurve, Nov 15, 2009
Ok, I have a had a few rough days in row. I thought it was over but it wasn't. I had really bad cramps,and problems with the bathroom. For the most part, I have been fealing pretty good. I hope that was the last push. Thanks for giving me something to hold on top, while I was going through this. Day 13, it gets better and easier each day! Fight it!

Sean

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by thorsma, Nov 15, 2009
Thank you for all the honest stories, I am currently living with someone who is about 6 days clean, and using the Suboxone, but because of it's cost and no insurance he is only able to take about a 3rd of the dose that was recommended. He is a long time addict of just about anything and this is just one thing in a long list, but prior to this he had 4 1/2 yrs of clean and sober living. It is a damn shame that this stuff is so easy to get. I am trying really hard to be a little more sympathetic to his plight, but he has cost me a LOT of money because of his addiction. As a side note, I myself had an accident this summer where I broke 14 ribs and a vertabrae, I came out of the hospital with percoset and was done with that in 2 weeks, I still have some pain but I'll take that any day over an addiction.

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by concernedone444, Nov 15, 2009
I have been keeping up with and reading these stories now for the past 3 days.  I finally finished all the way through the end of reading and now have decided to put my 2 cents in.  First of all,  I am so sorry for each and every one of you that are addicted to this "drug" "narcotic".  I had never even heard of this medication until about 1 year ago when my girlfriend told me about it.  She told me how bad it was and how addictive it was and how people abuse it to get high.  I am totally against mind altering drugs all the way and it takes a lot for me to take a tylenol.  I am not saying that there may come a time when I may need something stronger than a tylenol for my pain.

Anyway I will get str8 to the point.  My girlfriend who told me about "oxy" is now on it for pain.  She has been taking it for about I would say close to 6 months now.  I believe that because we talked about it and she knows how I feel about medication she tries to hide how this drug is affecting her from me.  But there is no hiding it after I have read all of your stories and I see ALL of the side affects of this medicine in her.  She will try to avoid me and not talk to me around the times when she has run out of it and is going through withdrawal symptoms and then when I say something about it she downplays it like she does not feel anything from it, no high and she is not addicted.  She will cancel any other doctors appointment she has in a heartbeat BUT never misses her appointment to go get these narcotics.  

My question is if there is anyone out there that DOES NOT have any kind of side affects or if there is anyone that does that knows anyone that these narcotics does not bother in this way.  From what I read it seems to happen to EVERYONE, but I know everyone who takes them does not post here so I do not have a 100% answer to this.  

I am so so worried about her and I want her off of them.  She is constantly in pain and sick and sometimes I think her pain is a mind thing but I cannot say for sure.  Does this drug really mess up relationships and families like that?  She has changed and I do not like what she is becoming.  I will continue to stick by her side throughout this ordeal but will not "enable" her.  But I cannot talk to her or try to help her because she is so defensive and I think kind of embarrassed that she is now on this narcotic after telling me all about it.  I do not think that she abuses it in the way of getting high but I do believe that she uses more than she should and runs out of it before her refill is do and has days that she is withdrawing I do believe that but when I mention it to her she plays like it is not that.  Also after a days of not taking it and then when you start again, how long does it take the withdrawal symptoms to go away?

Thank you all and I hope all of you struggling can overcome.

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by cardinal80, Nov 16, 2009
I just stumbled upon this website at 4:30 AM. This is day three for me. I cant sleep. My legs won't stop wanting to be moved. I was snorting a half to two-thirds of an 80 mg pill a day for recreational use for about the past month.. The girl I was dating got me started on them. I had always heard how addictive they are so don't think I'm blaming her. I chose to snort the things. I feel horrible. I've never been so depressed in my life. I hate not being able to sleep. I took two ambien and still can't fall asleep. I was hoping that the worst was over but by the looks of some of these posts it has just began. Good Luck to u alll who are trying to kick this aweful drug.

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by thorsma, Nov 16, 2009
Good Morning, For any body who is living w/ an addict, whether you can put a name on it or not there is help for the non-user, find an Al-Anon meeting near you, if you can't find one contact AA and they will help. My boyfriend who is now in day 7 of withdrawl only got help after threatining to throw himself in front of a bus, then the emergency room checked him into out local psych center. I also belatedly noticed all the ways this drug was effecting him. I knew something was wrong because he wasn't helping with any of the bills, and was starting to do weird little secrective things. He was also getting really negative and totally lost his sense of humor. We have had a trip planned to see his family out in Massachusetts for 4 months now, and he goes into detox 10 days prior, and of course has no money set aside either. I am so torn on going, because he hasn't seen his family in six years and I don't want to spoil it by being a b****, but at the same time I am still mad about this whole situation, PS, we are taking the train from Indiana, so about a 16 hr trip on one leg of the journey, not looking forward to his restlessness, and of course he is a smoker too.

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by momofmoms, Nov 16, 2009
Hi all,
I just caught up with evryone here and see there are some new posters. Concernedone, your girlfriend is in denial. In fact, she honestly does not know she has a problem yet. My sister is the same. She'll tell ya she is not addicted (not even dependent) and I know she is in deniel. Try taking her meds away and she'd freak out.

No one,and I mean NO ONE can make or convince the user to do anything if they don't think they have a problem.

My youngest, the one who is on Suboxone is doing VERY well. He's been on Suboxone alittle oever a month now. Takes way less than doc prescribed along with Clorazopam (sp) and sleeps well, eats well, functions well. I see him get a bit anxious now and then, but for the most part, his health is great and his outlook is even better! This is running me about 600.00 a month, which is painful financially. Soon he will be weaning off the small doeses and tranferring to 'clean' all the way, but I won't push him.

One of my many 'adopted' sons called this past weekend. Kyle is the oldest of my extra boys and has ALWAYS been responsibale and able to stand on his own, works hard, had his own apartment, car, paid all his bills on time and had some nice and not so nice relationships. He found himself playing around with the oxy's I spose about a year ago, and I noticed changes in him. Heck, everyone else is doing them...why not? Just a phone call away, and easy connects through my other sons.

Leap forward to this weekend: Suicidal. Burned every bridge, kicked to the curb by everyone. Lost his job training working dogs. His brother-in-law decked him a good one leaving a pretty shiner on his now darkened and sallow face for stealing money from them when they took him in for lack of a place to stay. His own Mom turned on him and could not trust him. He'd steal, lie, and anything he could to get away with another hit. He told me he'd been shooting it--something he NEVER EVER could see himself doing and never could understand how other people could be so stupid as to do that. He swore he'd never be that stupid. And now he is doing it too.

He wanted to come stay at my house. I am about 80 miles north of him, and I told him he could stay only a day or two...no more. He was going to leave from here and go........somewhere, nowhere, anywhere but the town he lived in. He had 10.00 in his pocket....all the money he had might get him a few miles up the road. Then what? He wanted to just never ever be seen by anyone ever again. He and we, came to the conclusion he need to put himself or others in danger by driving that far. He was in a horrible state of mind, it was Saturday night, and bad dispositions with long drives in heavy traffic don't mix well, expecially on Saturday nights. So he went to my son's place and was able to sleep there.

Fast forward a bit more and we can be glad that his mother had a change of heart the next afternoon and decided to take him back in. You see, they never had a close relaitionship and I know this for a fact becasue I was there-- that she never even wanted to know who I was all those years. Who was he living with? Why? Who did he go to for advice and a listening ear? I wished she'd have called me, met me--something! But I was thrilled that she has FINALLY (and I hope it sticks) stepped up and will help her son. She is an RN too, and I swear she needs to do some research on this demon drug. She does not understand its power. We were a hairs' with from losing him.

I swear, if I come into a large sum of money, I am going to build an addiction retreat just for people like the posters on this board. It will be staffed with the finest addiction doctors and alternative healthcare professions offering exercise, play, nutrition, creative inspiration and hard physical work. Fields to farm, stables to maintain, and every sort of self sustainable activity right on premises.

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by concernedone444, Nov 16, 2009
I am getting to the point where I want to run away.  So my friend and I begin talking again and I thought she was getting back to her normal self.  Well, I think she had sort of a high point because she talked, and talked and talked and I know that is one of the symptoms you can get to a low point and then a high point.  We were joking and laughing on the phone and texting each other and I thought she was getting better.  Well,  I just talked to her a few minutes ago and we were laughing and joking and all of a sudden BAM, she copped an attitude about something I said, I thought we were playing and she got all bent out of shape, told me off, and hung up on me.  

OMG,  I just want to run away and just forget about everything.  I can't deal with this.  I am not strong enough to handle it and I have every right to do as I please but WHY WHY do I feel so guilty.  I had made up my mind not to answer any more of her calls or text messages and to just wipe my hands.  But I feel that if I give up now and something happens to her I would be at fault.  I hate this feeling.  I have changed also.  I used to be such an outgoing, lovable, life of the party type person and I feel like I have been taking this "demon narcotic" and I never laid a finger on one.  I was always told that my being so nice and caring and trusting that it would get me in trouble.

For you who are addicted to this narcotic, please please think about how you are making your loved ones feel. This is hard for us also.  We love you all and we want to help as much as we can and what we do is out of love and concern for you.  You are not only destroying your lives but you are also destroying the lives of the ones who love you.  We do not want to give up on you,  but we do not want to enable you either.  I feel so torn at this point.  But how can you help a person who is in denial?  I just do not know what to do.  

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by thorsma, Nov 17, 2009
I have been up since 3:30 AM, since my addict has been up all night. I am so sick of this not sleeping. He runs a big saw in a factory during the day, and I feel like an accident is going to happen. He still refuses to acknowledge that the reason he isn't sleeping or eating and is depressed is because of this stupid drug. It is like the drug is his best friend, and he doesn't want to say anything bad about it. I think he has decided he doesn't want to go on the trip to see his family, but a part of me still wants him to go by himself, and just have a break from all this s***. We have been together for 10 yrs, and I have been through numerous calls from jail, and our local psych center, and he went to prison for 2 yrs for drinking a bunch then taking a handful of Xanax, and then trying to break into someone's house to get more. I learned to support myself during that time, and that I can be fine without him. I truly believed him when he got out and said he would never use again. I am really struggling to understand the hold that drugs have over an addict. From reading some of the withdrawl stories, I just don't know if I can make it through this whole process. He is such an a** right now. He is my best friend when he is clean, but right now I just want this horrible person to go away. I know that I am not making it better by being angry, but I am angry. Any input from recovering addicts would be greatly appreciated

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by radz101, Nov 17, 2009
I am hoping someone can help me, i found out that my boyfriend has been takin this for about 2 and  half months now and is trying to stop. The last time he took anything was about three days ago- he is miserable constantly sick and i dont know what i can do to help him. I mean he didnt take it for that long but i am wondering if someone can give me advise on how to help him?? Is there some kind of vitamin or anything i can do to help?? I feel completely useless... How long do you think this will last? If someone could give me some sort of input or advice i would appreciate it!

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by momofmoms, Nov 18, 2009
Hey Radz101, join the 'stand-by' club.....we just stand by and watch as those we care about all apart, and if they get to us while we watch, they will drag us down too.

Here is what it is going to take for them to make the shift from addict to NO MORE addict:

Rock Bottom.

Unless they lose their family, friends and everything that is near and dear, they do not see they have a problem. My son Chris can tell you that. Kyle, my 'adopted' son can tell you that. Sean, my middle son can tell you that. As long as life goes on the way they expect it to, and people they love hang on in case they are feeling good and want to talk...they have no motivation to leave the drugs behind.

Everyone is different and the 'hit' that shakes the foundation of their being must shake them at the level which is enough to make it HURT. My son lost his car, job, apartment, then his home. Had no place to go. Ended up in jail a few times and the last time came out with no where to go, no money for food, no friends cos they all had enough of his ****. he called me on the phone and was crying his eyes out telling me he was homeless. I had to wear a coat of armour to not let it get to me, but it did anyway. But I still did not offer him a place to stay just then, and I did not send him money. THAT HURT ME. Things are better now. This was about 6 months ago.

The only other option is Intervention by everyone who loves them.

I doubt thast is much help. I am on here too waiting for the perfect miracle answer, and I still SWEAR by Suboxone. I have my old Chris back and he is on his way to a normal life now. If I could, afford it, Sean and Daniel and Kyle would be on it too. But they know, and it is up to them to see an addiction doc and get help.

I'll be watching.....

M.O.M.

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by thorsma, Nov 19, 2009
I am on day 10 of living with an addict who is going through withdrawl, he is only taking a 3rd of the recommended dosage of the Suboxone, because of the prohibitive cost. My question for anyone who has been on it or has watched anyone on it, is does it make you black out? He comes home from work, and I will see him standing at the counter to make something to eat and he will literally fall asleep. He says his is not and he is fine, but I have eyes in my head and I can his rolling back. When he sits down to eat, he looks like he used to when he drank and took pills at the same time. He has to be deliberate in getting the food to his mouth, and he does it so slowly, again he says that I am crazy and he is fine. I am just having a hard time believing that a 3rd of the dose is doing this to him, especially since he says the shrink didn't tell him he couldn't work or anything, thank God he doesn't have a license to drive, he'd kill someone. He swears up and down he isn't on anything, but he's has certainly lied before. He is talking to his AA sponsor and that isn't something he usually does if he is using, but I still don't know. So I would just love any input on what Suboxone does to people.

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by cardinal80, Nov 19, 2009
Im now on day seven. I feel so much like myself again its crazy. I'm actually getting some sleep at night. Only waking up once or twice. My "restless legs" have now calmed down. I still have to force myself out of bed in the mornings and go to work but once i'm out of the house I feel better. Like a productive member of society. The thing I battle with is the temptation to do the oc again. I was at a friends house last night that uses the drug recreationally. I told myself "oh i can do just a little. It'll be fine." Thank the Lord above that I didn't do it. I know that if I use again I'll be right back where I was a week ago. There is light at the end of the tunnel for all of you that are trying to get off of this stuff. I can definately see the light at the end of my tunnel. Good luck to you all.

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by ODCHARLES, Nov 20, 2009
Well, there is a lot of stories in the world and ones concerning Opiate w/d and especially Oxycontin (Oxycodone HCL ER) and it's siblings seem to be more prevelant than I could have even imagined.   I won't bore you with my whole extended deal here, but sometimes truth sets on free.  
I was the "Golden Boy".  I had a full scholarship to a major northern U.S. University for ice hockey which, I chose to decline.  Why?  I was drafted in the NHL draft.  Great eh?  Yeah, until in my 17th game when I blew my medial collateral ligament and bye bye Pro Hockey.  Post surgically, the knee was 99%.  Now mind you, im now 43 and in 1983, knee surgury wasn't what it is today.  I was VERY lucky.
So, since I am an adrenilline junkie, i chose to enlist in the USAF.  More forward a year or two and Im in Special Forces serving in a Joint Service Task Force (JSTF).  I'm loving life.  Doing drug irradication is South America/Central America and assisting the the Sandanist/Contra war in El Salvador. Until, Our Helio is hit and we are down.  Im broke up bad but I survived.  I lost friends...more like family.
Pain since then had been brutal.  I fractured my back in 4 places, herniated 5 discs, blown shouler, severe concussion (had way too many play hockey WITHOUT a helmet...dont ever let your kids do it!).  And numerous other ****.  The EXACT day the Purdue came out with Oxycontin, I was on it. 80's x2  5 mg oxycodone IR prn. Well, it took me about one month until i was chewing 3 80's every 6hours and the VA, then, just dolled more out like Tic-Tacs.  I was immediately addicted.  
Fast forward past two failed marriages and 4 children that somehow raised themeselves into productive, smart athletic young adults and here I was still chomping Oxy's.  Even this former "Golden Boy" got busted writting fake scripts because I NEEDED THEM!.

It took the death of my grandfather early this Feb 09 for me to see myself in my true form.  As he was so close to death, I could see he wanted to say something but couldn't.  But I knew it was how dissapointed he was in what I had become from being at the top of two professions.  He passed several minutes after I tried to talk with him.

I decieded that instant I would fight this demon like I have always been able to fight.  But, it has been a long and HARD 9 months.

I started running and made it to 35 miles a week, but still on 3x80mgs daily.  I tapered until july 20 when I stopped all.  Went through hell.  

I sought professional help because after I stopped my popping, I was having horrific flashbacks of gruesome incidents while in the USAF.  Come to find out, I have had combat related  PTSD.  And I now realize that I do have pain but it was the thoughts and the memories that the Oxy's killed that made ME fall in love with them.

I have relapsed several times and each withdrawl is heck on earth.  But as of today I am 36 hours clean and fighting.  No meds at all(except synthroid, blew out my Thyroid).  It just goes to show you, anyone can be put into the dark heck of this addiction.

Good Luck to all fighting the good fight.

P.S.  please forgive the rambling nature of this post.  It made me quite emotional writting this.

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by catman20, Nov 21, 2009
Hello, my name is J.D.
        You beat it , hope you are in recovery 12step program? I wanted to thank you for posting your story. I'm 27 years old
And have battled O.C. addition for seven years. I'm not proud of it, but talking about it ,I'v found helps me a great deal.I'm
not ashamed to say they weren't introduced to me by a physician, but on the street. I would shave them on a hose clamp
and put them up my nose.Over the seven years I've had two clean terms, but relapsed.Todays date is 11/20/09 and I am
entering my third treatment facility saturday morning,tomorrow.O.C. detox without the help of methadose, or subutex is
going to be horrrible which is what im going to do at this facility under Dr. supervision. These little devils as I call them
are highly addictive and the withdraw's are the worst. This drug by far is one of the hardest, if not the hardest to come off
of. The past 4 months I've been taking 5to6 80mg pills per day. In the past I'v went the easy route detoxing, so I think detoxing
tomorrow this way I might appreciate my recovery and cherrish it a little more.
   Again thank all of you for this site and each of your post's. It's made me thank really positive the past hour.

                                                                                                Have faith in your higher power! J.D. WALKER

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by ODCHARLES, Nov 21, 2009
Hey J.D.
Its 0400 here on the here and as I thought, I am going out of my mind and body.  Sleep is a concept that has escaped me most of my life but has become non-existent going through w/d.  Thought I'd check the site.  Thanks for the words of encouragment.   Seven years is a helluva long time to be using.  I know.  Oxy's came out in late 1995 and been on them since. At my worst, I was chewing, and this is NO LIE, 7-8 80's three times a day.  On top of the10mg Valium for the muscle spasms I had I was comatose constantly.  Was rushed to the ER 3 times because I OD on all of it.  But, the good ol' Veterans Administration hooked me right back up the next morning.  
J.D., Im not going to tell you anything here that you don't already know.  But, as an ex Boxer (one never REALLY becomes an
"ex-Boxer!) I kept repeating to myself when Im really, really bad that if Keith Richards and Robert Downey Jr. can do this, I'll be damned if I can't beat this!  Let's face it,really,  Keith Richards?  Do any of us really ever compare to THAT habit?  Anyway, its what worked for me.  I hope your treatment facility treats you well and as a human and as an individual.  Just remember that pain is temporary, PRIDE IS FOREVER!  

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by ODCHARLES, Nov 21, 2009
Hey everyone...It's 0915 EST Sat. 20 NOV 2009
This is one fight that I have no clue if Ill win...But, I will not give up unless I drop dead!

I wanted to say that for the first time since 1988, I was awake to watch my first indian summer sky sunrise clear headed.  It brought me to tears.  Yeah, I know.  It wasn't the sky it was the w/d!  Well, I think it had a little to do with both.  Simple things are begining to seem more significant.  While watching the sunrise, it brought back to me lying in open an open field in Honduras in 1986 while on an insertion.  I watched that sun peak over the horizon and with all the shite I had been through the 96 hours before, I realized how great it was to be alive.  That GOOD memory came to me this morning.  I got really sad though because it reminded me of how I would wake my first wife, when I was still a good man, and make her watch the sun peak over the horizon to say good morning.  That's what got me going.  I am really, really, REALLY, realizing why I took these OXY's...I can't contoll my BRAIN!!!  All the love that I lost, the memories I should have with my childrin that are hazy or non-existent...I know this isn't the right forum for this, but if anyone has gone through having addiction and PTSD, drop me a line PLEASE!!!  I WILL NOT TAKE ANTI PHYCOTICS!!!  I just wish I could have my 20 years of total time on Narcotcs back.  What would have I become?  

Damn, I ramble on.  Sorry.  Please, if anyone ever comes across these posts of mine, I know I not offering much advise, but just remember this...You can accomplish ANYTHING when your mind, heart, soul and ego are all in line.  I leave religion out b/c I dont want others to think Im "PREACHY", but, although twice divorced, I still am a practicing Catholic.                                                        

Later...

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by momofmoms, Nov 21, 2009
Thorsma;
What else is he doing besides suboxone? can't help but think he is taking xanax or clonazopam....these are regularly prescribe with subone to help with restlessness and sleep issues. Either that, or there is more going on than you are allowed to know.

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by momofmoms, Nov 21, 2009
I just asked my son his thoughts on this Thorsma, and he said that xanax and clonazopam won't even do that to him....he believes it is becasue your b/f is still using.

Here is Chris himself speaking:

Hey my name is Chris and i have been an addict for 2 1/2 years. My mom finnally got me on subs but you know this, the only thing that will change him is if he changes his evirioment and stays directly on suboxone(you dont have to move) but he needs to stay away from all his friends that do them. Just tell them he is detoxing they will say good for you or what ever and they will continue down their path of destruction.  I feel for him i know exactly how it is i came from pinellas county where it is the capital of opiates, i changed my enviorment by moving 2 hours north and choosing not to meet anybody my age and jus healing.  if he truely wants to quit, that is the gods honest truth of how to do it otherwise if you stay in a situation where he has ANY contact with his "people"  its over and he will do it behiend your back and swear on everything and anything that he is off. i know this because i did it i am now still healing but i am the old me again and i am loving it. As to him falling asleep, besides me knowing about opiates i know from experience it sounds like he is either not taking the subs and taking opiates or taking both(he will ultimatly build tolerence and be fine with taking them both together) you are not supposed to do that, but once again i did i would find suboxone on the street though just so i wouldnt withdraw so i would take a sub in the morning and if i got a chance or had money or my friends were picking up opiates i would definently tag along and buy some w/ the suboxone in my system.. ok this is what he needs and will cure him.... his needs to be quarantined or you' need to move far away at least 1 hour and a half away and no contact with anyone that is on,may be on,or you're just not sure of being on opiates, the outside world litterally for a good amount of time. he can go out side but as to friends of any kind keep them away unless you know them and you know they are not on opiates (you should know the signs if you dont look them up, it is very easy to tell). well i wish you the best of luck with this and i pray for him. i hope he feels soon like i do now thanks for your time.

M.O.M. again; never mind the typos. I asked him on impulse to come in and write a little for you. he is not the writer I am but has a story to tell nonetheless. It took Chris a long time to come out and be straight up with me. Now I know all the things he used to hide. Well, maybe not ALL, but I know more than I used to! :) I will never say all, becasue it is not necessary.

M.O.M.

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by thorsma, Nov 22, 2009
Chris, Thank you so much for responding to my query on the Suboxone. My addict is about 2 weeks into the detox, and I guess I still don't know for sure, that he isn't doing anything else with the Suboxone, but he is doing a lot better. He is continuing to work with his 12 step sponsor and we have finally started talking again. He actually suggested a walk today with our horses, which he hasn't done in about 3 months. He is on Trazadone and Celexa, and I think I saw that Suboxone will dramatically increase the effects of some other drugs. His personality is starting to come back slowly. He is still pretty negative, but there are glimmers of the person I know in there. We did have to cancel our trip to see his Mom for Thanksgiving, but we will probably be able to go see her right after Christmas. That would give him another month of recovery, and if he continues the way he is, it should be a decent trip. Thank you to everybody who posts here, it makes living with this addiction a little less lonely.

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by manifestation, Nov 24, 2009
Hi my name is Byron,

I am 27 years old ad I have been useing for the past 7 years. It all started with Loratab 7.5 speckles.A friend of mine was taking them to help him work more hours. We worked in a factory while we were finishing up school and during the summer. So anyway I tried one one night when I had came in to work after a long night of partying. (hungover) It was like a wonder drug the headache was gone and I was full of energy. I loved it It enabled me to be able to make more money and still study. Then as time went by I started taking two then.. three... then four...exc. Before I knew it I was spending more time at the Dr. than I was spending time with my family. It also was costing me an arm and a leg to support my habbit. So I began talking to some other friends and they told me I was waisting my money. I was taking 10-12 Loratab 10mg a day just to get out of the bed. They told my to try Oxycotten and I would only have to use one 20mg to get the same effect. So I tried it and bam I loved it. Twice the energy at half the cost! Then again over time I had to start useing more and more to get what I thought I needed. Now it was 80mg twice a day. I could not think of going a day without it. I tried to quit on my own and never made it past a week. I didnt understand why I would always feel so sick. I thought I had a reoccuring case of the flu. I could not work or go to school or even get out of bed unless I had at least 20mg. That would get me by but barley. Later I found Suboxone and tried it it is a mirical drug it cured the withdrawals as long as I was taking it but now I cant seem to quit the boxes. I am down to a quarter a day... thats all I let myself take. The problem now is that I feel just as bad if I quit taking the boxes. I can make it a day sometimes two then bam w/ds hit just as hard as before. Has anyone had this problem? How or what steps did you take to fix it. I cant w/d cause I cant quit work or miss. I dont know what to do. I want to quit and I feel so close but I cant stand the sickness. I feel drained of every pint of energy I ever had unless I use boxes. Is thee anything that helps the w/ds that does not just replace it with another drug? My family dont understant why I cant just stop useing alltogether. I tried telling them but they cant understand what they cant feel. Any input would be great.

                                                                     Thanks,
                                                                      Byron
PS Thanks also to the host of this forum. It has inspired me by letting me know I'm not at this alone.

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by HoseB, Dec 04, 2009
Wow! I can't believe I stumbled onto this site. Very humbling to read all of your stories. I am a 50 year old male who had a bad motorcycle accident on 10/19/09, fracturing the majority of my ribs, my left scapula, right collar bone, and a collapsed right lung. No surgeries, no stitches, just lay there and try to heal. I was in the hospital one week at which time I was on Morphine at will and Oxy. I am grateful, having never been on any of these before, that I did not like how these drugs made me feel. Took care of the pain for sure, but I constantly fought sleep because of the dreams and how I felt emotionally. When I realized that I couldn't go home as long as I was on Morphine I stopped it on day 5. They released me and sent me home with 20mg Oxycontin every 12 hrs to replace the morphine and Oxycondone every 4-6 hrs for spells of increased pain.  I did this for only 2 weeks and quickly realized it wasn't good. The following week I had them reduce the Oxycontin to 10mg and did that for a week. I had all the symptoms you guys describe if I didn't take it on schedule. By week 4 at home, I was able to get out of bed by myself, shower, etc. and knew I didn't need the meds any more. I cold turkeyed the oxycontin and though I had horrible bouts of the common withdrawal, I hasn't been as severed as what you guys are describing. I am so grateful! I am now on day 3 of no oxycodone and though I feel jittery, restless, can't sleep, some depression, I know I'm gonna be fine in a couple more days. I feel so bad for all of you but don't know what I can do except encourage you to keep trying. I am blessed with great friends and a saint for a wife who have been so patient with my mood swings etc., recognizing that it's not me, its the drugs. I wish God's healing hand to be with all of you.

Joe

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by momofmoms, Dec 08, 2009
Morning Joe,

Soooo glad you caught this problem before it got a deeper hold on you! I really am! ONE SAVED!!! Stay strong, and you'll have it beat. You're going to have pain from the accident the rest of your life, but it's 1000 times better than pain from fighting an addiction on top of it!

M.O.M.

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by cardinal80, Dec 11, 2009
okay i relasped... now i have to go through all of the w/d again.... wow am i stupid... weeks of pain for a few hours of enjoyment... i dont even know what to say

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by sadiegirl13, Dec 13, 2009
I just started tapering off the oxy's for the third time. I haven't even felt any w/d but already depressed for going back on them, but I know that's typical. I wish I could go into treatment, but can't because I work in a detox center doing my intership for a master's in psychology. what a joke, here I'm talking to people every day trying to help them off drugs and I am on them myself. I am already full of shame for what i am doing to my life and being a phoney at work makes it worse. Some times i want to scream I need help too, but I would lose my intership and not be allowed to graduate, and yes I know that with out being clean i will have nothing. So I now have a break off from school and the intership and will detox myself once again. It has to stick this time no matter what because I will lose everything and I refuse to let that happen. I had 17 years sobriety so I know what to do, but this drug is stronger than any i ever took before those 17 years. This drug is unbelievable, i was off last time for one month but the thoughts of using were insane to say the least. If I tapper the way i set it up i will be drug free on xmas day. I have been shopping for things i need so i don't have to go out when the worse begins. Its kind of funny, my elderly mother lives with me, so today i brought home more supplies and frozen foods. My mom is confused at all the stuff i keep buying and ask me if i was preparing for a hurricane, lol, yes mom I am. I also made arrangements for her to stay at my sister's for xmas because i don't want to screw up her day because im drug sick. No one in my family knows, and very few of my friends, i guess i was able to hide it well, especially working in a detox center. A couple of my friends that do know truly do not understand the w/d behind this drug. I have to give one freind a lot of credit because when she heard about my addiction she did research on the subject and in fact found this site. When i told the other person (a recovering herion addict) she told me how foolish i have been and how angry she is at me, yea, I needed that. So i tearfully explained that i don't need negative **** in my life right now, ok she replies and comes over the next day and does the same thing. Distance is what i need from her. I am also telling another friend of mine today, and this is probably the first one i should of told. Sorry i have been rambling on, I think I could have said all of the above in a few words, I am devastated and scared. I should start to feel the affects of tappering in a couple days or so. I know what you cut now you don't feel for days or even a week. I am glad i found this site and I will be back.  If anyone reads this and is going through w/d my thoughts are with you and I wish you well. Sadiegirl

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by momofmoms, Dec 15, 2009
Sadiegirl, I will be thinking good things for you. I mean that. You made me tear up reading this. gawd, I haaaaate this drug. I hate what it is doing to wonderful people.

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by sadiegirl13, Dec 17, 2009
Thurs. night: I tappered down to 45mg. from 75 or 90 Im not sure anymore but my body tells me it was a large tapper. I will stay on 45 for 2 more days then 3 days at 30mg and the last 2 days will consist of loratabs. Im starting to feel the aches in my back neck and legs, and at times I feel like crying for no reason, but so far im able to laugh at myself because its the w/d nothing else. A lot of the emotional stuff for me anyway is self pity, i truly pity myself which in its self is pitiful. I cant't believe i have done this to myself and i know im not alone, every addict is remorseful. The diference is what we do with our remorse. Well im going to lay down and watch some tv and hope i sleep tonight, I should because the oxy's are still in my system. Good luck to all, sadiegirl

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by sadiegirl13, Dec 18, 2009
momofmoms, thank you for your kindness, I also hate this drug. I woke up this morning, after having a good nights sleep, feeling very achy. I had a hard time feeding the two cats, and realized I had forgotten to brush my teeth and almost started crying until i realized how funny it is to cry over not brushing my teeth. I brushed my teeth and couldn't wait to do my 15 mg. of oxy because i knew most of the w/d symptoms would be relieved. I hate tappering, but I guess not as much as going cold turkey because I tried that. The problem with tappering is the relief you feel by taking such a small dosage; however, cold turkey i am afraud because of my age (52). I could have gone on the sub. but at my internship site they drug test randomly so I need to be drug free by the end of next week. I know i can get off the drug but can i stay off it is the real question here. I have been doing a lot of reading on the subject of addiction, and I read this last week and again today and would like to share it with who ever:
What addiction distracts me from is my own life. In such distraction, it relieves me of the burden of that life, of actually having to live it out, with all the uncertainty, boredom, routine, frustration, and disappointment that so often characterize even the most fortunate life. Most especially, addiction relieves me of the need to keep on searching for meaning in my life, the need to give my own life meaning through commitment, dedication, and daily perseverance. Thanks to my addiction, the search is over, I no longer have to give my own life meaning. My addiction gives it meaning. My addiction is the meaning.
I was moved when I read that and dam it I will not let my life go that easy. However, the meaning of it is true for me at least and mostly likely for most that are addicted. I think about this site daily and I feel blessed for finding it, good luck all, see ya later, Sadiegirl

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by sadiegirl13, Dec 19, 2009
Sat 19th. Good morning, had a good nights sleep, but that might be because I'm sick besides becoming drug sick. I have swollen glands, and am seeing another doctor on momday. Anyway that might be why I'm sleeping so well. However, this morning when I took my 15mg. all the leg and back aches did not go away and I know they will get worse, its just part of the beast. Today is the last day at 45mg., tomorrow I go to 30 mg.for 2 days and then I switch off to 10mg. Loratabs I only have 6. So, thurs. should be the last day of any drug in my system. Well, thats not true I started smoking pot because I have been told it would make the w/d easier and so far thats true. I haven't smoked pot in years, and its relaxing me. I know its just another drug; however, it is nothing compared to oxy's.
The problem is after the w/d from oxy's its the mental game in my head. The desire to relapse is the strongest thing i have ever come upon, and for me to stay clean I must change nearly everything about myself. I did it once back in the 80's and 90's by going to AA not NA. I worked the steps, got a sponsor, and helped others. I have to say they were the best 17 years of my life, and then I relapsed with alcohol because it use to be my drug of choice along with cocaine. I never saw this coming or at least i was in denile. It truly doesn't matter now how i got here its what i do now that matters. I read another interesting thing this morning and would like to share it:
To escape addiction, addicts must have "something more." There must be a complete shift of focus from the negative avoidance of what is perceived as underirable to the positive pursuit of something-something that is perceived as more desirable than the addiction itself.
So, i guess once im off the oxy's I will head back to AA and start over. I choose AA over NA because I find more sobriety in the AA rooms then I found in NA. Its dosen't matter an addction is an addiction, and i figure if someone doesn't like that im an addict they can go **** themselves because the rooms are open to all; however, sometimes you find one person that needs to control the meetings. It's ok because its just their stuff not ours and they will never ask you to leave.
Im going for a walk now because my legs are very stiff and its sunny outside, I live in Fl. so its also warm. Everyone reading this good luck with today and we will worry about tomorrow when it gets here, my thoughts will be with you. Sadiegirl

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by kitty_kitty_kattttt, Dec 19, 2009
I'm so proud of you sadiegirl13!  That is all for now, IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN!

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by HoseB, Dec 20, 2009
Happy to say I have beaten the drug. Still staggering to me that I was only on 20mg every 12 hours and what I had to go thru to get off. I can't imagine those of you doing higher doses more often. I still don't sleep well, but I didn't before my accident either so I think I'm good to go. My brother works at a rehab who told his medical director about me. He suggested a drug called Clontine (sp?) which is a blood pressure med but helps with the "jitters" while you're coming off Oxy. I didn't take it, I went from 20 to 10 for a week then cold turkey from there. Interesting that my Dr. didn't ask me for the rest of my 20 mg before he gave me a script for the 10! Anyway, i tell as many people as I can about my experience so they can run like crazy if their doctor mentions oxy.
Thanks M.O.M. for your response and concern for many here. Sometimes all it takes is encouragement from someone to keep going. I had it easier than everyone here but I kicked it just the same. I wish you all the best.

Joe

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by sadiegirl13, Dec 20, 2009
Sunday the 20th. Actually I don't feel too bad, but I'm very very angry. I have to drive my mother to my sisters and my sister pisses me off. She was suppose to take my mom for X-Mas, but has made other plans what an ***. I don't have much to say because i just feel angry. This is all part of the w/d at least Im aware of that. Today i am going from 45-30 mg. that might be part of the anger too. Good luck everyone we can do this. Sadiegirl

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by kitty_kitty_kattttt, Dec 20, 2009
Sadiegirl13... three words for you today, EASY DOES IT!


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by CygnusX1, Dec 20, 2009
sadiegirl13...I had the same trouble...as we all do here. I found that during withdrawal, as I was in my deepest need for the drug, I would channel my anger to the person who got me into this other than myself for taking the drug. I was angry at my doctor. I went cold turkey from 60mg/day to nothing for the first 3 days. I then took one 20mg dose a day for a week. Then tapered even to lower levels from there. I am now at less than 5mg a day.

My method was to close myself off from the world for 3 days and try to get rid most of my need for the drug. Hot baths helped with the muscle problems. After three days I was wild but much better...all the symptoms mentioned here but less need for the drug. Each hour was an angry withdrawal from the drug and anger at the doctor that did this to me. I have an unusual arthritic condition with pain all over but the doc over medicated me because he knew very little about Oxy except how to spell it and prescribe it.

My point is that the anger can be a very helpful tool. I was so angry at times, that I forgot about the drug's side effects. So I was simply determined to beat the drug and find a new doctor. I am now away from the drug enough that I am about to quit completely. I am looking forward to letting the Doc know what he did to me...and I will do it nicely but I will also complain to the clinic about the doc.

Use your anger...channel it...make it a tool that will work for you!

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by sadiegirl13, Dec 21, 2009
Thank you Cygnusx1 that was good advice. Today the anger is on the back burner because I have to go to see a new doctor today about the lumps in my neck. I would not be surprised to find out they have something to do with this drug. I felt bad when I got up but after doing my 15mg. some of the worse pain went away. I only have one 15mg. left and then 6 10mg. loratabs. I think I might save the last oxy for tomorrow morning when I feel my worse, and do 15mg. of loratab today since I'm on 30mg. today. I have to admitt I am scared because in the next few days I will have nothing to releave the pain, but its ok i know I can make it. A little suffering never killed anyone (that I know of). I'm lucky I don't have to go to work or school or anywhere else I can just take care of myself. I will probably go for a walk later. That's all for now, good luck everyone, talk to you soon. Sadiegirl

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by CygnusX1, Dec 21, 2009
I mentioned anger above because it helped me with my problem. When I first took the drug it seemed to be the best thing that ever happened - and I was so wrong. The drug is very dangerous. What I did not know at the time, and I will share here, is that the human body adapts very quickly to the drug. I thought I could hold at 60mg/day.

I did stop at 60 but I did not realize that the withdrawal effects were starting within hours of taking the drug. So I was in such pain each morning and did not sleep well. I was getting worse each day - my daily pain became intense. I considered going to 80mg/day and then realized that the drug was in control of me...I was not controlling the drug. Obvious I know - but new to me. I have never been controlled by a drug. I saw the doc and he did not say much and in one case did not even answer my questions - thus my anger with the doc and for over medicating me in the first place.

As I withdrew the side effects became clear!!! There were all that were mentioned here and more. I went cold turkey for three days for a reason. I wanted to feel the full effect of the drug which had become my enemy. I was in intense pain etc. but most of my pain symptoms were gone in the three days. I then went to 20mg/day as I have said and tapered down from there. The point of the cold turkey is that I wanted that withdrawal pain burned into my mind - for the rest of my life. It was the worst feeling I have ever had and one I will never forget.

I now have almost no pain except for the original pain. But the original pain is less than the Oxy pain!!!

I am back on over the counter drugs and they work well enough. I actually feel my original pain now and smile because it almost feels good compared to the pain of Oxycontin.

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by angelina78, Dec 22, 2009
Hi, Im on day 4 now..stopped using oxycotin.. and I dont kno how to get my legs to allow me to sleep :(
I find I have energy but I just cant sleep, and cold ALL the time..
I swear I would be normal if I can just sleep.. im so exausted I cry beggin to sleep but I just cant..
anyon kno wat to take for this?

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by angelina78, Dec 22, 2009
OH.. without going to a doctor... something off the counter...anyone?

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by sadiegirl13, Dec 22, 2009
Angelina, I wish there was something but there isn't anything I know of and I have been through this before. You will sleep again, that I promise, when is the answer you want, sorry, it *****. This ******* drug *****, the only reason I'm sleeping right now during my tapper w/d is because I'm also sick from something else. The restless leg thing (crazy legs) is weird, but it too will go away. Again, when? I wish I had an answer for you because I would be ok too.
I woke up today sick and very restless so I forced food down and am going for a walk on the beach, its a little cold, not too bad I live in Fl., but lately I'm cold in my bones. Angelina, exercise in small amounts might help, such as a walk. I really don't feel like the walk but I get out of myself for a little while because I am so consumed with me, my addiction, how bad I feel, how bad I feel for getting addicted again, on and on my mind goes, and I'm sick of it, so taking a walk seems to help. I don't want to keep talking to my friends about how i feel because who wants to listen to someone always complaining, I don't and I went to school for it. Also walking helps the crazy legs for awhile. I know that sometimes the advice we hear from fellow addicts can be annoying but sometimes helpful because the excise I got from this site from a guy who cold turkeied last year. Infact he is at the beginning of the postings, it might help. Thats all for now because I'm consumed with me, lol, I probably wasn't that helpful Angelina, but what do you except I'm an addict trying to keep a sense of humor or at least some sense. My thoughts will be with you, Sadiegirl

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by sadiegirl13, Dec 22, 2009
Angelina, I told you, you are in my thoughts. I know I wasn't helpful, but at least your not alone with the way you feel, I'm with you. Sadiegirl

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by angelina78, Dec 22, 2009
Thanks Sadie..
U must have been near to me cuase i slept 4 hours :D
but i wake up every hour with this leg thing
day 5.. nd it hasint stopped ...
I appreciate all you say.. I do have energy in day time.. ill try a long walk
its just night time.. no sleep i find ad my bones so cold
I hope you feel better.. i use 324323 Ibuprofen , it helps  million :)


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by angelina78, Dec 22, 2009
OH not to metion.. the scariest thing to me.. is i havent eaten in 4 days :(
this cant be good for me.. but i cant eat no matter wat i try.. soup.. anything...i cant
wat can i do

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by jczap, Dec 22, 2009
I am not a doctor and you should consult a doctor before taking my or anyones advice of medication and WD processes because everyone is different.

I am at day 7 of WD's and my method worked great with MINIMAL WD symptoms. I Still feeling a few but its very tolerable and can be dealt with easily. I have experienced very very horrible WD's in the past and came up with my own method of stopping.  After 5 surgeries on my ankle I decided to quit pain medication forever ( 3 years on them) because it was ruling my life and my body was addicted to it.

I was on 40-90mg's of oxycontin per day (taking 10mg pills-Use to be on 40mg pills taking 5 a day- Chewing them included!) I was also prescribed Tramadol (another class of narcotic which can give you the same WD's if stopped abruptly) which i only took if i ran out of oxycontin. I noticed in the past that if i took tramadol after stopping oxycontin I would only experience very very light WD's.

Here the process:

After stopping the oxycontin i took (4) 50mgs tabs of tramadol for 2 days, then down to 3 for 2 days, 2 for 2 and so on until a week went by and stopped the tramadol and experience only sweating and very very light Wd's while taking the tramadol. Before I stopped the tramadol I went to the Doctor and got Clonidine for Skin bumps hot/cold and blood pressure (.1mg'sx4daily- Dont want a high dose cause it can cause hypertension after stopping), Ambien ( 1 at bed) and Trazadone (1 after waking from ambien) for sleep ( NO Valium/Klonipin/Xanax cause it Can delay the WD's process), Loperamide HCL for diarrhea and stomach cramps, Diphenhydramine (Benadryle for sneezing, nasal congestion cause from Wd's), and Prochlorperazine (10 mg's for Nausea and vomiting- although I never had to take it cause never felt that bad). I purchased on my own Vitamin B-12 ( sublingual- put under tongue), Centrum Vitamin (chewable), and Vitamin C (Chewable) - Having these helps with Wd's and promotes faster correction of the Nervous system. After stopping the tramadol I only experienced 2 days of rather annoying Wd's but still tolerable with the medication regimen i am on. After day 2 I felt like i had a light cold during the day ( which is the Wd's) up to today. Each day has been progressively better. I can operate fine throughout the day and dont feel bad at all really - very tolerable WD's. During the evening at bed time is a different. My nose gets congested and my legs move quite a bit (Restless Leg Syndrome from WD's) but each night it gets better. So all in all, the first 2 days are the only ones that sucked. The reason being is because of switching over to tramadol for the first week. Doing so tricked my body in thinking it was getting oxycontin for the first week but still able to get over the worst of the WD's without actually experiencing them. So i basically went through very very light WD's for the first week (almost unnoticeable) and then only had 2 days that really sucked. Like I said I am not doctor and you should consult your doctor before taking anyones advice. Also, tramadol can have many side effects so check with other medications that you may be taking so read and educate yourself about all medications you are on before doing this process. Hope this helps all of you during the WD process, I know it did for me!

If you really want to quit you can! Have heart and do it! Fear Nothing!

Remember, It's not where your from or what you've done. It's where your going!

Good Luck!

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by jczap, Dec 22, 2009
Also, just to let everyone know what i am doing during the day to show you how good i feel.

Yesterday (Day 6 of WD's), I cleaned my entire house! Vacuumed, dusted, washed dishes, and even brought my dog to PETCO to get groomed, and walked throughout Target while I waited for them to finish. I do get tired and want to lay down during the day but i don't. I get out and do stuff cause it makes me feel better.

So it goes to show you that I do feel very good right now and not like previous attempts at going through WD's (4 attempts). I feel like i dedicated my body to find out a way to get through WD's in a way. LOL. Like i said everyone is different and your symptoms may be better or worse trying my method. Consult a doctor if you have questions!


Good Luck!


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by jczap, Dec 22, 2009
Oh Angelina,

Take Valarian Root and Melatonin to help you get a little sleep. Both can be purchased at any Walmart, GNC, or Pharmacy. Make sure the room is dark when you lay down to sleep. Even in the morning. Where an eye cover or put a blanket over the window to keep it dark cause you may fall asleep later than expected and the sun may come up. Also, wiggling your toes helps to alleviate RLS symptoms.

Good Luck!

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by angelina78, Dec 22, 2009
thanks :)
ill try everything i can that you mentioned, and wow day 7 for u !
thats amazing, congratz sweety, I cant wait to be where you are :)
I made one mistake tonight nd took a few percocets :S
i hope it doesnt put me back to day 1 but i couldint help it :(

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by jczap, Dec 22, 2009
Yeah it can.... At least it will feel that way. Go see a doctor and be honest with them and tell them that you heard about tramadol ( Ultram- Generic) and tell them that you want to come off meds and mention what I said. Most doctors will work with you.

Good Luck!

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by angelina78, Dec 23, 2009
Thanks, but m problem is I cant see a doctor due to stupid circumstances so im stuck tryin this on my own
I feel like **** now that I took those nd I dont plan on that again, I hope today nd tomorrow go okay im scared to death
But I learned from it,,, dun keep ur friends near who have the same problem.. casue they think there helping you
when there not :(

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by sadiegirl13, Dec 23, 2009
Angelina, like Jczap first mentioned don't do most of what we do, we all have our ways, but going to a doctor, I feel, big mistake, its what got most of us here. The doctor's truly do not understand the w/d. I would stick to the over the counter suggestions and forget the doctor. Also, taking the percets will not put you back to day one.I w/d by tappering off the oxy's, and everything has to do with the amount your were taking and for how long. Before this tapper I was on close to 300mg. a day, so I could not switch off I had to tapper, I tried it cold turkey, and went right back on. This tapper started at 120 mg on down and today is my first day off oxy's; however I am on 15mg of loratabs for today and tomorrow and then I am done with the drugs. However, this is the hard part that's coming up, we can get off the drug but staying off is the problem. It is going to take all your will power and I suggest going to self help groups, such as AA and NA, I have found more sobriety in the AA rooms. I had 17 years sobriety before this 2 year night mare with oxy's.
Why I am so worried about you going to a doctor is because they may want to put you on suboxone, and yes it will help and you will feel no pain, but then you must w/d from that drug,and some stay on it for a year only to relapse back to oxy's. If you have more percets you know your going to do them, there is no throwing them away if your an addict, so I suggest you figure out how many mg. you have and do a quick tapper if you don't have many. I have been tappering since the beginning of December and I have not been as sick as the past but remember I still have opiates in my system. Beware not everyone can tapper it to is a dangerous game because as long as we have drugs on us we will use them. We can beat this drug, it's just hard, thank god for this site and all the people who care. It's funny I have been thinking about you Angelina and worried about you that you got my mind off me, so thank you. Sadiegirl

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by jczap, Dec 23, 2009
In some regards, I agree with you Sadie, regarding the doctors putting her on suboxone. Some do that. BUT..... IF she goes to a doctor she can make recommendations regarding her treatment. Its not like, they will force her to take suboxone. I think they would have more respect for her IF she mentioned that she didn't want to trade one poison for another. That's the first thing I said to my doctor and she said I was doing the right thing by going the route i did. She is also a doctor that does prescribe Suboxone to patients as well, so i believe if you have a doctor that cares enough they will do what you wish.

I totally agree with you regarding Suboxone and it's effects. IF she did take it for a long period of time then she would have to Withdraw from that as well, which is worse than oxycontin. If she only took it for a week though she most likely wouldn't feel the the horrible W/d's from oxycontin and the first week would be over. That would all depend on how many mg's she is  currently taking though. If she is on a high dose then I wouldn't go that route. But from what she mentioned She was off 4 days and only took a couple of percocets ( Usually 5mg's ) so the worst shoudl be over. So if she received some of the meds above then the rest should get better for her.

Angelina, What is your situation that you cant go to a doctor? I don't want to pry but i figured maybe some people on her might have some ideas for you so that you can go. I don't know....

If you have to do everything over the counter then i would buy the following.

Multivitamin: Centrum is good- You are gonna have to force food with it so you won't throw up. Eat ginger before eating to help relieve stomach.
Vitamin C: Your immune system will take a blow after stopping Oxy, so to help it take extra C.
Vitamin B-12: Helps with the repair of your nervous system which has been reprogrammed by the Oxy.
Immodium AD- you know what for.
Valarian root, Melatonin, Kava- Will help you get sleep. Not much but some.

JC


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by jczap, Dec 23, 2009
Forgot to mention:

Day 8- today. I feel good! I don't feel any of the bad WD's. Just liquid butt. lol. last night my legs were fine and got 5 hours of sleep. Which is good for me cause I already have sleep problems.

I really can't believe that I don't feel that. Especially after being on a high dose of oxycontin. I know it can come back but everyday that has gone by I feel better and better.

I think telling yourself that you are gonna feel better helps a lot too.

Just wanted to share.....

JC

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by sadiegirl13, Dec 25, 2009
Today is the first day with no opiates in body. Yesterday the last 15mg. loratabs. I had a restless sleep, but did sleep. I'm very sick to my stomach, but took something for it. Oh, Merry Christmas to whom it applies. Yestersday I didn't post because I was out all day, very tired when I got home. I agree with you JC keeping a postive mind helps a lot!!! My body is tired today, and I am feeling a little low. But I have things to do today and that will help keep me out of me. Angelina, I hope your doing ok, I am worried about the not eating, try to get some milk or vitamin shake down it will help, maybe help with sleep. Don't forget the hot baths, I take them all day for the aches, lows, and chills. I bought a bar of soap yesterday for $7.00 for my baths, its called sexy peel (lemon). I had to laugh at myself this morning because sexy is the furthest thing from my mind, but it smells so nice, it made me feel good about myself. Got to go open presents, have a good one. Sadiegirl

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by sadiegirl13, Dec 27, 2009
Day 3 no opiates and I'm actually happy about it. This w/d was the most mild one I've ever had. This is my 3rd or 4th w/d but it was also mentally different. This time I truly wanted it, I had to no matter what. The other thing I believe made it a little easier was the pot I smoked during w/d. I do not normally smoke pot, not that I didn't when I was younger. Someone told me it would help the upset stomach, but most of all help with the depression.. It did, I was able to laugh at myself. I also did a quick tapper from 120-90 mg. daily to 60, 30, 15, on to loratabs for a couple days. I am not saying it was simple, but it was easier this time and I'm not sure what it really was except maybe because I was so ready. However, this is the hard part coming up, and that's staying off oxy's. I need to do some work on myself, I had 17 yrs. sobriety and I am just now getting over a 10 yr. relapse. I'm 52 yrs. old and I must take care of myself. I am still very tired, in fact I'm exhusted, but I make myself go out each day to some store, just to walk around. I also live in warm wheather so I can walk out doors too. About 2 more weeks and I go back to school and my internship working at a detox center, funny right. To me no, but I have no choice it is where I was asigned. Maybe God works in mysterious ways. Thats alll for now, good luck everyone. Sadiegirl

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by mm2219, Dec 28, 2009
Yesterday I had 10 mg oxy and now I have none for 24 hours...this will get better right?  I've only been taking about 30-40 mg daily for about 2 months and didn't expect this!!  Please tell me this gets better/easier?

mm

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by sadiegirl13, Dec 28, 2009
mm2219 You should be fine very soon, maybe couple days at the most. It should feel like the flu. Just be thankful you caught it now because if you have been readig the other posts most of us have gone through hell, and not all make it the first time. Good luck.
Today is day 4 with no opiates in my body and I am thankful!!! I am still very tired but keep going out trying to do stuff. Went to movies the past 2 days. Met with an old friend. I need to do these things because I have been doing nothing but oxy's, and now I have to change most every thing about my life. Go to AA meetings lik I use to and get out. I am also reading a book titled positive addiction, its an older book from the late 70's but so far its great. It gets right to the meat of addiction. Author is William Glasser if anyone cares. Going to sit in the yard and read, mm keep staying clean. Sadiegirl

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by reason2believe, Dec 29, 2009
I just VENTED big time...it all went to cyber wasteland, so I guess no one else needed that much information!  As the wife of an oxy addict, I'm not sure which is the worse hell, being the user or the spouse.  I just know I am not willing to take much more of the lying and bullsh**ing from someone who CHOSE (has never even been prescribed) to start using this drug!

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by sadiegirl13, Dec 29, 2009
reason2believe, its harder for you! I also chose the drug and am now on day 5 with no opiates in my system. It is harder on you because you do not get to escape as your partner does with the drug. If you have insuance get him into treatment if you don't according to where you live there maybe gov. funded places. If there is still a chance for the two of you get help first for your self. There are meetings you could attend like alanon (not sure about spelling), myself I have to go back to AA for help. I am finding out that I need something, a drive, a purpose because all this time all I had was this drug. It is one of the hardest drugs to get off of, but that does not mean you should stay, only you can decide how much you can take. I wish you well. Sadiegirl.

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by mm2219, Dec 29, 2009
OK, I've made it through my second night with no drugs...so far today is easier than yesterday, not easy, but easier, which was my first day with no drugs, actually 42 hours with no drugs, seems silly to be proud of myself but I am and looking forward to each hour without them.  Man I was only on oxy for about 2 months at about 40mg daily, my heart goes out to folks who have been on this stuff for the long term, taking big doses, this is the fight of your life.  This is really, really hard!

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by reason2believe, Dec 30, 2009
We met in a recovery program.  I had almost 6 months and he had just relapsed.  I haven't "gone back out" in over 24 years and I thought we were going to share a lifetime of sobriety.  I have denial down to the core of me...he's been using and abusing, in and out of recovery for at least half of our 20-year marriage, and until recently, I kept being surprised every time I discovered he'd relapsed.  Now I'm almost sure he's back on oxy, but despite all the Al-Anon in me, I keep looking for a reason to believe he's not.  He asked his doctor for the opiate blocker and had me dispense it, but then he switched the pills for Sam-E so he could start using again!  HE said it was because the opiate blocker had the side effect of causing extreme anger outbursts, but wouldn't consider it might be withdrawal nor would he ask his doctor...the pharmacist said he'd never heard of that as a side effect.

He did a rough estimate of what the drug costs and it's over $40k a year!  That's a lot of money, but what hurts the most is knowing where this will take him.  He is a professional; he'll lose his license, he'll likely be arrested and he will lose the opportunity to use his brilliant mind (if he doesn't lose his mind!) and special skills to help others.  He knows all this and he still can't stop using.

I keep looking for reasons to believe I should "stand by my man".  I know addiction is a disease.  I know I didn't cause it and I can't cure it and I can't control it.  I do not want to leave him, but more and more it looks to me like I'm enabling him to stay in the addiction.  I DON'T KNOW HOW TO HELP HIM AND IT IS BREAKING MY HEART.

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by sadiegirl13, Dec 30, 2009
Reason to believe, Today is my 6th day without opiates in my system. I to am a professional doing my internship at a detox center. I took 2 weeks off and detox myself off the oxy's with the help of friends. I could not go into treatment or meetings because if I was caught I would lose my 8 years of school and my internship, so this was a fight for my life. I had 17 years sobriety so I know what to do. This is my 3rd. or 4th. w/d, but I can tell it is different this time. I never felt so happy to be off before, I never realized before that I had relapsed for 10 years, on and off alcohol and opiates. Once I quite drinking (drug of choice) I thought I was good, not realizing I was addicted to oxy's. I wish I could help you, but all I can do is share my experience. You have the tools in the program, but it breaks my heart to read about your pain. This drug like most suck, and usually all we can do is wait for the person on the drugs to want to stop. Have you thought about an intervention? Some people come through detox because of family intervention, and the people are not bitter, they are actually thankful. I only bring this up because it sounds as if you love him very much, and you will lose him if he continues. So if you do everything possible such as intervention, then if you have to leave there will be no doubt in your mind that you did all you could. My thoughts are with you and I am sorry for your pain. Good luck Sadiegirl

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by sadiegirl13, Dec 31, 2009
day 7 no oxy's in system or anyother drug, feel great. I am still extremely tired and take naps during the day and sleep through the night, but I know each day I get stronger. I heard my addiction speaking to me today. I had the thought what am I going to do today, I am bored, theres nothing to do. For me boredom is very dangerous. The drugs I took kept me busy, it was an all day ordeal. Now I need to find things to keep busy with. School is starting soon so that will keep me busy. A interesting thing happened yesterday, my phone rang and it was my drug dealer, in the past when he would call my heart would race and I would calculate how many oxy's I needed, but this time it was different. This time my heart did not race, nor did I think about getting any oxy's. Now he said he called for info. about some floor I had used which I believe, but he is a drug dealer so Im sure there were other reasons. I had not thought about removing his number until after I hung up, but did not; however, I am doing it right now. Done! Good Luch Everyone. Sadiegirl

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by concernedone444, Jan 01, 2010
I am worried.  I think my friend who has been taken oxy now for I would say 7 or 8 months maybe going through some withdrawals.  I spent last night reading up on them again and also after speaking with another friend who is in the medical psychology field about it, telling her some of my friends actions, she told me that she may have BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder).......so I also spent a lot of time online last night reading about BPD and my friend definitely has a LOT of the symptoms.  But I am no health care professional so I cannot make a diagnosis of her.  I have tried and tried and tried to get her to go see a psychiatrist/psychologist but she keeps putting it off and there is definitely a problem there.  She holds a lot in and wants me not to think anything is wrong but it is obvious.  Now I believe she is addicted.  Even though she is not abusing oxy, as far as I know and what she tells me,  I was thinking that after 8 months you cant be addicted to them, but after reading what mm2219 says that he/she has only been on them for 2 months and at 40mg a day,  I know now that these things are demon pills.  She has been on them longer and I think a higher dosage each day.

It's sad because I feel guilty because I do not know what else to do for her and I feel that I have given up on her.  Not really knowing how to deal with this,  I think she feels that I am not there for her to support her but I cannot do that if she is not honest with me about her feelings and her withdrawals when she runs out because she gets them each month prescribed by a doctor for pelvic pain.  

Her attitude has changed, she has distanced herself from me, and when we talk I always say or do something wrong (in her eyes) and she gets mad and hangs up on me and does not want to talk to me.  She usually comes back like nothing has happened but this time it's almost been 2 weeks and I haven't heard from her except a couple of str8 forward text messages.  No real convo or nothing like before.  

I really do not know what else to do but wait until she comes out of it and no answer if I call and really no answer when I txt so I am pushed against a wall.  Should I keep trying or should I just wait until she is ready ?  I do not know what else to do really.  I swear I feel more depressed now than ever.  This is really hard on me and taking it's toll.  

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by momofmoms, Jan 01, 2010
Concernedone444; there is little you can do. What you are experiencing is common. The user is not even aware they are the ones driving the wedge between themselves and their friends...they'll cop an attitude toward anyone for any reason and none it will make sense to you. You'll see them slipping away, recoiling into their own world cos all that matters is themselves. Family emmebers usually get the brunt of this, then close friends.

You can only sit back on the sidelines and watch and wait. You could tell your friend that you love and care deeply for her wellbeing and that\s all good, but Ia m afraid that doesn't change a thing. You can tell her that you ca no longer have anything to do with her, and I;m afraid it won't matter much....she'll probably even deny she has a serious problem at that point.

There are so many varibles to this drugs effects on it's users it isn't  funny! Gawd, I hate this drug and I don't use.

I now have with me my second son (middle) whom I hope to afford to get on the suboxone soon.

As for the folks out there that have an issue with Suboxone as trading one drug for another...yes, that is exactly what it is...but you stand a MUCH better chance of weaning away with subs and they are much safer. The pharmaceutical companies have created the monster, and have created it's counterpart as well, same as they have done with so many of the other common medications out there.  There is an agenda behind all this opiate addiction and people are falling for it hook, line and sinker.The agenda has already been stated on this board several times. Does anyone here see it?

It is to keep you pre-occupied--dumbed down with your nose to the ground groveling in your own tangled web of chemical based self indulgence. Please folks, I am not insulting you or your intellegence by any means. I am telling you that your very livelihood for survival in this country ios on the line....start reading between the lines on the news.....there is more going on than you can imagine and soon you will have NO constitutional rights whatsoever. Your right to be eductaed, recieve healtcare, eat healthy non genetically modified food and even GROW a garden is all on the line rifght now.  Why in God's name do you think congress holds meetings at 1;00am on a SUNDAY NIGHT right before Christmas to pass a healtcare bill? I could go on...but I need a break for now.

Wake Up folks. Get out of the drug induced state they want you in--you are a puppet and don't even realize it till it's too late. I hope this is motivation for all of you whom I see struggling here. I really care about you or I wouldnot be here too.

I care about my sons too. I have been through all this with them and they are starting to see it now.  We need our heads clear!   Later

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by sadiegirl13, Jan 03, 2010
momofmoms, Your beliefs of course our your beliefs but I think thats a little much for this site. We are struggling for our lives and really at this time in our lives don't have the energy for political conspiracy. I know you care about us and your son is struggling but that is a little heavy for me to deal with as may be for others. No disrespect but I am sure there are political sites that you could speak about your subject. As for myself I need this site to speak about my w/d and progress not political debates. Thank you for your concern. Sadiegirl
PS: 10 days no oxycontin in system and surprising no strong desire, but keeping a watch on self for bs thinking. Good Luck everyone, it does get easier, but what a long strange trip. S

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by mm2219, Jan 03, 2010
Day 6 of no oxy, YAY.  It does get better, but initially it really is hour by hour.  I actually slept all night last night.  You can do this!!


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by momofmoms, Jan 03, 2010
Hi Sadiegirl,
Yes I know it's a bit strong--no intention to offend anyone at all, just wake them up a little. I do post on various other forums and have written a few articles on the matter. But I'll tone it a bit. Hey, besdes all that, I am sooooo happy for you with what you have accomplished so far! I really am! You are in quite a quandry with your situation! You must be made of steel girl! I am very happy for you   and I kow others on here can see that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Thank you for posting often and keeping us up with all your experiences. We are glad to have you here!

Way to go mm2219! keep strong! I am wishing for you and all who are overcoming this a new lease on life!    :)

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by sadiegirl13, Jan 04, 2010
mm2219, congrats, today is day 11 no opiates for me and it is easier. Every day I try to get to AA meeting but something seems to happen. Yesterday, I got to the meeting and it was a mans meeting. Day before I was off with the time; however, at work I run a morning meeting which helps me a lot. Today I will try to get to the 530 meeting its only down the street. Good Luck Everyone, it does get easier. Sadiegirl

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by jczap, Jan 04, 2010
I havent posted in a while but I am at day 21 and I feel a lot better. Still not out of the woods yet, but much better than the first week. Clonidine helped me a lot for the withdrawal symptoms and yesterday was the first day I didn't need to take any.  I notice that the only thing that really bothers me is my muscles in my neck, shoulders, and back ache quite a bit. Other than that no other symptoms. I know that they can come back during the first month at anytime but I know I am on the right track. The only thing that you need during the W/D process is a strong will to do it. If you have that you can do it. Glad to see there are other people giving it there all! Good Job!

JC

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by alice159, Jan 05, 2010
My husband has a history of alcoholism, but has been sober since 1990. He is 46 years old and was recently told that he needed a total knee replacement soon. His job is one of physical labor and I know that he suffers with knee pain. Recently, he took an out of town job where he could come home on the weekends. What I didn't know was that he was being supplied with 9-10 oxy's a day for the past 2 months! I don't know how I missed the absence of "pain in the knee" complaints that I had heard for months prior, but he had been given a steroid shot before the job started and I thought that it must have been a "miracle shot". To make the long story short, his job finished early in December. He made a couple of trips to the job site in the past 3 weeks using some excuses of picking up a pay check (which could havae been mailed), visiting a "friend" (aka drug supplier), and picking up some tools left on the job site. On Dec 23, after EVERY member of the family asked why he was thin, quiet, and not quite himself, not helping with ANY part of Christmas preparations, shopping, decorating, etc, he confessed to me that he had been taking 720mg daily for the past 2-3 months! Did I feel stupid. I have been a nurse for over 30 years, and was more thinking towards the big C due to his increasingly noticeable chain smoking! Anyway his "goods" ran out on the 23rd and he has been going through horrifying withdrawl since. This site has been a life saver for us. I had no idea the grip this drug has on the human mind and body! I have never taken any kind of opiate in my life, so I had no idea of the addiction this would have. Today is the 13th day and he is still aching, legs burning, no ambition, fatigue, appetite is improving, but diarrhea remains,  and he has been able to sleep for the past 4 days (with the help of Nyquil), but whatever works, I guess. I see a marked change in his mental attitude and am sure part of this is depression. No one but my best friend knows any of this, she is an opiate addict who has been clean for 5 years and has been so supportive. The rest of our families would never ever "get it" and I don't plan to tell anyone. What I tell everyone is that he has some time of "flu" and that he is on an antibiotic. I am probably delusional to think that others aren't suspicious of us, but I am trying to be supportive during this time. Thank God he is between jobs at this time. He would never get through this away from home. Thank everyone who has shared their horror stories, it makes it easier to know that there is light at the end of this nightmarish tunnel and God bless you all!

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by sadiegirl13, Jan 08, 2010
alice 159, wow, did he really go off 720mg. cold turkey or did he tapper. I guess it doesn't matter, thank God he has someone like you to look after him. It's going to be tough for a while, but he is past the worse w/d; however, I'm sure you know the depression after the symptoms are the worse. Good luck, you both will be in my thoughts. Day 15 with no oxys in system and still a little tired, but mentally I feel much better. I sleep about 9-12 hours a day, and like this morning feel anxious about nothing in general. I'm sure its being drug free. I to am an alcoholic and relapsed 10 years ago, got off the alcohol 3 years ago and then became addicted to oxys, I had 16-17 yrs. sobriety and never thought I would relapse, back to AA meetings. I'm sure thats why I relapsed, I stopped going to meetings. At least I am back. Sadiegirl

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by alice159, Jan 08, 2010
Sadiegirl13
He claims that he started tapering down a week before he stopped, although I don't think that it would have made much difference on that high dose. I found out about all of it after the fact. I am shocked as I read the stories of others and asked him again if he was sure that he took  THAT much. He says yes and I am sure he would know. This is day 16 for him, still body aches, no energy, he is sleeping, but again Nyquil to the rescue for that. I picked up B12, B1, C, and multivitamins and he has been taking them. I optimistically ask every day if he feels better, but he tells me "the same" every day. He is so not himself. He did go outside yesterday and shovel lots of snow, so that made me hopeful (and glad that I didn't have to come home from work and shovel snow!), but that is the first thing physical that he has done since before Christmas. He is a very very active person, a workaholic really generally, so this lack of ambition is the most
shocking for him. My family is very close and everyone has noticed his change, all are concerned and keep asking if he has seen a doctor. Obviously he doesn't want anyone to know what he is really going through so he keeps blaming this on a virus.  He has to travel out of the state at the end of this month for a job, so I am now getting anxious about that. I want him healthy physically as well as emotionally before I see him go, or I will have to pack up the dogs and go with him for a few months! Your last day and his are about the same, thank you for chatting with me about this, I will keep you updated and you keep me updated, it really really helps. So happy that you are "back". Alice. Thanks again.

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by oxymoron73, Jan 09, 2010
Wow ! A good friend of mine - also a x-user of pain meds just gave me an advance manuscript copy of " Living With Oxycontin and Other Pain=Killers " and what a great book it is. I did the first suggestion of getting on another med to help with the constant need of more and more pills. Also started using the other tips and I'm trying to manage my addiction. This is a different approach I've seen. The Author states that he and his study people need Oxys for pain and will never be totally free of it but - the trick is to learn how to control or Manage the use of pain killers before they kill you ! I hope to have some success and will keep everyone posted. I've found that I already fell better and see light at the end of the tunnel finally !

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by sadiegirl13, Jan 12, 2010
Alice159, He's going to feel bad for awhile, my energy is still low, and I am surprised because I think it should be over. However, I have learned it takes a long time and everyone is different, but every day I feel stronger physically and emotionally. He is lucky to have you in his life, good luck. Sadiegirl

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by momofmoms, Jan 12, 2010
Well, my oldest has finally decided to make the transition from slavery to freedom--he will be arriving this morning to begin his recovery. That makes all three sons all on the right track. I don't kow how I am going to do this in a small 2 bedroom house wityh all of us here and working to beat addictions--but so far thetwo younger sons are doing well enough. Still cannot afford docs for all three so they are sharing subs for now. This last son is going to be the toughest as he was mainlining 12-14 30's a day just a month ago. I think we are gonna all get this behind us now.

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by alice159, Jan 13, 2010
Sadiegirl13, Today is day 21 for him, and when I got home from work today, I knew he was back!!!! House cleaned from top to bottom (including mopping floors!), he just LOOKED like himself!  I have been feeding him well and he has taken vitamins everyday. He has up to now been so quiet, tired, no ambition at all, not even really seeing what goes on around us! Such a difference today. My best friend who has been clean for 5 years (opiate addiction), told me that even now, she has days where she feels achy, tired, depressed, so I imagine like anything he will have his days, but I feel in my heart that the worst is over. Now, the hard part of keeping off the drugs! Like I said he works out of town and I know that these substances are EVERYWHERE. So many of the guys he works with go to "pain clinics" so that they can be "legal" and pass the drug screens required for the jobs. UGGGGHHHH. He seems to think that he can stay away from it, and he did kick alcohol years ago, but when it is right in front of his face, I don't know how an addict can look the other way? All I can do is trust that this detox was so nightmarish for him that he will remember it! Glad you are getting stronger and feeling better! Take care. Alice

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by banjoedshrimp, Jan 18, 2010
by Banjoedshrimp jan18

I am on day four of oxy wd, I am using a beanbag you can heat in the microwave . it helps the pain a bit and the chills, I am spending a lot of time on computer to keep my mind occupied, Trying to sleep with RESTLESS LEG s is impossable ,

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by oxygone, Jan 21, 2010
I got hooked on this poison after total knee replacement. My surgeon, supposedly the best in the field in supposedly the best hospital in the country, was strictly a gadget geek, a mechanic who only cared about his precious device placed in my leg. He left the dispensing of meds to his uneducated or uncaring office staff. It is unconscionable what these people did, what I allowed them to do, precribing oxy by the hundreds with no support. I am in the process of withdrawing with the help of my husband and friends. I have gone from 26 pills a day to 3, tapering slowly. So I have experienced a lot of what you have but to a much lesser degree. That's what I recommend: taper slowly. Drop one or two pills a week. And yes it takes time but it takes time to get addicted too, though much less than one might think, to get hooked.  reading your account and others, getting off slowly seems to be the best, most humane, way. It's still a circle of Hell but maybe a lesser one than what you guys have gone through.    

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by oxygone, Jan 21, 2010
I just posted. I want to add: I am 49 years old. I have had problems with addiction before so I cannot beleive I was so stupid to let this happen to me. I have a teenaged kid.I am worried about her and drugs. I certainly didn't want his for any of us.

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by oxygone, Jan 21, 2010
I am having a really hard day though, despite all I wrote. I feel so lousy I feel like taking another one of those pills but I cannot give in. Someone wrote it and it's true. Those pills are evil and I am still not out of their clutches. help.

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by OC_nomore, Jan 22, 2010
I have not smoked any for 3 days now and am never going back...worst 3 days of my life. I feel terrible for all of you who are in my shoes, but know that we can all kick this nasty habbit if we want.

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by OC_nomore, Jan 25, 2010
KICKED THAT ****! NO MORE FOR ME AND I HOPE YOU ALL DO THE SAME!!!!

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by sadiegirl13, Jan 27, 2010
I have not posted in a while I have been busy with school and my internship; however, wanted to say it has been 32 days with no oxy's in my body and I am feeling great. I still have days when I am tired and depressed, mostly tired. I am surprised that I dont have the huge cravings like the other times I stopped; however, the difference is I knew this time had to be it. If I didn't stop this time I would lose everything I had worked so hard for. I also realize that having 17 years sobriety before my relapse helped me to understand addiction more than the first timer. I'm not saying its going to be easy because I could reapse, I now know that from experience. It truly is, one day at a time, and it doesn't matter how many days or years you have, we only have today, and today I am heading to a meeting. Good luck everyone, we can stay clean and sober for today! Sadiegirl

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by timbo62, Jan 28, 2010
I just read your story...I have a friend just starting on this journy and just wanted to know what he was going through. Guess I know. Thank you for doing this diary, it helped.

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by reason2believe, Feb 03, 2010
The last post I tried ended up in cyber void, so before I get into this, I'm going to hit "post"

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by reason2believe, Feb 03, 2010
Sadiegirl, CONGRATULATIONS!  If I could see you, I'd give you a big hug and one of my original 30-day chips...from 1985 makes it almost an antique.  I can't believe I've been sober this long and am still devastated by addiction.  OXY is thousands of times worse than any other drug I've encountered.

I finally "intervened" with my husband by telling him he wasn't fooling me.  I finally came to realize that I am not going to leave him because he's using.  It's not the drugs I'm unwilling to live with, it's the lying and sneaking.  So we've instituted an honesty policy and have separated our finances so I don't have to keep checking up on charge accounts, bank account, emergency cash reserves at home, etc  It's surprising how much this has screwed up his using--he says now he can't even pretend his using is about anything other than he wants/needs to do it.  He came home from scoring the other day and was crying because he didn't want to buy any more, but he did anyway and he knew he would use it--which he did.  I even went so far as to say if he gets arrested, I'll bite the bullet and come to visit him in jail (I'm retired law enforcement), but I won't pay a defense attorney, because there is no defense.  He figures he'd get Prop 36 diversion anyway, but he would certainly lose his license.  

It's still hell living like this, but at least I know I am being true to myself, and it feels really good not to have created a crisis over this.  When the pain of living this way exceeds my fear of a future without him, I'll be ready to end the marriage if he hasn't gotten back into longterm recovery.  ...See, I'm still looking for a reason to believe we can make it!  There's an Enya song with a phrase that fits me to a T:  "I don't know why you can never say goodbye."  And I don't know why I can't just say goodbye, so I try to quit figuring it out and just be the best me I can be one day at a time.

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by michaelpatrick22, Feb 04, 2010
hey my names mike..been doing oxys for 3 years and im only 18..yep. ive gone through withdrawl maybe 8 to 10 times acutally quit totally once for a few months but then right back at them..anyways im on day 3 of quiting for good without help from docs cuz im teaching myself a lesson, i quit cold turkey from up to 120mgs a day my last day was monday and today is thursday i did 80 mgs on monday to say goodbye to them, no offense to the people saying satan likes watching u do oxys or **** like that becuz satan isnt real just a bed time story from the bronze age (but lets not start) i got myself into this mess and im getting myself out of it, my parents helped me get through them once and i went back to them without them knowing, try going through withdrawl having to hide it its AMAZING anyways i got 3 hours sleep last nite i went to bed at 3 got up at 6 and been bored as **** since so i decided to read all the posts above me since 6 and its like 830 now lol anyways im used to withdrawl i still have to hold back the tears sometimes from the pain and the restless (BODY) syndrom but it will end in 5 days or so, been there done that,,anyways


if u guys are looking for help ask the veteran,,
pepnobismal for nausea
canabis (weed) for everything else..
p.s i  hate weed its nothing like oxys but it helps.
and stay busy..get ur mind off things, play video games,,and frequently get up for a smoke break or drink break or something
for sleeping..which is really messing me up right now, i was told calcium with vitamen D and a pillow between ur legs,,i just had a lot of that and im gunna probly giver a try soon, wish me luck.

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by oxygone, Feb 04, 2010
I'm not saying whether Satan exists or not. I honestly have no idea. To me, being addicted to oxy is like Hell. Anytime I don't have control over my life it's like Hell. It's like you don't own your own soul. So for me, the Satan/hell thing is a metaphor, not a religious belief. Addiction *****, at any age or any level of experience. But I don't have to tell you that. I've been at this addiction game on and off for over 30 years. Thought I was too old for this ****. I wasn't.

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by treedeeca, Feb 05, 2010
my husband has been on oxy's 80mg (2-3 a day)for about 5 years and quit cold turkey 5 days ago, it has been a rough go. for the leg cramps and spasms he has found that a back massager mat that he could tuck between his legs and also he layed it under his legs has helped a lot. he even uses it in the middle of the night. He doesn't think he could handle the pain without the massager mat he has tried quiting before and it was the leg pains that led him right back to the pills. get yourself a massage mat with a heater of any kind like the portable ones for your car. a great $20.00 investment.

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by oxygone, Feb 05, 2010
Doea nyone have an opinion about tapering vs. quitting cold turkey? Cold turkey just seems too hard.

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by reason2believe, Feb 05, 2010
It doesn't seem to make much difference...it's starting to look like nobody stays off much more than about 30 days or so.  This is one scarey drug...and to think my husband chose to start using it "recreationally" and has never had it prescribed ofr him at all.  

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by Babe59, Feb 07, 2010
i took oxy for ten years!  my doc prescribed it for chronic pain.  i
ve been off of it for four months now.  i am depressed and having horrid panic attacks.  also have crawly feet,  will that ever get better?  i took suboxone for about four days.....hated it.  so i colod turkeyed after that.  was truly unpleasant.  i believe that oxy should be used only for end of life care.  i am lucky, no legal problems, no loss of family-husand and daughter are very supportive!  i wish you all good luck and good health!

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by oxygone, Feb 10, 2010
I'd like to know the percentage of people who get hooked on this drug due to medical conditions and how many from recreational use. Does anyone know?

I'm kicking today; that's it. I was tapering. I'm tired of this. I had a miserable night, sweating and shivering and shaking and tossing and flipping like a fish just caught and still fighting. Everything aches, arms legs back. When I tried watching tv, I started crying.  But I'll do what it takes. I'd rather be free and suffering than a slave to this. To quote Jimmy Cliff: "I'd rather be a free man in my grave than living as a puppet or a slave." I don't want to die though, just get off this. Too much to live for, can't do it as a junky.

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by oxygone, Feb 10, 2010
man it is hard, i feel so bad, can't get comfortable, feel like puking, back hurts, knee hurts why would the doctor's office do this what did i ever do to them feel so bad feel like i wanna jump right outta my skin

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by oxygone, Feb 11, 2010
ok so now it's hitting my stomach. it's like this evil drug does not want to let me go without a fight. but i will never go back. i don't even like this stuff. for me the addiction was more physical than anything else. it amazes me that they just handed me scripts for 300-400 of these things at a time. unconscionable. i'd rather live with the pain of fibromyalgia and knee replacement surgery than to be a slave to these tiny little white pills. I will kick this. Are there any groups trying to get doctors to stop prescribing this stuff so freely?  

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by fcuk_oxys, Feb 11, 2010
im addicted to oxys at 18 years old.I started doing them 2yrs ago to come down from coke addiction as crazy as that sounds.  doing them on and off with a buddy who was already addicted but didnt warn me of what i was getting my self into. About a month after i started sniffing these things regularly my father was laid off from his job. he had struggled with addictions himself and after a month or two of him staying in the house on the computer trying to find a job became visibly depressed. he took his own life while i was at my drug dealers skipping school gettin high. he left me about 5 grand for a car and it was gone within a couple months of 140 mgs a day just so i could go to sleep at night without thinking about what the fck i was going to do now.im on day 4 after being in a detox for 3 days and today is the first time in a long time i feel good about my self. i know its prob not over but i quit cold turkey and in 4 days feel like im a new man.. its easier than you think. yeah i have diareah like crazy and occasional nausea and cramping but thats nothing compared to the pain of knowing i just wasted 2 years of my life and pushed everybody who cared about me away.

OXYGONE- if u find a group let me know.. im from london, ontario canada.. and know prob 10 people within walking distance of my house who either paid their doctor off or is taking half and selling half. i know a guy who paid his rent by selling these things.. and someone in my position with a bit of money and no respect or care about my life, or tommorow pretty much paid his rent for a couple months.. or bought him a big screen or some sht. its way to easy to find these things and we gotta do something.. they fck you up.

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by Locks1986, Feb 12, 2010
ATTN: HOW TO RE-COVER FROM OC WITHDRAWLS. Go see a doctor/physician. Be completly honest. They will help you. The key to recovering... besides time and taking it day by day. ZANAX. And DO NOT abuse it. If you are honest with the dr., and tell them that you honestly want to quit the addiction and are not looking for another, ZANAX will help you sleep, help with the "loose leg", help with the hot flashes, and after 10 days or so you will start to notice a difference, after a month, you will be back to your normal state of mind. a doctors apointment to UW Physicians 9for example) with out insurance cost $150. tell them that you dont have insurance and they can generally perscrible you a generic brand for about $15 (with no insurance) TRUST ME.

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by oxygone, Feb 13, 2010
I went to doctors- no help. I'm doing this all on my own -with help from my husband and you guys here. I have some 8 year old Xanax, maybe when I run out of my little tiny Valium 2mgs, I'll try that.  

Thank you michaelpatrick22 for the weed suggestion. I hadn't slept for 2-3 nights and couldn't face another night awake. Two 2mg Valium and a few hits of pot from a friend took away my symptoms and made it possible for me to sleep. And I never liked weed, even in my partying days. But it helps.

I feel so low, low energy, low mood, so blue and hopeless and bored and restless and going outta my mind.  The only thoughts that cheer me are the vengeful ones, wishing this on my doctor and his staff who gave me the prescriptions for all those little white monsters.  I know this isn't right. I should be more forgiving. But I can't - not yet. I feel like my life has been stolen from me and I want it back.

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by kkb123, Feb 16, 2010
the road of oxy will take you no where, i just turned 20 today and iv been clean for a month. My boyfriend is in rehab and has been for a month and will be gone for 5 more months, its been really hard but i truly appreciate these stories people take the time out to write... thank you ! :)

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by kkb123, Feb 16, 2010
oxygone-

try taking a hot bath , that reallllly helped me with the leg cramps also i got prescribed clonodine which works wounders! Hating oxy is the best thing you can do right now, it will get you past all of the pain! xanax really helped me too :) but ya please try a hot bath ! let me know how that works.. hang in there.. iv gone through this to many times and would love to help someone els

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by Babe59, Feb 16, 2010
hi Oxygone, hope you are feeling better.  i certainly am.  it has been 5 months now.  this can be done, i was hooked on that crap for ten damned years, if i can do it anyone can!  if you are seriously depressed, ask doc for antidepressants.....that got me through.     i believe a lot of us  are addicted via our physicians.  KB123 what do you think?                                                                                                                        

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by oxygone, Feb 17, 2010
Hi Guys,

Thanks for your support. kkb123 I wish I could take a bath. I love baths but am unable to take them. I have a condition called lichen slerosis, related to fibromyalgia, which makes bathing almost impossible. Man I could use a relaxing bath. Wouldn't that feel great?  And Babe 59 thanks so much for your support too. Today is day 8; last night I fell asleep without the aid of Valium or weed. It wasn't a great sleep but it was sleep.  I tell ya, I am really nervous about using any other kinds of meds or getting addicted or dependent on anything else. I don't trust doctors anymore and had to cancel an appointment with my knee surgeon twice because I am still too angry about all this. I jsut feel like I would start screaming at him or something.  I'm just taking it moment at a time, I guess. I'm feeling a little better today. I know fer sure what I don't want and that is oxy. The thought that I could ever get in its clutches again or that I could get in the clutche sof anything else scares me no end.  Good luck everyone!!! Keep fighting the good fight!!!! Pain stinks but addiction is worse!!!!! To me, anyway.

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by kkb123, Feb 17, 2010
babe59- i thnk your right!! im on anti-deppresants and they are working very well.. i never got prescribed them but my boyfriend did who i lived with..thats how it happened :/. i was addicted for 2 years and lived with him for 2. My whole life got turned upside down when he had to leave. one day i was living with the man of my dreams and the next im at home with my parents all alone. this whole situation has been the biggest learning experiance of my life though and it has def. been the best.. im learning so much about myself and becoming an independant woman which i needed. Drugs took who i am away and now im starting from scratch. i would wish this on NOONE not even the person i hated most in the world.. its a horrible horrible place to be in. I wissshh i hated it as much as OXYGONE, but i know i  will get there someday, hopefully  some day soon. im so happy and proud for you both!! i need support! no one gets what im going through..

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by kkb123, Feb 17, 2010
OXYGONE- im so sorry about your situation.. i wish you could take a bath too, im not sure what it is that your going through with the fibromyalgia but im very sorry. My mom has MS and COULD be prescribed oxy or whatever she wants but wants to be in control of her life. she is in pain every day and can barley walk sometimes. She gives me alot of inspiration to not touch any of that **** .

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by kkb123, Feb 17, 2010
sh*t hah

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by Babe59, Feb 18, 2010
hi everyone.  just had another terrible nightmare!  like i told ya before...it has been 5 months with no oxy.  this just indicates that Post Acute Withdrawal Syndrome can last a long time.  Oxygone and KKB123 i think about you and hope you are doing well.  life for me is getting better and better, there is light at the end of this awful tunnel.  i stayed numb for almost ten years and now my emotions are in tact.  odd, though....not used to feeling  so much.  but, there is joy!  WHO KNEW!!!!!  my husband and daughter are so great, i am so truly blessed.  i haven't laughed this hard in so very many years.  our lives will come back to us, also our emotions, our loves, and our passions.  believe OXYGONE and KKB123!  i am so grateful to be clean and sober.  i never abused oxy, yet i let it wreck my life.  i HATE OXY.  i also had fibromyalgia and myofacia pain, along with degenerative disc disease and some other crap that i wont go into.  i swear that the oxy MADE THE PAIN WORSE!!!!!!!  has anyone else had this phenomena?  i wish you all love and happiness.  we can do this!

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by Babe59, Feb 18, 2010
forgot to say, to anyone who is new to this web site, Suboxone (the new methadone) is VERY ADDICTIVE.  that is why i cold turkeyed after four days of Suboxone.  not easy, but better than being addicted to another substance.  yet, some of you may need the Suboxone.  just do the taper when your physician tells you to.  Love to all.

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by Babe59, Feb 19, 2010
fcuk_oxys.....are you still with us?????  worried about you.  you have been through so much.  how are you doing?
KKB123 how are you?
Oxygone how are you doing?

I am doing very well.  life gets better every day, hope that gives some hope to you all.

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by oxygone, Feb 19, 2010
Babe 59, it's funny but I have found that I too have had less pain now that I'm off the oxy. I'm not sure why that is but it almost seems like the painkillers make pain worse after a while. I'm so glad to hear you're getting your life back; keep going!!!!  And kkb123 I do hate oxy but I am not new to the addiction game. I have had previous problems with opiates/opioids (none like oxy though!) and benzodiazipams (sp?). I went off a heavy Xanax addiction cold turkey and had a seizure while driving, thankfully just in a parking lot. I hit a bunch of parked cars though; thank God it wasn't worse. But it could have been. Easily. I could have killed someone; I just started shaking and blacked out. While driving. Man.  Also kkb123 sorry to hear about your Mom. MS must be so tough for all of you to deal with.

I didn't love oxy at first because I was on so many of them that I was just nodding off like a junky. My daughter kept saying "Ma? Ma? I was talking to you!!!!!" Now I realize I did experience the false happiness of the pills for a while but it IS false and it doesn't last.

All that being said, man my moods kind of suck now.I find myself easily angered and irritable but that could also be from my lousy sleep. I have the little cough thing going on but the only cough medicine I have that works has codeine in it so I am just slogging through it.

Thank you all for your support and your concern. You guys are great. And you know, we can do this. One foot in front of the other, one moment at a time.  For me, it's not even a day at a time but just moments.

Love to all,
Oxygone    

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by oxygone, Feb 21, 2010
Man, when will this physical stuff end? I've been feeling more like myself but I still have the insomnia and messed up stomach. It could be my fibro; I don't know.....

How's everyone else doing?

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by oxygone, Feb 21, 2010
You know I realize at one point in my oxy use, I was kinda happy and pretty productive, starting to work and write again. But now I have no energy and I'm bored and restless, lacking sleep and motivation. Still the happy time I look back on was the time I was a junky. The oxy cravings were horrrible, frightening, like I was possessed. So I don't wish that back. I just wish I had more energy and  felt better. Anyone else experience this?

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by Babe59, Feb 21, 2010
dear Oxygone, how long have you been off the junk?  
god, that benzo siezure sounds terrifying!  
i also have insommnia, and it has been five months for me.  i am not working currently (i had my own business, but fibro ended that) outside the home, so i can take naps during the day.  are you able to nap at all?  your tummy will return to normal, i swear.  do you have terrible muscle cramps?  i still have crawly feet, i wish that would end.  

husband, daughter and i went out to dinner tonight and had a great time.  we watched a movie as well.  life is getting so good.  at the beginning of my withdrawal i thought i'd never be myself again.  Oxygone, you will be you again, and you will be happy.  wishing you all love and happiness!!!!!


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by oxygone, Feb 22, 2010
Thank you so much, Babe59, for your kindness. This is day 13 for me. I have good days and bad. Today was good- I meditated, stretched, even did some writing. I am so happy to hear of your progress; it not only gives me hope but it also makes me feel good for you. You sound like you have such a good loving heart and have been through so much; you deserve to feel joy.

I also have fibro so I do not work fulltime. I occasionally teach some classes but I took off from that so I could get my knee replacement (and get addicted to oxy- thanks doc!!!). Then I didn't go back to teach because I was hoping to write. I had done freelance writing for a while. I am so sorry you were unable to continue your business but "taking care of business" for now is taking care of yourself. As I'm sure you know, people with fibro often have insomnia. I try to nap (me and the cats) but it doesn't always work, though I must say the cats sleep well- 16 hours at a time!.

I do not have the crawly feet, that must be awful!!! I've had muscle cramps and the general feeling that I would love to jump out of my skin because I can't get comfortable.    

Thanks for helping me to cope. It's hard sometimes because just when I think OK I'm over it, the weird stuff starts again (i.e. what's up with this little dry cough? And the incessant yawning? Just bizarre.) The depression is sometimes even worse than the physical stuff.The benzo seizure was so weird and surreal, I didn't even know what happenend till it was over. This withdrawal stuff has been much worse.  

This online support group has helped me so much. I want to thank David, who started it. Sometimes I feel like it's hard for anyone to know how I'm feeling even though my family is so supportive. But I read these posts and hear from the good people here and it makes me think I can do this.

Much love, oxy g

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by Babe59, Feb 22, 2010
dear Oxygone, thank you for responding to my questions.  the physical stuff is quite rough.....but it WILL GET BETTER!  the depression was the worst part for me, gone now though.  
do you have a runny nose along with the cough?  i had a runny nose for months, and that cough and throat clearing.  the muscle cramps were really painful, and tummy problems sucked as well.
i want to let you know that i am no stranger to addiction myself.  i haven't had a drink in 10 years, can't have just one, like "normal people".  i just have an addictive personality.
Oxygone, day 13 for me was a nightmare!!!  you seem to be doing great.  you are very articulate and intelligent.  my first two weeks were so bad that i was barely coherent.  the minutae of daily life was intolerable.  
do you write fiction ever, or strictly technical writing?  my father is a writer, mostly technical.  wish i had your talent girl.  i
ve always wanted to write but it is like pulling teeth for moi.
i would so love to speak to you, but that isn't possible.  odd how we reveal such intimate details on this great website.  we wouldn't do it if it were not anonymous, would we?    love, babe59

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by Babe59, Feb 22, 2010
Oxygone, forgot to ask you, do you have nightmares?
babe59

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by ginbud, Feb 22, 2010
I just found this page today and took the time to read everyone's post.  I am so moved after reading all of your stories because your entries remind me of the journey I began over a year ago to free myself from my dependence on this drug.  It's so unfortunate that I did not find this thread when I was in dire need of the support and information I see on this page.  However, I think I may be able to contribute to others on this site by providing some insight into what to expect in their recovery after a year of living without Oxycontin. I began my cold turkey detox off of Oxycontin on January 11, 2009.  I have not returned to using this drug since that day.  I am 58 yr's old and began using this drug in 1999 for my degenerative spine condition.  When I began using this drug for chronic pain issues, it seemed like a life saver.  Little did I know back then all that this drug would eventually steal from my life before I finally admitted and confronted the destructive nature of this drug.  For two years prior to quitting cold turkey I had tried many times to lower my dosage in an effort to keep my "Doctor Approved Addiction" under control.  I began using 10mg. tablets three times a day in 1999, in addition to several other drugs prescribed for the same pain issues.  By January of 2009 I was using 140 mg. of Oxycontin daily.  I searched the internet in an effort to find a support page such as this one, but was never successful.  I did post the difficulties I encountered both physically and emotionally during the first four months of my detoxification on several other pharmaceutical web sites under "Oxycontin," and encouraged others researching this drug to follow in my footsteps before they lost one more day, family member or friend to this drug.  I wanted to stand on top of a mountain and tell the world how destructive and damaging this drug would be if they resorted to it's use.  As many of you have posted, I too felt angry at my Doctor for prescribing me this drug and allowing my daily dosage to continually creep upwards over the years, but somewhere in the six month of detoxing I began assuming responsibility for my own decisions to continue using this drug long after I knew of it's destructive nature.  This month I am into my fourteenth month of being Oxycontin free.  It has been a long and difficult journey.  Sometimes I wonder if I ever will recover all that I lost of myself while in the clutch of this drug.  There are days when I see the "old me" come out to play, but they are far too few considering how long it's been.  One thing I can say that is positive, I am no longer the zombie I was a year ago.  I am participating in my life now and growing stronger each day.  Everyone I know has told me how much I've changed and how happy they are that I took the bull by the horn and confronted my addiction. Recovery is a long and slow process.  The longer you have been on this drug, the longer your recovery will take.  I applaud each and everyone of you who are working on getting off this drug.  I will write more later, but for now I want to tell you that everyday you succeed is another piece of your former self you are reclaiming.  It is worth the effort.

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by Babe59, Feb 23, 2010
dear Ginbud,
thank you so much for your story.  i too am gaining my sense of self, i turkeyed on september 11, 2009.  i am actually happy now.  i also was "doctor addicted", as you put it.  i took the crap though, it was all my responsibility.  
please keep us updated on your progress as you will give us hope.
babe59

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by oxygone, Feb 23, 2010
Ginbud, thank you for sharing. I am so sorry you didn't find this website earlier; I am finding it so helpful myself, helping me not to feel so alone and desperate. Like Babe59, I like your phrase "doctor addicted." And yes we must take responsibility for our actions, of course, but perhaps if some of us were better informed we might have made different choices. If I had known what I was going to go through getting off it, would I have gotten on? I don't know but a little bit of education or support from the medical office could not have hurt.

Babe 59,  it's been great "getting to know you" a bit here; you sound like a fabulous person. Thanks always for your kind words. To answer, I went through my running nose phase; it was like having a perpetual cold as say a five year old; that seems to have stopped.  Tummy stuff still going on. As for nightmares, man they are more like hallucinations and that's when I manage to sleep. I tried to go to a writing class today in a snowstorm, got halfway there and said to myself you haven't slept, you have fibro, you're not totally well, what the hell are you doing out here? Or you on crack (or oxy?) Since the answer is I am clean but still suffering, I went back home and took a nap with the cats. My cat Phoebe seemed to be saying This is how you do it, just stretch out, relax...jeeze talking to my cat, maybe I am on crack.

As for my writing, I published about a dozen or so articles on health and environmental issues (ironic, huh?) I am now trying to write the stories I have always wanted to write, the ones my friends keep saying you should write this down. If I can pry my formerly oxy addicted butt off my bed...

Love and big hugs to all,
oxy g  



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by oxygone, Feb 23, 2010
One last thing: My doctor's office prescribed 400 oxy pills at a time with literally no back up. The pharmacy at first balked about filling it: I realized later they probably thought I was selling the stuff. But no, idiot that I was, I was taking it, according to doctor's orders. By the time I got up to taking 26 5mg pills a day, round the clock, the physician's assistant said, gee that seems a bit high. Now I wish I had said ya think?  I figure I was on it probably about two months (maybe less) when I got physically addicted. When I contacted the office and said I think I need to get off this, maybe onto something else less addictive, they said we can't help you. It took me two months of tapering to get off during which time I craved this stuff physically. If I didn't take my afternoon pills, I got physically ill, clutching my cramping stomach, bent over double, shaking with need. I am not making this up. My brother had been a heroin junky years ago and I watched him try to kick unsuccessfully time and again. I realized that other than the drug, I was just like him with one important difference: I was determined to get off. I have a kid and there was no way I was gonna let her grow up with me like this.

We can do this, guys. That's what I keep telling myself, even when I get so depressed I feel like giving up. I can't give up; the price of quitting this drug is high but the price of staying on it is something I just can't afford.  

Peace,
oxy g


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by oxygone, Feb 23, 2010
Funny how quickly thigns change. As the day has worn on, I have felt worse and worse. My body aches all over and I feel so weak and tired. Fibro or WD? I can't tell but I am suffering.

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by ginbud, Feb 23, 2010
As the day advances towards three and four each afternoon I too experience weakness, aching pain in my back and elsewhere, loss of concentration and normally some degree of pain. Many of my days are a continuous cycle of these symptoms every two to three hours depending on how much physical activity I've exerted. Initially I identified that several of these routine "crashes" were related to my previous scheduled hours for an Oxycontin pill.  My body was use to getting that opiate delivered to it as routinely as a baby does his feeding time, and it responded in a similar cranky manner when it didn't get what it wanted. Now I believe these "crashes" are my bodies warning signals that it's reached the threshold of it's physical limitation.  If I didn't take immediate proactive and protective measures to allow it the rest it required, I noticed that my pain level began moving up another point on the " One to Ten Level" about every 15 minutes.  These days, I watch for the warning signs and shut down whenever my body starts signaling me.

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by ginbud, Feb 24, 2010
This is a response to the woman who's husband has recently begun blacking out and falling straight over from standing positions.  She ask if anyone else has gone through this with Oxycontin use.  I did experience this falling over for no known reason and a number of times when my legs just went out from under me causing a fall.  These episodes happened when I was using Oxycontin at it's highest dosage along with other prescribed drugs.  One Saturday when my grown Son and Husband were preparing to go shopping together I told my Son about the highly unusual falls I had been having for the last six months.  He asked, "what do you think is causing it? " I replied, "I don't know, but if they continue I'm going to end up breaking a bone!"  As they drove off together I walked over and got a cup of coffee and walked across our wooden floor to sit down and my lower legs just buckled in a split second.  I landed hard on my elbow and arm.  Thankfully my cell phone was on the low coffee table near my fall and I called their cell in the car.  My son picked up and I said, "Come home you guys, I just broke my arm."  As soon as I quit the Oxycontin, the falls stopped.
I also had been taking medication for almost daily migrains which began around 4:00 P.M everday like clockwork.  Sometimes they lasted for days.  Two days off Oxycontin I stopped having them and haven't had one in a full year. I had endured these cluster Migrains for over nine years, daily!  Do I think Oxycontin caused these Migraine headaches?  You bet I do!   Gin

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by oxygone, Feb 24, 2010
Ginbud, I think you're right about physical limitation. I seem to have reached mine. More soon, I'm going to lie down, Oxy G  BTW Love the image of the baby at feeding time; you should be a writer.

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by JAHC2, Feb 24, 2010
JAHC2
Hey everybody. I just recently found this site. I thought sharing my story and getting advice from those who have been through similar issues would help. I am 19 and currently in my first year of college. The summer after I graduated my bestfriend, who I will talk about a lot and is like my sister, was already addicted and I was using occasionally on the weekends or sometimes when we were out partying. Then a few months later, my using started picking up and by late August I was fully addicted. By the way I was using and buying illegally and was not doctor prescribed. At this point I was doing 2 oxy 40s a day just to keep from withdrawing. I was going to school, working, living in my own apartment and still trying to afford these pills. This process went on and with each month I was doing more and more each day. But to functioin normally and go about my daily life I had to keep using and feed my addiction. Finally about a month ago I decided I was done! I took a week of school and work and quit cold turkey. I layed on the couch and in bed for a week and thought I was going to die. I never in a million years thought that pills could do this to me. Finally after being sick for a week, my bestfriend said her dealer had suboxins and I had met him a few times so I went over to get one and thought maybe I would take another route on quitting. This was on a Tuesday, and I went in and took a pill, the next thing I remember was waking up not knowing where I was or what had happened and it was Saturday!! I woke up looked at my phone, realized what day it was and started freaking out. Then I looked out the window at my car and the whole front end was crashed in!! I started questioning him, "What has happened? Why dont I remember the last week?" He got angry and threw me down the stairs, against the wall, and out into the snow storm with nothing but my phone, and sweat pants and a tshirt on...no shoes!! I just took off running and called my bestfriend to come get me and read the street name off to her. I remember certain things here and there, such as I remember him caring me to the passenger seat of my car and driving about a mile and wrecking. But thats all from that part. Then I remember my bestfriend coming over one day and saying your soo messed up you havent woke up for days, come home with me. But I dont know after that. She says she came and saw me everyday to every other day and each day I was passed out but he would not allow her to take me. My parents picked me up, my car was towed back, and I told my parents everything, mind that they did not even know I had been using. Monday morning I went to the hospital, had everything done and the blood test showed multiple upon multiple drugs in my system that I had never even used before. I got out of the hospital two weeks ago and was only kept there for two days and still trying to get clean. I was almost through the process when I went up there and now I am ten times worse. It has been two weeks since all of this. I am going through major withdrawal and everyday it doesnt get better. He drugged me to the point I was out of my mind but oxys were in my system so the gettting clean starts over. My body is so sore, the cold sweats, not sleeping, and when I do I have crazy dreams that just exhaust me. I have not ate in two weeks, I have no appetite, it hurts to even walk so I rarely get out of bed, and I just want my normal life back. I just signed up for out patient rehab and start tomorrow. My family and I are dealing with the legal aspect that happened that Im not going into too much detail about just enough to get the point acrossed. But I think talking about it to somone who has dealt with the feelings of addiction and withdrawal would help.

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by oxygone, Feb 24, 2010
JAHC2, first off, I want to say you poor kid. It sounds like you've been through the wringer. I'm no expert and there are people on this site who know more than I do, but I say you are on the right track. Telling your parents-good idea because you're gonna need a support system, people who care about you who are not on oxy. Going to rehab, good idea. I kicked at home supported only by family and I think if I had to do it again I might have been better off in an outpatient rehab program. But maybe others have thoughts on that. Finally, do not give up, hard as it gets and yeah it gets hard. Sweats, crazy dreams, yeah all that. But if you go back, it'll just be harder. You know you can't stay on this forever so get out now. Plus you had whatever that creep gave you in your system; just shows ya the kind of people you can meet through getting anything off the street. Finally, try to eat, even just small bits at a time, try to keep your strength up. Get out of bed a bit if you can, just try to move a little and rest when you need to and you will need to.

And feel free to vent here. Lots of people here are so supportive. You're not alone and this won't last forever.

Love, Oxygone

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by JAHC2, Feb 24, 2010
JAHC2
To Oxygone and everyone else:
Yeah my parents are deff. my number one support system and who take care of me everyday while Im sick. They never suspected anything, my family is very niave and I would have never gotten into it if someone would have just been there to warn me what it does to you, your body, and mind.I  just try to keep in mind going back will make me feel better for the moment but im going to have to go right back to the same pain the next day. The only reason I decided to go to rehab was because reading peoples's post say that if you have the money they would deff. recommend it. I start tom. at 10 am so we will see how it goes. I started taking Xanax last night because I heard from posts on here and from friends that it helps and it most def does...Im just afraid to get addicted to another drug. But im going to see what my doctor says tom. in session because there has to be something they can give to help get me through this! My life has totally been put on hold. Last night was the first night I slept even a few hours and without the insane dreams and I think it was because of the Xanax. How long does it take for the sickness to go away as far feeling somewhat normal? Today was a pretty good day though. I actually made it out with the family and forced down a few bites here and there but that is the most Ive done in the past two weeks. It scares me to hear some of you say that you have been dealing with this for 30 and 40 years. I hope to put this behind me and move on with my life and be able to help others along the way because like I said I wish somebody was there to warn me before I even got started.  

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by oxygone, Feb 24, 2010
So many of us wish we had been warned. Don't worry about being on it 30 or 40 years; you are young and can kick it now before it totally robs you of your life. And it will if you goback; just remember that. Be careful not to rely too much on the xanaz; it is also wicked addictive, take it from me.
It sounds like you've got a good support system; le tthem help you. And good luck tomorrow. Let us know how it goes.
oxy g

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by Babe59, Feb 25, 2010
Dear JAHC2,
i went through hell for 2 weeks, didn't eat for 10 days, muscle cramps, and those horrid nightmare......as Oxygone said, the nightmares are almost like hallucinating.  she is one smart cookie.  you WILL START TO FEEL BETTER VERY SOON!!!  have hope, girl.
it has been over 5 months for me, and i am happy and well, other than crawly feet/legs.
if you are depressed make sure you tell your doc!!!!  i went on antidepressants for a while, really helped.
i listen to music all day, sounds weird but it is like therapy foOxyr me.  yoga as well.
be kind to yourself.  if you have lost your sense of self despair not as it will come back.. i am ME again, as my wonderful husband jokingly says "the ***** is back"........
Love to you

OXYGONE...i also was out in that nasty snow storm, what the hell were we thinking?  i live in a state that is shaped like a mitten.   can you tell me where you are in a general way?

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by Babe59, Feb 25, 2010
Oxygone,
i am using my pets as therapy also..........3 horses, 3 cats, and one dog.
watched the horses tear around in the sunny snow for quite a while.  they are so beautiful.
give Phoebe a kiss from a fellow addict.
my dog Celie (named after Alice Walkers book the The Color Purple) follows me everywhere.  i missed the animals while messed up on that garbage drug.

JAHC2 HOW ARE YOU, didn't mean to shout, let us know how you are doing.  we care.

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by ginbud, Feb 25, 2010
Trying to detoxify off a strong drug such as Oxycontin, or similar medications, seems to trigger a patient's anger towards their Doctor.  It certainly did for me.  However, I did not act on my anger because of what I'd learned previously about the extreme risk's Doctor's are taking professionally who are willing to treat chronic pain patients and what they have been taught about pain management. I think all patients should know about these issues.  Regardless of our personal decision to get off these drugs, it's important that we put our Doctor's roll in our addiction into perspective so we don't ruin a good Doctor's reputation or jeopardize their license.  The following information may help some of you who feel angry right now better understand what the real story is behind treating chronic pain patients.
Sometime in my mid 40's I asked for a monthly allotment of medication for my chronic pain issues.  I was told by my local Doctor that if I needed a monthly RX for pain pills I had to go through a Pain Clinic. Even though I lived in a fairly large city, the closest pain clinic was in San Fransisco, 50 miles from my home.  Enrolling in this Pain Clinic meant going through their training program which included a book on understanding and controlling pain. In addition, I had to sign a contract which stipulated that if I ever demonstrated any drug seeking behaviors or broke the contract rules I would be tossed out of the Pain Clinic.  There were a few good things which I learned in the Clinic, and some misleading things which helped me justify my drug use and dependence for the years which followed.  I was taught that to control chronic pain it is essential to maintain an adequate level of pain medication in me at all times vs.waiting for the pain to get out of control and chase after it with excessive amount's of medication. I was taught that if a patient uses their medications as prescribed and never breaks the contract their use of pain medication was not considered addictive, regardless of how much or how long they are on them. I learned what is considered drug seeking behavior and the standard Contract's used by most Doctor's willing to treat chronic pain patients.  Some of the above postings have listed behaviors and issues which Doctors classify as uncooperative or questionable drug use which is justification to dismiss a patient.  It does not take much to get "dismissed" by a Doctor prescribing pain medications on a routine basis.  I learned that very few regular Doctors are willing to routinely prescribe high dosages of pain medication, and those that do are being very careful so they don't end up losing their license to practice.  Through the internet I've learned that their are whole States in which Doctor's refuse to treat chronic pain patients due to their State's routine prosecution of Doctor's who prescribe pain medication to individuals beyond a month or two.  Chronic pain patients in these States are flat out of luck and frequently fly into other States to get routine pain medications.  This "checker-board" approach to pain management developed out of the Federal Government's "War on Drugs."  This federal program included DEA agents in full body guard "storm-trooping" into regular Doctor's offices whom they felt were dispensing too many pain medications on a monthly basis and prosecuting those Doctors in order to remove their license.  Once I discovered what hell other chronic pain patients were going through elsewhere, I understood how much the Doctor's who would treat pain patients were putting on the line by doing so. The Doctor's willing to treat chronic pain believe that the Federal Government should not restrict their efforts to assist those in need, but they understand they are setting themselves up for close scrutiny by the DEA.  All they have to base their evaluation's on are what their patients tell them regarding their pain level.  Most have never had any training in medical school about treatment of chronic pain.  They are as much in the dark as you and I about how to deal with addiction.  Like myself, they were taught that if their patient's followed the "rules" that the addiction was under control.  If they them self have never used these drugs, they have no idea of how difficult it is to get off these medications. They also realize that there are many other medications which they prescribe daily which have just as many agonizing withdraw symptoms, so they don't consider this one class of drugs any worse or better than some of the others.  They believe they are helping their patients through intolerable pain related issues. All drugs have issues which patients are advised to consider before using.  Oxycontin has a black box warning in addition to a known addictive nature.  As patients, we must learn to accept responsibility for the choices we make.  Sometimes we just don't care at the time we want the pain to stop.  Now that we see what we've allowed to happen to ourselves, can we honestly say it was our Doctors fault?    

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by oxygone, Feb 25, 2010
Ginbud, I hear what you are saying and I respect your point of view and the fact that you are trying to be fair. Chronic pain is a thorny issue, I understand. People in intractable pain should not be left to suffer unaided. And for a long time they were (and still are.) And there are so many mitigating factors in every case. People abuse meds, sometimes without even setting out to do so. I certainly know that. It's tough, all the way around. And this is not even touching the recreational users who often get more than they bargained for and suffer greatly for it.In my case, I went in for Total Knee Replacement surgery. I worried about the pain meds more than I did the surgery; I had grown to dislike them since many of them made me uncomfortable. When the office told me they would give me Percoset and then switched to oxycontin, I really did not know all I should have. And I should have; I will take responsibility for not researching that better; had I known how physically addictive this stuff is, I might have spoken up.Then again, I wish they had known and had warned me. I followed the doctor's (or should I say his office's) orders. I did not take more than I was told I could; I did not crush, snort or smoke the pills and still I got PHYSICALLY addicted. And WD has been hell. I was angry; I still am. I wish I had better recourse than to call an office unequipped to help me. I went to a pain management office but they offered me only cortisone or nerve blocking shots, nothing for addiction.I probably should have gone to outpatient rehab. 20-20 hindsight as they say.But maybe the issue is not assigning blame but rather changing a system that seems to work against doctors and patients both. I don't think my doctor meant me harm. I personally don't think he even thought about it at all. He's a gadget guy, a surgeon, trying to develop the best knee replacement device possible for his patients and for his successful career. Maybe I should not fault him for that; I do wish he were a bit more involved with the patient as a whole or that his office staff were trained to do so.
Pain management might need to be included in certain practices, such as surgical ones and certainly ones that deal with patients with cancer, MS, fibromyalgia and other painful conditions. Drug companies need to research and develop less addictive pain medicines. Patients must insist on being educated or they must educate themselves before addiction or other issues happen.
Bottom line? Reform is needed. It would benefit both the caregivers and those in need of care.    

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by ginbud, Feb 25, 2010
I'm curious, how many of you posting about your attempt to withdraw from Oxycontin were honestly never warned about it's lethal issues and addictive nature?  Did you not get a print out from the dispensing pharmacy which informed you of it's Black Box Warning and addictive nature?  Did you not hear or read about the growing controversy over this drug and the street addicts it was creating?   Over a year ago I decided to look up all the information and personal postings I could find on each of the drugs I have been using and was shocked that several of the "non addictive" drugs I use had almost the same painful W/D symptoms that Oxycontin has.  A prime example is the drug Effexor SR. which I'm on.  It's prescribed mainly for depression, but is also used to treat chronic pain or control severe sweating caused by the drug Tamoxifin, which is given to all Breast Cancer patients for five years following B/C surgery.  This is a drug I honestly can say I never heard one thing about beyond the standard B.S supplied by the manufacture until I researched it on the internet and discovered it's painful W/D issues  There are thousands of personal postings I discovered about this drug's W/D and the hellish nightmare's others have endured while slowly discontinuing it's use. I have a list of medications that I have been slowly reducing my dosage from each month.  Oxycontin was just the first one I suspected of creating so many problems for me, so it was the first to go.  I know now that this detox process is just one of many I have to go through over the course of the next year or more.  I look back at my willingness to overlook and disregard so many warnings about several drugs I've gotten hooked on and I had to recognize that my belly aching about pain, and other problems, to my Doctor's is what got me into this mess.  The issues were real and at the time I didn't want to consider the long term issues I would have to deal with someday; I just wanted my pain to stop so I could go on living like I had before.  Finally, the long term ramification of my drug use has become worse than my original pain issues.  I have made some pretty stupid decisions regarding the use of drugs to control pain instead of seeking alternative pain controlling methods which required more time and effort from me vs. the ease of popping a pill.  There are some medications that I have concluded I must remain on regardless of the side effects.  However, I am moving forward and making informed decisions these days with as much knowledge as I can gather via the internet.  I have stopped blaming anyone but myself for the mess I've gotten into with drugs.  These days the only treatment Doctors use is prescribing a pill.  Remember the old saying, "Buyer Beware."  This certainly applies to those of use who turn to medication for any illness.  All medications can potentially cause serious problems, and it's up to us to discover what they are before we consent to their use.  The truth is on the internet, on similar threads such as this, and we now have the means to protect ourselves from further painful issues by doing research on the web before we use any future drugs.  I advise you all to research all the drugs your on.  You may discover that those "harmless" ones have W/D and side effects that are not worth their use once you know more about their real issues.  Good Luck to all.

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by oxygone, Feb 25, 2010
Points taken, Ginbud, good luck to you. BTW did you really know how bad oxy WD was at first? I didn't. I have to admit I was really ignorant on this stuff. But I learned!! The hard way but I learned!!!!

JAHC2, where ya at? How'd it go today? I'm sure I'm not the only one curious to hear. Just remember: one step at a time; you'll get there.
Today was a good day. Good days happen, hopefully more and more.  Just had a couple of really tough ones. Glad they're over (for now). One Buddhist thought I like: everything changes. So if it's bad; it won't stay bad forever. Hard to remember when you're in it, of course. But the bad stuff won't last forever!!!

Babe  59, I love your dog's name. A state shaped like a mitten, huh? What shape is my state in? Gotta figure it out. Probably bad!!!! Snow day today; I made soup and muffins; that's my snow day ritual.  At least I felt well enough to do it. And to take a walk to the mail box. Not exactly an Olympic event. Oh well baby steps.  

Love to all, Oxy G

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by ginbud, Feb 25, 2010

What I've posted today is only meant to provide information about how Doctors use drugs as their primary manner in which to treat a patient's issue.  They don't concern themselves with any side effect problems or dependency issues which a patient may have to deal with later.  As far as they are concerned, the little print out that the pharmacy provides with every prescription has all the information a patient needs to know if they choose to read it.  Obviously those read outs do not have the full truth, but enough to cover the drug companies legally.  I was told that Doctor's are not even required to take one class about drugs or addiction issues, and most have not.  So were on our own when we want to quit, and there is no pill to take away our pain when we do.  Every treatment has become so specialized that Doctor's do not feel responsible for the long term issues patients face.  The only person left to watch out for your overall health is you.  If you believe Doctors are looking at our health needs from a "holistic" approach, your thinking is out of touch with the reality of our medical system. The country Doctor and his mindful words of wisdom are a bygone era.
Pills, pills, and more pills are what our medical approach is 100% dependent upon, along with the surgical approach.  Even the Surgeon's prescribe pills once they have done their thing.  Our medical system is not designed to pay for us to recover from anything which was used to make us feel better.  If we get hurt by any methods they used, they have covered themselves legally from any problems we may encounter later. And the drug manufactures are too rich and powerful to attack for what they put on the market which ultimately may harm us. Read between the lines.  You are not an addict if you follow the Doctors orders.  If you tell your Doctor you've become dependent, or addicted to a medication, then they cut you off cold turkey.  Why; because your not an addict if you follow their directions.  It's a catch 22. We are truly on our own, and the more we face up to that reality, the more we will assume responsibility for what we put into our bodies.  If not, we will run into this issue again and again in our lives.  Gin

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by ginbud, Feb 25, 2010
I didn't know s--- about Oxy when I decided to use it for my pain.  I did know that it would have some addiction issues, but I had no idea how it would rob me of my life.  I assumed at the time I made the decision to use it that I would keep it under control and therefore would not have to concern myself with it's addictive nature.  I did follow all the Doctors orders to the letter.  It didn't stop the addiction, nor my decent into an addict's lifestyle.  I just became a legal junkie at the age of 49.  It took me a long time to face up to what I really had become, legal or not. I hate it and I'm doing all I can every day to work on climbing out of the mess I've gotten into.  The lies I allowed myself to buy into is what got me here.  Now I'm facing the truth about the path I chose to control my pain.  If I didn't, I don't think I could keep doing what I am today.
Gin

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by Babe59, Feb 25, 2010
Ginbud, you bring up excellent points regarding personal responsibility and not blaming the medical profession nor our physicians.  i sure figured out fast that oxy was addictive.  i'm truly no fool, although i sure behaved foolishly, didn't i?

sure hope your pain level is getting better.  have you ever heard of Tramadol, or Ultram?  dunno if they are narcotic or not, yet my mother in law has been on Tramadol for years with no problems.

sooo good to talk to you all and read your struggles and triumphs.

wishing you all love and happiness

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by Babe59, Feb 25, 2010
forgot to tell you all that my pain is almost gone!!!!!  fibro pain is almost gone.
NO MORE MIGRAINES just like you
ginbud!  had 'em for 10 years, caused by the oxy.

i'm just so grateful to be off this crap!!  i'm actually happy now.

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by ginbud, Feb 25, 2010
On January 11, 2009 I awoke following a powerful dream which told me I had to get off Oxycontin or else I was going to die.  I had a full prescription for Oxycontin sitting at the Doctor's office awaiting my pick up.  I decided to just go cold turkey that day.  I allowed myself to get so deep into the detox. process that I couldn't even move from my bed.  By the forth day I figured I may as well start reducing all my other medications at the same time since I was already feeling about as bad as I could imagine.  Within the next two weeks I reduced my use of Soma by 50%, my use of Norco #10 by 1/3, my use of Effxor by 1/3 and of course my use of Oxycontin by 100% starting the first day.  I didn't come out of my hellish detox. for almost a month and a half. Now I'm stabilized and starting to feel like a human being again.  I still have a long way to go but time is all I have these days. I feel proud of myself and at the same time pissed at myself for justifying the long term use of these strong, mind numbing drugs. I can't believe all the physical problems that these drugs caused in me in addition to what I had originally was suffering from physically.  I'm so lucky that a broken bone was all that occurred throughout the time I was using strong dosages of all these drugs.  My memory issues began to recover within the first month, my eyesight problems stopped within two weeks, my severe body cramping which I suffered from for years and attributed to my back issues stopped overnight when I cut my use of Soma which I was using for the muscle spasims.  The almost daily migraine's I suffered from for 9 years stopped overnight when I stopped using Oxycontin.  Oh yea, I also stopped  using my daily use of strong migraine medication the first week too.  It too was highly addictive.  My desire to talk or laugh took a full three months to even begin resurfacing.  It took me almost three weeks before I had a desire to begin cleaning myself and my immediate surroundings on a daily basis and even then it was a real struggle. The only way I was aware of time was because my husband would bring me a dinner each night after working all day and I would ask him, "what day is it?"  I reached my first year following all my reductions and elimination of drugs on January 11, 2010 of this year.  I don't know how I managed to do all this at once, but I survived and sure feel 100% better today.  To all of you, You can do this!   Gin  

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by JAHC2, Feb 25, 2010
Hey! Im sorry. I havent been able to get on ive been so busy all day. I did go to rehab this morning but I soon learned that the doctor was on leave for the rest of the week so all I accomplished their was talking. The pain in my legs, the jitterness and the anxiety were terrible today!! I tried checking into a in-rehab or detox center because I feel like I will go crazy if I dont start feeling somewhat better. All the in rehabs and detoxs are full from anywhere to 2 weeks to 2 months....i need it now!!! Early evening my mom got so upset with the pain I have been in she took me to the ER to get their opinion and see if anything can be done...mind this isnt a large hospital. He told me that this is most def. not related to drugs I wouldnt be withdrawing this long, ppl only withdraw 3-5 days, and hes seen ppl withdraw and its not me. So I said WHAT IS IT THEN?? He said he didnt know and sent home with some medication. WOW!!! Im so lost and confused right now.

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by ginbud, Feb 25, 2010
Oh yea, I forgot the most important recovery I made throughout all this detoxing and drug reductions.  My pain level and many other serious physical issues I was dealing with daily have dropped by at least 70% since detoxing.  Amazing, don't you think?  I have become a human being again and I smile and laugh like I use to nine years ago.  It's so nice to be me again.  I actually don't mind my body pain any more and just rest when it starts bugging me these days.

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by ginbud, Feb 25, 2010
To JAHC2:
Don't use any Oxycontin.  What I found most helpful through the first part of my detox. was a prescription I had laying around for Diazipam, 20mg. and 1 &1/2 tablets of Soma daily for the restless legs and spasims. This was a life saver and I was able to quit the Diazipam after the second week of detoxing. I cut my use of Norco by 50%, but it helped me a lot while detoxing off Oxycontin.   Like I said, I still have a long way to go before I'm done with detoxing off addictive medications.  But, I'm now 70% better than last year.  If you tell your Doctor your detoxing, they usually won't help you.  Tell them you are going through some heavy emotional issue to get about 30 tablets of the Diazipam and suffering serious leg cramps and would like a RX of about 30 Soma's to try for the cramping.  It will pull you through the worst of it. Then, don't continue their use beyond the first RX.  You can get through the worst this way. If you think this will only add to your addictive issues, then please disregard what I've said. I know others would not agree with this approach, but it worked for me and I was going through hell.  Gin

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by Babe59, Feb 26, 2010
JAHC2, girl, you ARE going through withdrawal, that doctor is an idiot!!!!!!!
your symptoms are exactly what we all have been through.  it takes at least six weeks to detox.......i'm positive.  the worst is over in two weeks, but then depression and anxiety can set in after that.  
perhaps you need Suboxone!!!!!  it blocks the opiate receptors in the brain, as you know already.  i personally hated it, so i cold turkeyed, but maybe you need it.
i live in michigan and there is a great rehab here, and you could get in quickly i bet.  let me know if you want the address.
ginbud and oxygone are experts on all this stuff, perhaps we can help get you through.  we all care about you.
respectfully,
babe59

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by wellsbeanie, Feb 26, 2010
Glad I found this place...

Buckle up for this one.

About nine years ago I was submerged in a crowd of younger kids (I was 22 - they were 18-19). I shared the wonders of smoking weed and getting hammered with them, so in turn, they shared these wonderful little blue pills (80 mg) that you wipe the time release off of, crush up, then snap up an unclogged nostril. I would be surprised if anyone reading this doubts the true feeling of euphoria you received after thinking the first one didn't work, so ingesting a second one immediately after. Needless to say, over time my "weekend buddies" were the only thing I thought about while desperately trying to pass the time at my place of employment.

Not long after, my younger "weekend crew", became my 4 PM everyday gang religiously. Both of us had something to gain - they were exposed to my original friends who could sneak them into clubs, buy them alcohol, or simply take care of bullies for them....but most importantly, my new-found addiction had a number of kids I could go to when whomever fit the bill as the main man wasn't around. It was if they all acted in unison.

To gloss over 5 years of my life, my "biological" clock wouldn't allow me to go over 8 hours without the only thing I had to wake up for every day. During the last 2-3 years of my addiction I was sniffing 5 80 mg tablets a day on the weekdays and jumped up to 7 80 mg on weekends. To make matters worse, up until the last year I found ways to finance my habit while completely ruining my credit. Once that came to a screeching halt, I will never forgive myself of the guilt I put my family and close friends through by defrauding them of ten's of thousands of dollars.

With the family members who cared most about me under high-alert that something was terribly wrong after illogical attempts at trying to embezzle more money out of them, I finally sat in the one piece of furniture I had left in the refinanced condominium staring at the empty wall where my big-screen TV that I sold for Oxy money used to be, and I came clean to the people that cared. I immediately scheduled an appointment with my doctor and explained the whole truth to him. He seemed confused asking me why I never came in looking for him to write me a script for pain-killers, to which I replied "whatever script you would of given me would have done absolutely no good".

He wrote me what he called a "bridge prescription" for OC's until I could be seen by a local methadone clinic. Without divulging too many of my tricks, I found a way to make my daily dose of methadone give me that same "high" as I experienced the first few times I dabbled with the OC's.

There came a point two years later where I had family members coerce me into seeing a suboxone doctor and kicking the methadone. I was lucky I had just been laid-off, because I was bed-ridden for a solid month during the transition. To be honest, I don't know if the Suboxone was ineffective due to the 560 mg of Oxy (or more recently, the 190 mg of methadone) I was on daily, but it just felt like I was taking sugar pills.

For two years I disassociated myself with the "friends" that were left standing. It felt like everyone who was "dancing with the devil" either ended up in jail, enlisted in the Army, and my closest friend committed suicide this past month. OxyContin had poisoned anyone it touched beyond myself......or so I thought.

Recently, I ran into a new friend with unlimited access to my precious 80's. During my Suboxone period, I had managed to save close to 10 thousand dollars. I immediately stopped taking the Suboxone and went on a mad spree that has left me lying, cheating and stealing AGAIN. This has lasted for 3 months. Out of financial avenues, I have decided to tough out the withdrawal (it's been 2 days) and I feel like hell. I took Thursday & Friday off of work hoping that in 4 days I will be able to return feeling better on Monday. I have a full script of suboxone and a script of Xanex, but they don't seem to be helping the way I thought they would.

Sorry for the long-winded speech, I always feel like to offer help to somebody, it's best to know a little bit about them.

I understand the mental aspect and guilt of this addiction will probably last with me forever (it's a sick thing to say, but I truly feel I would turn to Heroin if I only knew where to find it). I am hoping someone out there can tell me that after a 3 month stint, I will physically feel OK to return to work on Monday (my 5th day).

My prayers are with all of you - God bless  




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by Babe59, Feb 27, 2010
Wellsbeanie,
sounds like you have been through hell!!  i'll keep you in my prayers.
dunno if you'll feel better by monday or not.  i only took the suboxone for a few days and hated it.  so i cold turkeyed after that....was hellish.  over five months later, i feel great.  actually after about 4 weeks i started to feel great.
i also deal with the shame of the addiction, "doctor addicted", that is.  don't make no difference, addicted is addicted,no?
i may have gotten my oxy from a nice man in a clean white coat, and i never abused oxy, but i still almost ruined my life.  barely can remember the last 5 years.  my husband and daughter remind me of things that happened.  can't remember movies i'd seen, places i'd been (at the end, i went nowhere!) things i'd said.  geez i hate oxy.
even though i messed up my life i am forgiving myself, i can't dwell on the past, as i am actually living in the present for the first time in 10 years.....IT IS GREAT!!
stay away from those "friends", cuz they aren't really friends, are they?
love,
babe59     please read Ginbuds story and Oxygones story, you will be inspired, also you are helping people with your story and you don't even know it.

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by JAHC2, Feb 27, 2010
Babe59- Thank you! I was starting to lose hope in this waiting out game and ill get better just another week. I knew it had to be w/d bc Ive been through it for brief periods before. But thank you for the reassurance!!! It has been 2 weeks today and I am starting to feel a little better. Two days ago was a very bad day with the arms and legs but the past 2 days have seemed to be better. Although my only trouble is I do not sleep at night. I either toss and turn or absolutely lay there wide awake all night until I decide to get up and do something. Michigan is quite aways up there from me so Idk what my family would think about it but I have an assessment to get in next Mon. Hell I will prob feel golden by then.

Wellsbeanie- Your story reminds me somewhat of mine in the aspect that they were not doctor prescribed and we were abusing them and also the young age. But like someone mention addicted is still addicted...I have not tried a suboxone so I do not know if those will work. A lot of ppl I hear quitting say they are a life saver and than others hate them. But I take Xanax too, and that deff helps me. Ive heard several diff ppl on here make comments about what they took just to make it past the first few weeks so it would prob help to read through and see their suggestions, but my best friend just got out of rehab and she was given Valium through her stay when she needed it..?? Not trying to disappoint you but I told my work about the end part of my story, not the addiction, just the rest...and they gave me 2 weeks off. There is no way I could have made it on my 5th day!!! But I wish you the best!!

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by wellsbeanie, Feb 27, 2010
Babe59 - unbelievable I know, but I have read every post on this thread (amazing what you can accomplish lying in bed for 48 hours+ with just a laptop - haha). The one (maybe only) thing I didn't see anyone touch on is a LONG stint (like mine -close to 7 years) on such a high (no pun intended) dosage (in between 400 & 560 mgs every day). Then the worst 2-3 months of my life when I was assured by a doctor that transitioning over to suboxone would be a piece of cake after the first couple of days (everyone reacts differently, so I don't want to discourage anyone looking to pursue that avenue - it just completely FAILED me).

Here's the catch - after being clean of oxy for over 2 years, I was stupid enough to start back up on a cycle that challenged my previous pace (7 80's a day - every day) for approximately 3 months. I'm praying someone out there can tell me that such a short stint won't require such a long detox - it's now day 3 and I'm still really bad.

As far as my "friends" go, you're right. There was only one true friend out of the entire cast of characters. He was the one who would cut his OC40 in half when both of us were dying from WD's knowing full well it wouldn't do either one of us a damn. Years ago, after a long discussion, he realized that the only way to get away from the circle of "friends" was to enlist in the U.S. Army. After two years in, he came home on break for a month (while I was maintaining on suboxone) so we had plans after the weekend to hang out and I was stoked - he emailed over pictures and he looked better than he ever had before. BTW, "hanging out" was nothing illegal - lunch with a beer. I called and called and called on Monday and finally his father picked up his phone and informed me that he had committed suicide.....A little part of my dream of having a "good life" post-Oxy also died that day.

Mentally I will never recover from the shrapnel I left behind on my first stint. There are too many scars that I see in people I have damaged. Virtually everyone who I had affected closed up their wounds and treat me no different then if it never happened at all --- but (metaphorically speaking) I can still see the wounds I created in the most subtle ways. The awkward looks, the awkward pauses, the indirect questions, the lack of trust - these are all symptoms that I created and can never heal. I come from an Irish family (anyone else who does knows that suppressing your true feelings is a prerequisite) IRISH = NO EMOTION, so it's not even something I can confront due to my "victims" denying anything's even still there...............but it is, and that's the hell that I created, I need to deal with, and most likely will live with me until I'm in the ground.

Really sorry for ramblin' - sometimes it feels best letting it out to a group of strangers who can identify with the hell



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by wellsbeanie, Feb 27, 2010
JAHC2 - I swear I'm taking sugar pills with the suboxones - but you're right... I don't think I would survive w/o the xanax. If it gets unbearable, I just use 'em to knock myself out.

Not saying I'm any less or more honorable than anyone on here (although I do feel terrible for the people who HAD to start taking them via horrific accident), but once the OC-claws dig down tight, everyone's on the same ship.

Anyway, thanx for the reply it feels better (slightly) just talking about it

peace

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by Babe59, Feb 27, 2010
dear Wellsbeanie,
i wrote a small novella to you but it didn't post.  
i'll not wax poetic and just down to the nitty gritty.  are you a man, if ye don't mind me asking?

so very sorry about your friend that took his own life.  

the leg cramps may get better if you take a hot bath.  don't get in the shower as you may wipe out.

do you have a terribly runny nose, crawly feet/legs, panic attacks, depression, teary eyes, yawning, and stomach problems?

i too am irish and a recovering catholic ha ha, and we do tend to stuff our feelings.  yet being female i think we are more demonstrative with our emotions.
love to you   babe

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by wellsbeanie, Feb 27, 2010
Babe59 - I am male.

Terribly running nose - check
uncontrollable leg stiffness / movement - check
stomach problems that are easily the 2nd to worst symptom
the internal coldness / chills while I wipe away sweat from my forehead are definitely the worst
the aches & pains aren't fun either

Although I'm in no mood for humor, Matt Damon's character in The Departed said it best (about being Irish):

While confronting his girlfriend about leaving town, he said :

"If one of us is going to decide to leave, it's gonna have to be you...I'm Irish - I'll let something be wrong for my entire life"

Pretty much sums up my existence. The depression has nothing to do with the Oxys, the only happiness I've ever found in life was the few moments I spent crushing up a pill.

A day doesn't go by without me questioning why the only decent member of "the gang" who escaped the claws of this wretched sickness left this Earth without sharing his secret. Over time that will pass only to have another unforeseen tragedy take it's place. For 31 years the formula has not been broken once.

I spend hours reading and re-reading posts (even on here) about how God and Jesus gave people the strength they needed to conquer this demon. If I read it a hundred times, I interpret it the same as the first time I glanced over it.....hollow. This isn't an attack on anyone out there, but to myself, they might as well be speaking of fictional characters from a movie.

This is where I start rambling about faith just being an empty word to me, so I'll spare you. When I say that I'll pray for someone, I feel like I'm telling some sort of manufactured lie

Babe59 - I appreciate the ear and the shoulder to cry on...I would say God bless, but I already blew my cover on that one.

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by Babe59, Feb 28, 2010
Wellsbeanie,
i get the loss of faith.  while on the oxy i believed in nothing.  ok, i'm gonna tell you something that i've only told one person.....i actually got on my knees and asked for gods help the day before i kicked.  not me, really, yet i swear to you that is the reason i had the ovaries to do it.  have you read eric claptons autobiography?  he now has faith when he had none before.  i really don't want to sound preachy here, dude, cause i myself hate that so i apologize.

regarding the depression, do you suppose that might be possible that you were self medicating with the oxy, so you could feel "normal"????  i know i was.  don't be too proud to go on an antidepressant, as opiate addiction can cause severe depression.  god, do i sound like your mom???  hope not.
thinking of all of you....babe

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by wellsbeanie, Feb 28, 2010
I don't think it's necessarily pride that's holding me back....it's more like manufactured feelings. I DEFINITELY self-medicated with the oxys - it was the one thing I couldn't wait to come home to (provided they were there) they never let me down and they never gave me any s**t for not cleaning the dishes, mowing the lawn...etc.

My perfect day = a TV, an unlimited source of oxys, and myself....everything else became an unwanted distraction.

(If this sounds condescending, I apologize...this is really the only way I can grasp this concept) - It's great that God saw you on your knees and gave you the strength to complete your voyage, but name one tangible piece of evidence he provided. If he saw you there begging on your knees and had any compassion what-so-ever, why did he put you through a treacherous withdrawal ? You had the same road everyone else took. God didn't pick you up when you fell down...you got up using your own extremities.

I'm sounding exactly the opposite right now (I also hate that), so I'll stop.

This may sound back-asswards, but the worst thing that could happen if I went on an antidepressant is feeling good. Only because it's fake - it's manufactured. I'm the one who has to pretend to cry at funerals. My defense mechanism for everything is humor - if I'm angry, crack a joke - if I'm nervous, crack a joke - if I'm sad, crack a joke.

It's the only thing that deflects attention off of myself

BTW, you do sound slightly like my mother (not a bad thing). This may sound pathetic, but you're the only one helping me through this - thanx for replying....hope nothing I said offended

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by Babe59, Feb 28, 2010
Waellsb,
i kind of feel badly about the god thing.  i apologize.  
remember the holocaust?  it was absolutely horrifying, and we must never forget.  i must never forget how bad theWD from oxy was.....or i'll think about taking them again.  you are so intelligent i know you understand this.

you do not sound condescending.  feel free to say anything to me.  and i will feel the same.

ok, about the antidepressants, as i'm sure you know, addicts tend to lack brain chemicals i.e.; norpinephrine and dopamine or serotonin.  do you agree?

how are you feeling today wellsb??

babe

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by wellsbeanie, Feb 28, 2010
No need to ever apologize for your beliefs - I feel as though I'm the one unable to grasp the whole concept.

Today is a step below terrible, but two steps above death. After a week-long absence from work, I am expected there tomorrow and I think the anxiety of that is compounding the symptoms. I feel as though I'm experiencing the worst possible WD, yet there's only one symptom I can't bear. I can deal with the stomach troubles, the aches & pains, virtually every physical torture EXCEPT the constant inner-coldness / outer sweating. A lot of people I talk to describe the hell of the restless legs / headaches, but to me those are a walk in the park. It's really the core body temperature / not knowing whether I'm too cold or too hot that kills me. I can't wait until that passes.

Thank you for asking and caring BTW.

I never really gave much thought to dopamine or seratonin levels. Maybe that could be my justifiable loophole to convince myself to actually take an antidepressant. It will forever trouble me on why my brain can't just naturally produce whatever levels of chemicals it needs. I am somewhat of a control freak, so taking antidepressants seems like it will just provide me with angst whether they work or not. Kind of a lose / lose situation...ya know ?

Metaphorically speaking, I'm sick to death of my crutches and I feel as though I have two functioning legs....so why the hell do I continue to fall down ? This must sound like "woe is me", but it's tough to feel good about anything when you've taken a sweatshirt off 20 times in the past hour because you can't figure out whether you're too hot or too cold.

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by JAHC2, Feb 28, 2010
Yesterday was two weeks and last night I had my first whole nights sleep while feeling okay!! This gives me hope that the future is only going to get better!

Wellsbeanie- I am with you on the cold sweats...that is the absolute worst part of it!! I hated it. And nothing takes it away. I am Christian and have faith that God got me through this time in my life because so many times I could have died and the doctor said you are so lucky to be alive. Doing 7 to 8 80's a day you are deff. looking at terms of overdosing and you are still here. And there is a reason for that. I believe that everything happens for a reason and we can only hope that after getting through this process it will be the last time and it will give you strength to put the OC's behind you and find something else in life that makes you happy. I will pray for you and just hang in there...in a another week an a half or so you will be feeling better!

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by Babe59, Feb 28, 2010
dearest wellsb,
please do not feel like you sound self pitying.  you do not.  i must say that during the worst of w/d for me, i actually cried, real tears.  i do not cry.  the average woman cries once a week.  not me, once a year perhaps.  you are in the throngs of the worst pain of your life perhaps, no?

the sweats and stomach ick was truly the worst for me.  i still get a sweat going once in a while and it's been almost 6 months.

moved my computer today and it is not ergonomically correct, so spelling might be off.
i've been downloading music and having a blast with everyone from aretha franklin to jack johnston, dave matthews and muddy waters.  can you think of anything fun that you would like to do???  do you like movies?  
are you eating and drinking lots of water?  am i too gd nosey?

wishing everyone a good day,
babe

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by wellsbeanie, Feb 28, 2010
Babe59 - not nosey at all - that's why I'm here.I have no problem answering any question at all. In the short moments I converse with you (& others), it takes my mind away from how awful I feel. When (not if) I get through this, I will remember Babe59 helping me through it.

Speaking of nosey, my turn - out of curiosity may I ask your age ? Also, you sound British (the music kinda tipped me off).

The only thing I really can do is watch movies right now, so The Boondock Saints and The Departed have been trading spaces in my DVD player for the past 4 days (that should be a dead give-away of my location).

I am absolutely in the throngs of the worst pain in my life (also sounds British BTW). I'm also not a crier - I was raised in a "you keep crying, I'll keep smacking you" household (that does wonders for the ability to repress emotions).

I somehow feel like I deserve every muscle cramp I receive. The evil man in the lab coat didn't do this to me, I was fully aware that this day would eventually arrive.....unfortunately, it's time to pay the piper.

Thanks for the moments of ease - back to the pain

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by wellsbeanie, Feb 28, 2010
JAHC2 - hearing that your first "good night" was two weeks in just felt like a kick to the groin. I planned on taking a 5 day "sabbatical" from work on the guise of the stomach flu (not a complete lie :-)). I am now concocting the most believable story to buy me another week's time. How foolish of me that I thought this hell would subside in 5 days (and I'm not even an optimist).

I would take 7 80's a day JUST TO FEEL OK. The worst part about it is picturing the money that was flying up my nose.

I'm happy that you're doing much better, if you've read my previous posts, I'd be lying if told you I thought praying would benefit me, so please just keep me in mind.

Thanks

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by Babe59, Feb 28, 2010
wellsbeanie,
joss stone is wailing away, wonderful.
alas, i am not british.  i live in michigan, on a 14 acres gentlewomans farm.  we have 3 cats, a dog and 3 horses.  i believe i know where you are....does it begin with a B or an N?
now buddy, you know enough not to ask a girl her age!!  that is the ONLY question i will not answer right now, as i just had a birthday, a big one for a woman.  
something you said earlier just slapped me in the face, as i was exactly as you - the TV, my "medication" and being completely alone!  god, that really took me back.  i used to be a very social/funny/friendly broad, but it all went away while on the gd dope.  now i am funny/social/friendly/unselfish/attractive and a fantastic cook.  geez i'm gagging myself with self love here.....tooting my own horn.  i guess i hated myself for so long, and now that i'm back {in a big bad way baby) i feel very good.  you will too, you must believe this.
are you familiar with alcoholics anonymous or narcotics anonymous?  i hate those pity parties, i prefer this forum.  narc anon has a bunch of truly insane folk in it (uh oh probably pissed a few people off there, eh?)
wb, you didn't tell me if you are eating, are you?
this may sound untoward, but i wish we could speak via telephone.  is that weird of me?
my thought flow is quite scattered today.  i'll go back to the bad old days again now.  i used to "nod out", just like heroin addicts do!  i bought a lovely overstuffed chair that i adored, could curl up in it.  i burned a whole in the arm cover with a cig, felt like such a loser.   i also used to just fall asleep in that chair and fall out of it!  pretty funny now, not so funny at the time though.
ok, lets talk movies.  my favorites include "Shakespeare In Love", and "A Love Song for Bobby Long", great music in Bobby Long, new orleans blues, love new orleans.  tell me your top 10 movies/cd's.
wow i am chatty as hell, sorry if i'm boring everyone.
babe



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by Babe59, Feb 28, 2010
wellsb,
i forgot to say that i am diggin' on your sense of humor!
what is The Boondock Saints about, i've not heard of that movie?
your fave musicians?
B

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by wellsbeanie, Feb 28, 2010
Babe59, apologies for the age question (plus I just realized it's staring me right in the face)

I trust you have seen The Departed (I'll let The Boondock Saints slide). Let's just say that I'm in walking distance to the building they filmed where the police commissioner got thrown off of. Trust me on The Boondock Saints though (if by some miracle you don't enjoy it, I'll find a way to send you a free movie rental).

I really would talk over the tele (now I sound British), but it would be unpleasant for both parties due to my frequent restroom visits. My philosophy on NA and AA is I have my own problems, I don't need to hear yours (F'd up, huh?)

I came out of the womb cracking jokes. Was the undisputed class clown throughout my entire scholastic career. Was the guy who could single-handedly cancel a keg party if I decided to not attend. Even throughout the depths of my addiction, I still managed to "fake it" to entertain the crowd. Close friends would beg me to come to their parties to ensure that there would be swarms of people there (I can toot too....the word "also" works better there, but I'm sticking with it)

Nothing brought me more happiness than a straw, a mirror, a razor blade, and most importantly, solitude. Not laughter from friends, meeting new girls, doing ridiculous things...etc - just being alone in a room with my silent demon.

No worries about the chair - I've burned more furniture than testing agencies during my "haze". I keep forgetting to answer if I'm eating anything - last time I had what would qualify as half a meal was last Tuesday night...just can't do it.

10 movies

The Boondock Saints
The Departed
One Flew Over The Cuckoos Nest
Crash
Goodwill Hunting (another local fav)
Natural Born Killers
Stepbrothers
Fargo
John Q
Training Day

10 Bands (CD's are too hard)

Pink Floyd
Tool
Rolling Stones
Grateful Dead
Weezer
Counting Crows

drawing a blank (I like everything...rock, rap, pop, everything except country)

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by wellsbeanie, Feb 28, 2010
Oh yeah - forgot to mention it's South Boston

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by Babe59, Feb 28, 2010
WB,
i love counting crows as well.  mr. jones and sullivan street especially.
i dig led zepplin, elvis costello, sade, john mayer, john ondrasik, snooky pryor (blues), al green, and lyle lovett.  i find lyle very sexy, gasp, i met him and have seen him in concert many times, there is just something about him.  go figure.

i will watch your recommended movies, if you watch Shakespeare in Love, ok?

stones are on my itunes as i write, "old habits die hard", ain't it the truth?

eat jello my new friend.  drink oj, promise me?  i drank water and oj for over a week, no food.  are ye taking vitamins?

do you have a support system of people you can depend on, mr.Independent?

just watched Cuckoos nest few days ago.

i also hate country, except lyle lovett.  that twangy s*** just makes me snarky as hell.

try to relax yourself tonight, take some pepto dismal as well.  if you can't work tomorrow, let me know and we'll chat.
babe




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by wellsbeanie, Feb 28, 2010
Will do my best with Shakespeare in Love (not my cup o' tea - might need restraints)

I can't even boil water, so jello's out of the question, but I can do vitamins & OJ.

I can survive without every Counting Crows album except Aug. & everything after - that album's a masterpiece. The radio killed Mr. Jones for me, but the best song on the CD is Anna Begins (# 4 or 5 I think) - seriously, put it on a loop for 2 or 3 times and you'll see what I'm talking about.

Negative on the support system.....this whole detox "allegedly" happened months ago (worried this last lie might be the back-breaker) - so I forge ahead by my lonesome...and my very helpful Lyle Lovett-lovin' (three times fast...go) friend.

Shakespeare in Love for Boondock Saints - deal (I'll just make sure Blockbuster throws it in a bag for me :-) )

(to be honest, you would probably enjoy The Departed more - just rent 'em both)

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by Babe59, Feb 28, 2010
wb,
do you like shakspeare?  well if you do and you like the look of Gweneth Paltrow, you just might like the movie.  there is subtle british humor in it, i know you'll get it.
gonna listen to Anna Begins right now.
re the jello, buy it already made at the grocers.  in fridge section.  don't forget the pepto dismal.
oy, am i nagging?
i really like your city, excellent restaurants, great shopping, hate shopping, but as a tourist i had to partake.
i think i will get The Departed soon, or shall i download it?
how are you feeling this evening?  
Big Brass Band...three times fast-GO!
yer pal

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by Babe59, Feb 28, 2010
wb,
Anna Begins is marvy!  will put on my itunes immediately, if not sooner.
got any john mayer?  listen to Gravity.
B

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by Babe59, Mar 01, 2010
hi WB, Oxygone, and everyone else,
i have a doctor appointment today and for some reason i'm nervous as a Ho in Church!  feel like an emotional wreck.  no tears though.

how is everyone?
B

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by oxygone, Mar 01, 2010
Whoa! Got stuck with no power (or water or heat) for three days due to a snowstorm (over three feet of frigging snow yippee) I come back online and a WHOLE LOT of posting's going on here.

Babe 59 you are so incredibly supportive. You're in good hands, WB! though I must say oj would have KILLED my stomach through the worst of my WDs but to each his or her own, I say.

BTW FYI (any more abbreviations I can fit in?) I was only on oxy four months total and it's been 2 weeks and I have started to fight (in print) with some idiot in my local paper who wants to censor books in the high school so I must be feelin' better, right.  

Valium (and weed) helped me through a few nights but I hadda stop because of those nasty dependency issues so last night I had a crappy night's sleep and today I am a zombie but a straight zombie so that's better.

Gin, thank you for saying what you did, I totally agree with you. JAHC2 and WB, hang in there; it does get better. Maybe not in 4 days but hell we were all on this stuff for more than 4 days so give it a chance. You can't go back. And WB I am truly sorry about your friend. To face such loss during all this...man, that *****.  But I have a feeling that you are going to come through all this and be stronger for it. You can't go back; you'll just have to face the SSDD (more abbreviations, yay.)

BTW I love The Departed and also Blood Diamond. And yes, Babe, Shakespeare in Love. Go see Crazy Heart everyone. I'll wait!!! You're back? Terrific, isn't it? Yeah I know, you don't like country music (me neither for the most part though I do also love Lyle) but Jeff Bridges rocks. Do you think he'd be interested in a married slightly worn ex oxy addict? Just checking.
Big hugs, Oxy G    

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by Babe59, Mar 01, 2010
dear Oxyg,
so damned glad to see yoy back!!  i was quite concerned (can we say codependent anyone) HA!
i'm back from the doctors, just a bit of a racy heart, and maybe a Crazy Heart.  Oxyg, i'm going to go stare at Jeff Bridges asap.

FIGHT THE CENSORSHIP, girl.  that is the good fight.  

i believe WellsB is working, worried about him.  he has no one to help him.

need to back up and read the thread, i haven't seen JAHC2....could she be in rehab?  i so much hope.

march 11 will be six months for me, i'm gonna go wild and buy a ton of new clothes.  WTF, i deserve it.

Oxyg, WB, Gin, and JAHC2, man i love you guys.
B

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by Babe59, Mar 01, 2010
forgot, WellsB,
my age is NOT staring you in the face.  guess..........ok, go.

how are you and how was work???????

B

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by Babe59, Mar 01, 2010
Oxyg,
um......can you tell us what part of the country you are in?  don't make me get on the Weather Channel to figure it out!
i live in michigan.

i'm aware that i'm entirely too chatty right now.  all alone and bored.  sorry friends.

B

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by wellsbeanie, Mar 01, 2010
Yup - went to work.....don't even want to talk about it (but will anyway)

Not sure if I still have a job - spent the entire day hiding in a port-a-potty. Around Noon I realized that hell is not a barren field of burning flames, rather one huge portable sh**ter. I planned accordingly before I left regarding clothing... I was wearing 2 thermal shirts, a hooded sweatshirt, and a quasi-jacket / sweatshirt with a hood. I spent the entire day wanting to cry every time the wind hit my bare face (yet my 2 thermal shirts are drenched with sweat). Luckily, the first time I threw up was around a crowd therefore everyone avoided me like the plague (the joke du jour was "bet you'll get the Flu shot next year".......if they only knew

Not sure what to do tomorrow. Since I broke the streak of absence, the bosses assume my "stomach flu" has passed. No more sick time - no more personal time - no more vacation time & a butt-load of "suits" that think I just don't want my job.....if they only knew.

Been 120 hours since I've had anything that constitutes "real food" (jealous Kirstie Alley ?). find it fascinating that no matter what color liquid I drink, it doesn't come up the same shade. I'll spare the gory details except orange ALWAYS comes up green (truly enamored by this phenomenon)

OXYGONE - thanks for the kind words. Nothing gives me more comfort than hearing from people who have "time-release stained hands". You're right, Babe59 has been a godsend. I'll never get over the loss of my buddy, but it's time to stop using it as a crutch.

B-59, I assumed 59 was your birth year (especially with the whole "I just had a big B-day"....apparently that wasn't 50) Reading your previous posts, I'll say you're 40 (although from where I'm sitting, you don't look a day over 30 :-) )

If anyone wants to yap, I'm currently sweating my *** off buried under 2 extra large comforters with just a laptop and my aches & pains


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by ginbud, Mar 01, 2010
Greetings to All,
What has really hit home for me in the last week of everyone's postings is the use of the word "alone."  What is it about this drug that pushes us into a place of being alone?  Or, is this just my viewpoint.  The more I used and the longer I used the more alone I became.  I too found myself falling asleep while eating, burning holes in clothes, bedding and rug and just "out of it" in general.  I too lost my sense of humor and ability to contain my temper as well.  It's taken me so long to see the old "me" emerge from the fog I was living in every day.  Once I began realizing I was addicted to Oxycontin, I started looking in the mirror and telling myself, "You are a Junkie!"  Those words hurt me, but made me realize that it didn't matter what my Doctor's had taught me about these drugs and my use.  The truth was that I was no different than any other addict other than I got my "stuff" from a Doctor.  I developed some very lazy and introverted lifestyle patterns which I'm still fighting with after a full year.  I can see now how much this drug robbed me of my ambitions and desire to interact with life.  My daily use climbed considerably during a very depressing point in my life.  I didn't know how to deal with the depression issue, but I found that the numbing quality of Oxycontin helped me ignore the feelings it caused.  Now that I've been off the drug for a year, I've been actively dealing with all those issues.  I'm sorry to hear that your good friend took his own life.  That must be tearing you up inside.  I hope you at least can see that he must have had other issues which drove him to this.  Not that this knowledge makes it any easier to cope with.  My best friend and room mate took her own life when I was much younger, I still feel like I should have done something to help her with her issues.
I hope you don't feel that way. I'm curious how many others feel like their motivation and ambition in life was taken from you while using this drug?  I'm still trying to overcome the lazy habits I formed and develop new friends since I lost so many.  Anyone else dealing with these types of losses due to Oxy. use?
Take care to all going through the W/D issues, it will end sooner or latter.  This much I can say for sure.
Love the movies and music you guys said are your favorites. I wonder if there is a type of personality that is more inclined to get into trouble with these addictive drugs than others?  Is it a fluke that so many of us like the same movies and music?  Or, are we just cool people in general?
Gin

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by ginbud, Mar 01, 2010
Hey, hear is a laugh for all you W/D right now.  After working on detoxing from all the drugs I've mentioned above I went through a Deep Vein Thrombosis in Sept. and was told last month that I must remain on Warifin for the rest of my life.  In case you don't know, this is a chemical developed by Dupont to kill rats and mice, and is still used today for this problem.  I had to laugh at how ironic it was to detox off all these drugs only to end up having to take rat poison for the rest of my life as a medication to save my life.  Gin

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by ginbud, Mar 01, 2010
I learned that Oxycontin is a synthetic form of heroin.  Do others know about this?  Gin

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by wellsbeanie, Mar 01, 2010
We're all just really cool people who don't want to hang out with anyone :-)

I know what you're saying completely. I got so sick and tired of making excuses for leaving my friends that towards the end, I just dropped the curtain and told 'em all the ugly truth. It's been years later and all of my "good" friends still send out invites and make phone calls hoping just once I'll pick them over my little blue buddy.

I never do, but they never stop. It's almost become the equivalent of those obsessive parents who lost a child, yet still set the table, and maintain his / her room like one of these times they're gonna be there.

There's a certain spot in my brain that tells me that being alone in a room with a grinder, straw, razor blade, TV, and oxys is the equal to the billionaire's joy-ride on their million dollar yacht. That's as close as I'll ever get to true contentment.  

Thanks for the kind words regarding my good friend. I do realize that the horror he was thrust into in the U.S. Army really did a number on his soul. He even told me as much during many tough phone calls. The only regret I carry is being the over-inquisitive details-***** by making him relive the atrocities he had to commit by asking too many painful questions. The one thing he never wanted to talk about was his "kill-count", yet my foolishness pushed him to describe detail by detail. Hindsight being 20/20, I should have realized that the only time I could actually get my "fix" was when we were both loaded. The few spaces in time where we were both completely sober, he would go as far as denying the things he told me while impaired....how I didn't see that as a red flag, I'll never know.

I'm sure there were more issues than that, but not knowing which chop of the axe knocked down the tree will forever haunt me. I've never told anyone that last paragraph.


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by Babe59, Mar 01, 2010
dear all,
gin, yes oxy is heroin in pill form,girl!!!  yes, we are cool people!!!  

gin, i isolated myself completely at my farm for years.  and i am normally very social and funny.  'tis coming back to me, so that's a positive.  

are you on any antidepressant, gin?  so sorry to hear about the rat poison drug.  what is worse, the disease or the cure?  my father says that, i find it to be so true now.

WellsB, heartbroken for you as well.  i believe you will keep your job, i bet you are a valued employee.  the perspiring really blows, no?  took me weeks to stop, and as i said earlier, i still get a bit damp now and then.  went to the doctor today and i swear it was hotter than a two peckered billygoat in there!  does anyone think i use the exclamation point too much!!????

WB, please try to eat something.  Oxyg said oj would have been terrible for her, so maybe i did ye wrong man.  Monty Pythons Holy Grail is on right now and i hear raucous laughter from the other room, i'll get back on later.
i love all you weenies,
B

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by wellsbeanie, Mar 01, 2010
I would like nothing more Babe - but just like when you over-exert yourself lifting weights at the gym and wake up the next day with muscles you didn't know you had screaming with soreness, vomiting is very similar. My entire ribcage is begging me to just let my stomach rumble. Even the back of my eyeballs ache, so the majority rules - at this point, hunger-pains are the least of my concerns.

No sweat on the OJ (pun not intended), it all ended up on the ground anyway.

Did I hit the nail on the head with the birthday ? Good thing you're nosey too

Monty Python was the final give-away - you might want to investigate your genealogical history - this is becoming more than mere coincidental.

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by Babe59, Mar 01, 2010
hi all,
my daughter has to use MY laptop......she has her own, what the hell.  can't be stingy, not anymore.

genealogical history?  pardon my density, but i don't comprehend.  are we talkin' about the irish thing again, Wells?

allman brothers on itunes.....ooooh zz top, I'm A Fool For Your Stockings.  ha

god i just wish we were all in the same room right now.  we could speak. t'would be nice.  guess i'm a tad lonely in a way, not alone though.  my family are "earthlings", that means normal, not addictive personalities.  thank god for that.

perhaps 5 9 is my heigth?  didja ever think o' that,friend?  wish i were six feet tall.  geez i'm boring as hell ain't I?

i'll get back on later, as child needs this thing, dunno for how long..............

Wells, are you still pukey?  what are you doing tonight?
B

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by wellsbeanie, Mar 01, 2010
puking, sweating, and feeling sorry for myself (yeah...I really know how to party)

I actually meant the British thing (Monty Python, Muddy Waters, Joss Stone.... two's coincidental, three's a little fishy :-) )

I'm 6'2" - we get the same weather up here

Let's see....just had a BIG birthday, daughter old enough to operate one of dees talkin' typewriters....40 it is

(and unknowingly British)

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by Babe59, Mar 01, 2010
tis me again.  so hope i'm not boring the hell outta all of you.  trying to read a book, but just keep reading the same paragraph over and over.  "The Secret Life of Bees", i know it's a goodie, just can't concentrate tonight.

so i'm sitting here typing with the crawly feet...again.  when will that go away?  could be worse, jesus mary and holy saint joseph, why am i complaining?  i feel pretty good. sorry.

i believe when we moved out to the country (i call this town Hooterville) away from my lovely house in the detroit suburbs, i did not develop any friendships and got depressed.  then i started my own business....an antique store, which i adored.  never been so contented.  then the fibro started.  couldn't work as much, couldn't scavange for old treasures, doc said give up your business and go home.  that is when i started the oxy, and my life went to hell.  so now you know.  that was the beginning of the end for me.  but i'm BACK now, and you will all be back soon as well.

WB - my fave movies..pulp fiction, shakespeare in love, a love song for bobby long, pride and prejudice, much ado about nothing, and cold mountain, and forrest gump.

my crawly feet and i are going to bed soon.
hope everyone sleeps well tonight.

B

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by Babe59, Mar 01, 2010
WB,
a child can operate one of dees talkin' typewriters, and you know it man.

so sorry that you are sweating puking and all the lovely stuff of withdrawal.  would i could just bring you jello, and mashed potatoes.

have you read the book Angela's Ashes, by frank mcCourt, he is one of us ye know.

annie lennox singing Waiting for your Love in Vain, lovely, really.  Coldplay's Sparks, my current favorite.  YAWN, i'm even boring myself here.

i am sure i screwed up my body as a child, i rode hunter jumper (horses) and i was so foolish, as a child i'd climb pasture fences and get on any horse that i fancied.  i was reared off, kicked, bucked off and stomped.  wild horses by the stones is playing while i write about my horse fiasco's.  

are you going to work tomorrow?  sure hope you have a better day if so.  can't even fathom how bad you feel.  perhaps i will light a candle for you tonight...one of those red basterds from mass.  ha.  couldn't resist.

ok, so perhaps i'm an angloaphile,,,,,spelling is wrong, but you get the idea.  

off to dreamland (maybe nightmareland)

xoxoxo to all, B




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by oxygone, Mar 01, 2010
OK I'm tired: bad night good day bad night. Knee hurts body aches and have just been told by a family member that I am the meanest person around (as if I didn't know that.) OK so a few things: Gin, I also just learned that oxy is synthetic heroin; kinda explains the hellish WDs. Also, Gin, I was on Warfarin after my surgery and the idea of going on it scared the crap outta me but I was OK. Still, rat poison, man, what will they think of next and how did they think of that in the first place? This works on rats, people are just like rats (actually we are biologically)  let's give it to them.  Babe 59, I assumed 59 was your age, sorry! I live in the northeast but after slogging through another winter, I am thinking of going south or west or anywhere warm. Babe, Jeff Bridges in Crazy Heart is not pretty to look at but deserves the Oscar, in my humble opinion. WB, another movie for you: The Big Leibowski, fabulous! The Dude Abides! Also WB one word in the food department: Saltines. My go to nausea/virus/WD food. Always stays down (at least for me.) WB the fact that you puked at work....they won't cut you a break on the he still has the flu thing? Mention swine flu; they will beg you to stay home. BTW I resemble  that "time relased stained hands" remark; actually I don't, haven't had my hands on those little buggers for almost 3 weeks now. Yeah baby!!!

Ok I am rambling. My brain is like Swiss chese with the holes getting bigger all the time. Does anyone else have memory problems? Or is that just fibro? Or gasp old age?

Time for me to go wrestle my blankets (to find a comfy spot) and hopefully sleep.
`Night all,
Oxy G      

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by ginbud, Mar 01, 2010
Babe59, yes I'm on an antidepressent called Effxor.  I've read the W/D from this drug to be hellish as well.  This is one drug I need to stay on due to a prior long history of suffering deep depressions about every winter.  This drug has controlled the legnth and debth of these depressions by 80%.  Amen for this.  I too started a small Antique business following a move and I too loved the hunt and contact with others.  Like you, my back problems and Fibro issues forced me to quit this business. I get really tired of trying to explain to my supportive husband why my moods are still up and down week to week.  I can only assume it has to do with the longer term issues of detoxing.  I don't really understand what these are, but I see them in me.  Anyone out there who can explain the long term issues and how they manifest themself?
Gin

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by ginbud, Mar 01, 2010
Oxygone, I talked about my memory loss issues which were so bad I couldn't remember anything from the day before.  After a full year of being off this drug I have seen a great improvement in my memory.  I can feel my brain trying to make those connection, and it is still recovering.  I do believe the Oxy caused this problem and I can see my memory slowly recovering every day.  Long way to go though.  Gin

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by Babe59, Mar 02, 2010
hi all,
i also suffered terrible memory trouble........was beginning to think i had ver early alzhiemers!  kidding.  my memory came back to me in about 4 weeks, and i mean it came back like a slap.  still can't remember the oxy years so well.  

gin, Post Acute Withdrawal Syndrome can last from 6 weeks to 2 years, the 2 years bit is just small things, though.  look up PAWS on the net.  i'm not quite as knowledgable as Oxyg, but i do know a bit.  i've gleaned some info from doctors, the net and people like us.  also, i met a very kind man who used heroin and he taught me quite a bit.  who knew....you sure can learn alot from addicts.  i have learned more from other addicts than anyone else.

gin, i sure get the feeling you are still depressed as hell.  perhaps you are on the wrong med?  ok, not a doc, i just pretend to be.  hubby calls me doc.  HA.  just a thought gin.

does anyone think that JACH2 is in rehab, or am i having a "swiss cheese brain" moment?  love that OXYG!

WellsB must be at work today, hope today is better than yesterday for him.

love to all,
B

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by Babe59, Mar 02, 2010
gin, i forgot to ask you, are you getting any excersise?  i dance in my kitchen all day long.  i think this helps somehow.
'tis supposed to be good for the depressed and addicted.
B

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by JAHC2, Mar 02, 2010
Hey everyone! Im still here. I havent gone to rehab yet. I go next Monday...which is almost pointless because I will be 3 weeks and 2 days clean at that point. Ive been trying to keep busy but it seems to have been too much because today and yesterday have been not so good days. Luckily, unlike WB my work gave me 2 weeks off and I start back Thur. but even after two weeks I am still not sure if I am ready. I feel bad for you, WB, I cant imagine getting up and working at 4 and 5 days withdrawal!!! Do you work inside or outside? If you dont mind me asking. You all crack me up on here. I just read through all of your messages since I last have been on and I dont even know half of what you are talking about...with movies and music? THe fartherest I got and understood was about to The Departed. Haha. But maybe because Im the young one I realize as I read through these messages. I know some of you are not religious, but yesterday my Pastor came over and I enlightened him on some things about the addiction because he is writing a paper on Opiate Addiction and Withdrawal. That also helped me feel a little better just talking to someone face to face about this whole journey. I just found out yesterday my county is the 3rd county in the U.S. on heroine!!!!!! That amazes me because from what I hear most ppl start out using pills and then turn to heroine bc of the expense...that could have easily been me if I wouldnt have gotten out. Its still pretty early, so I will try and be back on later to see how eveyones' day went!
Love,
JAHC2( Im going to continue the abbreviation theme and just use "J" from now on lol)  

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by chead, Mar 02, 2010
Have questions, need answers, will keep trying to complete this rehab. How strong is this stuff? I'm pretty strong willed and  this stuff is kickn my ***! It's not so much that i want to get my hands on more, i want to get to feeln better. Am I suffering from respiratory problems associated with nausea and vomitting along with prostate infection, pretty intense body aches and flu like symptoms all at once or is this a direct reflection of the decision I made to stop taking Oxy? Could all this be going wrong with me at the same time or is this Oxy really that bad and responsible for these w/d signs? "C"

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by ginbud, Mar 02, 2010
Babe59,
No I'm not in a deep depression, but no doubt  my anti depressant is working overtime at this time of the year to keep me from plunging into the dark abyss' of depression. I am highly affected by the Sun's reduction of light rays which are at their lowest from November through Feb.  It's known as SAD, Seasonal Affective Disorder.  In the past I was able to identify the slumps caused by SAD, and recognize the precursors signaling the onset of depression.  Now, I don't know if it's Depression, SAD or PAW's.  Sometimes I think it's just a Depressive case of SAD PAW's which is worsened by eating Rat Poison every day which sends me scurrying around creating little nest around the house in which I can hide and sleep in all day. But I do agree, something is not quite normal in me these days. Just can't seem to pinpoint the underlying issue. Any ideas?  
(This is a joke)

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by Babe59, Mar 02, 2010
J,
so, next monday is over 3 weeks for you, excellent.  pat thyself on the back girl, you deserve it.

are you possibly living in the south?  sorry to pry but i am so very curious/nosey.

so glad you got to speak to someone face to face.  at first, during the grips of WD, i couldn't even speak articulately.  geez, i can barely write articulately after almost 6 months without the junk.  getting better each day.

listening to Dave Matthews right now........Crash.  so good.  J, what kind of music do you like?  movies?  let us talk about something other than our D O C...(drug of choice) waddaya say J?

OxyG, where are ye girl?  can't even believe someone called you the meanest person in the world, as you are quite lovely to us all.  don't let that comment seep in.

B

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by Babe59, Mar 02, 2010
to gin and Chead,

gin, girl, you've got a sense of humor!!!  most wonderful.

Chead, you are in the throws of withdrawal.  this will get better.  are you on Suboxone?  did you abuse the oxy' not trying to be nosey....trying to help.  you can share anything with us.  we are all in the same boat, no?
tell us your story, ok?

B

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by Babe59, Mar 02, 2010
Oxygone and WellsB,
i agree about the Big Lebowski!  i own that dvd and love the Dude.  the half and half scene at the grocery store, he writes a check for .69 cents......i howled over that.  has anyone seen Precious yet?

Bean, how are you and how was work?  sure hope it was better than yesterday.  been thinking about all of you all day.  once again i am alone and a tad lonely.  i have you wonderful people, though, don't I?  the stones are singing Waiting On A Friend..........mick, i am waiting also.

Celie, my dog, is getting on my nerves, she wants out in out in, etc.  horses are having fun in the sun today, frenetically tearing around the back 40.  

Chead, are you still with us?  hope so.  i know how horrible you feel, but it will get better.  and better and better, just stay off the junk!  a few people here have withdrawn several times.....don't do that to yourself.  when you are feeling a bit better, perhaps you will share your story with us.  no shame, man.

B

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by Babe59, Mar 02, 2010
Wellsbeanie,
perhaps i should not call a tall drink of water Bean, sorry if i offended.
my own man is also 6ft 2, and a tall drink he is also.
B

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by ginbud, Mar 02, 2010
chead,
I think much of what you have listed is part of withdrawing off Oxy.  However, I don't remember any respiratory issues, unless you think they may be anxiety related which is part of W/D too.  Prostate infection is not a withdraw symptom.  Also, if your respiratory issues are serious, I would see a Doctor about that right away.  As well as getting treated for the infection. Good luck with the W/D.  If your strong willed you can do this, but infections and breathing disorders are nothing to mess around with.   Gin

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by wellsbeanie, Mar 02, 2010
First off, all of you are great - color me baffled that the so-called derelicts of society are usually the most compassionate and caring people out there.

Before I get into the lunacy that was my day, let me take a second to tell oxygone that I honestly had The Big Lebowski typed in on my top-10 movie list (but I replaced it with John Q) The Dude rules.

Tuesday March the 2nd - will probably remember this day for the rest of my life. I do not have the creativity to make up the absurdity of what occurred today.

Threw up twice before work (was late too). Was primed to claim my spot in the port-a-potty that nobody goes to (yes, because of the smell). My job foreman intercepted me on the way to my hide-out and let me know that he would be on me like (his words) "stink on poo". Later found out that this was because of my compassionate co-workers informing him that I did virtually nothing on Monday. I let him know that my performance was due to me being terribly sick - then intentionally threw-in a vicious dry-heave right next to him on the way in the building (I have a flair for the dramatic). He informed me that his belief was recently I had been (his words) "up all night, hitting the sauce".... then claiming that he could even smell the booze on my breath.

Fast forward through 3 hours of job-threatening hell..... I perform electrical work. As I was walking towards the fire alarm panel we were working on, my feet become entangled in a mess of cut-off wire and pull-string....I'm going down. I was carrying an expensive digital multimeter in my right hand, so I throw my left hand out to break my fall. My thumb catches the innards of the (live) fire alarm panel and proceeds to bend in a way that God did not design fingers to bend. Dropped the meter, cut-up my right hand, and screamed like a banshee once my thumb touched the tip of my wrist. I was told to (his words) "suck it up Sally". I proceeded to work one-handed for another hour or so. This is when I learned that the mind is capable of other-worldly powers. For the next hour, my thumb hurt so badly, I hardly gave one thought to my "other" pain. It was the best hour I had experienced in a week's time. My singular focus was on the numbing pain shooting through my wrist.

Fast forward.... once my left thumb tripled in size and turned a shade of purple, I made the decision to go to the hospital. The foreman told me it might be a good idea to (his words) "go get my vagina checked out" (furthering my belief that there is assigned seating in Hell).

When I started typing this, I thought this was going to pan out to be a lot more interesting....I'm starting to bore myself (tell me you're still listening Babe59). Had X-rays done and found that I tore up tendons from my thumb back to my wrist, and did ligament damage. In a full cast from my elbow down. I was starting to believe that this might work out much to my advantage....I EVEN REFUSED PAIN MEDS FROM THE DOC. (OK, it was tylenol with codeine....but I'm still chalking that up as a victory)

I called my boss to inform of the "terrible" news.....then the other shoe dropped. Instead of telling me to rest-up and heal-up, he was delighted to inform me that paperwork in the office was at an all time high, so it's great that I can spend the rest of the week performing the role of a human stapler. I swear I was born to lose.
__________________

To Chead - many of those problems sound outside of the realm of regular withdrawal - I'm experiencing it as we speak and I would venture to guess you never put 7 80's up your nose daily just to remain "normal". Please go see a doctor... be honest - if you encounter a judgemental jerk with zero compassion, go to a different doctor.....you'll eventually find a doctor who does not believe that he/she can walk on water. Very few of them forget the oath they take when they assign the M.D. to the end of their name --- based off of experience, usually it's the younger ones who feel it's their obligation to relieve pain in any way possible. That doesn't mean going "script-hunting" - exactly the opposite (get those respiratory issues looked at & explain what you are brave enough to tackle..... let the doc's who have no sins cast the first stone at you....YOU WILL EVENTUALLY FIND A SAVIOR WEARING A WHITE COAT - I PROMISE)

Thanks for listening everyone - please hope that the spot under my cast that constantly itches will cease & desist.  

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by wellsbeanie, Mar 02, 2010
Babe59 - found a brand new song I'm extremely diggin' - might not be your genre (that's not an old joke - remember, you never revealed your age)

check it - Gnarls Barkley....Neighbors

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by Babe59, Mar 02, 2010
WB,
jesus mary and holy saint joseph, what a day you had.  your boss sounds like a complete tool.
yet, i must admit i was laughing sooo hard reading your post, i'm so sorry, but you really are comedic as hell.  still giggling a bit.  i feel very badly for you, it is just the way you write man.  god, your day almost sounds made up, no one could possibly have had a day like that!!!  perhaps i'm just in a silly mood, sorry.  
fantastic that you refused pain meds.  you are a god now.
Anna Begins is in my top 25 on itunes.  now i must investigate gnarls barkley.  is that song in a minor key?  i am a sanguine girl, but my music is sort of wrist slitting.
did you happen to read some of my incredibly boring posts from today?  how i messed up my body riding english (brit thing again) and assing around on assorted horses?
geez, i'm still thinking about your day..............um, i made soup today, did some yoga, YAWN, eh?
B

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by Babe59, Mar 02, 2010
WB,
well, did you suck it up Sally and get your vagina checked out?  oh my god, i'm laughing so hard right now that i can't see the 'puter screen, tears streaming down my face.  please oh please forgive me Bean?  you know i'm crazy about you.
i jusssts reread your post and i just can't get over your day, can you get over your day?
think i'll put The Dude into my dvd player tonight, as i believe sleep may elude me.
i had to deal with a quite pedantic jerk from university of michigan today....did i want to donate again.  not for that over-educated puke.
i am very sorry for laughing so hard at your misfortune today, please forgive?????
what are you doing tonight?
B

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by wellsbeanie, Mar 02, 2010
Yes, I read each and every one of them (then talked myself out of jumping out of my window due to sheer boredom)

That was a joke

Not quite at God-level yet.... if she offerered me OC-80's, I would of sent her a bouquet of flowers.

"minor key" and "sanguine girl" might as well be Yittish (or Latin). The only technical info I can provide is it's melodious (is that a word ?)

To become a foreman of any trade in Boston, a prerequisite is being a complete and utter douche...I've seen so many, I swear they can identify "jack-assery" through urine testing.

It's been almost a week (6 days) since my last use... I still have every symptom I had the first day, but have become accustomed to expecting when they will happen, and almost at peace with dealing with them. They are becoming more of a nuisance than a debilitating "woe is me" event. I've become such a pro at vomiting that I could write a guide book for supermodels.

Anna Begins is dangerously addictive (if it's too late, my apologies). Typing with a ginormous cast on is exhausting

over & out

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by Babe59, Mar 02, 2010
WB,
i've read your post four times now and each time i find something tragic yet hysterically funny.  i truly hope that you are still speaking to me after this.  are you right handed?  that way your human stapler gig will work out well.

i've got a song for you as well, Joss Stone Victim of a Foolish Heart.  i am so diggin' anna begins that i think you should grant me this.

please post before i try tormented sleep (bidness as ususal) just so i know you will still be a friend.  god, i am an ***, let it be written.....that is a line from the movie Much Ado About Nothing.

B

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by wellsbeanie, Mar 02, 2010
Babe - nothing to worry 'bout.....we're officially BFF's.

I have to go see an orthopedic dude in 5 days to determine if I F'd up my tendons enough that I need surgery (I'm fresh outta comedy right now).

Oh, I am the most right-handed human roaming Earth. can't even pick my nose lefty (almost lost an eye once trying)

downloading as we speak...

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by Babe59, Mar 02, 2010
WB,
minor key-sad songs.  sanguine-a happy person (now anyway)...not yiddish, weenie.

so very glad you didn't jump from my boooooring posts.  I'd really miss your sense of humor, your taste in music and movies.

i wrote a quote from a movie with a word for butt that starts with an A and it is this ***.  are we children here. i think not.

i can't sleep, a predeliction with innsomnia.  

i'll go count my hundreds of shoes, a fettish.  kind of sick i suppose.  we all have our little pecadillo's don't we?  BORING MYSELF AGAIN.
B



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by Babe59, Mar 02, 2010
WB,
i shall not laugh anymore. K?  'tis a serious thing with tendons, orthopods, and your job.

you are NOT fresh out of comedy yet.  the poking your eye out whilst attempting nose pickage with left hand.  HAHAHA  heh heh...dirty little laugh.  speaking of comedy, my daughter has me in stiches right now, as she is fabulously hilarious.  she is in the great room quoting movies like mary katherine gallaghers Super Star...she can quote the entire movie and it makes me jes' fall out.  she JUST broke a glass and got a beverage on my brand spanking new sofa.  i can't stop laughing.  guess you'd have to be here.  am i truly boring?  i really want to know if i am, then i can shut up.  oh, f word.  i AM BORING.  i gotta git out more, turn off the itunes and DO SUMPIN'.

kid just called the cat a douche bag, i'm dyin', can't breathe.  i shall smoke another cig.

B

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by Babe59, Mar 02, 2010
my kid just dry humped the refrigerator!  i swear i may die laughing tonight.
WB, yes BFF's.
B

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by Babe59, Mar 03, 2010
i'd swear that she is pissed out of her box, if i didn't know better.
B

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by oxygone, Mar 03, 2010
Chead, just wanted to back up what Ginbud and WB said: I am certainly no expert but this stuff doesn't sound like WDs. I know, sometimes it's hard to tell but prostate and breathing stuff, have a doc check it out. Others have said this, I know. Department of redundancy department. But have it checked and resist pain meds!!!! (Good job on that, WB)

OK that being said, last night, I really wanted to take pain meds (not oxy but something with a "kick")  my body just ached all over and I couldn't sleep. I did not have a day like WB, probably nobody did, I hope, (man! that was, as Babe 59so eloquently said, tragic and funny.) I drove back and forth two hours total to a writing class I love, then tutored a kid in the afternoon. I had gone to the gym the day before and actually lifted some tiny baby weights. All of this kicked my fibro into overdrive coupled with the oxy yawns (still!? really!?) and cravings. OK now I'm boring myself. zzzzzzzzzz.....maybe i can just talk myself to sleep, so boring...

OK so another movie definitely not boring: Kiss Kiss Bang Bang with Robert Downey Jr (my precious) and Val Kilmer. Funny as hell. Can I say hell? They always blank it out when I say s u c k s. What up with the censorship, dudes?

Was listening to Dave Matthews band while cooking dinner for myself and newly non vegetarian child (steak, ahhhhh) and thought of you, Babe 59. When my husband and I go see DMB, I joke that the only ones there older than us are the security guards. Sometimes the kids are like hey let's dance with them; they're so cute!!! Mind if we smoke a joint, ma'am? (ma'am it kills me) I'm like knock yourself out, Junior. Anyway, gotta go bring the car in. After I got my daughter lost coming home from a place we have gone to for 15 years (Swiss cheese anyone?) the check engine light came on. I have ruined the word adventure for my kid. Whenever we get lost, I say Oh don't worry, it will be an adventure...            

But on the good side, she's been turning me on to her music: My Chemical Romance (great name!) Hello Goodbye and the perennial favorite The Used (also good name.)

Hugs not drugs y'all,
Oxy G  

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by oxygone, Mar 03, 2010
JAHC2 How are you? Holding up well, I hope. Keep going, keep going. It gets easier.

I'd love to know what music and movies you like because you are younger than many of us and probably have fresh views.

Peace,
Oxy G



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by Babe59, Mar 03, 2010
to all,
abject pleading apologies for the inane and childish posts from last night.  i was punchy from lack of sleep.  still no excuse for being crass.  do thee forgive?  WB and my daughter had me in stiches.  couldn't be helped.

will try to stay on topic, oxy.  i still have crawly/cramping feet, doc doesn't know why, does anyone have this symptom?

OXYG, i also have a thing for robert downey jr.  did you ever see Home For the Holidays with he and holly hunter?  one of my favorites.  downey plays hunters gay brother.  they go to their parents for thanksgiving.  'tis a hoot.  i'll have to see bang bang now.  Boondock saints and departed should be in mail box today.......hoping anyway.

i haven't gotten much sleep in a week.  this can't go on much longer.  i shall rip out my auburn hair very soon.

CHEAD,, i also had a shortness of breath thing happening during the first two months of withdrawal.  it was panic attacks, as Ginbud suggested.  do you feel afraid for now reason?  or quite nervous/anxious?  i will add the superfluous go to a doctor!

B

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by Babe59, Mar 03, 2010
P.S.  this site is moving very slow today.  wonder if it is michigan weather or are any of you finding it quite slow as well?

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by oxygone, Mar 03, 2010
Babe, I saw Home for the Holidays a while back. It was funny. I seem to remember a scene where Danny Aiello and someone drive around a traffic circle over and over.

JAH, RUOK? I am worried about you. I do not want you to go back just because it's too hard to go on. Don't give up. You are not alone. So many people have felt the things you've been feeling, even though of course we are individuals and all different. But for all of us, oxy is just a killer. Get out now; don't start on a long road to nowhere. I was 12 when I first got high on pills. I'm now nearly 50; don't let this be your path.  

Ginbud, you spoke of loneliness. I think a lot of people are lonely and drugs fill the gap. Even if you are outgoing and social, sometimes depression/ anxiety/life make you not want to face people. Opiates made me think I loved people. I would get high and feel so warm towards them. Even on oxy. People liked to be around me when I was high. I felt so warm and content. But that doesn't last. Also, you may be loving everyone else but hating yourself. Because the reality is you are not taking care of yourself, only feeding the monkey.    

Getting off oxy is such hell, I can't imgaine ever wanting to do it again. So that means I never want to go back. That's why when I was craving drugs last night, I didn't take anything stronger than Advil.  My life may not be perfect but I'm glad to have it back. Someitmes when we let go of control of our lives, it's almost like we have to earn it back.

Oxy G



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by Babe59, Mar 03, 2010
Oxygone,
no danny aiello in Home for the Holidays.  dillon mcDermott was in it, and was most pretty.  they do drive around in robert downey's characters car that looks like "a carnival ride", according to his crazy Aunt Glady.  who flashes him.

you were talking about feeling warm and content whilst on the ox.  i was warm and content until i went on the stuff.  i just wanted my movies, my over stuffed armchair and my oxy.  lost interest in all my passions, including the biggest: PEOPLE.  isolation was my only friend, besides the junk.

i'm too tired to clean and make dindin right now.  legs/feet are crawly and cramping.  this is not normal me thinks.

JAHC, where are ye girl?  we are all concerned.  i know you are not going to rehab until monday.  so respondez vous!!!

Gin, how are you today?

as al green sings, love and happiness,

B

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by Babe59, Mar 03, 2010
WELLSBEAN,
congratulations, an entire week!   most excellent.
now let us syncronize our watches and all listen to number 5 on Counting Crows August and everything after at 8pm tonight!
B

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by wellsbeanie, Mar 03, 2010
Not good today - everything. There's no use in lying when you're an anonymous poster...... I feel much better than I have all week (didn't blow chunks once today). I get paid tomorrow. Spent all day telling myself how nice it will be to have some $$$ to pay-off some overdue bills and maybe even buy something nice for myself.

I called my "guy". He didn't answer, but he will be calling me back. I don't want to meet him tomorrow, yet when he calls back, I will tell him that I do (there's really nothing I can do - once I hit the "send" button, a dark cloud rose above me.)

Please be forewarned - with enough prodding and encouragement, I might even go so far to tell everyone that I will not carry-through with these arrangements....

but I will.....I suck

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by oxygone, Mar 03, 2010
So you feel better than you have all week and you are going to do oxy again? Is that it?

You don't suck and I think you know that. But if you tell yourself that, then you give yourself an excuse to go back. Why not say you don't suck and tough it out?

Unless you are going to do oxy indefinitely, you're going to have to face this again. Why not face it now? Or was the bottom you hit not low enough?

I'm not trying to be mean, only realistic. You obviously make the decision, no one can make it for you, but here's a suggestion: when "your guy" calls you back why don't you tell him to go f u c k himself? Tell him you're a free man. Then give yoruself a chance to be one.

Oxy G



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by oxygone, Mar 03, 2010
OK, maybe be polite and tell your "guy" no thank you; you made a mistake. You're stronger than you give yourself credit for.

When you say things like you don't want to do it but you can't help it then you're just copping that junky attitude. You think others here haven't wanted to go back? And some people do. They go back and try to quit, back and try to quit. Is that the roller coaster you want to ride?  

Think about it. Really think about it. Don't just act on an urge and don't feed yourself a line of bulls h i t just to try and justify a high. You're worth more than that. We all are.

Oxy G

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by wellsbeanie, Mar 03, 2010
Again, no lies...nothin but the truth maam

my "guy" is not even a friend. not even an acquaintance...we have both carved out well-defined roles. Customer and Supplier. He doesn't even have my real phone # - I only speak with him on my "drug-phone" I could throw the phone in the trash and never cross paths with him again....but I made a decision and the demon in my head is stronger than the sum of all of my other parts combined. He made the call and it's too tough to deny him what he wants.

Jesus H this sounds pathetic - unfortunately it's the truth. I F**KING feel like a kid on Xmas eve. I can't cancel Christmas......You should be mean.... actually a lot meaner - I'm clearly asking for it.

I feel like I should post when I have something good and something bad happening. I'd like to know why I just did what I did. I can only come up with lame excuses about the uncontrollable bully inside of my brain.

I'm depressing the hell outta myself - I'll quit posting if I'm spreading the symptoms.

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by oxygone, Mar 03, 2010
You're not spreading anything to me, brother. I wouldn't touch this s h i t with a ten foot pole. Going through the sweats, the nightmares, the shakes again? For some phony not so cheap thrill? I do worry about people like JAH seeing this and making similar excuses. But hopefully they can see this for what it is: addiction. Pure and simple. This is what it looks like, kids.

As for cancelling Xmas, it aint Xmas; it only feels like Xmas now.  Nothin but the truth? Then be honest with yourself about what you're gonna face in the not so distant future.  Money gone, drugs gone, once you've done em, nothing but the craving and the shakes and the horrible need. If that's Xmas, cancel it. It aint worth having.

As for denying your "supplier" what he wants; he wants yoru money. Pure and simple. And it sounds like you bust your balls making it. Why throw it away? Why throw yourself away, a smart funny guy like you?

I'll tell you what to throw out.

Throw out the damn drug phone. Stop making excuses. You know you can do it or you wouldn't write.    

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by Babe59, Mar 03, 2010
WellsB,
i could cry, tears, real saline.  please please please please please please do not do it man.
like oxyg said, it ain't christmas, and you are no boy, YOU ARE A MAN, NOW BE THE MAN YOU ARE MEANT TO BE.

so smart so funny so very talented a man.  write a book.  get passionate about something, someone, not the blue devils.
we all love you here, no shame, and the truth is the best of course.

i'm at a loss, my inane words must sound so hollow and worthless, dunno what else to say.

B



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by oxygone, Mar 03, 2010
One final thing. You have a lot going for you; the life of the party, charismatic, you sound like you might even have a brain in your head. But you are on the edge and I think you know it. Your job is in jeopardy; you already owe money. And you got a big fat monkey on your back.

Take the money you are going to use for drugs and check into rehab if you need help and it sounds like you do. There's no shame in it.

I appreciate your honesty and I honestly hope you treat yourself right and try to get out of this mess.

Babe? Gin? Where are you guys? I'm probably the wrong person to talk this poor soul off the ledge. And you are on the ledge, wellsbeanie. For God's sake - for your sake- take someone's hand and let them pull you in. Please. You know there's a part of you, a healthy voice in there, that wants to. "Christmas" such as it is, is overrated.

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by wellsbeanie, Mar 03, 2010
Not worried at all about my supplier... it's all the more perplexing that he is a jerk, yet I need to feign friendship with him for fear of losing the singular aspect of what I like about him.

just confused - all of your points are valid, but I just can't get them to make sense.

I'm about to feel outstanding for a few days....can't remember what that is like...but can't wait.

Appreciate the compliments...deep down I am funny (smart...not so much). Every once in a while I'll pull out the old mask and remind friends why they put up with all of my s**t. Unfortunately, nothing appeals more than locking the doors, turning off the phones, shutting off the lights and listening to Comfortably Numb while I am comfortably numb.

I honestly hope this doesn't adversely effect anyone either. I know what I'm about to do. I know I'll be worse off than I was the first go 'round. That part will be incredibly ugly, but I cross that bridge when it arrives. The road leading up to the bridge is lighting off fireworks in my brain right now.

The reason why I am typing is not strength...much the opposite. I'm dying for thoughts that don't originate from my sick, demented conscience (or lack there of)

Silently screaming for answers

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by wellsbeanie, Mar 03, 2010
Babe59 - you actually crossed my mind after I did the dirty deed. I knew you would be disappointed. I felt bad. I thought about erasing this web page and drifting off (this may sound weird, but I currently don't feel like I deserve to be here)

Such an empty, pitiful cliche, but so true - I can't think of anything I'd rather live for at the moment

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by Babe59, Mar 03, 2010
i'm this close to giving you my cell number.

g o d d a m n it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

B

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by Babe59, Mar 03, 2010
BEAN,
don't get off line.  just stay with us please.  i could just give you an open handed slap on da moufff!!!!!!
or a hug, dunno which.  what do ye need?   was your day horrifying?  are you in agony with your thumb?  WTF happened today?  are ye lonely, hungry angry tired????
B

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by Babe59, Mar 03, 2010
i'm just awaiting your reply.
are you still here, bean?

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by wellsbeanie, Mar 03, 2010
I wouldn't call... too depressed, giddy, ashamed, pathetic, giddy, confused.

Thumb / wrist hurts like H-E-double hockey sticks. I think it's even contributed to my dilemma... even tho we both know the same thing would happen regardless.

Day wasn't all that bad.

Ever see the movie Training Day ?

Ethan Hawke's character is pinned on the floor by a shotgun by Denzel Washington and Ethan shockingly says to Denzel "Holy S**t, you sick *******... you've been planning this ALL DAY !!!"

To which Denzel flashes a huge smile at him and says "Son........I've been planning this ALL WEEK"

I feel like Ethan Hawke right now. My internal Denzel Washington had this planned all week.

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by Babe59, Mar 03, 2010
i believe we all plan our slips.  

i haven't taken a drink in 10 years or so.  i feel like having a glass of vino with dinner, but i know that i cannot just have ONE!!  there is quite a bit of booze in this house right now, but i CANNOT WILL NOT.  or i will end up in church basements saying hi, my name is babe and i'm an alcoholic.  

sorry, i'm rambling cuz i don't know what to say to you.  would i could only say/do the right thing.  sounds like you've made up your mind.  god, i'll miss you here.  we all will.  you wonderful irish basterd (misspelling that word intentionally)

elvis costello is singing "..god give me strength, because i'm weak..........."    i know you don't believe, yet i wonder, do you believe in anything larger than yourself?

bean, it has been a week.  think of the horrid withdrawal.

B

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by Babe59, Mar 03, 2010
Bean,
yes i saw Training Day,  i just don't remember much as i was falling out of my beautiful chair and burning things at the time.  REMEMBER?  sorry for shouting.
are ye there man?

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by wellsbeanie, Mar 03, 2010
The problem is I don't remember well enough. I NEED a refresher course.

I can give you a thousand excuses of WHY I need a couple of vacation days of what I'm dealing with, but only one on why I shouldn't -

Because it is not the right thing to do.... until I figure out exactly why not......majority rules.

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by Babe59, Mar 03, 2010
hey, i get it, about vacation days........the worst of the withdrawal was so bad that i thought i might just take one.  i actually thought i had the pig flu, not withdrawal.  i did it blind.  i had no idea whatsoever what was happening to me.  then i spoke to a doc and an old heroin addict, the addict explained everything to me.  he detailed every symptom i had.  i was crestfallen.  had no idea it would be so difficult, i told the doc that i had never ever been sicker in my entire life, and i meant it, thought i was knock knock knockin' on heavens door babe.  that 60 year old heroin junkie was kickin' as well.  without him i would have just taken the Suboxone, he told me to stop taking it.  i did.  here i am and i'm doing great, memory is back, my wild personality is back, my swagger is back, my passions have rekindled, my love of literature is back....YAWN, sorry for boring ye, but i'm trying to reach you.  
do you not miss the man you once were?  did you have a lover before the OX?  a house, the love of everyone who knew you pre opiates?  i know you did, i know it.  you've shown on this website, like a star.  now have the courage the stones to back away from pergatory, or the hell that is addiction.
can't go to bed now, gotta wait for your reply, listening to joss stone, crows, and elvis costello
B

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by Babe59, Mar 03, 2010
Bean,
i really think you are clinically depressed, at least for now.  your sense of humor is of course masking your depression.  as i have bored ye with before, oxy/heroin addicts can become severely depressed for a while.  i'm ok now, six months later.  i kind of wanted to jump off the Ambassador Bridge in Detoilet, i mean Detroit.  not a doctor, just pretend to be one.  i have family and friends who call me doc.  ha  Just consider the depression question.  and yes bean, you deserve to be happy.  just please oh please don't get happy with that junk up your irish nose.
stones singing about old habits again, COINCIDENCE.....I THINK NOT MISTER MAN.

so you won't take an antidepressant but you'll shove that crap up your nose????  don' make no kinda sense to me.

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by Babe59, Mar 03, 2010
Bean,
you are not responding, so i must conclude that you are out........meeting your man.
christ on a harley, i'm going to bed.
B

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by Babe59, Mar 04, 2010
OxyGone,
do you think wellsbeanie did it?  jesus, i hope not.  yet his mind was made up.  wasn't it?  i tried to talk him off the ledge, but i couldn't.  cuz i'm not responsible nor powerful enough to do that.  thought you did a great job.

we all want to use "just one more time", but that one more time may be our demise, no?

B

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by oxygone, Mar 04, 2010
Sadly, Babe, I think he did. He may be a junky but in this instance, he wasn't a liar.  And you know no one is responsible for this, except him. Obviously, as I said to him, he hasn't quite hit his bottom yet. I hope when he hits, it won't be so bad that he can't get back up.

We tried, honey! That's all you can do. Just say a prayer if he'll have it and let's hope for the best.



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by Babe59, Mar 04, 2010
oxygone,  you are right, he isn't a liar.  he deserves to be on this site, i think.  AA says that all you need is the DESIRE to stop drinking.  maybe WB has the desire, but not the will to stop the oxy right at this time.

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by ginbud, Mar 04, 2010
Who isn't depressed when they are going through W/D?  I think it's all part of the detox. Has anyone seen the movie "28 days," with miss cutie pie star?  I love the scene where she jumps out the window to get the pills she threw out side and breaks a leg.  I think wellbeanie is right there today.  Don't think you cant get back up, broken bones and all, and start detoxing again.  If you desire to get this monkey off your back you can start again. Lot's of us have detoxed and fallen.  Aw, I made a pun.  Had a great day on Tuesday.  Thinking about how much better I am these days.  Even my cat loves me again now that all her fur has grown back from when I nodded out on her with a lit cigarette.  Today the sun is out, and so am I.  Feel's so good to remember what I planned to do from the day before.  Memory is working again, and I thank god I don't have Alztim...  Hope others are having a nice day too. Wellbeanie, keep posting and reading.  You will find your way back.  If you want this, you will find the strength.  Each fall will make you stronger, or break a bone or two.  Eventually, your body will tell you when it's had enough of this sh--, even when your head is lying to you like a two bit *****.  There comes a time when you look yourself in the mirror and see yourself and your future in all it's miserable glory.  Then you begin anew, with even more will power.  Gin

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by ginbud, Mar 04, 2010
Babe, you've got to stop telling others you think they are depressed.  Who isn't going through some form of depression when they are dealing with their demons and considering all that they have messed up when on this drug?  There are good days and bad.  Sometimes the bad outweigh the good.  Is that depression? I remember feeling really down when I was confronting the fact that I was disabled, and all that it meant to me. Sometimes life throws stuff at a person which is just depressing.  I wouldn't suggest getting onto an antidepressant unless someone has a history of depressions which needs treatment of this kind.  Many of the antidepressants are just as difficult to get off of as Oxycontin.  Life has ups and downs.  Learning to deal with the down times is just as important as enjoying the good times.  Taking another pill that clearly is messing with a persons chemical balance is not the wisest idea when they are working at getting off one that essentially did the same thing.  It may seem different, but it is not necessarly all that different.  I have dealt with depression on and off all my adult life. I didn't resort to the use of an antidepressant until I reached my mid forties.  I wouldn't take antidepressant's unless I knew that I was dealing with a lifelong issue vs. a life induced issue.  Does this make sense?  Gin

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by ginbud, Mar 04, 2010
The big picture here is that everyone of us have allowed ourselves to become dependent upon a pill that made us feel better regardless of the reason or rational we had when we began.  Part of detoxing is learning how to deal with all of the ups and downs that life tosses at us.  Getting off one pill by using another is not dealing with the dependency issue which is at the core of this mess we found ourselves buried within.  It's not a "mortal sin" to admit that we didn't succeed the first time around.  It took me two years before I successfully tackled this addiction.  I tried all different methods, but at last my own willpower stepped up and took the bull by the horn.  Was I a failure before when it didn't work?  I think not.  I was a work in progress, nothing more, nothing less.  I think anyone trying to get off pills that are messing up their life will find that success is adopting the motto, "Try, try again!"  So I say to those of us who have fallen during our inital attempts, keep trying.  Eventually, you will succeed if you don't quit trying.  What beenie had been posting prior to the fall was clearly a person attempting to deal with their addiction.  I think this person will succeed as long as they don't feel like this was a total waste of their time and a failure.  Look at it this way, you almost made it this time.  So what if you fell, you know what you need and want to do.  You can do it again.  Maybe next time you won't fall so hard and will find you have built up a stronger will to quit.  So keep reading and posting.  Most of us are just a few months beyond where you are today.  You can do this.  Keep trying.  Gin

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by ginbud, Mar 04, 2010
By the way, what are the rules of engagement on this thread?  Babe said, " he deserves to be on this site, I think."  It would help if this question was answered.  If someone is asking questions about W/D on this drug, is that a reason to be on this page?  If they are not quite ready to commit, but trying to seek encouragement, is that a reason to be here? If they detoxed off Oxy, but still on other med's, is that a no, no? Are there rules of participation here?  Or, are we just all here trying to offer each other the moral support to help make it through the next day, week, month or year?   Gin

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by Babe59, Mar 04, 2010
Gin,
i could give you the biggest HUG right now!
so very glad you are having a good day.  ye sound great, lady!!!

give kitty a kiss from babe.

you are so very right, of course, we are all here to support  each other.  i 'didn't mean to sound like the judgemental queen bee when i said i though Bean "deserved" to be on this site.  i was quoting his earlier post which read "feel like i don't deserve to be on this website".....
OK?  i would hate to come off as judgemental cuz that's just not me.
love to you
B

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by oxygone, Mar 04, 2010
Gin, I have to say I agree with your assessment of anti depressants and the overuse of them. At one point, it seemd like everyone was on them. I suffer from depression (not just situational) and anxiety. I have never found the meds helpful and in fact, had some real problems on them. A doctor put me on Prozac years ago and Xanax because he was afraid the Prozac would make me jittery and I got addicted to the Xanax. Plus I've had some problems with anti-ds themselves. For me, not drinking, watching what I eat (as much as I am capable of) and getting help from others, not settling into my depression and becoming comfortable numb, has really helped me. Plus you're right, we shouldn't prescribe for each other.

As for Wellsbeanie, I knew I wasn't gonna talk him out of anything; I just thought maybe he was ambivalent since he was writing about it instead of just going off the site and doing it without talking about it. The fact that he reached out probably says something positive about his future.  People do fall and rise; I just hope he doesn't fall too far.  

Glad you've had a good day, hopefully more ahead.

Oxy G

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by Babe59, Mar 04, 2010
gin and oxyg,
ok, so i think i'm a doctor in my own mind, I'M NOT.  you two are very right about prescribing for each other.  i was wrong.  i'm a whipped pup now.  but, please read some of wellsbeanies early postings...he never felt happy or contented, that just sounds like the big D to me.  but i sure don't know everything.  in fact the more i learn the more ignorant i feel at times.
oxyg, i also have been on antidepressants that have left me foggy and shaking in my boots.  other assorted side effects that were very unpleasant.  anti d's are not a panacea for all, to say the least.

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by oxygone, Mar 04, 2010
not trying to whip ya, Babe; certainly not; we probably all have war stories of the drugs (other than oxy even) that have gone awry. For all I know wellsbeanie has depression. there certainly must be some backstory there if he prefers to be alone and numb.  

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by JAHC2, Mar 04, 2010
Hey everybody,
Im sorry I havent been in on the convos..I wrote the other day after you all were worrying about me but for some odd reason it did not go through. I do no have time to chat now but I will be on tonight to catch up...promise. Im still holding up...dont want you all giving up on me cuz I havent given up myself. Be back on later.
Love,
J

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by Babe59, Mar 04, 2010
dearest oxygone, gin and J,
oxygone-thank you.
J, so glad to hear from you!  
love,
B

BEAN, are you going to talk to us, no judgement, i promise.

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by wellsbeanie, Mar 04, 2010
Still here - still reading every post....just got this crazy notion that everyone is pissed-off with me and doesn't want to hear anything from me....or is it not too crazy ?

My words have less value at the moment.... while I was fighting the "good fight", I felt as though I was a valued member of this thread. I've sunk back into "loser-mode" and who wants to talk to a loser ???

I really took to heart what oxygone put into words. If by any chance something I post pushes someone (like JAHC2) off the edge... I would truly be devastated.

This site might eventually help if I ever fall down and hit my head hard enough. There is nothing more pointless than logging on and lying about my actions (might as well write a fiction novel instead). I know all too well about "triggers" & if I am shaping up to be one for someone else, than consider me "Departed" (watch it yet Babe ?)

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by Babe59, Mar 04, 2010
HI BEAN!!!!!!!!
you are NO LOSER.  just a man.  i am so very thrilled to see your name on this thread!  jeez, i'm manic, eh?  
you ARE a valued member of this little tribe.  i missed ye, man.

Departed did not come in the mail box, Juno and Everybody's Fine showed up.  not my choices.
please do not "depart" from here, as you will be missed.  your story will help others, whether you believe  it or not.

doesn't matter if you went back to the "blue devils" or not.  and no person here is angry with you.  so i swore a bit last night, forgive please.  i just didn't want to miss you here.  rambling again.  i was a tad bereft for you, that is all.  sad and mad are so very different.

how is your thumb?  were you the human stapler today?  did ye go to work?  am i inquisitive enough for you, nosey enough?

Babe

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by Babe59, Mar 04, 2010
Bean,
sorry about the depression suggestion.  i am now educated, as oxyg and gin have told me, not everyone is depressed when they kick opiates, i just know that i didn't want to be alive for several weeks and an antidepressant yanked me out of that real quick.  they are not for everyone though.
B

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by wellsbeanie, Mar 04, 2010
Babe - you say "I'm sorry" far too frequently......I expect an apology for this :-)

My thumb has become comfortably numb - along with the rest of me. Figuring out tone via message board can be extremely tough most times, so please do not misinterpret my words as being somewhat "gloatfull" (probably the wrong word)....although physically content, I remain psychologically tormented.

The last two days at work have been trying (mentally) - between my constant personal troubles and a genetic predisposition regarding an inability to enjoy one second of "office life", it's slightly less extreme than Chinese water torture. Add to that my boss has been in the worst mood I've ever seen in my two years of employment...and the fact that he insists on working 11 hour days, I almost yearn for going back in hiding inside of port-a-potties.

You're not as far off as some people would have you believe with the whole D-word. People who display obvious signs of it are the first ones treated....people who are scared to address it and have mastered applying "the mask" generally fend for themselves.

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by Babe59, Mar 04, 2010
WB,
must stop calling you Bean.  SORRY SORRY SORRY.  ha

are you listening to Comfortably Numb tonight?  listened to gnarls barkley song but it was "rebuffering", sounded like some good r and b to me.  my genre.

the boss is a total tool, sounds like it anyway?   is he much older than you?

do you still feel that we are angry with you?  hope not.

gonna complain now, odd symptoms, crawly feet and cramping feet and calves.  when will it stop?  does anyone have the same W/D symptoms?

joss stone singing Victim of a Foolish Heart.....again.
B

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by Babe59, Mar 04, 2010
WB,
you certainly are not gloating.
B

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by Babe59, Mar 05, 2010
hi all,
got up around 5am, whimpering in my sleep, nightmare......again.  i have never whimpered, sobbed, nor spoke during my sleep before oxy withdrawal.  it has been almost six months clean now and i wonder when this tormented sleep will abate.  my husband told me this morning that i actually shoved him in the head and asked him "how do YOU like it?"  (while asleep i did this)  that man has never raised a hand to me, nor even been unkind in any serious way.
OxyG, Gin, are either of you experiencing this somnambulant phenomena?
Please , Please reply if possible.
i feel quite exhausted, yet i am almost fearful of sleeping.  one positive - i dreamed about my mother, who is deceased, and it was great to see that beautiful woman again.  (she died relatively young)
well, mayhap i should take the phone off the hook and get back into bed......be courageous, as i need the sleep.
thanks for listening to me complain,
B


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by oxygone, Mar 05, 2010
Welcome back, WB.
It is not for me to say who should or shouldn't be on the site or what they should or shouldn't say. I may have mentioned how I feel about censorship; you may have noticed that I put spaces between letters when I want to say a word like f u c k and elude the censors. That being said, I love how compassionate and supportive Gin was about falling and getting back up. Realistically, I have to admit that recidivism can be a part of rehab. Still do I get nervous that someone trying to quit may read that people backslide and come out OK and use that as justification to use again? Sure. I feel very protective of people like JAHC2 (young enough to turn her life around early) and others. But realistically, we all know that if someone wants justification to use, they'll find it anywhere, anyway. Maybe I should not have talked about how content opiods made me; maybe that made someone jones for it. I can't think that way; my feeling is say what you gotta say. Say your truth. I'd rather that than be lied to.
Was I pissed off at you, WB? Sure. Because I knew that no matter what I or anybody said, your mind was made up. So yeah it was frustrating. But so what? You don't owe me anything, not even a reason for why you are doing what you do. Are you depressed and self medicating? Could be. Sounds likely. IDK. I tried it for years and it didn't work for me. And for the most part, I've been better able to deal with my emotions/life/struggles sans meds. Meds f u c k e d me up.
So what's going on with me: I went to the dentist for a cleaning. Because I had knee replacement, I had to take anti-bs beforehand. Despite this precaution, my knee is now purple and swollen and very painful. So now I have to call Dr. Feelgood and find out what's up; do I have an infection? I'm just warning you all, if he tells me to go to my local ER (where I will wait minimum of 6 hours for a 12 year old intern), I may have to take a hostage there. Add this to 2 days of back spasms, oxy yawning, oxy craving (no fault of yours, WB) and as a camper, I am not so happy at the moment. Plus s h i t t y sleep; did I mention s h i t t y sleep? OK just checking.
Love to all (even Dr Evil; that's you, WB-kidding!)
Oxy G  

    
    

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by Babe59, Mar 05, 2010
Oxygone,
just take the 12 year old intern hostage,girl!
you really made me laugh, thanks.  not laughing at your plight, the knee pain, etc, though.  good luck.
B

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by Babe59, Mar 05, 2010
Ginbud,
I'd love to hear about your antique business.  do you miss it terribly?  i miss my shop very much, especially the customers.  mine was in a very old house, on a street with many other antique shops.  i hear that the bottom has dropped out of the business..no money in it in this economic period.

i also saw "28Days", i had a drinking problem at age 20, so i could relate.

how are you feeling today?

B

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by ginbud, Mar 05, 2010
Good to hear from everyone; and who thought we wern't all in a room together?  I suffer from sleep issues too!  His name is "hubby" and his snoring can be heard round the world.  All night long I whimper and whine, "Shut up, roll over, stop snoring." As far as nightmares, I haven't suffered from them too much. I do dream about impending disasters though, in living color.  The worst part is that too many have become headlines within a week or two.  That's no fun.  My sleep patterns are all over the board and that drives me nuts. I not only miss my antique business, I miss working.  The whole reason I started taking pain killers was so that I could continue with life as I had before my body began to fall apart on me. (See Warning: Made in China) It worked for a while, then the pain pills just messed me up in a whole other way.  Say hey Bean, glad your still alive and kicking.  Don't think you can't pull this detox thing off just because your finger pain and work situation gave you all the rationals you needed to return this time.  If you want off, you will keep nagging at yourself and eventually one day you will hole up somewhere, close the curtains and get on with the show.  That is pretty much the long and short of it.  The sad concern that everyone has, as well as yourself, is that you are clearly setting yourself up to become another one who bit the dust because of the manner and amount your using.  But you already know that.  I know that when I finally succeeded in detoxing, I was so ready mentally that every time I took one of those pills I resented what they were taking from me!  Your here, and that says volumes about what you desire. As to weather or not your depressed, I think it's safe to say anyone who desires to hide out in a porta potty has some emotional issues and a major sinus blockage.  However Prozac won't heal either.  Your already using the strongest mind number around and what has it cured?  Nada.  As far as infecting someone else with what we post, I think it's safe to say that the whole world surrounding the use of drugs is an infectious environment which each of us must overcome when we detox.  If it's not here, it's close at hand.  If the world was not so prone to the use of medications, would we all be in this mess to start with?  For some, just talking about the drug is enough to revive old feelings of Dr. Feelgood.  One needs to do whatever it takes to protect themselves while overcoming addiction.  H ell, JC went to the hospital to find out if all she was going through was W/D and ended up getting an RX for more pain medications.  It's all about will power.  Nobody can save us but ourselves.  Gin

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by Babe59, Mar 05, 2010
Gin,
AMEN, sister, you said a mouthful.
your sense of humor is really shining, and i love it!

did you have a specialty in antiques?  mine was mission furniture.

dealing with PAWS today, clumsy, foggy, tired and a bit anxious.  no big deal.

B

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by ginbud, Mar 05, 2010
What do I mean when I say that no one can save us but ourselves?  This is a recent incident I went through in which it was only up to me to save myself.  Once I detoxed off Oxycontin, I told my Pain Doctor what I had accomplished and told her, "Don't ever, ever give me another RX for this drug, no matter what I say to you."  Fast forward to twelve months later and I'm crawling on the floor because my back went out on me totally and I'm in dire pain. Since I'd detoxed off all the heavy stuff I called her office and left a message that I needed something for my back pain.  They left a message to come pick up the RX the Doctor provided and my husband went and got it, filled it, and brought it home to me.  Now mind you, this man watched what hell I went through detoxing off Oxycontin.  I open the bag and there is a bottle of #30, 20mg. of Oxycontin.  It's late Friday and no other options left for me and my pain.  I can't believe I'm being put into this situation.  After several hours of resisting, I tell myself I can use them and you know the rest of the B.S I told myself.  I used one pill and fell asleep.  I woke up and immediately wanted another one.  I didn't think twice once I saw where I was headed.  I walked into the bathroom and dumped all of them into the toilet and flushed.  I spent the rest of the weekend crawling around in pain, but I'm still free of this addiction.  You would think that ones own husband and Doctor would be looking out for your wellfare, wouldn't you?  They were, in their way.  But it was up to me to save myself with my own will power.  This happened in my 12th month of detox.  I'm now into my 14th month.  Gin

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by ginbud, Mar 05, 2010
Babe,
I've loved antiques since I was in my late teens.  I personally loved and specialized in, you guessed it, Mission furniture.  At the time I was living in a 1927 Craftman home.  I loved that work more than anything I've ever done, and I've had a lot of titles over the years.  The treasure hunt and the people, that is what I miss so much.  Unfortunately, my back issues again prevented me from continuing in this trade.  I miss it still and my husband work's overtime trying to prevent me from buying "a real bargain" on most outings. My greatest find was a signed Stickley rocker, which I got for  $50.00.  I still have that. I wonder if I will ever find another job I feel I can commit to with my health issues.  I don't feel done with interacting with life yet, but my body seems to think otherwise.  Gin

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by Babe59, Mar 05, 2010
dearest Gin,
what a total coincidence!!!!!!
i had an entire set of stickley, settee, table and rocker!  sold it though.  also had a HUGE sideboard that a dealer bought, had shipped from my shop in michigan to arizona.  made a chunk o' change on that piece.
i adore Craftsman architecture!  you lucky so n' so!!

good for you for flushing the OX, much respect.

love,
B

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by ginbud, Mar 05, 2010
The sun was not out, it was too wet to play,
So we sat in the house,
All that cold, cold wet day.

I sat there with Sally,
We sat there us two,
And I said, "Oh how I wish, we had something to do."

"CAT IN THE HAT"

And that folks essentially spells out the symptoms of SAD, Seasonal Affective Disorder.  It's raining in CA.....again.

Gin

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by Babe59, Mar 05, 2010
.oh Gin,

that reminds me of a poem by A.A. Milne, the Winnie the Pooh author.
this sums up my stint with oxycontin..............

I've lost myself
I really did
I've lost myself
I've gone and hid

I have a friend (another antique dealer) that has SAD.  he doesn't even open his shop in the winter, the only thing he does all winter is watch tv and sleep.  he is gay, and smokes massive amounts of weed.  i have a few gay friends, and they are all alcoholics or junkies.  must be very difficult being gay.

was the sun not out today where you live?  it was so sunny in michigan that i had to shut the blinds on a few windows as it hurt my eyes.  sure hope the sun shines for you tomorrow.
B

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by Babe59, Mar 06, 2010
gin,
my mission stuff was NOT signed, unlike yours.  i actually took photo's of the sideboard, as it was so unusual.  it was heavier than a dead priest, too!  i think it was an english piece.

hope the sun is shining in california today.

no nightmares and i slept 8 hours, 'tis a miracle.

wonder how Bean is and how JAHC is as well.

how are you today gin?

B

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by JAHC2, Mar 06, 2010
Hey everybody!
So whats the update? How is everyone doing? You know no matter how much medicine I take, or what I do, I can not sleep and stay asleep without either waking up or having nightmares to the point I wake up. This morning was not my fault though but still. Listen to this...my best friend came from about an hour away to see me last night and I wake up to her slapping me! I realize shes still sleeping and Im like Wake up! Stop hitting me! She was having a dream a bee was buzzing around her head and she was swatting it  away...talk about nightmares!! I think shes the one withdrawaling haha. But anways...would you all quit worrying about me over here!! WB is not putting me in any danger by discussing his slight relapse. What would we all be here for if we couldnt come and talk through the bad times? The good times are deff better but atleast he can admit the truth and come here and talk about it. For some its just inevitable...kinda disappointing but I see some of my friends try and try and years later still say "Im quitting" and then two weeks later be back on the same crazy thing!! I just hope Im not going to be that person. I rented Law Abding Citizen and Taking Lives last night...anybody seen them? I loved them both!! Taking Lives is not new but it completely blew me away!!!! I was thinking about going out drinking tonight but I dont know if the party scene will send be backward into using because that was where it all started or if it would be a good idea to go out with some friends and go a little crazy? So ?....is everyone here married? Babe, Oxygone, WB, Gin, everybody?
Love,
J

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by Babe59, Mar 06, 2010
J,

so very glad to read your post!

yes, i am married.  found a great man while at a tender age, i chose wisely.  do the same for yourself, girl.

dunno if you should be hangin' with the old crowd.  think before you leap......please please.
you don't have to be a hermit, have some fun.  your best friend sounds like she cares about your recovery.  i'd hang with her....just tell her to stop dreaming about insects buzzing her face, you made me laugh!

i shall try to watch your recommended movies.  what is your absolute favorite movie?

Ginbud, what is your fave movie?

love,
B

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by Babe59, Mar 06, 2010
HI ALL, I HAVE A DILLEMA, (sp?)

i have a tiny bone spur on my gums, inside my jaw.  the dentist wants to cut my gum area (make an X) and grind the tiny bone down.  he says this will be painful.  i told the singing cowboy dentist that i will NOT take opiates, he asked me if i had a problem with them.  didn't want to come clean, as i live in Hooterville, (not the real name) a tiny town.  everyone knows your business here. sorry, i digress.
ok, what do i take for the pain that may last days?  do i just "suck it up, Sally", as Bean wrote, or WHAT?

any and all suggestions (besides smoking the ganga) would be appreciated.

love to all,
B



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by ginbud, Mar 07, 2010
Babe,
I've been through a lot of dental surgery.  Most Dentist will tell you that Advil is better for dental pain than pain pills.  I think they are correct.  If you use ice packs, heating pads and Advil you should be able to control most of the pain.  If I were in your situation, I would put off the surgery for as long as I could until you feel strong enough not to take the pain pills he will offer you.  If it must be done now, then remember the pain you went through W/D.  If you could go through that, I'm sure you can endure a few day's of dental pain.  The key to controlling dental pain is keeping the swelling down.  Advil and Ibuprofin will help control the swelling.  This is just the first of many test that you will go through when you have a Doctor offering you pain medication. Sometimes the use of pain medication is unavoidable.  The thing you have to assess is if you can take only a mild dose and cut it's use within two or three days.  Using it any longer is pushing your limits.  If you can avoid this surgery for awhile, I would wait until I felt stronger in my resolve.  Gin

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by Babe59, Mar 07, 2010
gin,
thank you so very much for your wisdom.  i shall put the dental thing off for a while.  there is no way in hell i'd take vicodin or any other opiate again!  although, today i am dealing with PAWS......again.  almost feel as though if i saw an oxy on the floor, i'd dive on it like a mad woman.  JUST KIDDING!  i'd flush it so fast, your head would spin.

my lovely symptoms today:
cramping hamstrings, calf muscles, feet
crawly feet
runny nose
nauseous
dizzy
gooseflesh
perspiring like Secretariat at the Kentucky Derby

i'm not trying to whine, just need to tell someone, gin.  when will this stuff abate, gin?  you've much more time clean under your belt than i, so i trust you.  doctors are so full of pee and vinegar, they tell me that it should be all over now.  well it AIN'T.

love,
B

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by ginbud, Mar 07, 2010
Babe,
I wish I could tell you when it will end.  All I can say is that each week is a major milestone.  Each month is like a year.  Some days you will feel on top of the world and just as quickly you will crash and feel like you've just begun.  I don't remember all I went through.  I had stomach and bowel problems for at least six months.  I still have major sleep issues.  The cramping, dizzy spells and hot and cold issues were the first to go.  Instead of thinking about what you still are going through, think about what you aren't going through and what you've recovered.  It's not such a joke to say if you found an Oxycontin that you would dive for it.  It is the nature of the beast.  Just remember all that it took from you, and for how long you've been robbed.  It will get you through the tough days.  The poem you posted say's it all.  I was not just detoxing off Oxycontin, but a number of drugs all at once.  I felt like a dog's chewable toy for months.  Yet I kept looking at what I was gaining.  After the first few months I felt pretty estatic, almost high, about what I had achieved.  Then I started to slump.  The slump is PAWS.  It will come and go, and sometimes it feels like it will never end.  I think the PAWS issue is much bigger than anyone really has addressed.  It is a psychological issue that pulls one down and makes you wonder if what you've done was worth the fight.  For me, it comes and goes and I ride it out.  All I know is that everywhere it say's it should be done with after about two full years.  I can feel the changes occurring in my brain, but I can't put a finger on what is happening.  So the best I can do is look at each day, each week, each choir and accomplishment I've made as a win for myself.  If you don't have to go to work each day, count yourself amongst the lucky few.  Can you imagine doing this while working? I've read that the actual detoxification off an opiate takes three to five days.  Well that may be true, but it's like saying it only takes one day for a baby to learn to walk.  That is true too, but how many months of physical processing did it take for that baby to finally take it's first step?  Doctor's are dumb s hi ts when it comes to understanding all that involved in detoxing.  As you and I have read over and over on this thread, every time someone went to their Doctor for help with the withdraw issues, they walked away with a handful of prescriptions for more opiates.  Allow yourself to whine, whimper.  Where does it say we must be stoic about what we are doing?  It's not easy.  If it were, there would be a whole lot less people on this thread talking about what a b i t ch withdrawing is for them.  By the way, ask your Dentist if he could prescribe a liquid form of Lidocaine, the gum numbing stuff used in their shots.  That should handle your dental pain.  Today is just a crappy day for you.  You've had a lot of good days.  Tomorrow or the next is bound to be better than today.  When all else fails, watch a movie, be grumpy, tell your loved ones your sick, lay low and bank on feeling better in the near future.  You've been such a supportive person on this thread for so many others.  Don't be afraid to let others offer you some support when your in need.  After all, it's not easy being green. I mean clean.
  Gin

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by ginbud, Mar 07, 2010
Detoxing off Oxycontin reminds me of this poem by Robert Frost:

The woods are lovely, dark and deep,
But I have promises I must keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.

I'd like to hear how others think this poem can be applied to detoxing.  I'd love to hear other poems that remind people of the issues encountered while detoxing.  The poem quoted by Babe, written by AA. Milne sums up PAWS for me.  After fourteen months, I'm still looking for the me I hid.  Thanks for posting that Babe.
Gin

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by ginbud, Mar 07, 2010
Detox. Temp. Fix Items:
I just remembered something I used like crazy when I was going through the cramping issues.  I used a product called Bio-Freeze.  It's a non RX, and ask your pharmacy to order it for you, or a Physical Th.  It is spread onto the skin, like Ben-Gay.  I also bought another similar product that came in a spray form which Walgreen's carried.  I used the heck out of this stuff in the first four months.  I also used good ole Pepto Bismo for the stomach issues and a sinus pill for the runny nose.  As for the other runs, I recommend the use of Immodian AD.   All are a temp. fix, but they all helped somewhat on those bad days.  Gin

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by Babe59, Mar 07, 2010
Gin,
you make me laugh!  your sense of humor is really shining.and i'm diggin' on it!
it sure isn't easy being green.

don't have any tummy problems, thank stars for that.  i shall call chemist, whoops, pharmacist regarding Bio-Freeze.

ok, i have that English stiff upper lip thing, just a bit stoic at times.  (BEAN was right about that, but i DO live in michigan)  i reckon that i try to be strong for others sometimes.  i just had to write about those paws symptoms today.  my husband is getting weary of my discussing oxy withdrawal, at least i THINK he is weary of it.  he has said nothing.  he has a stressful job and quite stressful family things going on.  his Mum is ill and his father died in July.  so i use this forum to do my whining, when things are going badly for me.

i thank you Gin for all your wise and kind words.  i suppose some people are strong one day, and the others on this thread buoy them, then vice versa, no?

much love,
B

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by Babe59, Mar 07, 2010
forgot to say I LOVE that robert frost poem.

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by Babe59, Mar 07, 2010
Gin,

i am listening to a singer named Richie Havens, old r and b, his song DarknessDarkness reminds me of my oxy days.
do you know who richie havens is?

B

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by ginbud, Mar 07, 2010
Much Adu about Nuthing

Once was a woman with a high IQ,
She sat in the very chair as I do.
Her words of wisdom became all too few,
When her brain became fogged from Oxy-do.

"Oh Pooh," said Piglet, "What happened here?"
"My head got stuck in the honey pot, my dear."
"Shall I chase away the bees for you?"
"I'd be ever so grateful," sighed silly Pooh

Gin



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by ginbud, Mar 07, 2010
Not only do I know the song well, but I met him too.  He was strung out at the end of his career, sad to say.  Loved his songs, still do.  Gin

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by Babe59, Mar 07, 2010
Gin,
you are a poet!  i shall write your prose in my Post Oxy journal.

i didn't know that richie havens was an addict.  was it smack or what?  seems like so many musicians/singers cook up heroin.  of course, oxy is heroin in pill form.........my mind screams at me, babe, you are not a heroin addict, you come from a great home, are of average intelligence, not stupid, you are kind, giving and sweet, NOT AN ADDICT.  yeah, right.  i had to explain to me Dad that oxy is heroin, the look on his face was priceless.  i shall never forget that look.  he is great though, not ashamed of me at all.

i have recently discovered Billy Holiday, love her vibe, she died of opiate overdose, right Gin?

love,
B

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by ginbud, Mar 07, 2010
Babe,
Yes, Richie was a herion addict.  I met him in Nevada City, Ca. where he played to a crowd of less than 200 people at the end of his career.  I had all his albums and loved his music for years. Seeing him nodding out after his first set, in front of all in the small bar, was a real shocker for me.  He accepted a drink from our table and allowed us to sit with him for about ten minutes.  I always held his music and talent in such high esteem that it hurt to see what how his career had sunk so low due to the use of smack.  Little did I know back then that I would find myself in the same position years later at about the same age.  I hope he managed to get off it somewhere down the road.  Like you, I always believed that my education, job titles, home life and strong moral beliefs would never lead to what I'm going through with drugs at my age. I've always been a person who was able to see, and accept, the multiple aspects in every person. I used this knowledge to finally see that side of me I was in denial about, addiction to prescription medications. It took me quite a while to learn how to deal with it.  Yes, Billy Holiday was a herion addict and died from an overdose. As I researched Oxycontin in my effort to figure out how to get off it, I discovered it was essentially herion in a pill.  I can't tell you how much that shocked me, humiliated me and put my use of pain pills into a truthful and honest perspective. Not once in all the education I learned about the use and control of pain medication did any Doctor even hint that this pill was synthetic Herion.  Amazing how well hidden this fact is by the manufactures, Doctors and Pharmacies. Did you know that Ray Charles was also a long term Herion addict all throughout the height of his career?  He managed to quit somewhere in his mid 50's.  Funny how our perception of a junkie never, ever included a picture of someone like you, me or others on this page.  It hurts to realize that this is what we have become after swearing that this is one drug you would never touch with a ten foot pole.  Life can be a difficult maze to get through without getting lost along the way at times.  Thankfully we are using our willpower to overcome this drug before we lost our whole life to it's magnetic pull.
Gin

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by Babe59, Mar 08, 2010
Gin,
i had no idea that oxy would ruin 5 years of my life.  i took it for ten years, but it took the me in me away for the last five years of use.  didn't ever abuse it, yet junkie i am now.  i did tell you that i had a problem with booze at a tender age.  haven't had a drink in ten years.  never liked pot, in fact i quite hate that s h i t.  
when i started the oxy, i didn't know how addictive it was.  then my doc would raise the miligrams when my pain got worse.  i started to suspect then how quite powerful the rubbish was!  made the decision in September that i was flushing all the pills i had left.  did it.  then BAM, withdrawal started.  i did it blind. i had absolutely no idea how sick i would become!  how naive can a person be?
the upshot is this...i am ME again.  never thought i'd be back while taking that drug.  my husband told my brothers "the B I T C H is BACK'.....he meant that in a good way gin, not insulting me.  i kind of have that A-type personality and have been called a female dog many many times.  i've a strong personality, and if that makes me a b i t ch than so be it!
bummer about richie havens nodding out on stage.  how very cool that you got to sit with the man.
i watched Ray, the movie with Jamie Foxx, about ray charles while KICKING.....had a huge panic attack watching him cook up!  kind of funny now, my reaction.


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by Babe59, Mar 08, 2010
Gin,

wonder where Oxygone, JAHC2 and Bean are?

B

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by Babe59, Mar 08, 2010


HELLO      hello      hear the echo?

i'm all alone in the ether

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by Babe59, Mar 08, 2010
i need to get a job!
B

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by ginbud, Mar 09, 2010
It's sunny in CA. today and I feel good. Gin

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by Babe59, Mar 09, 2010
Dearest Gin,

get yourself outside, soak up those rays,dear lady!!

'tis sunny in michigan, as well.  it is even above 50degrees!

love,
B
SO GLAD YOU feel good today!

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by wellsbeanie, Mar 09, 2010
Back for a moment...

The beginning of round two started this Monday. Thumb is still F'd up...might need surgery - see the orthopedist on Thursday.

I effectively flushed my entire paycheck down the crapper last week (sort of happy I don't get a check this week - paid bi-weekly). After the very first day of my "transgression" (thank you Tiger Woods), I wished I had gotten a receipt for my purchase and could return them.... but am FAR too weak to have flushed them down the toilet - so I did them in record fashion really just to get rid of them. I have no doubts that come next payday, my "doc' will have become increasingly frustrated with my lack of consistency lately, and basically move on to his more profitable ventures....

But I'm OK with that. No promises that I won't try anyway...I'm at peace with the fact that I will be unable to even attempt getting them for the next two weeks, so I'm trying to convince the demon that two weeks might as well be two years.

To be continued...

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by Babe59, Mar 10, 2010
Bean,

could you see physician and get your dose of suboxone increased?  that may keep the devil at bay for a while, at least.

are you in W/D Bean?  tell us what is happening, if you feel like it.

B

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by Babe59, Mar 10, 2010
hi all,

just watched the movie "Clean and Sober"', circa 1988, starring Michael Keaton.
Whoa, glad i watched it.  'tis old but still germaine.

B

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by Babe59, Mar 10, 2010
hi,
my husband just opened a fine bottle of Merlot.
I can smell it.....it is oxidizing (sp)....I WANT IT.
just may hurl the bottle into my soapstone sink, don't care if i must clean it up.

B

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by oxygone, Mar 10, 2010
Hi Guys,

My knee is messed up. Went to the doc who is subbing for Dr. Fantastic and he drew some fluid from the old knee (or should I say the new knee) and at least I don't have an infection, which would have necessitated more surgery (and more pain pills.) But there was blood in my synovial fluid and he says I may have developed scar tissue which has been bleeding into my knee, causing my pain and swelling. I am really uncomfortable, taking Aleve but thinking Darvocet. Is Darvocet wrong? Just a little? Just for pain? Is it verbotin? Thoughts anyone? Am I a hypocrite for giving Beanie such **** when I myself am not above the thoughts of return (but not to oxy for me, WD too hard.)

To make up for my doctor's visit, I got me and my husband theatre tix and so we were all uptight sitting in the doctor's office for hours, waiting for lab results, no food or drink for me in case I needed emergency surgery, arguing over whether to get rid of the tix or not. Then we got the "good news"- no infection- drove like crazy to our favorite restaurant, rushed thru dinner,  jumped in a cab, walked a painful flight of stairs up to the theatre only to find out I got the wrong night!!!!!  F u c k me!!!! But my husband was really very cool about it.  

But as they say, enough about me, what do you think of me? Seriously, how are you all?

Hugs,
Oxy G

So how can I say to Babe resist the wine when I myself would like to join her in a glass, even tho I know it is bad news for both of us. A virtual toast then!!! Here's to us, Babe-y girl!!!!!

      

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by Babe59, Mar 10, 2010
OxyGirl,
dunno if darvocet is an opiate......do know the vino will kill me, so i didn't do it, just watched himself drink it.

god, girl, what a day you had.  you wrote my fave saying, and i'm still laughing.......f u c k ME!!!!!!!
we are battling our demons, today was just a test for you me and Bean, i'm sure.

funny day for me........UPS man came to the door and caught me in panties and bra!  he oggled me with a wry smile as the dog went nuts,,,,,,,also i had huge orange juice can sized rollers in my long hair, i whipped open the door, in my undies (good thing they matched) and asked him what the F he wanted.  he wanted me, i think HA HA HA HA, D I C K H E A D .  hope you all got a laugh outta that one, i did!   (my driveway is about one quarter mile long, and no we are not wealthy......wealthy people tend to have long driveways, no one can see into my house so i was walkin' round that way)

love you all,
B

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by Babe59, Mar 10, 2010
P.S.  some guard dog i have, HUH, Oxygone?

my husband had tickets for Led Zep, as a kid, he showed up (with a date) on the wrong night and never got to see them.  

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by oxygone, Mar 10, 2010
At least you were in your own undies. When the guy from the heating company paid an unexpected visit late one night to check on my ailing heating system (that sounds bad I know), I was in my husband's teal long johns! I'm sure that cute as I am, he did not want me after seeing that!!!!

Tell your husband he's not alone. I never saw Zep either. I camped out all night outside a ticket outlet to get Zep tix. My friends eventually left me with money to get them tix. I was the last one on line when the show sold out. I got none. Zip. Zero. Zilch. Heavy sigh. Story of my life.   I recently listened to some old Led Zeppelin and John Bonham rocked, not to mention Page and Plant. Man I wish I had seen them.

Good for you not drinking that wine, Babe. I'm gonna go take a Naproxin (Aleve) and maybe hit myself in the foot with a big      f u c k i n g  hammer just to stop thinking of this knee pain.

Ciao, bella

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by Babe59, Mar 10, 2010
funny how my crawly feet, and cramping calves don't feel so bad with this annoying jaw situation going on.
OxyG, get the hammer and whack thy foot......i laughed so hard when i read that!  isn't that called defered pain?  or preferred pain?

i reckon JAHC is in rehab, she said she was going on monday, hope she is doing well.
Bean and Gin, WHERE ARE YE?

ta, sistersledge
B

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by Babe59, Mar 10, 2010
Oxygone,

i'm still giggling about the teal long-johns and the heating guy.......and my UPS man.  god, we are classy gals, no??????

BEAN..what are you up to bloke?

B

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by mr_magoo414, Mar 11, 2010
Hello all and GOOD luck to ANY ONE and EVERYONE fighting, or even thinking of fighting this little ******* circular Devil!

      Please let me begin by infroming everyone that I have been taking oxycodone immediate release tablets upward from 150mg/ to  around about 200mg/ a day; I had a terrible accident a few years ago where I shattered my femur, had an orbit fracture of the skull which also shattered my maxilla (cheekbone) which also wound me up having  compound fractures in the metacarpals on my right hand (and a mangled left pinky finger). This really sucked for me as I was a upstart guitarist at the time.

Let me just get right too it as I am not in the best of moods:

       I am on day 3 and my toilet went on strike and fled the house. It hurts like consummate hell to urinate (burns), and I am sneezing and coughing at the same time while snots I could have never believed existed flow like Niagra falls out of both nostrils- these sneezing fits come out of absolutely nowhere and come in bunches.

       I think Bruce Lee in his "hey day" would run away from me because my legs are doing some Kung fu **** like a zen master. I can't sleep, it's 6:30 am, been up all night, am throwing up, feeling dizzy and my stomach feels as if I pissed some one off in the world so much that they decided to see a Legba worshipping voudoun high priest to construct voodoo doll of me (not deliberately attempting to insult practitioners of voudoun, just trying to keep a postive outlook, here). It literally feels like someone is ice-picking my guts.

      My throat is weird, too. Phlegmish drips that seemingly make it impossible to breathe that even woke me up from the little on-again, off-again sleep I was fortunate enough to nab early yesterday morning. Sometimes it feels as if I'm gasping for air that just isn't there, like I am in the outtermost vaccums of outer space attempting to breathe in vain.

      It dawns on me: THIS *****......THIS REALLY MOTHER#$%KING *****!!!

     Even though this is one of the most toughest experiences I have EVER endured, in all actuality, and I am not fibbing, this was nowhere near as bad as I thought it would be- but don't get me wrong, it still really, really, really, *****.

     I also have a back-up plan. For those of you fortunate enough to have private insurance, or in some cases medicare, in this screwed up economy, there are plenty of  "detox Bread&Breakfast places". I have one on call as of right now to come get me if need be.

     I have been trying to keep up my fluid intake but am puking it all up, I've had to change my freakin' underwear due to the (let's just call it) "WET GAS"  more than once. I'm having sweating fits. One minute I'm so cold to the point of having borderline unbearable hysterical and uncontrollable shaking fits to the next minute, wanting to fit myself into my Viking freezer.
My feet are soaked, my forehead is a lagoon, and my butt needs an adult diaper.

      It is really hard typing this to you nice folks as I just want to pick up my lap-top and whip it out the window along with everything I can find, including my couches. I hope this gets bettter.

      I now am asking myself a pretty good question: "WHAT THE F@#K?"

      Gasping for air *****, typing *****, chills suck, Bruce Lee Leg syndrome REALLY *****, Vomitting *****, stomach cramps suck, no sleep *****, sweating *****, no appetite *****, anxiety *****, phlegmy mouth REALLY *****, oh boy- bottom line: I am living "SUCK 101."

      Good luck to all and I will keep you all posted. Please do keep in mind what I had aforementioned: IT STILL IS NOT AS BAD as I thought it would be.


Peace and love,

Mr Magoo.

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by mr_magoo414, Mar 11, 2010
     I'm going to take some ativan now just to attempt to grab a little shut-eye. I only have about a milligram and a half left of it, so I more than likely am going to seriously consider this "bed and breakfast" place. Sorry if it seems as if I'm being a wussy, but it is an option available to me; this suffering stinks. My butt has been making noises that sounds like some dark-aged  neanderthal-like form of communication. No, even better- a mating call for geese. In fact, I think I hear them flocking to my house as I type this. ARGHHH............

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by Babe59, Mar 11, 2010
Dear Mr. Magoo,

first let me say welcome, this is a great thread where you can share anything.

i went through all that you are going through, and it wasn't pretty.  i'm SIX MONTHS CLEAN TODAY........no oxy!
you will feel better, i swear this to you.  loved your description of the "Bruce Lee legs" and the voodoo doll, you write quite well for day 3.  I was unable to communicate on day 3, so you are doing well.

if your detox bed and breakfast is one of those "knock patients out", put ya in a coma kind of places, you might want to think twice.  a lot of people aspirate their own vomit and die at those places.  if it is a detox while awake, you might want to consider it, if things get bad enough.  but you sound like you are doing well on your own!

you may not sleep for a while, i didn't sleep for what seemed like an eternity......but sleep you will, eventually!

hope today goes well, keep us posted man

Babe

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by Babe59, Mar 11, 2010
Dear Mr. Magoo,

i'm so very sorry about your accident.  can you play the guitar now?

i must admitt that your descriptions of geese flocking to your house gave me quite a chuckle!  your sense of humor is intact even if your body doesn't feel intact, or your soul for that matter.

i also had a hard time breathing while withdrawing from the blue devils.  'twas panic attacks for me, but they have abated now.  

don't know about the urinary burning.......perhaps you have an infection, i've never heard of that being a W/D symptom, but everyone is different, so that could be WD for you.

DO NOT THINK FOR ONE SECOND that we think you are a WUSSY for going into detox!!!!!!!!  as i've said to others WDing, this may be the worst time of your life, the throngs of withdrawal are pretty GD bad, as you well know now.

Babe




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by Babe59, Mar 11, 2010
Oxygone, Gin, and Bean,

Help Mr. Magoo, don't leave it up to me, as i don't know if i'm the best chick to get him through!!!!!!

love you guys,
B

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by JAHC_mom, Mar 11, 2010
Hey all- I am the mother of JAHC. She went into rehab. yesterday. She wanted me to tell everyone where she was and that she would be in contact when she got out. They expect her to be there from 5 to 10 days. She will be in detox for 3-5 days and can not have any communication with the outside world.  I called this morning to check on her and the nurse said they started her on some medication to  help with the detox and that she was doing o.k.  She was alittle scared going in but is determined to beat this and get back on track with her life.  I will keep you posted until she gets back home.-MOM

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by oxygone, Mar 11, 2010
Dear JAHC Mom,

Thank you so much for getting back to us. We have been thinking of her and wishing her the very best with this. Please tell her that. I know it must be so hard, so scary, but I think she is on the right track. It's so good she has you supporting her. Please feel free to write if you have any concerns or just want to talk or vent.

All best to you and your family,
Oxy Gone

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by Babe59, Mar 11, 2010
Hi JAHC's Mom!

i'm so glad you posted, as we all care about her.  please tell her (when you are able) that we are wishing her well, and can't wait for her postings post rehab!

Babe

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by mr_magoo414, Mar 11, 2010
    Hi Babe and hello to the rest of the room. To JAHC's mom: Your daughter will make it through this. It's hard but she is also in a controlled environment which deals heavily in opiod detox. It's a bold move to consider doing it as I have made up my mind to do the same thing. She has to be really tough to even consider making this move, and that inspires me.

    Thank you so much Babe for your words of support and am glad you enjoyed a miserable wretches' attempt at maintaining a sense of humor at a completely unlaughable point in life. I'm glad you gave me the "411" on these "comatose detox joints." I am NOT going to one of those.

     I just feel so damned embarrased about my circumstances as the private hospital, I am seriously considering going to within the next hour, will see me at the worst time in my life. I've always attempted to maintain a sense of levity throughout life, and am truly hoping it will serve as an asset enduring through this hellashish process.

     As far as music is concerned, I am still rocking well! It took a considerable amount of physical therapy, but I'm right where I used to be. The problem is of course, I am a little bit older now, 32, and have matured a lot more than a lot of musicians that would like me to compose with them preferring the same genre of music as myself, (they tend to be far younger with far more dare-devil tactics that I care to be a part of at this point in life). I guess it's the whole "experience factor" that has made me a little bit wiser these days. Also, I'm a father and a college graduate, so I've always been rather practical and down to earth.

     Just had dry heaves followed by waterfall sweats. Suddenly I am remembering again what's happening to me. My, My My, this is so TOUGH. Ativan didn't work. I'm wide awake, sick and not even remotely in control of these annoying body twitches
and ticks. My legs, out of nowhere go BONSAI!
    

      Whoa, one sec at a time.................
     .


      

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by JAHC_mom, Mar 11, 2010
I will let JAHC know that you all are thinking about her and wishing her well. I know that she appreciates it.  She does not have very many friends that she feels that she can confide in about this so I know this site helps. She was very nervous and abit scared about leaving her enviroment and going into what is like in her words "boot camp".  If she gets through the next two days without checking herself out- She will be doing good.  That was my fear yesterday, she kept saying "I don't know if I can do this."  I thought she was going to say forget it and leave several times. Hopefully she sticks it out and learns as much as she can while there to further her life. She is a straight A student in college and very strong willed so she can do it if she puts her mind to it. Sorry about rambling on. Thanks for listening.- MOM

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by Babe59, Mar 11, 2010
Mr. Magoo and J Mom,

magoo, i know all too well the twitching muscles and nerves, the dry heaves (didn't eat for 10 days) the sweats and all of the stuff of withdrawal.  i was on 180mg's of oxy a day, never abused it, yet got addicted nonetheless.  we are all in the same boat, we'll get through this together.  you sound as if you may hail from New Orleans.....the voodoo stuff made me think of my favorite city immediately.  (don't divulge anything you don't want to)

i am groovin' on the tunes of Amos Lee right now.  dig the man.

oh yes, magoo, take some pepto, if ye have it at home.  please check back in with us if you do go to detox.  we will want to know your progress and J's, as well.

J's mom, she is very lucky to have a mother like you!

love to all....i'm off to the singing cowboy dentist at 4est today,
babe

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by ginbud, Mar 11, 2010
Hello to All...New and Old,
I last posted one line to say it was sunny in CA.  For the last few days I've been chasing the rays of sunlight as they move around the yard and competing with my cat for who get's dibs on the ideal spot to soak up the rays.  It feels so good!  I'm glad that Mr. Magoo has joined our "jumping and jiving" crew with a great since of humor in the middle of it all, that JAHC has come this far and is now in rehab., that Babe is dancing in her underwear and coming onto whoever has the gall to enter her private zone, that WBean is done binging and hoping that his required two week wait may end up becoming the start of his detox, and Oxy is asking some relivent questions about using any form of opiates after detoxing off Oxycontin.
I have told everyone from the start that I was detoxing off all Oxycontin from the start and weening myself off, or lowering the dosages, of many other medications I've been put on over the course of the last ten years.  I have said that I also realize their are some medications I know I must use for the rest of my life due to my various illness's.  

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by Babe59, Mar 11, 2010
hi all,

back from the singing cowboy dentist.  he sang "you are beautiful" to me, what a joke!  my jaw is swollen (i have a strong jawline already) so that i look ummmm....VERY DETERMINED!  ha ha.
he wrote a prescription for Darvocet, as he had to cut my gum and grind down my jaw a bit.  i told him all about the oxycontin stint.  he says Darvo's are not opiates.  s h i t.  what to do what to do what to do?  Gin, i tried to wait on this little surgery, as you suggested, but my jaw is infected and i could not put it off. Gin, you have been so supportive and a wealth of information, i adore ye.

love,
B

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by Babe59, Mar 11, 2010
P.S.  Today is my SIX MONTH anniversary off of the blue demons!!!!!!!!!  i can't believe it, seems as i was just puking sweating cramping and wanting to jump off the Ambassador Bridge.
No time for humility.....I AM GODESS (please pronounce that the french way),,,,,,ok, an old saying comes to mind, "pride goeth before a fall".  no more braggard idiocy, i promise.



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by Babe59, Mar 11, 2010
Bean,
are you still with us?
B

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by ginbud, Mar 11, 2010
Hello...again,
I accidentally posted before I was done; I continue.  Starting January 11, 2009, I stopped my nine year, daily use of Oxycontin over night because I could see and feel that it, and other medications I was on for a degenerative spine condition was ruining and stealing my life from me.  Detoxing off Oxycontin gave me the power to believe I could significantly reduce the dosages and number of many of the other medications I was on simultaneously with Oxycontin for the last nine years.  Within the first three months of my detoxification off Oxycontin, I also decreased my monthly intake of Soma (Carisoprodol) from 90 pills, to 30 pills a month, a 75% reduction.  This was the first drug ever prescribed for my back pain, and I had been on it for over 25 years.  I quickly reduced 300 mg. of Effxor XR daily down to 150 mg daily, a 50% reduction.  This was prescribed to me in 2001 for a depressive episode I entered following a double mastectomy for Breast Cancer. I was told this drug would also reduce my neurological pain from back issues and control the excessive sweating caused by Tamoxifin, a required Chemotherapy drug I took daily for five years following Breast Cancer surgery. I slowly built up  a daily dose of Neurontion  starting with 200mg.tablets, and ending with 600mg. tablets. This pill helps control neurological pain, but was designed for seizures and Eplipsy.  I reduced this drug from 600mg. to 200mg., a 75% decrease over three months. I stopped my daily use of Fironial, (Codine and Asprin) which was prescribed for daily migraines I suffered from while on Oxycontin. I had been using Fironial daily for eight years.  I did not know the Oxycontin was causing the migraines.  In addition to these drugs, I was also taking eight pills of Narco 10/325 mg. daily for break through pain.  This is the same as Vicodin.  I began reducing the strength of each pill and the daily amount allowed.  I started by reducing it to 750mg. and thus far have  managed to reduce my daily intake to four pills per day.  
This brings me to an important subject I've wanted to address which Oxy has brought up regarding her pain.  She asked, what can she do about her knee pain, and is the use of any medication with an opiate base a danger to her progress in W/D? I knew when I decided to detox off Oxycontin and reduce other medications that due to the extreme pain issues I have lived with and will continue to live with that I would never be able to discontinue use of all medications in my life.  However, I also realized that I had allowed myself to become controlled by chemicals and was far too dependent on them.  I entered this W/D and drug reduction phase of my life in an effort to take back "me" from chemical dependencies, but still use the lowest dosages I needed to function daily.  I can't imagine living my life without ever feeling safe to use pain medication again.  I am a chronic pain patient who didn't take the serious steps required to keep my use of opiates and all medications under control.  I rationalized where I was allowing myself to be taken via drugs and my use of them due to the fact that it was all done legally and according to the system's requirements.  Now I am doing what I should have done all along.  I know that I can and should continue to reduce my daily intake of Narco and the strength of each pill as well.  Do I think that my continued use of this medication and others negates what I have accomplished in the last 15 months?  Not one bit.  I went through W/D as harsh as each of you have found them to be, and maybe for much longer considering I kept lowering the dosages of all my other medications every month until my pain levels warned me I needed to slow down the reduction pace and allow my body and mind to adjust to the changes. In September of 09 I suffered a Deep Vein Thrombosis.  The pain I endured for the four days I was in ICU and fighting to save my life and my leg was unbearable.  I didn't think twice about accepting strong pain medications.  In fact, I begged for them.  However, as soon as I was out of trouble and my condition stabilized, I began thinking and working on keeping my daily use of Narco to a minimum.  Not once did I consider asking for Oxycontin which I could have gotten if desired.  This physical crisis has set me back by three months from the goals I had hoped to achieve by the Spring of 2010.  I had hoped to have reduced my Narco by a full 50% by now.  However, life intervened and messed up my plans.  On top of that, I have been put on another drug for life which is called Warfarin, a blood thinner.  Warfarin was created and is still used as a rat and mouse poison.  I've stopped using most everything that at least made me feel good and now they tell me I must take a rat poison for the rest of my life.  Is this ironic or what?  I don't know what else may happen to me down the line, but I personally believe that if I continue to use current and future medications in the responsible manner which I've currently adopted, I see no reason to fear using what I need, when I need it from here on out.  The big, big difference is that I have
assumed full control of my "allowed" medications because I realize now that no one else really will.  Hope this helps some of you who are facing similar perplexing medical issues as I and helps you make the right decision for yourselves.
Gin

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by Babe59, Mar 11, 2010
Dearest Gin,
you have never divulged your entire story, just bits.  i am blown away by what you have and are continuing to go through!  i agree that your use of pain meds doesn't negate the incredible recovery you have made.  i do believe that pain meds are around for a reason, for people like you and others in agony. ( my agony would have been less had i never taken oxy.  i found that out after WDing.
i never went through anything like you have, Gin)
my hat is off to you dear lady.
B

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by oxygone, Mar 11, 2010

JAHMOM, the first days are the toughest and I can understand people do want to leave rehab early but tell JAHC2 we're rooting for her. She sounds like a good person who got caught up in a bad situation. It happens and has happened to many of us. I know that you must have fears but stand by her, no matter what. With this kind of thing, we always need someone in our corner which is why this group is so good. There are so many kind people here. And now you are part of the circle so welcome. You are not alone and neither thankfully is JAHC2.  

Mr Magoo, welcome. Man I feel your pain. OK maybe not now but I did- at least some of it. OK at lot of it (no burning pee though). It surprises me to read you say it's not as bad as you thought it would be. Have you been through it before? I don't remember if you said so or not.Good advice Babe gave you; let us know how it's going for you with the program.

Thank you for sharing, Gin, so I will share and say that I did take one Darvocet last night and one Aleve and it helped me to function. I woke up today and wanted to take another Darvocet (because frankly it felt pretty good) but I resisted. I knew I had to do work and I knew I didn't really need it. Before my stint on Oxy and after battling other addictions, I had been using pain meds sensibly and reasonably as needed. Some people can do this; some can't. I drank too much for a while a long time ago; now I can pour a glass of wine and not finish it. Am I tempted to take another Darvocet? Sure. But I know that I need to use meds sensibly and not get back into that junky way of thinking. If the pain gets to be too much, will I consider taking the Aleve and the Darvocet again? Sure. But I will try to stick with the Aleve alone. Do I worry about getting addicted again? Hell yes. And no matter what , I will not touch oxy. That stuff scares me. I am too much of a sissy to go through that intense WD again.
Hugs, Oxy G    

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by ginbud, Mar 11, 2010
Hey Babe,
Sounds like your having a good ole time on your Percocet.  Yes it is an opiate.  Your Dentist is as dumb as most Doctors.  Read my posting above and don't use your pain medications beyond their absolute need.  Remember to use the ice packs for the first 48 hours about every other hour religiously, and use Advil or and Ibuprofin along with the pain med's because it keeps the swelling down.  The swelling is the main cause of pain following Dental surgery or infections in the gum's or teeth.  Start tomorrow afternoon rinsing with a warm glass of salted water every three to four hours, and especially after eating.   This will keep the area clean, reduce the surgery healing time and limit pain flair ups.  Maintain a strict use of your pain pills and don't exceed the directions.  Also, do not use a pain pill until you really need it.  Just because the direction said you can take it every X amount of hours, doesn't mean you must take it even if the pain level is down.  Remember to use Advil or Ibuprofin starting right now!  It is more effective than all else in keeping your pain level down and thus reducing the need for too many pain pills.  When your pain is under control, do whatever you need to do to not take a pain pill unless you really, really need it.  You are at a vulnerable point in your detoxing and need to keep your wits and resolve together regarding the use of these pain pills.  Keep me posted.  I'll stay in touch.  Good Luck and quick recovery. Remember, I've been through lots of gum surgery.  Trust me girl.   Gin

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by ginbud, Mar 11, 2010
Hey Babe, Congratulation's on Your Sixth Month of Oxycontin Recovery!!!  This is a real milestone.  I remember how proud I felt every week, month and then all of the sudden it was a half of year.  That's when I knew I wasn't just blowing smoke up my a s s.  That's when I knew I finally really achieved what I had been dreaming and hoping to do for the two years prior to that day.  Don't you feel like a strong woman because you've managed to do such a difficult thing on your own? You deserve a night out on the town as soon as your mouth feels better.  Gin

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by mr_magoo414, Mar 11, 2010
     Hello all, just a little update. Can you smell my stench through the computer? I just received a call that they want to train for the 2012 olympic swimming teams in my bed. This detox place has been calling me non-stop to offer me transportation to their facility. Let's just put it this way, they called me at a time where I was fortunate enough to have finally fallen asleep for a few minutes despite these wild  Bruce Lee arm and leg conniption fits IN DAY 3!!!!!!- needless to say, I need to buy new phones cause I literally smashed  them to Effin' bits. LITERALLY!

      All of my symptoms are now ten times worse, and as I am typing this, sweat is just pouring off my fingers and forehead on to the lap-top. I wanted to read the earlier posts in response to my earlier entries but I'm far too weak and curmudgeon-like. I don't even know if anything I'm typing makes any sense because my head feels like a hot-air balloon. I will try to respond to posts regarding my earlier entries and of course I look forward to being there for others, returning the favor when I can finally catch my breath. I also have this sensitivity to light at this point. Bright lights make me insta-barf, and I'm getting wild visual disturbances with lights as well. Every time I stand up I'm so dazed and light-headed that I feel as if I'm going to faint or just drop dead, because I get these bizzarro palpitations in my chest....


     I will keep in touch ASAP, but as of right now I'm not sure if I will have any strength to communicate for a while. I think I might just swallow my lions' pride and let the straight-jacket people come get me.



Oxycodone, pain killer? No!! Pain in the A s s!

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by Babe59, Mar 11, 2010
Darling Gin,

thanks for all the advice, will follow it to the letter!
DARVOCET IS NOT NOT NOT AN OPIATE!!!!!!!
DIDN'T take any yet, taking ibu like you said.  worry not dear lady, no opiates for this woman EVER AGAIN!!!!!

love,
B

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by Babe59, Mar 11, 2010
Magoo,
ye poor b a s t a r d!!!!!  don't worry about returning the favor right now, just take care of you.  try to be kind to yourself man.  i swear you feel better in a few days....maybe.  are you able to get suboxone?  that would curb some of what you are going through.  i took it for a few days, didn't like it so i turkeyed after that, but some people i've talked to swear by it.  only drawback is that it is addictive, yet if one tapers as per doc orders, then no problem.

thinking about you, know what is happening to you.  i'll send good vibes your way!

B

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by ginbud, Mar 11, 2010
To JAHC Mom,
I hope that your daughter will discover that the detox center she has gone into will provide her with as many and as much support she found when she first found this site.  My own son, now age 30, began using drugs around the age of 16.  By the time he was 18 he was into heavy stuff and dealing too.  My husband and I did all we could to get him to stop.  By the time he was 20 and making a lot of cash, he was clearly addicted to coke amongst other drugs. Everyone told us that we should cut him loose and let him hit rock bottom for his own good.  We didn't believe that was the best approach.  We hung in there and kept trying to get him to admit that he was addicted.  I discovered I had breast cancer and had to tell him about it the night before his 21st birthday.  I also told him he had to move out of our home immediately because his drug use and circle of friends were so out of control that I couldn't even consider recovery from my upcoming cancer surgery while enduring his drug inspired behavior.  He moved, I went through my surgery and he went from bad to diving off the deep end.  I was in the hospital for ten days.  When I arrived home I was in bad shape.  Our son came to visit me at home and stood on the porch talking to me through the screen door because he had bronchitis and couldn't come in due to my risk of infection.  He was clearly strung out and it broke my heart.  The forth day he came and stood on the porch I told him I didn't care if I got his illness I just wanted to hold him and kiss him.  He came in and within minutes he had his head in my lap and I realized that my Son was in such a bad state that he needed to fight for his life against drugs as much as I did against Cancer.  I put "Our Song" on the CD, by Dave Mathew which he had given me and we both began to cry because of what we each were up against.  I said to him, "If I can fight this Cancer, and win, you can fight your addiction and win, and we are both going to come through this tough stage in our lives and fight for our love of each other."  He began detoxing that day.  Six months later our son was clean and sober and I was Cancer free and we both knew our love and support of each other helped us recover from some very dangerous illness'.  Today he is doing great and I tell every parent who finds themselves in the place I once stood, "Don't ever, ever let go of your child in need."  They can't make it back without knowing that their parents love them unconditionally.  They need you now more than ever.  The tough love approach in my option is pure Bull S H I T and had I adopted that