R.I.P Memere Oct 30th,1943-June 23rd,2007

for every day that goes by is a reminder of that horrible day... The day we lost you....The day aunt Chantal got the call that they needed to try to put you on the dye and the baloon pump just short of 12 hours after surgery...When a dr calls you at 4am to tell you this isn't exactly good right? Yet as much as she tried she made it sound so positive that it would help.. and of course no one wants to really worry a woman who is 6 months pregnant...I wish i could take back breaking down and have been strong enough to go see you after the surgery but the nurses wouldn't let me fearing it would upset you...I knew that back in May when you had the heart attack at church to make matters worse and the fact that we were now june 21st and they STILL had not operated, something was wrong...The next day after your surgery I was waiting for keith to come over after his long day of working and i was in the bath...i had locked the door-not often do i do this...the knocking wouldnt stop...phone kept ringing...i wrapped a towel around me and go out of the bath hair full of shampoo and thats when i saw dad and uncle dan standing at the door.. i nearly fainted...i KNEW...why else would dad be here when they live an hour away....he told me to finish what i was doing and everything would be fine.. in some way i hopped it would be...as i finished rinsing the shampoo out of my hair...i quickly got dressed and unlocked the door... they wanted to finish their smoke and thats when dad broke into tears...as well as uncle dan and the outlook wasnt good...i knew it but yet i wished it would be okay....somehow, someway it HAD to...my dad just held onto me as we bawled and my uncle wondering why god takes good people...(his mother had the SAME thing happen to her about 9 years ago) we rushed to the hospital where everyone was in the room.. i dreaded that room.. i had seen the pictures.. the terrifying images of seeing you hooked up to all those machines...there was nothing else we could do...the drs made you as comfortable as possible but your blood pressure was too low and your kidneys were failing.. we were praying for a miracle....thats when they realized a blood clot in an artery to your heart... we hoped it was the miracle we needed...mom signed the papers with permission for the dr's to do surgery again...it helped for a bit but not for very long...I've never cried that much in my entire life.. Dad wanted a grandson and you wanted to be a great grandma to a little girl...i remember joking and telling you..earlier... hoping it would give you strength to pull through that it would be okay if the baby was a girl...we spent our time in and out of your room...the first time i walked in i had to sit down and remain sitting because i thought i would faint...mom kept holding your hand.. aunt kept rubbing your face.. i didnt want to touch you.. i feared soo badly.. at 12am the dr who operated you the day before came back after doing his 24 hour shift...you cant say he didnt try.. he was soo sweet and nice....everyone was sleeping in the waiting room.. dad and i went to the car.. i froze.. it was soo cold.. i couldnt sleep...he dozed on and off for a few and then woke up again...he brought me home claiming i needed the rest.. not like i would get any if that...the whole night from 3am until 7am i tossed and turned...but at least i wasnt freezing....around 930am they came and got me... we went to the hospital again...your 2nd surgery had seemed to help....but not very much....all day i was in and out of the room...i finally held your hand and it was still comforting.. you opened your eyes blinked a little...the nurses said you could still hear us...and that you still responded even though you were under alot of meds...you didn't look like my grandma anymore....i still stayed there with jess we cried...the dr talked to us and talked about how this was the end and we could call a priest.. the nurse called the pastor and she called a priest...the priest from the church you attended couldnt make it..he has a sermon at 7 and it was now close to 3:30 and being an hour drive.. we got a priest from sudbury...he was nice.. we gave you your last rights..mom left to get some clothes and shower...shortly after mom left you stopped responding as if you were gone...the dr came to talk to us again...that you knew you weren't going to make it... the dr told us after he sat us down and asked for us to make a decision on your life support... that there was nothing else they could do but that it would only get worse... it was already bad enough that you were bleeding already...finally around 8 mom came back...we informed her about what the dr said that the left artery was a 90% success but the right one was very damaged and that they knew that going in..that there was only a 20% chance survival...in shock we were to hear this.. wishing we would have known before...i asked the dr if no surgery would have been made what would have happened and he said a matter of time it would have been a massive heart attack and nothing they could do...we came to the conclusion they kept you at the hospital this long to give us the chance to be with you...i went to see you a few times.. brought you pictures of my ultrasound.. you rubbed my belly.. you were so happy...

grandpa took this really hard.. he couldn't let you go.. at 10:23 that night everyone finally agreed as well as grandpa to take you off life support...immediately you flat lined.. or so i heard.. i couldn't walk in.. i stayed in the chapel with keith and just cried...your brother was coming down from Prince Edward island and he didn't make it in time.. he came in around 1am.. mom was asleep.. keith and i waited.. i went and checked up on you in the room after they cleaned you all up.. it seemed soo weird.. there you were...gone...uncle ray came in and i woke mom up and the nurse gave the okay.. he said goodbye...not a very good goodbye i may say... i finally got home at 3am...my friends heard me come in and asked how everything was and i busted into tears...they rushed over the stairs to hug me.. we sat there and just talked and cried a lil...they were awesome...i have good friends..the next day we went to do the funeral arrangements.. i wrote the obituary...i was even offered a job lol..we talked and laughed and cried...you were going to get cremated the way you wanted it to be...the friday and saturday were the visitation at the church to say the last goodbyes...my friends showed up.. keith did too after a long day at work.. you know he was a pretty good guy sometimes...well most of the times but ah well...alot of people showed up.. cousins etc.. family friends...mom's childhood friend did too...she was nice and man did she ever look young... sunday came time to saying goodbye.. cried all the way down to the seats..cried all throughout the church.. jess and i held hands trying not to make a big noise...

we walked to the cemetery where you were burried.. we all threw a little dirt on your urn...it was a very nice urn at that...staying over at the house sitting on the couch without you there.. you and i always crushed up together.. always teasing me that  was cuddling you because the couch leaned more on one side...i miss that.. i miss everything about you.. your laugh your talk...your smile...your jokes...i miss just you... after i came back home i was covered in horrible nightmares.. wishing life itself was a nightmare...that you werent gone.. i wanted so bad to be told it was all some bad dream.... you swore you wouldnt miss cameron's birth.. said it was over your dead body that you regreted missing mine and you werent letting it happen again....mom had your urn.. it made me cry...thank god i wasn't in labour yet.. she put you on the table beside me.. the nurses thought it was really nice.. sweet...then...christmas came rolling in.. not the same...without you it just wasnt the same.. i made a video for everyone to keep.. with photos of you of us.. we laughed and cried watching it...mom made a christmas ball for everyone.. she got some tears out of it too... we remembered...we will always remember and never forget....you were like a second mother to me.. always there...and for that i am greatful...one day we will meet again... and until then.. please keep watching over everyone you love....protect us all...you are truly an angel...I love you!