FINALLY DOING IT

TODAY IS DAY TWO OF TAPPERING.  ALL DAY I FELT PRETTY CRAPPY.  tHIS MORNING I HAD HORRIBLE LEG PAIN BUT THAT WAS THE EXTENT OF MY PHYSIAL PAIN.  MY STOMACH HURT BUT AS SOON AS I TOOK MY 1ST DOSE THAT SUBSIDED.  THE LEG PAIN WAS ALL DAY.  I WAS AN EMOTIONAL WRECK, WANTED TO CRY ALL DAY.  LUCKILY I HAD OFF TODAY AND WAS ABLETO LAY IN BED AND I DID ALL DAY.  I GOT UP TO PICK UP MY DAUGHTER FROM HER FRIENDS HOUSE COOK SPAGHETTI AND BATH THE BABY.  I JUST FEEL SO DRAINED AND I STILL TOOK PILLS TODAY JUST NOT AS MUCH.  YESTERDAY I CUT OUT 10MG BUT TODAY I CUT OUT 40MG'S.  I JUST WANT TO BE DONE BUT I AM NOT SO SURE THAT I CAN REALLY DO IT.  I WANT TO SO BAD IT IS JUST THAT I AM SO UNHAPPY IN MY MARRIAGE RIGHT NOW.  THERE IS CONSTANT FIGHTING.  HE HAS BIPOLAR AND IS ON NO MEDS.  SOMEDAYS ARE JUST SO HORRIBLE.  wITH MY BUSY SCHEDULE AND THAT I WANT TO EAT PILLS ALL DAY.  I AM TRYING SO HARD.  HE JUST KEEPS PICKING FIGHTS WITH ME.  TELLS ME THIS IS ALL IN MY HEAD TO JUST STOP.  I CAN'T TAKE IT IT MAKES ME WANT TO GET HIGH SO BAD.  I HAVE A HARD TIME DEALING WITH CONFRONTATION I GET REAL ANGRY AND I START TO SHAKE REALLY BAD ESPECIALLY WHEN I AM BEING PICKED ON.  i USUALLY TAKE A PILL AND WALK AWAY. TODAY I JUST  DID NOT WANT TO FIGHT I EVEN MADE DINNER FEELING LIKE **** THINKING THAT HE WOULD BE NICE.  WHY IS IT HE IS MEAN TO ME WHEN I NEED HIM THE MOST BUT GREAT ALL THE REST.  I AM NOT GOING TO LET HIM CAUSE ME TO GO BACK ON THE WORD I MADE WITH MYSELF AND THAT IS TO BE ON THE ROAD TO RECOVERY BY 28 MARCH 1ST IS COMING.  IF I WRITE THAN I WILL NOT TAKE MY PILLS I JUST HAVE TO STAY BUSY.  I HAVE TO LEARN HOW TO NOT LET HIS UP AND DOWNS AFFECT MY GETTING CLEAN..................................................................................................................................GOD IT FEELS SO GOOD TO VENT.  I DO NOT EVEN KNOW IF I AM MAKING SENSE BUT I KNOW WHAT I MEAN.     THIS SITE IT IS WHAT GOD GAVE ME TO GET BETTER I ASKED AND I RECIEVED...A FEW WEEKS AGO I HAD NO COMPUTER AND NO ONE TO TALK TO I PRAYED SO HARD FOR SOME HELP TO GET BETTER AND HERE ALL THEESE BEAUTIFUL ANGELS ARE TALKING ME OUT OF GOING BACKWORDS INSPIRING ME ENCOURAGING ME SUPPORTING ME GIVING ME HOPE LETTING ME VENT NOBODY JUDGES ME HERE I AM NOT YOUR TYPICAL DANCER WITH A DRUG PROBLOM. I AM A MOTHER WHO WORKS HARD AND GOES TO SCHOOL AND IS BEATING THIS BATTLE FINALLY.  I HAVE A NEW HOPE FOR TOMORROW.  I FEEL LIKE **** BUT I KNOW THAT WILL END AND I WILL REAMERGE.  DIFFERENT....FOR I WILL HAVE OVERCOME A LONG BATTLE..............BUT STRONGER