Silly girl

I gave my ex my heart and soul.  I loved him more than myself and I knew better. The part that is so strange to me is that the majority of us are aware that we’re involved in an unhealthy relationship. We also have enough sense to know that we need to leave. However, instead of doing what is best for ourselves we continue to love our partners and willingly. Lastly, we have come to expect a certain amount of emotionally abuse. We can even justify every single reason we have for not leaving.  It’s nothing more than a codependent relationship whether we like it or not and it will just keep spinning round and round until someone finally stops the ride and gets off.  That’s the hard part. It is incredibly frustrating, sad, and unfair. It makes me so angry sometimes because I knew  I should’ve left a very long time ago but like others I couldn’t and to be honest I didn’t want to. Even now that it’s over I still catch myself thinking about how it used to be and wishing things hadn’t changed. I never imagined that if I left he wouldn’t fallow. Silly me, I thought if he loved me so much when I’m gone he’d miss me and soon enough he’d be there when I turned around but that’s just not the case.  In my head I knew better then to think he’d try and fight for me or our relationship. He never has so why would he start now?  I have a lot of regret but oddly enough loving him isn’t one of those things.  Number one regret was ignoring my intuition because I'm now suffering those consequences.