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Feeling extremely discouraged...

Aug 05, 2012 - 2 comments
Tags:

discouraged

,

feeling

,

Infertility

,

failed iui

,

Anxiety



So, I was having a wonderful weekend. While Jeff went for his road ride yesterday I deep cleaned our house and did 4 loads of laundry. We road our bikes to the Bexely pool and spent a wonderful afternoon catching up on this week’s papers, magazines, swimming (of course) and just relaxed. I was feeling great.
I had two major emotional meltdowns last week. Thursday night I had just the most horrible headache. I felt like I couldn’t drive. Jeff and I had been planning on having dinner at a new restaurant on Scioto mile. We didn’t go. I had an adult temper tantrum for NO reason sitting on my couch waiting for Jeff to finish watering the flowers in the backyard. Jeff ended up getting us Piada takeout and I felt guilty.
Friday night’s meltdown came mostly from exhaustion. I had just gotten home from an hour long acupuncture appointment- the focus of which was to calm my mind and build my Chi. Dr. Yang- my acupuncturist who prefers I call her Melissa said we were now acting like I was pregnant and reversing the chi to help the baby….So, back to Friday night’s meltdown. I had also had an early work day, bought myself two new dresses on sale and we were planning on a second attempt at date night. After I got all prettied up I quickly lost emotional control as my hormones, work stress and straight exhaustion took over. Long story short we ended up back at home. An hour later we rode our bikes to a local café and grabbed some food. Night two of feeling guilty!
I woke up this morning to a pretty heavy brown spot in my undies. When I cleaned myself there was a quite a bit more “brown stuff”. Immediately my heart dropped. I climbed back in to bed with Jeff and the doggies and tried not to think about it. I had used a tampon and when I took it our a few hours later it appeared to be covered in brown sludge…TMI I know. It scared me. What’s going on?!?!?!?!
This is not how I have ever started my period before these procedures or since. Today is 11dpiui. I can’t tell if this is the beginning of my period or just old blood. I have a bit of cramping but nothing like AF.
Ugh- this is so frustrating. I know every couple going through the infertility process thinks “why isn’t this happening for us”…but seriously why isn’t this happening for us?
I feel so discouraged.


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by EllePS, Aug 06, 2012
I did get my period this morning. Back to the drawing boards. Jeff and I have some big discussions to have in the next few days...feeling pretty bummed.

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by Jen1st_time_ivf, Aug 06, 2012
I'm sorry that af showed up. The emotion breakdowns come and go, it's such a rough road that you feel you are traveling alone on and theres no end to your want. I hope and pray that you get your little bundle of joy. I know it's been said a lot, but it's the best advice that can be given "relax and stay positive". Know that the ladies here on the site are here for you and what ever you need.

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