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Just venting about an insensitive & ungrateful sister

Jan 10, 2009 - 13 comments

Ok, so I have this sister who is 4 years younger than I am. As kids I was always trying to be a good big sis. Standing up for her and all, but somehow it always came back as me being the bad guy. Then when I was PG w/ my now 14 yr old daughter I remember her threatening to kill my baby because I accidentaly hit her w/ the door. I blew it off, after all she was a hormonal teen.  Anyway, we were never realy close until she got PG herself 6 years ago. I found a truck and spent all day helping her to move in w/ the father of her baby, only for her to move back out 2 days later. Then when she didn't feel she could live w/ my mother any longer I let her take over the apt I was living in. I was moving in w/ my now husband anyway. I continued to pay the rent and all the bills while she "got on her feet" Well, that never happened and when the lease came up I told her she needed to take over all the bills, she moved out. Now I have a $200 phone bill. When she had her baby I bought everything the child needed. A nice expensive stroller, clothes, anything she needed. I always made sure my sis and her daughter were ok. Even watched the baby anytime she needed. Even while she went on a week long trip to New York. When the baby was about 2-3 I found out my sis was PG and was planning an abortion. I offered to raise the baby for her, but no she would rather have her abortion, despite all my begging and pleading. She even did it on my Bday. I was so depressed I had to go on pills. I eventualy realised it wasn't about me, it was about her. I prayed for her soul and again started doing everything for her. Then a few months after her abortion she came to me and told me she was PG again. This time she was moving in w/ the father and they were getting married. Again, I did everything for her and even her now husband. He beat her a few times and I would go help her, then would later hear through the grape vine she was back w/ him. When the baby came I even bought their annoucements and pics as they had no money. I never got so much as a pic by the way. The baby is now turning two. I could go on and on about everything I've done for her. Even missed my Grandmotehr's Funeral so I could wait for her and give her a ride there. I love my sister very much, but last year I had 2 MCs and she knew both times I was having trouble but didn't call to check on me until after the fact. And both times her reaction was "Oh, I'm so sorry. Well, I hate to do this but I was calling to see if you could babysit." And yes, I did babysit. The final straw was this Xmas when she stood my dying father up and then stood me up. We were supposed to go to their house for gift exchange and my mom called and told me my sis had just dropped our gifts off at her house. When I called and asked why she hadn't told me she was changing our plans she cussed me out and told me I needed to relax. I have not spoken to her since, and she hasn't even tried to call .She has left a few messages on MySpace like "Some Poeple just need to grow up" and "Good Freinds are all the family I need" SO, blocked her. I know I did this to myself by giving in so much. All I was ever trying to do was make her life easier and in the proccess made mine more difficult. I miss my niece and nephew terribly but I'm not quite sure if it's worth letting her back in my life. Evidently she has no desire to make things right and I realy don't even think she realizes how she treats people.

Anyway, I just had to vent. Thank You for listening.....

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by grammy64, Jan 10, 2009

Im glad you have a place to vent.  Im sorry your sister is ungrateful and (it sounds like) so self-centered.  I am not sure that it has to be an all or nothing situation.  Maybe you could have enough contact with her to see your niece and nephew but just be casual with her and not do everything or even go the extra mile for her.  

I hope you figure it out so you feel better,

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by blessedmomof3, Jan 11, 2009
Thank You grammy. The thing is though, with my sis it is all or nothing. If you say no to her then you are selfish. My mom told her once that she couldn't watch the kids because she had a date and my sis called me up going on and on about how selfish my mom is. She hasn't even tried to contact me and her threat is always that we will never see those kids. I'm sure I can see them when my mom has them, but it just hurts that she finds me so dispoable.

Thank You so much for your kind words though.

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by bree08, Jan 11, 2009
Hey, I'm glad you also had a place to vent. It does sound like your sister takes advantage of you and it's not failr. You are such a kind person and I'm sorry you have to go through this. Isn't it crazy how people can say so much on my space but not in person. I'm really sorry that your sister is doing this to you. Thank you for sharing this with us. It helps us realize that we are real people.

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by hannah1505, Jan 11, 2009
your an amazing sis i would do the ame for my lil sis good luck i think you should concentrate on you seems you have only been concentrating on her your a good person x

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by kikicoates78, Jan 11, 2009
My older sis is the same way, it's all about her. THANK GOD she has no children they would I'm sure be a mess, and I would probly raise them, The thing is all families have one of those ungrateful ones. I bend and bend, she even lives at one of my houses right now rent free, b/c I am a good person! SO ARE YOU! She will eventually see that, but unfortunately you can't make her see it. She will probly lose everyone close to her b4 she will admit that maybe she ias the problem, not everyone else. Try to get all the frustration out now, you need to be stress free in a few months! :) Let her go, she will adventually find her way back to you. ((HUGS))

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by blessedmomof3, Jan 11, 2009
Thank You so much ladies for all your support. I'm so very lucky to have such great freinds on here!!!!

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by PinkTissue, Jan 11, 2009
I am glad you have found a place to vent. I cannot offer you any advice but except that you have take good care of yourself. I would be really happy if I have a big sis like you! Hugs.

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by blessedmomof3, Jan 11, 2009
Thank You so much. I honestly jsut believe that I was behavin ga sister should behave. Just think it's sad my sis doesn't realise that. Family should be the most important people in your life.

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by blessedmomof3, Jan 17, 2009
Well, here's an update on the whole sis situation. It's sad realy. So the other day DH and I were at the mall and I didn't see her but DH told me he saw my sis w/ my 2yr nephew. He said my nephew was yelling and trying to get my attention but I was on my cell. He said my sis picked him up and went the other way. How sad is that. If it was the other way around I would never deny my kids their Aunt. I would allow them to go over and see her. I know at his age that would mean I would have to go over to, but I would do it if they were that excited to see her. Doesn't mean I have to talk to her. I would talk to her husband or something....LOL. I don't think she will ever get it. I think I'm better off!!!!

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by niner535, Feb 26, 2009
My sister is the same way.  I am so sorry for the predicament she has put you in, but I guess you must realize that it is her and not you.  My sister too is 4 years younger and we have never really connected when we were younger.  Now we are a bit older but things haven't really changed.  I only really hear from her when she needs something ie. money, clothes, vacations, and then she has the nerve to tell me that I shouldn't try to buy her love.  I am sorry but some people just don't see their own flaws and this is something that we both must realize.  I am actually an idiot b/c she just recently broke up with her boyfriend of a few years and I was the first person she called.  Which made me feel great and I had hoped that this would be a building block toward a better relationship between us.  I offered to take her away for the weekend b/c of all the stress and problems her ex and his friends are giving her.  All week she has been singing my praises about how good I am and what a great older brother I can be.  Finally I see her for the first time today and she ends up bringing her obnoxious friend with her which I was like ok fine maybe she needs the moral support.  I asked her to do me the favor of driving me to the store and she has the nerve to get an attitude and tell me to find someone else to give me a ride.  She is just back to her old habits and now I have to still go away with her next week.  I mean how ungrateful is she.  Oh by the way her excuse was that she was injured and could not drive.  Meanwhile she just went an extra hour out of her way to pick up her friend from the airport and let her sleep over.  I'm am sorry I kind of got a little carried away and started my own rant lol.  But back to you, I know it's hard but I think that we are all creatures of habit and you are just too nice for your own good.  Good kind people are always taken advantage of especially by those closest to them.  I wish you the best of luck and know you are doing the right thing.  It isn't your fault that his happened to you and a clean break is exactly what you need.  I think I will soon be following my own advice.  I wish you the best of luck and hope everything works out the way it should...

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by boogie365, Jul 22, 2013
These are such tragic stories, but I believe that my younger sister takes the cake.  After making  a bad marriage to a man she said she never loved (although she is still married to her husband and has an 18 year old daugher), and has been a spendthrift her whole life, now she expects me to rescue her financially because our older sister left me with most of her inheritance after she died last year.  My surviving sister thinks that she was slighted about this inheritance situation.  She doesn't appear to remember that my older sister was not obligated to leave anything to either of us.  My younger sister chose to spend all of her money on QVC over a period of many years, (and bought several vehicles she clearly could not afford to pay for with cash.) She did not help out with our mother when she was admitted to a nursing home almost three years ago with dementia and colon cancer, (although she lives in the same city as I do).  Neither did she ever contact or call our older sister who had ovarian cancer and was declining in health for several years, before she died.  It  sickens  me and makes me so distraught that she continues to live in the past and blames all of her current situation on things that happened many years ago and that she should be over by now.  I am angry and hurt, and especially because in spite of all this I do love my younger sister, but grieve that she cannot get over the past.

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by Julianna_M, May 21, 2014
I know this might seem not even close to what you all went through but here it is: Before I start, I'm currently 14, 15 in 5 months. My sister is two years younger than me. On to my venting.. Our financial situation as a family hasn't been to great since my dad lost his job in 2008 and I feel like since then we've all become unhappier as people. My parents don't kiss or hug each other when they get home from work, I honestly can't remember the last time I've heard a genuine 'I love you' from my mom, we don't even sit together at the dinner table anymore. And I feel like I'm often the one who prevents arguments from getting worse, my mom doesn't do anything, she just sits there, and my sister and dad are usually the ones arguing, (there both hotheads). Tonight my mom was just fed up, she was yelling at my father in the kitchen about how 'if he wants a bachelor pad, he can go find one away from the family. (my dads coworker slept over that night, and she wasn't too happy about it), and a whole bunch of other stuff. Then my sister has the nerve to walk up to my dad and say; 'you guys should just break up... etc'. I tell her; 'now is not the time for this, know your place'. Then she tells me; 'why don't you get off your high and mighty throne etc'. There are just things she just doesn't understand. Getting a divorce? I don't think the divorced and the 'divorcer' would live together. We're struggling just to pay the bills as it is, living under two roofs? Wouldn't work. Until her and I can both provide for ourselves, she should cut the crap.

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by Julianna_M, May 21, 2014
This is more about my sister, and all the things the bug me about her:
She uses my things, ALL the time, when I actually ask (unlike her) to borrow something, it's always no. I ask her why must she use my things all the time, you know what her excuse is? 'I'm the little sister and little sisters do that'. Not valid in my book. She's doesn't think beforehand as to how her words can hurt other people, and she's incapable to rationalize with in an argument. Both my dad and I agree, sometimes it's like she doesn't even have a conscience. I've gotten more than one of something along these lines: 'you have the better character' or 'you're more mature', or, 'you're friendlier'. I don't tell her these things because one, she wouldn't believe me to begin with and two, I feel like it would hurt worse than just a punch or a 'you're ugly'. I've came to the conclusion that it's probably something she's had to deal with for years now. She was always the outspoken one, and I was generally the 'good child'. She's been told multiple times from my dad; 'you have no conscience' and being told something along the lines of that multiple times can become one of their insecurities. One of my insecurities is my intelligence. Over the years since elementary school my teachers etc suspected I had ADD/ADHD, just last year I was test and diagnosed. Sometimes I have difficulty explaining myself, organizing my thoughts, and presenting them in a way that won't be laughed at, which happens a lot. I genuinely want to learn but I'm often laughed at because to them I probably ask stupid questions, but I just remind myself: 'Think diploma'

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