Aug 18, 2012
I have been so jealous lately because all of my friends are getting pregnant and half of them don't even want to be, but I can't seem to get pregnant. Sometimes I just cry myself to sleep. I think what's wing with meet? Will I not be a good mother? Do I not deserve to be a mother? I have a beautiful goddaughter who I love entirely more than anything in this world, even more than my fiance ;-) but its like when I look at her, I feel disappointed because I know if I love this baby this much and she's not even mine, I know the love I will have for my own.... It will be unexplainable. I already have special names picked out and at night I like to look at baby things because its just something that makes me happy. I already know which furniture I want for a boy and girl. Its just very stressful and painful because I have all this love to give and I can't seem to give it. Since I'm 18 not too many doctors want to give me information about fertility, but I feel that I have a right just like the next. I just don't know what to do. I'm tired of crying and stressing about it. My fiance gets sad because he can't really comfort to a point where I would immediately be happy. And he feels bad because he's not getting the job done. Its so heartbreaking when I take that pregnancy test and its negative then my period came the next day. I just don't know how top get over it and I'm truly worried that I may be a woman that can't have children. I've never gotten pregnant before. I mean I would love to adopt but they put you through so much and any little flaw you have they deny your happiness. I might sound crazy, but these are the feelings I have in my heart. And they won't go away until I see that pregnancy test and first ultrasound.... Only time and hopefully a doctor will tell right?...