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im so dissapointed in myself :-(

Mar 02, 2008 - 1 comments
Tags:

laxative

,

confused

,

binge

,

eating disorder

,

xantrex

,

diet pills

,

distraction

so today i woke up and thought thats it. im going to try and be normal
i do that everyday
but i really really wanted too. i had 2 weetbix for breakfast..then i had some chocolate and had some pasta for lunch
god i feel so gross.
like a want to throw up...make myself sick. i am writing this to distract myself.
but im dissapointed because i have taken 2 laxatives and 2 xantrex when i promised myself i wasnt going to do that again.
i never do anything right :-(
im confused. like i dont think im fat.. i love control.. but i would love to see how thin i could get even though i know the complications and stuff....... and just want to know if i would have the will power to be able to do it. and i want to look different... be a different person..
i want the power and control.
Rannt i know. sorry. but its helped distract a bit.

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358304_tn?1314656129
by cnote, Mar 02, 2008
youre doing the right thing by writing it all out. its an expression of your emotions.

dont wake up and say, im gonna try and be normal. b/c what is normal?

wake up and say, i'm going to try and eat a little something today, and not take a laxative..

just take baby steps. one thing at a time. then, you will realize, you are in full control.

hope this helped some.

good luck.

-chris-

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