The urge to cry

I swear I am on the verge of tears. Not just a few tears, but total melt-down type tears. I know this will probably sound stupid, but my kitchen's a huge mess and I don't know how I'll get it clean.

Now, honestly, it's been worse, and I've cleaned it, but today, that's just the straw that's going to break the camel's back.

My dog needs a good brushing (and I mean GOOD), and I can't get it done....I can get SOME of it done, but some isn't enough.

I'm completely and utterly exhausted, but can't sleep, as I have my 2 little girls to care for. It's only 8:35am right now...what's it going to be like in 3 hours? I've had 2 cups of coffee already....

I'm slipping down the slope into attack again. I've kinda known for the last few days. I slept 11 hours the other night (there was a 2 hour break in the middle, but total hours slept was 11), which is completely unlike me. I do NOT fall asleep on the couch at 8:30pm. Then the shocks intensified (the change was dramatic), as did the forgetting things (like I forgot to call the guy to bring us water...you know, so we can bathe, do dishes, do laundry, give the pets some water, make coffee, etc!).

This morning I woke up with what I call "internal tremors", where it looks like the world is vibrating (no it's not nystigmas, my eyes aren't moving) which is thankfully gone now, it never lasts more than a few minutes, and my lift pinky finger, and the outter side of my left hand feels like it's asleep (I expect that will be gone later today, or tomorrow...that type of thing never sticks around for too long for me).

I guess most of my symptoms don't stick around long enough to help me in getting a diagnosis of any sort.

I dunno, all I do know is that I'm tired, I'm frustrated, and I'm sick, and I don't know with what, and it bothers me a lot. Tie that in with the actual illness, which I can live with (I don't have a choice so no point crying about it), and it's just too damn much some days. Today is one of those days.

I'm sorry to be whining. I just feel at my witt's end here, and I don't know how to get everything done. I'm also very frustrated since I went from early July- end of January feeling like poop, and finally just started feeling human again, and now I'm sliding down the hill again. It's only been a month or so, why am I going downhill again?

And I know as soon as I get working on the kitchen, I'm going to have a total breakdown. Wish me luck.


Christine