WHY ME????????

I joined last night and I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders my family knows about the pain and addiction but not anyone else and feels good to share with others who are or have gone through what i went through. i filled out the tracker thing but it will never have more than one day on it because of the surgeries. those surgeries scare me so bad because i am worried about abusing my meds again. i just don't understand how i can go from being able to always make things better and being a mostly good person to this.. I wish i would of never had that damn surgery and could of lost the weight like everyone else but i tried god knows how much i tried and i really thought it was my answer and things would get so much better for me. my starting weight was 375 now i weigh 148 and gotta get the tummy tuck because of all of the extra skin.I want to tell the doctors to not give me any pain medication but i do not want to hurt ither. what do i do? is life of addiction going to get easier? Why did this happen to me i ask this all the time. i got married at 17 and we have had to work real hard to make our marriage work. i had 3 children just 3 1/2 years apart. i keep a clean home heck i make cookies. I did have a great job but when my husband got hurt they had to let me go because my medical leave ran out and would of needed close to two years so i could take care of him. we have seen more hospitals, doctors and surgeries for my husband that i should get medical degree.LOL well now he is being med boarded and on tuesday he is going in for hopefully his last surgery. I had to put off my surgeries and dr visits till he is ok but i can not avoid them anymore because when he is out of the military we will have to pay for my children and i to continue to have ins and with me not working i dont think we will be able to afford it. so in another words i am pressed for time while we still have the ins. i know there is no guarantee in life that we will be given roses but i would just like to have a break. a break for a year with all my family and money just be ok.