Oct 05, 2012
Can't sleep, with all of the possible scenarios and outcomes involving the life altering (no matter which choice he makes) decision that my husband is trying to make about our future together.
While he makes up his mind I've been at my aunts, lets just say even highly functional people with great mental and emotional health, would find it extremely difficult to maintain any semblance of that health around her.
Kind the poster woman for what happens if you go untreated and don'teven attempt to have any structure.
Well while lying here wide awake I can here her and my uncle through the paper thin walls discuss how dysfunctional and emotionally damaged I am. It feels like wow I must be in such deep denial about myself, when even my aunt, who proudly acknowledges her dysfunctional behavior thinks I'm emotionally and mentally screwed.
Now in all honesty, I have done horrible things to her in my destructive episodes, like steal $ and lie compulsively even if I knew she already knew the truth. She has saved my *** from uncountable situations, and I owe the fact I am still alive at my age to her loving me unconditionally.
But as much unconditional love and forgiveness she has given selflessly time after time, she has a way of being so overwhelming that I become, submissive, tense, invalidated, tentative, and feel like I'm constantly walking on eggshells.
I never know which personality will be there with every minute. It's exhausting on every level....
**** is this how my husband feels about living with me? Because sometimes I feel very similar feelings when it comes to him.
.......damn I can't blame his lack of faith in us