Oct 17, 2012
As today is my 49th birthday I am moved to reflect on the past and try and have hope for the future. It has been almost a year since my dx but deep down I knew 10 years ago that I had this disease. Guess denial played a big part! I have been good only minor flares nothing big and my MRI results one year out are good. No new lesions and nothing active. Just feel like my disability is increasing. My right leg used to be the weak one now it is stronger than the left. I work both of them equally but guess I need to concentrate on the left more. I look at pictures from 5 -7 years ago from trips I have taken and it does put me in a melancholy mood. I know that these are places and things I will never do again as I am just not as mobile. Friends want to do the New York Christmas trip again and that just isn't a possibility for me anymore. Makes me sad and wish for that old life. I know that this is the "new" life and i have to adjust but sometimes it is hard. For the most part I have the "this will not beat me" attitude but on a day like today where I am a year older I feel like it is beating me. I know fatigue plays a part and I am always exhausted but keep plugging away.
I know that these feelings will pass they always do but they have hit me hard today and thought maybe putting it on paper would help. So I will move forward another year older and try and keep going.