Oct 17, 2012
Recently the mother of my husband's youngest did something I made her promise to me when this all started, that was to let me know even if it sounds hurtful if he seemed to be getting happier and mentally healthier. And though it crushed me and I cried uncontrollably all night when she told me a few nights ago, I have felt a sense of relief and calm in the fact he is doing good and being productive. Contact between us is virtually zilch, and I had been desperately wishing when he became clear minded like she said he is now that he would choose to begin healing our relationship, but that seems farther to the side of never goin to happen then the any second now side.
The information has definitely brought a new more powerful sense of loss and pain, but also a genuine feeling of relief and a twisted happiness in the knowledge he is happier even if its not me who makes him happy.
Now if I could stop loving him and missing him and praying for him to want to be an "us" again. Maybe then I could be happy too.