i think i have a problem

when i was 5-9 i was sexualy abused and i had and eating disorder a hand full of times ... i have a boy friend who i wanna care about but everything in my body says dont worry about him who care.... everything in this world seems empty...i ask my mom if i can go see a doctor see says i am over reacting.... i got in a fight with one of my teachers who was just simply trying to help me..everyday i cant sleep and ill go days with out eating or sleeping..everything in body hurts...every time someone makes me feel low or stupid i feel like crying or beating them to death...my dad is an a bindge drinker....i smokked massive amounts of cigrettes and weed by the time 14... i try to quit but nothin seems to work... i have a history of cutting and burning myself.. i want to feel pain maybe more