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What to do??

Mar 10, 2008 07:04AM - 4 comments

I spent most of the day Saturday in tears, the pain was so bad and never went away, just came in waves for about 24 hours straight.  I took so many pills that I was completely loopy, but still hurt.  I guess it's time to bite the bullet and go ahead and have the hysterectomy...it's not what I want to do but I can't bear the pain anymore either.  Since the doc told me the other day that the endo is so bad I'll probably never be able to have anymore children I guess I figure there's no reason to keep all of this stuff that's just causing me pain.  Right now is a very bad time to have to go through that though, I have too many other things going on that require my attention...most of all I need to focus on Julie and getting her through this tough time.  Who knows what will happen with having to be in court and seeing lawyers, it's going to be a long drawn out process and she's my priority.

For those who think that I need to keep this journal strictly to talking about endo, don't read it anymore because I probably won't do that...I've written nothing that is derogatory and unacceptable, only my feelings...you can't judge those.

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by cshawnee24, Mar 10, 2008 12:01PM
Ok, I know exactly what you are going through. I have sufferred with endo since I was 13. I have had 4 surgeries and have been struggling onthe decision on whether or not to have a hysterectomy or not. The doctor has been pushing for this for 3 years now. I feel that it is too soon in my life and I have always wanted to have more children. I have two girls of my own and after going through a divorce and meeting my now fiance I wanted one more especially with him. My problem was that I had a tubal when I was 21, although it is reversible it is expensive. My insurance won't touch it and I don't have 10k to spend on having another child. My fiance has 3 girls of his own and currently we seeking legal custody for his 2 nephews. So head count is up to 7 kids and I still want one more to bring them all together. I think after struggling with this decision for so long that we have decided that financially it is not an option and we have enough and are lucky that they are all healthy we will just have to wait for grandkids to have another baby around. Anyway, this decision has been tough to make because I wanted another child and because I am afraid of what it will do to me emotionally. I am scared that I am going to go crazy. It seems that after my mom had hers that she was never the same and I am crazy enough now as it is. I know not for one moment will I regret not having to go through that horrible time of the month or planning vactions or any special events around my unpredictable friend. But I am still scared. What I feat most though is another bad pap and worries of whether or not I am going to end up with ovarian cancer because I have so many other important things that I need to take care. I think the most important thing you can do is take care of yourself. It is really hard to be able to give others attention and take care of others if you are unable to take care of yourself. Just think only 6 weeks for the rest of your life that is the only thing that has me looking forward to March 21 when my surgery is scheduled.

by ParamedFlorena, Mar 10, 2008 12:51PM
I don't know really what to say. I'm sorry it is so tough right now for you and your family. I guess I only wanted to write you something to tell you you've been heavy on my mind these days!

Hugs!

by juliesmom, Mar 10, 2008 01:19PM
I guess that I'm just trying to delay the inevitable...might as well call and make that appt, I'm so tired of hurting and it appears that children aren't in my future anyway...
Thank you both for listening to me whine :)

by Ashlynnsmom, Mar 10, 2008 09:36PM
Since you were so understanding on my point, i have to tell you how much i appreciate it, being on here has actually made me feel alot better.  People know exactly how you feel and around here, none of my friends know what its like and so they just dont understand, and i hate when  they say i know what your going through, NO THEY DONT.  I am sorry that you have so much going on for you right now.  Hope all goes well with you and your family.  We will be thinking of you..  Thank you again for sharing with me!!

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