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Day 12
Mar 10, 2008 01:35PM
- 1 comments
At 6pm tonight I will have made it through 12 days, so why do I feel so exhausted and like ****?! So today instead of taking it one day at a time, I am back to taking it 1 hour at a time. I feel like I am going to cry, I just want to curl into a ball and go to sleep, if I could fall asleep. I just want to know when all of this **** will end?! I hate feeling like this it makes me feel like getting back on the damn pills just so I could function normally, but I don't want to do that. I know that will not make things better. My son is 9 months old today and I live everyday for him, but if I keep doing what I am doing I won't live to see him grow up. I am poisoining my body and now my body thinks it needs this **** to survive. That isn't true, I can make this, I will survive this, it is just tough. I am just so glad that I found this forum to help me get through this. I don't think I could have made it this far on my own. I can't go into rehab my son would not have a place to go and I don't want my job to find out. I am just using this journal to vent how I am feeling today. Like **** of course. But tomorrow will be a new day and hopefully better than today.
Thank you for responding to me !! I just read this and was touched !! I to am a mother. I have a 6 month old and a 2 year old. Seems we have a lot in common. Except for the fact Im not nearly as smart as you. HEE HEE Anyway. So today should have been 16 days sober for you. Congrats and hats off to you. You are doing wonderful and I want you to rememder why you are doing so wonderful. If you forget just look into that childs eyes you love so dearly. I tell myself all day and night. "Your children didnt ask for a pill popping junkie for a mommy" I feel so sorry for them. Thats why I hope this is the last time I have to "Withdraw". As soon as I finish my husband has to start his withdrawel. I fill sorry for him because Ill be over it and he just being, but WOW how much better we get along. Anyway hope you stay strong ! Glad we are "buddies" Im here when you need me !!!
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